Damned if we damned if we dont!!

[daisymoo]

This is really just a vent...

From C.sections to Vaginal births,breast or bottle,vax'ed or not vax'ed..
Do we as mothers ever get to stop feeling like we have to explain to the world and justify why we do what we do!!???:confused:

Wouldnt it be nice to sit back with a cuppa and laugh about our lack of sleep,our mountains of washing,our terrible twos..etc...All those things that we ALL go through,no matter how we birthed,feed or vax'd our kids!!

Ok,vent over...LOL....:goodvibes:

Hugs to all you special mummys out there!:hugs:

[Nef]

Well said :)

[sydneychick]

Totally ESP when friends drop round and u say with a sheepish smile the hse is a mess they truly don't mind. Good mates don't judge.

[Annabella]

I don't feel like i have to explain myself to anyone. I get weird looks for my choices but am secure in them so I don't care. Took Me a while to get here tho.

[halloweendee]

here here!!
what infuriates me most is that it is us, women, judging other women.
and then we put so much pressure on ourselves in addition to that.

[KBaby]

we are woman, we are human and we judge.
wether you can handle judgement, or accept judgment or have the strength to tell ppl who PUSH their judgements on them to Eff off..

I am all of the above.... :)

[Guest1234]

I don't feel like i have to explain myself to anyone. I get weird looks for my choices but am secure in them so I don't care. Took Me a while to get here tho.
Absolutely! If YOU are happy with the choices YOU make, then what would it matter what others think?

[bluerhapsody]

I hear ya! DS isn't even here yet and people are judging me for my decisions in advance!!

"Are you planning on BFing? Do you know how BAD it is for your child if you don't BF!?!?!?!?!"

"You're SERIOUSLY planning on going back to study for 2-days per week when DS is 4months old? Why don't you spend your time focusing on your baby!?!?!"

"You want to go back to the gym when your child is only 6-weeks? Why don't you stop being so selfish and focusing on your body and start focusing on the child who needs you?"

(I love how people instantly assume that this one is about looks-- I suffer from major depression and often exercise is ALL that helps lift my mood)

The list of critical crap people have said could go on forever...

I wish they would p*** off and mind their own business! It's so easy to make judgments... I wish I could force some of these people to walk a mile in my shoes and THEN criticize... so often the ones who criticize are the ones who are imperfect parents (or not parents at all!!!) themselves!!!

[Cheerilee]

So very true.

If you can at the end of the day be happy that the choice you made was the right one for the moment and you are content with that, then it was right. Even if it was a choice you aren't happy with, it is part of what makes you the way you are (or parent the way you parent) today.

http://www.newagemultimedia.com/firebrace/mirror.html

If people want to judge nothing you can do can stop them, but if you are happy in your choices then it won't hurt so much.

:goodvibes:

[Guest1234]

so often the ones who criticize are the ones who are imperfect parents (or not parents at all!!!) themselves!!!
Not really. There is no such thing as a perfect parent, and the only imperfect parent would be the ones that abuse or kill their child/ren.

[Lock and Lu]

I judge myself all the time! I feed DS to sleep because I just don't have the energy to care for 2 kids and spend 3 hours a day patting a screaming baby in his cot. I also judge myself for having to return to work when he's 9 months. I'm sure no one else gives a crap but I'm here worrying about it anyway. No one has said a word about either thing (not even my very traditional, judgmental inlaws) yet I'm still explaining it away because I feel the need to justify it!

Good old mummy guilt!!

[Guest1234]

I judge myself all the time! I feed DS to sleep because I just don't have the energy to care for 2 kids and spend 3 hours a day patting a screaming baby in his cot. I also judge myself for having to return to work when he's 9 months. I'm sure no one else gives a crap but I'm here worrying about it anyway. No one has said a word about either thing (not even my very traditional, judgmental inlaws) yet I'm still explaining it away because I feel the need to justify it!

Good old mummy guilt!!

:hugs:

[bluerhapsody]

Not really. There is no such thing as a perfect parent, and the only imperfect parent would be the ones that abuse or kill their child/ren.


Maybe I worded that wrong...

I know there are no "perfect parents" and don't hold that expectation for anyone. My choice of words in that respect may have been wrong.

I have many examples of what I was getting at, but here's one that immediately springs to mind...

I have been subjected to criticism about my personal dilemma regarding being able to BF (and heavily lectured for how damaging it will be to my child's health if I don't do it) by a woman who smoked heavily and consumed alcohol throughout her pregnancy and BFing with all of her children.

I try hard not to place judgment on her for doing these things- as I know that I am unfamiliar with the intimate details of her personal circumstances and that there could be reasons why she engages in these things that I'm unaware of, however I do know that she has received her fair share of criticism for these actions over the years and it distresses her to the point where she keeps her drinking/smoking under wraps- even from health professionals.

I would have thought thought that if anyone would be non-judgmental, it would be her... since she has experienced what it feels like the be judged?

When I said "imperfect" parents, I meant those parents who engage in behaviour which is typically "frowned upon" in our society and has a higher likeliness of incurring criticism/judgment from others. I would have thought that being subjected to criticism on a more regular basis than those parents who DON'T engage in these behaviours would make these mothers/fathers more sensitive to the reasons why it isn't good to jump to conclusions or chastise others for their actions without having a full understanding of the reasons behind them.

[Chicky Pea]

I wish they would p*** off and mind their own business! It's so easy to make judgments... I wish I could force some of these people to walk a mile in my shoes and THEN criticize... so often the ones who criticize are the ones who are imperfect parents (or not parents at all!!!) themselves!!!

This is so true!! I know a lot of mums with bubs the same age as my DD. I am part of 2 MG's in real life and also have a large group of mums I'm friends with online, so I would say I know about 60 one year olds. But the only person that has judged decisions I've made, isn't even a mum!!! :eek: :hair:

I have received FB messages from the partner of a friend of mine telling me (and sending me links to back up her claims) that the medical world know that SIDS is caused by vaccinating children (excuse me!!??), formula is toxic (umm... tell that to my baby who weaned themselves at 7 months) and that I should not use a baby monitor in her room as it affects her brainwaves. Actually, I shouldn't use electricity in her room at all!! :eek:

The thing is I've never even met this woman, and she doesn't even have children! Her opinions of decisions that I've made and the way I parent is absolutely none of her business :raspberry:

[Guest1234]

This is so true!! I know a lot of mums with bubs the same age as my DD. I am part of 2 MG's in real life and also have a large group of mums I'm friends with online, so I would say I know about 60 one year olds. But the only person that has judged decisions I've made, isn't even a mum!!! :eek: :hair:

I have received FB messages from the partner of a friend of mine telling me (and sending me links to back up her claims) that the medical world know that SIDS is caused by vaccinating children (excuse me!!??), formula is toxic (umm... tell that to my baby who weaned themselves at 7 months) and that I should not use a baby monitor in her room as it affects her brainwaves. Actually, I shouldn't use electricity in her room at all!! :eek:

The thing is I've never even met this woman, and she doesn't even have children! Her opinions of decisions that I've made and the way I parent is absolutely none of her business :raspberry:
But come on chick, she has given us all a good giggle :) hahaha

[halloweendee]

that's hilarious:laughing:

[Chicky Pea]

But come on chick, she has given us all a good giggle :) hahaha

That's so true Meggy!! What started as 'who do you think you are, mind your own business' has definitley become 'what will she come up with next!!??'.

I can not WAIT for next instalment... The last chapter of 'don't use electricity in her room' brought me so much joy... ;)

Crazy people are hilarious!! :laughing:

[InBetween]

I don't know if I see this the same way.
I find justification an educational opportunity rather than a platform for negative judgement.

I've asked mothers in the past why they do certain things and I've learned a great deal. Asking to justify something that you do doesn't always mean someone is out to 'get' you.

[Roopee]

OP- go to 'this' thread....
http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/showthread.php?420630-Confessions-of-a-bored-SAHM.

LOTS of light hearted confessions in there and we make no excuses for feeling like we do:hugs:

[Chicky Pea]

I don't know if I see this the same way.
I find justification an educational opportunity rather than a platform for negative judgement.

I've asked mothers in the past why they do certain things and I've learned a great deal. Asking to justify something that you do doesn't always mean someone is out to 'get' you.

That is true. Although she didn't ask me to justify anything. She bombarded me with information that basically supported her opinion that decisions I had made were potentially harmful to my child. Keep in mind I have never even met this woman, and to be told that my child could possibly die of SIDS because I vaccinated her, or because DD was being formula fed because she had self weaned, was also harmful to her as formula is toxic, is not on in my books.

I understand what you're saying, and maybe I'm just a sensitive person, but I do feel she was judging my decisions :o

[InBetween]

I think you've misunderstood me Chicky Pea.
I wasn't commenting on your situation, just how I would find the situation.
I'm sure you have very valid reasons for feeling the way you do and there's no way I would question that. Sounds like she's a very fearful person, poor love.

[Chicky Pea]

I think you've misunderstood me Chicky Pea.
I wasn't commenting on your situation, just how I would find the situation.
I'm sure you have very valid reasons for feeling the way you do and there's no way I would question that. Sounds like she's a very fearful person, poor love.

Ooopsy! Sorry... I might have :shakehands:

And she isn't fearful. If anything she's really passive aggressive. It is all very polite with a dash of scare tactics.

[bellalika]

I judge myself and am hard on myself. I don't need anyone to judge me and make me feel like more of a failure. I like to think that most of the time it is unintentional.

[krystallxx]

F*** what others think .. You and your childs happy then I'd say your doing the right thing or you need a replacement baby because you got a lemon :)



- yes I'm aware that you can't actually exchange.

[Hannahly]

This is so true!! I know a lot of mums with bubs the same age as my DD. I am part of 2 MG's in real life and also have a large group of mums I'm friends with online, so I would say I know about 60 one year olds. But the only person that has judged decisions I've made, isn't even a mum!!! :eek: :hair:

I have received FB messages from the partner of a friend of mine telling me (and sending me links to back up her claims) that the medical world know that SIDS is caused by vaccinating children (excuse me!!??), formula is toxic (umm... tell that to my baby who weaned themselves at 7 months) and that I should not use a baby monitor in her room as it affects her brainwaves. Actually, I shouldn't use electricity in her room at all!! :eek:

The thing is I've never even met this woman, and she doesn't even have children! Her opinions of decisions that I've made and the way I parent is absolutely none of her business :raspberry:

Gosh i would be peeved as well. Although, I wonder if this lady just doesn't realize, as she isn't a parent herself, how much we put pressure on ourselves to be good parents and how much we personally worry and strive constantly to do the best for our children. She might not realize that she appears to be questioning your methods/beliefs, she might just be finding these articles and thinking "hmmm interesting" or "I never knew/thought of that"," I wonder if 'x (my mum friend) has come across this before" and flicks it off. She might not be aware of the wealth of knowledge out there in parenting circles.

On another note (probably should start a spin off thread), I now think twice about baby monitors in rooms constantly as a possible concern in the future. My first born had one on 24/7. My second only as absolutely necessary. We have a corded landline and use mobiles minimally and switch off all computer/wireless equipment when not in use. It's not electricity in kids rooms that now concerns me, it is the wireless radiation that is unknown but appears potentially to be leading to a prevalence in brain tumours. So we are choosing to minimalise exposure.

[Guest1234]

What concerns me most about the monitor, was the ability it gave my spirit friends to try communicate with me. Yeah, it went in the bin recently coz I just couldn't bring myself to turn the thing on anymore. :laughing:

[mum2bubba]

I try not to worry about what every man (or woman) and his dog thinks about me and what I do as a parent. I love my kids, they have what they need and all that. I also try not to judge other people too unless I can walk a mile....

Just focus on you're own life, don't worry about anyone else's.