Parents complicity in sexualisation of children

[twotrunks]

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/8596784/Reg-Bailey-parents-are-complicit-in-sexualisation-of-children.html

This is a bit of a pet issue of mine, and I think this article makes great points. Worth a think about anyway :yes:

[sunnyflower]

I agree with this .I HATE to see young girls in skimpy adult clothes and young kids on fb.I now someone who was allowed on it age 7.My ds always asks can he go on fb...errr a big fat no.

[sahm]

Interesting article. I agree with it, we have a not quite 3 year old boy at playgroup who watches horror movies and his mum just mentions it like it's nothing, 'oh, J was just nightmare on elm st'. It leaves me gobsmacked. I was upset when it turned out Cars 2 had shooting and explosions.

[Californication]

I hate seeing young girls in "sexy" clothing. If I have a daughter, she is going to hate me because I will be the Mum that says "you can't wear that".

My kids won't be on FB until I think they are old enough. Maybe when they start high school. Maybe later. They won't have a mobile until they are in their mid teens and I will be dressing them as children, not mini-adults! No 6 year old needs a bra.

They will watch age appropriate movies/TV etc and won't be playing violent games.

I hope they won't hate me too much, but I just want them to be kids while they are kids.

[WorkingClassMum]

Of course many parents are complicit in the sexualisation and adultification of their children.

There are even parents on here who happily let their kids watch tv and movies and play video games with M ratings and more, and what's more they happily post that they do this and defend their actions by deriding anyone who questions their actions.

My children will not be having a FB account until they can legally sign the contract to do so

My Dd can have a bra. once she has something to put into a bra.

[Pigeonmum]

One of my pet hates too, so I won't rant too much LOL coz you're all probably thinking or have said it!! And I totally agree!!

I see so many Parents these days who treat their children like accessories or have kids for convenience reasons or to selfishly benefit themselves for one reason or another.

[Piffle]

While I agree with the article in general I have to say I totally disagree with Facebook being put in the same category as violent shows/games and sexy clothes!

I have met a child who's allowed on facebook but only with her Mum being able to access her account also. She is friends with about 20 people, all of whom are family. It is really wonderful how she can interact with cousins she doesn't get to see much on there. How is that anything but a positive?

I always think that people who trash Facebook don't really understand what goes on there. It all comes down to the parent in the end.

[WorkingClassMum]

I always think that people who trash Facebook don't really understand what goes on there. It all comes down to the parent in the end.


I understand EXACTLY what goes on in FB - I get paid to use FB at work and it makes me all the more adamant that it is NOT for children

[Benji]

Sad, but true. Kids are forced to grow up before they're ready and in a society like ours, it shouldn't be happening.

I worry about my DS. If he happens to be friends with a little girl, which he has plenty, his father carries on about "ooooooooohhhh is that your girrrrrrrrrrrlfriend"... he's ALREADY setting him up to have unhealthy/uncomfortable friendships with girls and he's only 5 years old! He doesn't even understand what a girlfriend is!

Another issue is, monkey see monkey do. Kids mimic us... not to mention they are smart. I'll never forget turning the tv on the other day, the parental lock came on and DS announces "I'll fix it for you mum" and proceeded to put in the code that DP and I had put on :rolleyes: he'd worked it out himself :rolleyes:

[Piffle]

I understand EXACTLY what goes on in FB - I get paid to use FB at work and it makes me all the more adamant that it is NOT for children

:confused: What sort of things go on on your facebook??

My facebook is full of friends and family sharing funny stories and pictures of their kids/holidays.

[Whippet]

:confused: What sort of things go on on your facebook??

My facebook is full of friends and family sharing funny stories and pictures of their kids/holidays.

My friends DD was abused by her step-father on facebook. Well, it was the first step in abuse anyway. He opened an account with a false name, false photos and pretended to be a young boy that thought she was cute.

One thing lead to another and now we have a man that is ready to be sent to prison for a very long time and a (now) 13 year old girl with an alcohol and drug addiction, having s3x with grown men.

It's not facebook that is the problem, it's how people use it.

[RoarsomeMum]

My daughter will be allowed to be herself.

Regardless of whether I am labelled "complacent in the sexualisation" or labelled ignorant, or labelled unaware of the impact.. or labelled whatever..

Just as she sadly will have to contend with the fact that regardless of what she does she will be labelled whatever is most convenient at the time for the masses.

I let her wear a tiara, I let her wear Diego undies, I let her be HER.. and she defines that..

I will never deny that there are many influences confusing our children LONG before their time.. I refuse to become one by forcing her to analyze her gender rather than enjoy her childhood.

I TOTALLY get people go about things differently.. That is A.O.K with me..

[share a book]

:confused: What sort of things go on on your facebook??

My facebook is full of friends and family sharing funny stories and pictures of their kids/holidays.

My bestie's 8yo step son put a naked photo of his 10yo sister on FB. Even with it taken down it can still be found on google when his name or her name are entered! He found it funny becaue he' 8! He can't ee the harm in it! My betie had no say over them having a FB account because their mum set it up for them.

[Whippet]

This is such an important issue, thanks for raising it TT. :)

I know that no parent is perfect and we all make mistakes but there are times when it's very hard to stand by and watch certain mistakes being made.

One example: My friends DD, aged 9, now has an FB account. I don't know how closely monitored it is but her FB photo is of her in a very suggestive pose. This indicates to me that no, it isn't a closely monitored account.

This same friend of mine encourages her DD to wear certain clothes because (quote) 'they make her bum look cute'. It almost seems that having a 's3xy' DD is like a status symbol. Like a DD's s3xiness or cuteness is a reflection of an easy-going, relaxed mother.

I don't think some people have any idea of the damage that is being done by this new way of parenting. You're not raising a new little best friend, you're raising a child. (Not directed at anyone here - a general comment)

[RoarsomeMum]

I have never heard of the new parenting method of raising a bestie.. But I don't think there is any harm in raising a generation who are able to think for themselves.. be themselves without fear, shame or labels. (also not directed at anyone, just in general)

[lulululu]

A bit off topic perhaps but one thing that both peeves me and creeps me out is people saying my sons are "flirting" with them. They are SMILING. They are 11 months old and 3 years. And it's not only one or two people...

[Benji]

RM I wish that were true. Sadly our kids are only following what they see their peers doing, not to mention the dreaded media. Whether we allow them to just do whatever they want without consequence or try to curb negative behaviour and ideals we're all in for a battle.

[Whippet]

I have never heard of the new parenting method of raising a bestie.. But I don't think there is any harm in raising a generation who are able to think for themselves.. be themselves without fear, shame or labels. (also not directed at anyone, just in general)

hehe It's not a known new method it's just what I've noticed from my own observations. A lot of parents seem to want to be their childs best friend first and parent second. :p

I'm all for people, including kids, being allowed to be themselves. I have a son that is so outside the square, there's no chance of him ever being confined by any box. I know how important it is for him to be himself, for him to be able to express himself with limited ridicule. I will never ever stop allowing and encouraging him to be himself, even though there are people that may think he's ... weird? different? wrong?

I don't see a child wanting to look s3xy as an expression of their own thoughts and feelings. I don't see looking s3xy as someone (a child) being 'themselves'. Looking s3xy is very much a social construction and a way of teaching young girls how they're supposed to look.

[RoarsomeMum]

RM I wish that were true. Sadly our kids are only following what they see their peers doing, not to mention the dreaded media. Whether we allow them to just do whatever they want without consequence or try to curb negative behaviour and ideals we're all in for a battle.

I am not Mary Poppins or some poor sad soul with no real idea of the horrors of the world for ALL of us, let alone our kids.. let alone our daughters.. (I doubt any of us mothers are, not with the current statistics..)

Of COURSE we are all in for a battle.. I mean, 1-4.. I just hope she is allowed a childhood without sexual assault..

But I am raising her strong, with a good base, and can only hope that it helps..

Denying her a childhood or a voice or a choice (as loaded as the term indeed is) sure as heck wont help IMO.

I am in no way complacent in my parenting method.. But I am also in no way going to pretend my daughter has no right to her sexual self..

[Benji]

Young children don't have a s3xual self RM, that's what we're talking about. Children copying what they see adults/media doing and how it's damaging and confusing to young minds.

[Whippet]

Young children don't have a s3xual self RM, that's what we're talking about. Children copying what they see adults/media doing and how it's damaging and confusing to young minds.

I think kids do have a sexual self but it doesn't need to be/shouldn't be expressed in adult ways. Clothing that accentuates breast size/shape is completely and utterly unneccessary on a child.

[RoarsomeMum]

Young children don't have a s3xual self RM, that's what we're talking about. Children copying what they see adults/media doing and how it's damaging and confusing to young minds.

I am sorry Benji but I simply disagree.

My daughter has never EVER seen masturbation or sexual activity but learned around 3 that she could comfort herself by manipulating her genitals.. It is labelled as "sexual behavior" because us ADULTS are damaged and confused.. I refuse to pass the damage onto my daughter.

Whether she wears a bra, a Bikini a mini skirt with full midriff showing at 3 years of age she should NOT be seen as sexual to the world..

but she has EVERY right to her "sexual self" something she shares with her and her alone..

I honestly think it is TOTALLY different to the message the media and adults show.

[Benji]

I think kids do have a sexual self but it doesn't need to be/shouldn't be expressed in adult ways. Clothing that accentuates breast size/shape is completely and utterly unneccessary on a child.

Could you explain to me how? I'm not quite sure that children's minds understand sexuality or sex.

RM, just saw your post, thanks for that - I agree with you that children do discover their bits but that's not sexual, I've never heard anyone refer to it as that. I also agree with you re her clothing, children should be able to run around completely nude without being considered provocative or whatever disgusting things some people may say. I think gstrings, bras etc on very young children is not only impractical but also very adult clothing that children will likely be confused by the messages they are getting.

[DaddyLarge]

I don't think some people have any idea of the damage that is being done by this new way of parenting. You're not raising a new little best friend, you're raising a child. (Not directed at anyone here - a general comment)

This. A million times this.

[Whippet]

Could you explain to me how? I'm not quite sure that children's minds understand sexuality or sex.

RM, just saw your post, thanks for that - I agree with you that children do discover their bits but that's not sexual, I've never heard anyone refer to it as that. I also agree with you re her clothing, children should be able to run around completely nude without being considered provocative or whatever disgusting things some people may say. I think gstrings, bras etc on very young children is not only impractical but also very adult clothing that children will likely be confused by the messages they are getting.

I agree with what RM said about masterbation and that kids will often discover that at a young age. However, sexuality is not just about s3x or touching of genitals. Sexuality is also who we are. We are women and men or boys and girls. We are straight or gay, strong or weak. This begins the discovery of our sexuality and that happens from day dot.

We like to keep children in a bubble of innocence therefore the idea that kids have sexuality seems wrong. But as RM said, we as adults make sexuality a dirty word and that is not something we like to hear in relation to children. Sexuality is not a dirty word, it is simply an element of what and who we are.

[RoarsomeMum]

Could you explain to me how? I'm not quite sure that children's minds understand sexuality or sex.

RM, just saw your post, thanks for that - I agree with you that children do discover their bits but that's not sexual, I've never heard anyone refer to it as that. I also agree with you re her clothing, children should be able to run around completely nude without being considered provocative or whatever disgusting things some people may say. I think gstrings, bras etc on very young children is not only impractical but also very adult clothing that children will likely be confused by the messages they are getting.

It is sexual, or seen as sexual.. Just ask the law.. Just ask the law, or Kinder or daycare or anyplace where they are TOTALLY uncomfortable and will not allow it at all.. They also wont allow her to run naked... THOSE things scream SEXUAL!!!! more than the media IMO.. My body is BAD! I can't touch it or show it EVER!!!!!!!

I can't be worried about a Gstring or Bra that my child will Never even wear when she is ALREADY not allowed to be naked or do cartwheels without shorts or swim without a T-Shirt.. at 3..

Freaking OATH there are confused messages..

[Benji]

I agree with what RM said about m@sterbation and that kids will often discover that at a young age. However, sexuality is not just about s3x or touching of genitals. Sexuality is also who we are. We are women and men or boys and girls. We are straight or gay, strong or weak. This begins the discovery of our sexuality and that happens from day dot.

We like to keep children in a bubble of innocence therefore the idea that kids have sexuality seems wrong. But as RM said, we as adults make sexuality a dirty word and that is not something we like to hear in relation to children. Sexuality is not a dirty word, it is simply an element of what and who we are.

Hmm interesting. I don't believe young children comforting themselves is 'm@sturbation' but comfort. I'm still not certain that children are s3xual beings, nor do I believe they are spiritual. They are just too young to understand until they get a bit older. I totally, totally agree that s3xuality isn't something to do with PURELY s3x as most people believe and I do believe we are born gay or straight....

You and RM have given me some food for thought, thanks. You learn something new every day :)

[Benji]

Freaking OATH there are confused messages..

Absolutely.

What I mean re the gstring is that they were designed to get rid of "panty lines". What does this teach girls about themselves? That their backsides are for looking at? Panty lines are a bad thing?

It's 100% different to the human body in its natural state. And we are sending kids confused messages by teaching little tots that they can't be without clothes in public. No wonder there's so many messed up adults, this stuff is instilled into us from such a young age.

[WorkingClassMum]

:confused: What sort of things go on on your facebook??

My facebook is full of friends and family sharing funny stories and pictures of their kids/holidays.

I have seen pages hacked and disgusting materials posted and all sorts of bullying etc.

My own mother accidentally clicked on a link that sent viral messages to many of her friends.

My niece's page was hacked and her status became 'I like to lick pu33y' which nearly went viral, but that I saw it in time and deleted it - her friend wasn't so lucky and the entire school saw her status about having a finger licking good time (and it didn't mean chickens). Young girls have been bullied to suicide and groomed for p.dophiles.

And this is not just on my FB - so maybe do a little research before you decided that FB is benign :rolleyes:

[Whippet]

It is sexual, or seen as sexual.. Just ask the law.. Just ask the law, or Kinder or daycare or anyplace where they are TOTALLY uncomfortable and will not allow it at all.. They also wont allow her to run naked... THOSE things scream SEXUAL!!!! more than the media IMO.. My body is BAD! I can't touch it or show it EVER!!!!!!!

I can't be worried about a Gstring or Bra that my child will Never even wear when she is ALREADY not allowed to be naked or do cartwheels without shorts or swim without a T-Shirt.. at 3..

Freaking OATH there are confused messages..

Yup, it's so bloody unfair. And made even more unfair that it's mostly girls and women that have this body image pushed on them from day dot. A young boy is allowed to swim without a t-shirt but a girl can't - how's that for ridiculous!

I totally get what you're saying and being a huge advocate for womens rights, I so wish we lived in a world where anyone at any stage of their lives could be free to express themselves in any way they wish.

I guess the thing that gets to me though is how many girls or women would choose to wear a lot of the clothing they choose to wear if it wasn't an expectation. We pad out our t!ts, we tuck in our guts, we paste our faces with make-up and wear four inch heels ... and who do we do it all of that for? I don't think a girl would choose to wear her kiddie version of these items if it wasn't something she thought she had to. Brittany tells her she has to - heck, even the dinner time news-reader tells he she should.

However, the innocence of swimming topless at age three is something that should not be taken away from anyone.

[RoarsomeMum]

And that's why I put up with people calling the police because I have my daughter naked on the beach.. I put UP with people telling me I am "asking for trouble" and "setting her up" and put up with people suggesting I am failing her by allowing her to be who she is.. and to have a REAL childhood.. (as *I* define it.. not in any way suggesting anyone elses kids are missing out.. but I know MINE and I know her parents and I HAVE to make sure she knows she owns her body..)

Because Each and EVERY time I say if we refused to allow people to sexualise our children mine could be safe.. I REFUSE to put her in a bubble.. I REFUSE to make me OR HER take responsibility for the sickness of others... NO FREAKING WAY!!!!!

She won't have $$$$$$$ for aaaaaaaaaaaages so she only gets the clothes we buy.. so none of that is really an issue.. it never was.. because frankly if kids were not already sexualised sexual clothing for them would not be for sale at all..

I can't save the world but Damn I hope I can save my daughter..

[share a book]

My 7yo swims without a shirt if she's not outside in a pool. Also she can do cartwheels with only knickers on if she wants to. No child is allowed to swim in the public pool without proper swimwear on but if they choose not to wear a top that's fine.

[Whippet]

And that's why I put up with people calling the police because I have my daughter naked on the beach.. I put UP with people telling me I am "asking for trouble" and "setting her up" and put up with people suggesting I am failing her by allowing her to be who she is.. and to have a REAL childhood.. (as *I* define it.. not in any way suggesting anyone elses kids are missing out.. but I know MINE and I know her parents and I HAVE to make sure she knows she owns her body..)

Because Each and EVERY time I say if we refused to allow people to sexualise our children mine could be safe.. I REFUSE to put her in a bubble.. I REFUSE to make me OR HER take responsibility for the sickness of others... NO FREAKING WAY!!!!!

She won't have $$$$$$$ for aaaaaaaaaaaages so she only gets the clothes we buy.. so none of that is really an issue.. it never was.. because frankly if kids were not already sexualised sexual clothing for them would not be for sale at all..

I can't save the world but Damn I hope I can save my daughter..

I think what you're talking about is very different to what is in the article however I do see that what is happening makes what you want so much harder to achieve. It's the sexualisation and commodification of children - and thier bodies - that have made what you're trying to achieve (which sounds like a beautiful gift to me) so bloody hard.

I like to think that there are more DD's out there being raised by parents such as yourself. You're offering her the gift of strength, knowledge, liberty and self love that all women deserve.

[WorkingClassMum]

She won't have $$$$$$$ for aaaaaaaaaaaages so she only gets the clothes we buy.. so none of that is really an issue.. it never was.. because frankly if kids were not already sexualised sexual clothing for them would not be for sale at all..

I can't save the world but Damn I hope I can save my daughter..

And this is the crux of the article - the supply and demand of overtly sexualised clothing being demanded and made available for children AND the demand being fuelled by parents - this is how parents are complicit in the adultification and sexualisation of children

Letting them run al la natural on the beach is NOT sexualising them! Dressing them in mini adult bathing suits and Tshirts with come hither duplicitous messages IS

[Piffle]

And this is not just on my FB - so maybe do a little research before you decided that FB is benign :rolleyes:

Err... thanks for the tip. But anyone's "research" can show that all of the mentioned bad situations are due to "unobserved" time on Facebook. As with ANY unsupervised time on the internet in general, of course things are going to go pear shaped. People blame facebook for this and that's what really annoys me. As I stated if fully supervised by parents it can be such a wonderful way for kids to keep in touch with family.

[SpecialPatrolGroup]

I understand EXACTLY what goes on in FB - I get paid to use FB at work and it makes me all the more adamant that it is NOT for children
Yep, I have a couple of underage facebook friends (cousin's kids) and I will not buy into any discussion on fb that is explicit, drug or alcohol related or uses bad language because it may show up on their newsfeed. I see it as exactly the same as if they were sitting around the same table as me and everyone else on fb so I will not say something that I wouldn't want them to hear at that table.

[WorkingClassMum]

Err... thanks for the tip. But anyone's "research" can show that all of the mentioned bad situations are due to "unobserved" time on Facebook. As with ANY unsupervised time on the internet in general, of course things are going to go pear shaped. People blame facebook for this and that's what really annoys me. As I stated if fully supervised by parents it can be such a wonderful way for kids to keep in touch with family.

I'm glad you liked my tip ;)

My niece's usuage was being fully supervised when it was hacked, and my mother is beyond being supervised yet the p0rnographic material that appeared on her FB was not of her doing. My niece's school friend's father is a police officer and her FB is strictly controlled yet it was hacked into


FB is NOT for kids, that is one of the reasons it has an age limit, that is one of the reasons it's blocked on school servers etc

People blame bad parenting when FB is so easily compromised and that's what really annoys me... As I stated, even when fully supervised by parents it can be such a dangerous for for p.dophiles and smut to be shared with family

[Piffle]

WCM I don't really understand why you were parroting my post, guess it was supposed to be funny in some way.

Anyhoo, we have such different opinions obviously so we'll have to agree to disagree. I will certainly be letting my 13 year old on facebook (or whatever's around in 12 years time) with supervision so he can keep in touch with the relatives and friends, and I won't be accusing Facebook of sexualising him.

We're way off topic haha. To summarise, I agree with the OP that parents play the absolute MAJOR role in sexualising their children and destroying the innocence of childhood.

[Mysurprisebaby]

I agree with the article. In my opinion there is simply no need at all for "sexualized" clothing for children, and I don't believe children should be exposed to adult material (r rating video games etc).
And, as others have said, I don't think there is anything wrong with young children running around naked or partially clothed. There is something wrong with children wearing sexualized adult clothing such as bras and g strings. If there were 2 children- one wearing g string and bra and the other wearing nothing, I know which one I find disturbing...despite the fact that technically the first child is more covered.
Also, children masturbating is healthy and normal- it's only when they are simulating adult acts that it's not.
I think that's the real issue here, whether children are being forced by society into being "little adults". Childhood is such a short time in a person's lifetime, why are we so quick to rush them through it?

[sockstealingpoltergeist]

Exposing children to violence, pornographic images and sexualizing children children well before they are ready to discover more about their sexulaity in their own time, changes who they are, changes how they view themselves and others and changes their brains.

What an awful thing to do to children and society.

[sahm]

A bit off topic perhaps but one thing that both peeves me and creeps me out is people saying my sons are &quot;flirting&quot; with them. They are SMILING. They are 11 months old and 3 years. And it's not only one or two people...<br />
This! I HATE it! Or when my boys talk to girls and people talk about them having 'girlfriends'. So unnecessary to push their adult relationship labels on them.

[twotrunks]

I know it's OT but re the Facebook discussion... The article makes a good point about underage users. If you sign up at 8 saying you are 13 (even with parents ok), by the time you are actually 13 Facebook will think you are 18, and be advertising adult x rated stuff to you.