Second baby on the way, what about my first?

[mumma inky]

Baby number two is due in about 12 weeks, and although I am very excited I am really worried about how this will effect my then 19 month old.
We are really close, he is my little shadow, where I go, he goes, where he goes, I go. During the day we are only apart for a few minutes here and there while I do chores, otherwise we have a great time playing all day (sorry hubby that's why you're work clothes are still wet on the line :)
He sleeps the majority of the night in his cot but always calls out and is welcomed to our bed in the wee hours of the morning, and takes about 30 mins or so of cuddles and hand holding before he goes to sleep every time.
He self weaned so no longer breastfeeds.
I wanted to have two children close together so they would be great friends but now I'm worried about how this will effect my first born.
I am already worrying about leaving him while I give birth, he has never spent a night away from us.
If anyone lse is happy to share their story I'd really appreciate it :)

[bubbaboyandbump]

No advice sorry but I am in the same situation so would love to hear what other people have to say! I'm so so nervous about leaving DS (who will be 17 months) while I'm in hospital because he too has never slept a night without me (and isn't really attached to anyone else like he is with me) and also comes into my bed at random hours in the night

[chicken and eggs mum]

Big hugs!!!

I was in a similar position when dd2 was born. Dd1 had never had any length of time away from me or dh (she was only 14 months). But she was ok. She went to mum and dads when i was having dd2 (labored through night and she was born at 4am) and mum was GREAT. She knows our parenting styles - dd went to sleep on a mattress on the floor and when she woke in the night mum laid with her on the recliner chair. She was only with them 1 night then was home with dh.

It is amazing how dd1 has changed now she is a big sister. She is still my little shadow but now also dotes in her sister. They both end up in our bed overnight and it works fine. She has coped and adapted and loves it when we all snuggle on the couch while I bf dd2 and read her books. Things change, but we are still able to maintain the way inwhich we parent!!

All the best.
Xxx

[BabushkaMumma]

Mumma Inky, I share your sentiments, but I'm only 13 weeks along.

My 2 year old DD is fed to sleep, still has plenty of feeds in the day and we bed share. Nighttime's consist of me feeding, patting, rocking and laying there until DD is asleep ( so the process from start to finish is 1.5 hours) and while I wouldn't have it any other way, I'm concerned as to where belly babe will fit in..as I'm hoping to tandem feed and co-sleep again with this one.

Changing these lovely patterns will take me the rest of the pregnancy so I've started now. Our changes consist of taking about baby, where it will sleep, that it will share my milk.

I know that at 19 months the level of understand may be different, but can you buy a doll that resembles a newborn and demonstrate how you'll put it to sleep? DD is nurturing her dolls, rocking them to sleep, saying 'shh shh shh' she wears them in her ergo & 'births' and feeds them.

Where will new babe sleep? Can you do a side car Cot? So even if he pops in your bed, your not worried about him hurting baby?

I'm doing a few other things, like trying to move her day sleeps onto our mattress on the floor as well...

And I think babywearing will help practical wise in terms of still being able to support your little ones busy days while attending to a newborns needs...

All the best...how exciting!! X

[TimTamsandTea]

Oh I could've written this post myself 7 weeks ago!

Ds 1 was 26 months when ds 2 was born.

I'd love to offer you advice and tell you that the transition was easier than I thought ... but that would make me a big fat liar!

Yes, he fretted when I was in hospital. Yes he cried everytime he left (as did I). Yes my hubby had a tricky time handling him (and resorted to lots of bribery and treats to survive the days while I was gone). Yes, ds1 has become incredibly clingy and now wakes several times during the night (often running into the nursery where he knows I am feeding ds 2 and simply sits at my feet and cries). Yes, ds1 has regressed and will ask to be carried everywhere/be hand-fed his breakfast etc. And yes, ds1 has recently started to 'lash out' at ds2, sometimes tantruming with such anger, that I have to put ds2 in his cot for safety reasons.

Yes, all of my worst fears have come true. But I'm not sharing this to scare you. I'm just letting you know that someone out there is finding the transition rough. Our coping strategies? Lots of cuddles. Lots of time together as a family. Lots of time spent with extended family who are happy to shower ds1 with attention and affection. Lots of patience. Understanding that his response if perfectly normal. Lots of deep breathing and some occasional time out to refresh.

And ...

A daily reminder that this will pass. That ds1 will learn to share my time and affection and this whole period will be a distant memory before I know it.

Good luck. I hope your little one makes the transition well. If not, please feel free to pm me to share horror stories! Also, lots of wishes for the safe arrival of your baby xo

[mumma inky]

Thank to all for your posts!
And thank you for being so honest sloppykissesmonsterhugs! I hope things settle quickly for you :) and I'm sure i'll have some wonderful horror stories to share with you soon! lol
I have a wonderfully supportive family and although both sides live a few hours away they will come and help for a while after bubs is born which will be wonderful so as they can bond with DS2 and I'll be able to have some time with DS1.
And in the meantime I will have to get him a baby of his own, wonderful suggestion!

[Issie]

Baby number two is due in about 12 weeks, and although I am very excited I am really worried about how this will effect my then 19 month old.
We are really close, he is my little shadow, where I go, he goes, where he goes, I go. During the day we are only apart for a few minutes here and there while I do chores, otherwise we have a great time playing all day (sorry hubby that's why you're work clothes are still wet on the line :)
He sleeps the majority of the night in his cot but always calls out and is welcomed to our bed in the wee hours of the morning, and takes about 30 mins or so of cuddles and hand holding before he goes to sleep every time.
He self weaned so no longer breastfeeds.
I wanted to have two children close together so they would be great friends but now I'm worried about how this will effect my first born.
I am already worrying about leaving him while I give birth, he has never spent a night away from us.
If anyone lse is happy to share their story I'd really appreciate it :)

Oh mamma inky, that was so beautiful to read!

Your son sounds so wonderfully secure, adjusted and intelligent. You must be so proud of him and it must be amazing to spend so much time with your tiny man.

I've just found out I'm pregnant with number 8 but I still can't answer this for you, each child is different but you'd be amazed how much they grow up when new babies arrive.

My oldest DS Phineas could possibly be one of my best friends, he is 9 now and will be the big 10 later this year. When he was 14 months old his world of being an only child came to an end as I bought home triplets to join us.

He went from co-sleeping with mama and daddy, being breast fed, carried everywhere then suddenly this bump just kept growing and growing and growing and then when I could no longer share a bed with either of them, I was expressing for him, only daddy was carrying him I left...

I went into labour 7 weeks early (Not too bad for triplets!) and had to be on bed rest, the whole time I was thinking about how he felt and what he was thinking... He'd come to see me, the nurses would let him have his day sleep with me and he'd stay all day but he must of been wondering why I couldn't get up and play. Then after 2 weeks of him getting used to I guess 2 homes... He turns up to find I'm now nursing 3 other babies. He was less than impressed! :no:

He was very quiet, he just wanted daddy and wasn't interested in me or these 3 randoms who took his spot.

When I came home another 2 weeks later he was amazing! He was so interested, he had a new sense of being calm around the babies, all he did was look at them and smile.

My divine son Phinny has experienced this a few times over now. All mine have been similar in just taking it in their stride.

My youngest daughter Matilda who is 22 months old... SHE will be a challenge but I've got sometime yet to prepare her! She's a unique child to say the least!