How to discipline?

[mumma inky]

I would greatly appreciate it if anyone can point me in the direction on some good resources on discipline for my 16 month old. I have ordered the no cry discipline solution but it is taking a while to arrive...
I came from a smacking family so i am struggling with how to manage his behavior and keep cool, especially now that "No" has lost it's value!

[Benji]

I have a great book called "discipline without shouting or spanking", I think you can get it pretty cheap from ebay and it has some great ideas to get your toddler to do the right things without resorting to threats/yelling/striking child.

My DS is getting older so much more difficult than a toddler to discipline but I found "children are people too" great and just instincts. Some days I'm just so worn out from working fulltime, running a household and being a mum that I find myself saying things that I know are wrong (threats, raising voice etc) but it's rare.

At 16 months old he's really just exploring and things like "naughty chairs" etc aren't even recommended even by some of the more conservative 'experts' so I think at his age simply removing him from the situation that's causing a problem and distracting him from something else would probably be easiest for now.

[mumma inky]

The main problem I am having atm is him kicking at me during nappy changes, and as I am 30 weeks pregnant it's really getting on my nerves. I try giving him toys and try singing songs but it's not working. This morning I found myself so frustrated that I raised my hand to smack him on the legs, that's when I thought enough is enough, I'm not managing myself very well, not necessarily the behaviour. I need a plan of action for managing these things so I don't get frustrated and angry and end up smacking him, because then I know I would only feel worse and it does not solve the problem... Thanks for the book suggestion, I feel like I need all the help I can get atm!

[brogeybear]

Children Are People Too, is an awesome one. At that age though, your still looking at a baby. Distraction, distraction, distraction, and redirection. I DESPISE getting kicked when doing changes. Just firmly hold the legs and try to do it as quick as possible, if you find yourself getting really triggered and frustrated put him down bare bum and come back later.

[sweetums89]

Well I dont know any books, but the way we discipline our son is time in's. Time in is where you put them in there room and be there with them, for emotional support. We only use this after we try to talk to him about what his doing/done wrong and asked him not to. Mind you my DS is 3 and has ASD, but cant hurt to try this approach.

[Benji]

:hugs: that does sound difficult. I've heard buddhism for mothers is a great book too. I need a copy of that myself for help with my stress management issues.

[Kooglekat]

:hugs: that does sound difficult. I've heard buddhism for mothers is a great book too. I need a copy of that myself for help with my stress management issues.

Yep, this is a great book, am halfway through it now. One of the best parenting books I've read so far. Putting it into practice will be tough for me though, being a bit of a stresser!

Good luck x

[SuperGranny]

hi mumma inky, just for the time when changing the nappy, can you stand to the side of him?? or in some way get your belly out of the way. I remember how much my son would kick my belly when I was pregnant with twins, Hurt like nothing on earth. I dont think there is any disicpline for this time, you need to change the nappy, bub wants to kick when the legs are free to move, and bub is too young to realise what is causing the problem. Best solution, can you get someone else to do the nappy change? hugs, Marie.

[mumma inky]

Thanks Marie, I would love to think it's just innocent kicking but he actually kicks at me to get me away, he sometimes does it when I'm putting him in his sleeping bag when he doesn't want to go to bed as well.
Someone else to change the nappy is a lovely thought, but it's only me and DH and he is self employed so working sun up til sun down 6 days a week atm so he can take some time off when ds2 arrives, so it's either me or the dog but have not been able to train her to do it yet :)
I can't move his change table in his room as it's all too squishy but for now I'll change him on the chase on the couch, and hate to say but resorted to turning the telly on to get the smelly ones done!
My real concern is though that I'm finding it challenging to keep my cool and not get angry and frustrated when he does these things, know he is only little and does not understand, so buddhism for mothers sounds like a great place to start. I want to learn how to manage my reaction to his behaviors so I can deal with them calmly. As I said, I'm from a big family of smackers and I don't want to end up lashing out at him because I don't know how to manage my feelings towards what he is doing. And I want to get this under control before he gets bigger and into more trouble lol!

[kbf2plus2]

Another good book/strategy is P.E.T - Parent Effectiveness Training. Children are seen as individuals with needs... the same as adults. Children aren't "naughty", they are just doing things to try to get their needs met. It teaches you how to "active listen" your child.
I'm not always successful in employing it... but I have seen time and again what a difference it makes.

In the case of your little person trying to kick you... you point out to him that you don't like it when he kicks you because it hurts/ you're concerned the baby might get hurt/etc. If he continues, you can say something like "So you don't care that you are hurting me/ the baby?? You just want to keep kicking me. It makes me feel sad that you don't care that you are hurting me." Or "You aren't happy about me changing your nappy? You'd rather be playing (or whatever)? Well, I need to change your nappy because otherwise your bottom is going to be very sore. You kicking makes it harder for me and it will take longer. I'd really like it if you would stop kicking."
The idea is you acknowledge whatever it is that the child is feeling and show that you have empathy and you are trying to encourage empathy in them also.

Hope that kinda makes sense and is of some help.

[IndigoGypsy]

I went through this when I was pregnant with DS 2. DS 1 would kick and my belly babe would cop it. I found distracting him with a toy or piece of fruit would really help. I would also let him know that I was going to change him about a minute or so before hand so he would have time to process what was going to happen.

Try making him a part of change time by getting him to hold the wipe or nappy, I find getting my DS 2 to open the nappy for me helps as he is concentrating on that not using his legs.

Go gently and be easy on your self an him. He could also be picking up on the fact that something major will be happening soon and his little world is about to change.

Much love, I hope those little legs of his settle down soon.

[mumma inky]

We have had success! I've been reading the no cry discipline solution...
And yesterday I yelled excitedly "time to change your nappy!" and held my arms out wide, he came running to me, big hug then laid down and played with a toy while his nappy was changed! Yay!
Also been reading buddhusm for mothers which helped as well...
And perhaps his molars finally breaking through also helped...
Whatever it was I'm glad the kicking and screaming is over... for now!:D

[brydz]

We have had success! I've been reading the no cry discipline solution...
And yesterday I yelled excitedly "time to change your nappy!" and held my arms out wide, he came running to me, big hug then laid down and played with a toy while his nappy was changed! Yay!
Also been reading buddhusm for mothers which helped as well...
And perhaps his molars finally breaking through also helped...
Whatever it was I'm glad the kicking and screaming is over... for now!:D

glad to hear you had success! at the moment my 11mo is a runner (not literally because he isnt walking yet) during change time. Distraction doesn't work, the other day he frustrated me to no end and I did give him a light tap on the leg. I felt so awful afterwards. Still looking for suggestions as I can't stand it he rolls away and crawls away and climbs up objects in a flash, poopy bum and all sometimes. A friend suggested stickers on his hand for distraction, he didn't even pay any attention to them today when I tried it. Run out of ideas.

[ghostdancer]

may i please subscribe...?? i need some tips for my boy :)