Rude things said to you about only having one child

[happy2bmum]

I am interested to hear what comments you have had from others about you only having one child. I mean the uninvited rude comments that you have recieved.
I recently got asked by a lady in the supermarket who was promoting mandarins if I was having any more children. When I told her that I was planning on only having one she then when on to lecture me about how I had to have more children as it wasn't fair on my DD. She continued on for ages despite me trying to ignore her.
This is not the first or last time this has happened to me. I constantly feel like I have to justify why I am only having one child when really it is no one's business but mine and DH's decision.
What are other people's experiences?


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[Hollywood]

OMG, what a nosey woman!! How rude! I must have a f.ck off look about me because I never got any comments like that when I only had DS and wasn't pregnant. I just can't believe how rude some strangers can be, it's none of their business!!

[sweetpeamummy]

I have 3 children but a friend will only ever have one and her DS Kindy teacher was quite rude. Always blaming his behaviour on being an only child. "He would not share a ball with the other boys today because he is an only child". Really? because my children have siblings and they sometimes don't share.

[bellalika]

My SIL has only one. The lady at the bakery questioned her once and she replied that she was only having the one. The lady shot back that she was surprised she had any since she was clearly a selfish person. Or so the story goes anyway.

Sorry you had such a poo experience. I'll stop section crashing now.

[happy2bmum]

OMG! That is so rude! I thoughtmy experience was bad.
I am thinking in future I will just reply "well I am infertile niw and thanks for reminding me". That will shut them up. I am just amazed how often I get lectured about it or the other common one "you'll change your mind" 'rolls eyes' whatever...


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[Lettabean]

I burst into tears when something is said like that and then say thanks but having any more kids would end up killing me so I would rather be here for my daughter than be buried somewhere. That usually shuts them up. She has a step sister but since people mainly see me with miss 5 who lives with us they think we only have one.

[Seraph8]

I used to get similar stupid comments, "oh you have to have another, she'll be lonely". I used to answer back "she's with other kids 5-6 days of the week!" (between care and visiting friends). Now DD1 is older and has siblings (step and half) she is no different because she was so used to being with other kids already.

[really old]

Plenty.
My own mother is pathologically anti the only child. She seems convinced that they 're spoiled, poorly socialised, lonely trolls who grow up into very very unpleasant people.
Not sure how she reconciles this with her delightful grand daughter's behaviour and experiences.
I did some probing: it turns out that, as a middle child of a very large family, she felt ignored and deprived, esp when she compared her own lot in life to her only-child cousin's. She remembers envying other children for their toys, clothes, tap dancing lessons, even for the fact that they could stay on at school after Year 8, not have to go out and get a job.
I'm not sure if she acknowledges to herself that her attitude stems from jealousy. She really did it tough, but I don't think that only child status can be blamed for anti-social behaviour. And I honestly think that kids from larger families are necessarily less well behaved, or more rough and tumble either.

On a lighter note: a good friend told me, upon finding out that I'm pregnant with number 2 "Oh good, you'll be a REAL family now, not just a couple with a child".
There, thought you'd enjoy that.:smiliedance:

[krystallxx]

My mum was once told she was too fat and ugly for any one to want to have another baby with her, hence why my dad left etc.

I couldn't believe someone would say that! A close friend it was too.

[shelle65]

No one's ever said anything to me really, although I have read some nasty stuff about only children right here on bubhub.

If anyone asks me if I plan to have another child I just say "well I'd need a sperm donor" and watch them look embarrassed:laughing:

[Bodelly]

My mum was once told she was too fat and ugly for any one to want to have another baby with her, hence why my dad left etc.

I couldn't believe someone would say that! A close friend it was too.

OMFG! That's is just nasty! What a bish!


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[supa_star323]

I have had a few people tell me that a sibling will miraculously cure my DS.

And a lot of the unfair to have only one comments.

But the cream of the cake was a lady who told me that I should not consider having more because they would be the same as DS and we do not need more disabled people leeching off the government. Needless to say I turned and walked off before I hit her (and I am not a violent person).

[NancyBlackett]

Oh it drives me nuts the whole only child stigma. I'm an only child and a completely functional member of society. Our DD may be an only child too and neither DH nor i consider this a bad thing.

My MIL does though. Apparently there is something awful about me because i am an only child and we can't possibly inflict that on DD.

[Cicho]

I've got one too :wave: My DD1 was an only child for 12 years, so I think I may count :yes:

My uncle's wife was also dead set against my DD being an only child. From about the age of 3 onwards every time I saw her she would persistently harp on about how 'spoilt' my DD was. I asked her how she came to that conclusion, seeings as I was a sole parent who worked whilst DD mostly wore hand me downs from friends.

'Because she is an only child' were uncle's wife's words. So all only children are 'spoilt'? This was definitely not the case.

Some people are just too thick to get it :laughing:

[Ra Ra Superstar]

I've had the spoilt comments and the "no one to play with" comments before. Ignore Ignore Ignore!

[Manny]

Ha my MIL the other night! Told me that she wont be around much longer and my DH is a bit older and will prob die young as heart attack and stroke run in the family so I better have more kids to keep DD1 company!!!!
WTF !!
I was speechless! Mind your own effing business!

[NancyBlackett]

Ha my MIL the other night! Told me that she wont be around much longer and my DH is a bit older and will prob die young as heart attack and stroke run in the family so I better have more kids to keep DD1 company!!!!
WTF !!
I was speechless! Mind your own effing business!

Are you me??

[scarymarygoldfish]

Are you me??

:laughing:

[Manny]

Are you me??

Seriously, other MILs are as bad as mine??!!!:laughing::laughing:

[NancyBlackett]

Yes mine pulled out a v similar line recently - although more in the context of how awful I am for no longer speaking to her after her last rant about me being an awful only child. "i've only got another few years left ..."

[bambino]

Where to start..........

My MIL flat out tells me on a regular basis that I am lazy for only having one child.

She says it's not fair on DS, he needs a brother or sister because he's lonely. And he doesn't share or play nicely with other kids in the park (they look after him one day a week) because he hasn't learnt to share.

He goes to preschool the rest of the week......so I am sure, and I know he knows how to share and play nicely. The teachers tell me he is one of the best behaved kids in the class.

I've told my MIL that if she wants us to have another baby, then she has to pay my mortgage while I am off work. She always says no :D

I don't care what others think. I have given up on listening to them basically.

[NancyBlackett]

She tells you you're lazy???? Far out.

[Blonde Assassin]

I cannot believe how rude some people are about having an only child! Especially comments from complete strangers! Do people ever stop to consider the many reasons why couples choose to have one child?!

My MIL would probably have something to say to DH, but she wouldn't be game enough to mention it with me around. We don't see or speak to MIL very often anyway because she lives in the country.

I think we're lucky compared to some of you! But DS is only 2 so we haven't got that many comments about #2 yet. Sometimes people ask from time to time, but we brush it off. I'm hoping that the quick way we "change the topic" or simply ignore the questions will give people enough hints not to ask again!!

[hopefully2]

Love this thread - a friend of mines mother asked me at her grandsons birthday party if I was actually trying for number two. Ummm hello if I wanted you in my bedroom I would have asked! She obviously had no idea only the week before I had miscarried number two and was back on the ivf bandwagon. Man people r so invasive! I told her we never stopped trying rude Friggin cow!

[Nel]

I haven't had a lot of comments yet as DS is only 18 months. At the moment I'm really not sure I want another one.
I am an only child myself so fully aware that at times, it can be isolated not having a sibling, but then again my parents did not make a huge effort to keep me entertained so I always wondered and wanted someone else I could play with/have company. DS already goes to daycare 5 days a wk so is surrounded by other kids, so as he gets older I will make sure he does things that will help him keep interacted with other children.
Guess I'm scared of DS feeling like I did - but knowing what it was like I am 101% sure I'm doing things different to how my parents did with me (yet I still turned out ok, no major social issues as far as I know, but I think I was a bit more shy/introverted growing up, which I think stemmed from the fact they didn't involve me with other children/activities :no:).

[SassyMummy]

I think the fact that I'm young to have a 6-year-old (I had her when I was 19) makes people leave me alone a bit more... but sometimes people go on about it.

The thing is, right now it's not REALLY a choice. I mean, it is, but it's not solely my decision. I'm with DP, who is not DD's father, and who is 2 years younger than me. My daughter is more than ready for a sibling, but my partner is not ready to become a father and we have stuff we need doing to make sure our children (and DD, DP and myself) can live easier long-term. We want to get set up first so things are not a constant struggle.

It sucks when people bring it up like I'm just being a jerk to my daughter... but really, I'm trying to do what's best for everyone long-term...

[kstar23]

My own DH told me that we didn't have a proper family if we only had DS!!!!!!!
He is soon to become my EX DH!

[MuminMind]

It always amazes me that complete strangers feel entitled to make such personal comments! Shocking, but unfortunately common!

[Californication]

My sister had someone tell her she was selfish for only having 1 child. What this person didn't know was that my sister had lost 4 babies in 12 months trying to give him a sibling!! And then Mum told her she was selfish to keep trying. Can't win.

That's why I hate people making these sorts of comments. Whether having 1 child is by choice or because you can't have another, it's none of their business!! People are so rude.

[Sarbear74]

I have had similar experiences as alot of you! I too have been told that i can't only have one child becasue he won't learn to share, he will be lonley or that he will grow up to be a spoilt brat!

Im unsure why people see it's their place to say anything but they do. And the older i get, the more people comment.

I thought you would have had another one by now or when are you having another one. with the expectation that there should be "another one"!

It's nobodies business what you do, you ahve to do what suits you and your family.

[Sarbear74]

OMG Thatgirl, that is horrible! I can't believe that your family would say that to you. Well actually i can, my step mother used to say similar things but not quite as harsh!

It is awful when your family judges you. You can't help that you are an only child and they are the ones that raised you, they should be taking responsibilty for how you turned out as well. Instead of dumping it all on you.

My son goes to daycare and playgroups, there will always be someone for him to play with.

Im sure he will turn out just fine, as im sure you have too! :wave:

[kezanazz]

I get it mainly from people at my work or those on the outskirts of my social network.
My parents completely support us only having dd as I was an only child.
Dh's younger brother has 2 kids and whenever his family get together I can't help but Think mil is disappointed that we only have one.
Plus she keeps saying she can't wait for her next grandie ....


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[danielle13]

We're now expecting #2 in January but it took us more than 4 years to conceive.
Everyone was always harping on about how DD's missing out on a playmate and will turn out spoilt and unable to make friends because she didn't have a sibling. Mostly from the inlaws, who knew we were TTC - nothing like rubbing salt in the wound..
I also get ALOT, that my life is so much easier because I only have one.. Like that makes any difference to the housework, washing, cooking etc. But my argument is always that I am her playmate as well as her mum, so where parents of more than one can send their kids off together to play and entertain eachother, my DD needs a bit more attention and interaction from me.

[RoarsomeMum]

I am thinking in future I will just reply "well I am infertile niw and thanks for reminding me". That will shut them up.

It does not work, rude people rarely care about the real reasons.. they just like to "yap, yap, yap". I

get hassled about it all the time.. DD once said to someone "My Mummy has a few bits broken inside, she can't make babies, I was a Miracle!!" The RUDE Beatch responded with "that's what they told you, but I reckon you just put them off having more.." :eek::no: Could have killed that ex friend..

[Sarahsince1985]

I only want to have one child and the couple of times I've told MIL, she has said that I can't just have one because if one dies, then I'll have no children left.

I thought she was joking at first, but nope, she is serious.

[Sarahsince1985]

Forgot to mention she said we need a 'back up baby' so if the first dies we are not childless.

Could have smacked her.

[NancyBlackett]

it does not work, rude people rarely care about the real reasons.. They just like to "yap, yap, yap". I

get hassled about it all the time.. Dd once said to someone "my mummy has a few bits broken inside, she can't make babies, i was a miracle!!" the rude beatch responded with "that's what they told you, but i reckon you just put them off having more.." :eek::no: Could have killed that ex friend..

omg.