Child Care for 3 month old bub :S

[Leedy]

So, I have been contemplating posting this for fear of being absolutely crucified, but I would really love to hear from others who have been or currently are in a similar situation, so here goes.....

I have a 21 month old DD who is super independent, happy and a well behaved little poppet for her age, she is certainly human and has her moments like every other child, but for the most part, she's very easy to manage :). I have recently had another bub who is now 3 months old and recently she's become quite difficult to settle at times and when she is settled off for a sleep during the day I can't seem to keep her asleep for longer than 15 mins. She is a reflux bub, so that might be some of the issue, but she's also just at that age where they're learning about sleep association and require a bit more help to get to sleep etc.....

The problem being is that DD1 (21 months) who up until now has been REALLY good and not jealous at all and VERY understanding of the fact that Mummy needs to spend most of her time with baby, has now become sick of it and is being whingy and jealous and I get the feeling that she just generally feels a bit neglected (even though I try my very best not to let this happen.... I REALLY wish I could clone myself lol).

So, I am feeling REALLY guilty because I am unable to spend the quality time that I used to with DD1 because DD2 is taking so much of my time and energy right now and I am just not coping at all :(. I broke down in tears last night and felt like a complete and utter failure because both of my DD's spent most of the day crying or whinging (it was just 'one of those days').

I guess the difficult part is that I have NO family support where I live and DP works 6 days per week and works night shift, so he's at work long hours and even though he tries to help as much as he can, he needs to make sure he gets his sleep too, which leaves me to parent both girls on my own for majority of the time.

DD1 goes to Day Carer 3 days per week and LOVES it!!! So that's some good time out for her which is great, but she doesn't get any time with me just on her own, without the baby, so I think as a coping mechanism for her AND so that I can spend some time with her and ENJOY her rather than being constantly tired or stressed about the baby, I am toying with the idea of putting DD2 into Day Care just 1 day per week so I ca spend that day with DD2.

Has anyone else put their very young bub into Day Care??? And how did they cope at such a young age??? Also, how did their immune system hold up???

DD2 started Day Care at 10 months old and for the first 2 months her immune system copped a bit of a battering, but after that she was pretty good :).

Just interested to hear from others so I can try to alay some of my mummy guilt :S

[TurnedBatty]

I think it's a good idea. I haven't done it, no. But in your shoes I wouldnt hesitate. Maybe start with half a day to build it up and see how she goes?

[darla]

:hugs:
Must be very tiring for you at the moment! Sounds like you're doing a great job tho and your girls are very lucky!
I don't have too much advice tho I'm sorry but just wanted to suggest that if you do decide to go with childcare for bub then I would go to family day care not a childcare centre. That way there will be less children that they are exposed to and more home like environment. Or perhaps even finding some sort of nanny type person that could just come around to your place and help out and give you time to be with DD1 but that way you are still there with DD2 if needed?

[Leedy]

Thanks Darla :)..... The reason I was choosing the centre is because 1. my DD1 already goes there and I completely trust the staff there and love the place and 2. DD2's name is down to start there 2 days per week in January when I go back to work anyway, so I thought it best to keep it consistent and this way she will get used to the carers in her room etc..... I would LOVE to have a nanny, but unfortunately it's just not financially do-able for us :(.

[MsMummy]

I put my son in fdc for 2 days a week when he was 3 months, as I had to return to pt work.

It's not optimal, but neither is you having some sort of breakdown.

My big concern would be that the ratio means that the carers won't be able to attend to your child as much if she is a difficult sleeper, and she could be left to cry. I think you need to ask them how they deal with difficult sleepers.

There is also the added hassle of expressing milk.

But you need to make a decision balancing all factors. While the daycare may not be ideal, it may end up benefitting you as a damily.

Good luck. Daycare issues can be really tough.

[Leedy]

Thanks MsMummy, the one bonus of me not being able to brest feed is that I have 1 less issue to worry about in this situation.... Bub is on AR Formula and Infant Gaviscon for her reflux, so that's easy enough to explain to the carers and get them sorted. The ce ntre that DD1 goes to (which is where I am going to send DD2) is run by a woman who I used to work with, she's a registered nurse and has twins and another little boy of her own and she's at the centre all the time, so she will quite often take a bub and have them for the day if the girls are struggling in the babies room etc..... DD2 isn't usually a difficult sleeper, she's actually quite good for the most part, but just seems to be going through a 'phase'..... I think one of the main issues is the dogs next door who bark right outside her bedroom window and DD1 who is always running around the house happily yelling out at Dora or me or whoever and making noise with her toys etc..... lol at least the sleep rooom at Day Care is sound proof, so hopefully she won't have those same issues there (fingers crossed anyway).

[InBetween]

We get a carer in one day a week.
She's a nursing student and looks after bubby in his home.
And it costs less than what day care would (not that price is paramount).

We sought advice from day care centres and people who had placed their very young children (under 6 months) in day care and the resounding consensus was: don't do it.

We found our carer through a job service at a local uni and things couldn't be better.

I honour your need for time out and time in with your other child. Perhaps you might try looking for a similar service?

[Hers&Hers]

3 months is not too bad to take to day care, but i would stick with a centre and not FDC.

Also like InBetween said you can look for a carer to come into your home, i had a uni student studying nursing look after my DD when she was that age so i can have one day to study ( im in uni myself) its cheaper and bub is still at home, Although im thinking you want some alone time with DD1.

That being said i don't think one day of daycare is that bad, it will be good for both girls and you.

[inertia]

Make sure you're really happy with the carer's who will be looking after your daughter and that they are clear on how you expect them to soothe and settle her. I'm studying child care and have done placement and relief work in a few centers and while I'm sure there are fantastic centers out there, from what i've seen babies still do not get enough attention from the 1:4 carer to infant ratio. I've seen babies left to cry for long periods of time. A group leader even told me not to pick up a 3 month old baby who had been crying hysterically for over 5 mins because she was spoiled at home and tending to her would make her worse in the long run. I was horrified and needless to say I picked her up anyway and gave her cuddles. But from my experience the carer's seem overworked and couldn't be bothered emotionally investing in the babies. Their physical needs of nappy changes, food and sleep were met, but their emotional needs weren't and the babies were hardly spoken to and left to play by themselves on the floor or in a rocker all day. Funny thing was, when a parent showed up to pick up their child, I saw a different side from them and they turned into doting, loving carer's who spoke to the babies and got down on the floor to play with them. Not saying this happens everywhere but it's definitely turned me off ever putting my child into a child care until they're around 2.


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[duckduckgoose]

Make sure you're really happy with the carer's who will be looking after your daughter and that they are clear on how you expect them to soothe and settle her. I'm studying child care and have done placement and relief work in a few centers and while I'm sure there are fantastic centers out there, from what i've seen babies still do not get enough attention from the 1:4 carer to infant ratio. I've seen babies left to cry for long periods of time. A group leader even told me not to pick up a 3 month old baby who had been crying hysterically for over 5 mins because she was spoiled at home and tending to her would make her worse in the long run. I was horrified and needless to say I picked her up anyway and gave her cuddles. But from my experience the carer's seem overworked and couldn't be bothered emotionally investing in the babies. Their physical needs of nappy changes, food and sleep were met, but their emotional needs weren't and the babies were hardly spoken to and left to play by themselves on the floor or in a rocker all day. Funny thing was, when a parent showed up to pick up their child, I saw a different side from them and they turned into doting, loving carer's who spoke to the babies and got down on the floor to play with them. Not saying this happens everywhere but it's definitely turned me off ever putting my child into a child care until they're around 2.


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That's awful :no:

[Boobycino]

Inertia - that was my experience as well in childcare :( my director told me my job would be a lot easier when I stopped caring every time a baby cried.

I've since been a team leader in a crèche and found rocking and soothing bubs to sleep we ran just as smoothly!

I would also just be VERY clear how you want Bub settled and ask them to be honest if that's possible or not. Because some centers don't have the capacity to deal with a deviation, like a 4 month old who is crying and won't sleep, so will have staff leave them because they don't know what else to do. So ask them. 'what if my baby is crying in a cot and staff don't have time to settle or sooth her?' and find out their strategies.

I have worked with a 4 month old and our back up was the director or owner (whomever was around and free) could come in and attend to her if we couldn't. (this is back with a 5:1 ratio as well)

Also can you delay much? Like if you know your getting a break from the craziness in X amount of a time, will that in itself help?

Another thing to consider might be a 'mummy nanny' - I charged $12 per hour for a while and I know others are that inexpensive, usually in their own home, so for 5-6 hours could be as much as childcare, but be with a mum with maybe 1 Bub of her own, then if you *click* parenting ideals then you've got a carer who'll care like a mum. <3

Best wishes!!!