Anxiety over Grandparents taking DS out

[moozle]

My DS is an active 2 1/2 yr old who has recently toilet trained and for the first time ever, my dad has offered fir him and his wife (not my Mum) to take DS out to the Aquarium next week. I will be 2 1/2 weeks out from having bub #2 and jumped at it when they offered but now I've started to think about it and I'm getting really worried and anxious about it. What if something happens to DS? He has no fear and runs off all the time! Refuses to go in a pram and only tells you he needs to wee at the very last minute. I'm pretty much with him 24/7 and know how to deal with him but my Dad has never even been out anywhere with him only ever looked after him for an hour here and there at his place. Should I trust them and just let them take him or should I offer to go seeing as it's the first time? I don't want to offend them but DS is really hard work and I don't think they realise what they are in for. I would never forgive myself if anything happened to my son :( please help, What should I do?

[sweetsugardumplin']

Give them a practice run first a few days before the big trip, maybe get them to take your DS to their local shops to buy some fruit and a loaf of bread etc..... Your Dad and his wife will get an idea of your DS's behaviour (which is very typical of a 2 1/2 year old) in a familiar environment.

They can also practice reminding him and taking him to the toilet (and carrying at least one pair of spare clothes)

See how their practice run goes - and then see how you (and your dad and his wife) feel :)

[bumMum]

I think its is normall to feel anxious the first time someone takes your child. And particularly for some reason when you are pretty much the only person who normally cares for them. I used to be really cool about my family watching ds and then suddenly found myself at home with ds fuLl time and no babysitters anymore and I found myself becoming more and more freaked by the idea of anyone ever babysitting and taking ds out. The best thing you can do to make yourself feel better is probably very clearly express to your dad how anxious you are. Tell him this is a big deal to you. Perhaps tell him that he will run off if he gets any opportunity and that you expect them to either keep him in the pram mostly or provide a baby leash even? You could also have a bit of a trial eg all go out together first and watch how your dad supervises. At the end of the day if you trust your father I think you should let your little boy go and have a great time. If you have any reservations then don't let it go ahead-but be careful not to become too overly anxious. I have been, and this has definitely come across to my son who in turn is more clingy and anxious and fearful.

[moozle]

Just thinking about it now really the only places DS has ever been without me are daycare, the supermarket and once or twice the shopping centre and out to dinner with a play area all with DH. DS isn't clingy and would willingly go I'm sure! He has no problem with me going out or working or whatever, I think I'm a lot more protective than I was aware but I am just starting to freak out about him going without me even though I'm sure he'll be better behaved for them than he would be for me. Thanks for the replies. I think I'll chat to them and just let them know what he's like when out and about and offer to come with them even though I'd LOVE the time to myself. They want to take him Monday and they are away for the weekend so no time for a practice run :(

[moozle]

Anyone else have any advice?

[jadee22]

My Fil n his wife have taken my kids on adventures and overnight. His wife never had kids so its all new to her. I always tell myself that they love my kids just as much as I do and would turn themselves inside out to make sure they are cared for. I think that you need to remind yourself that grandpa loves him and would do the same. It may be an exhausting day for them but I'm sure he has been through it all with his own children. I'd let your ds go with them just remind them that if it gets too hard they can come home. Book yourself in for some pampering!

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[Boobycino]

I think a practice run is a good idea :)

Or do you have backpack harness type thing as well? So they don't have to worry about him running off?

And would nappy pants for the day hurt? In case he has any accidents?

[moozle]

No time for a practice run, its tomorrow! I called them and just asked what they wanted me to get ready for them and took the opportunity to explain that there was no point bringing a pram and that I'd pack spare clothes incase he had an accident and needed a dry set. I said I'd pack some nappy pants too but he hasn't worn them during the day for a few months so I feel a bit mean putting him in them IYKWIM? They're just so uncomfortable and not to mention, he's a big boy- the size (height) of an ave 4yo and over 20kgs so they are quite snug on him! I have a harness so I'll give them that too incase he does run off on them. I guess at some point I have to let my son enjoy outings with others and there is only one way they will learn how to cope with him out in public. I'm going to get some cleaning and washing done and might even have a pedicure and see if I can relieve my aching feet! Thanks for the replies :)

[jadee22]

It nice to hear you are having a pedicure! Your ds will more than likely be an angel.

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[Boobycino]

Naw sounds great! You deserve it hun!!!

[jadee22]

Just curious... how did it all go?

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[moozle]

Absolutely fine, of course :p he was an angel and they want to do it again. I put on a brave face, said goodbye and burst into tears after they left lol I managed to get a heap of cleaning and washing done and even did the grocery shopping! Didn't get time for the pedicure... Next time :)

Thanks for asking!

[share a book]

I went with mine until she was about 5 then let my mum have her alone after that when I was confident she knew how to handle the child. Mine is an asd child with adhd too which is probably a bit different but people really have to know how to cope with her.

[Ulysses]

i would be thinking the same thing.

i would have them come over before the day out to the aquarium & go through all possible scenarios with them, tell them that it is for their benefit as their are a number of tricky things to know before they take him for the day - this is perfectly reasonable considering they havent had him for a day before. Also maybe have them use those things that keep kids attached to them - not sure what they are called but they look like reigns??? At least then he cant run off.

I am sure he will be fine - but if you get them prepped you should have nothing to worry about.

[SalTheGal]

Absolutely fine, of course :p he was an angel and they want to do it again. I put on a brave face, said goodbye and burst into tears after they left lol I managed to get a heap of cleaning and washing done and even did the grocery shopping! Didn't get time for the pedicure... Next time :)

Thanks for asking!

Thats so great to hear.... I meant to reply before your DS went, but ran out of time.... I am glad to hear it all went well, and I was going to comment that in my experience GP's are usually pretty good at rolling with it... and my kids atleast are usually *so* good with them... and I find that they seem to take it all in their stride, I think only having them for outings like that a few occasions means that its a lot easier for them if that makes sense!!

Anyway, glad to hear you got some stuff done! :)

[Boobycino]

That's lovely!

[moozle]

Thanks everyone. It's what I imagined would happen before I had DS, I just didn't realise how hard it would be lot let go lol! I want to be able to take MY grandchildren out one day so I thought I'd give them a go. I sent them with a harness (glorified leash :p) and they did use it because he wanted to run the wrong way around the aquarium he he but by all accounts, it went well. DS was SO excited to go and couldn't wait to tell me all about it when he got back and that alone makes it worth it for me :) I'm about to have bub number 2 and he may miss out on so many experiences if I can't trust others to take him out occasionally. Thanks for the support and suggestions, it really helped to get it out :)