Ever felt threatened by step parents?

[StopTheMadness]

Just wondering if anyone has ever felt threatened by their kids relationships with step parents? My kids don't have a step Mum yet, but I am so worried about it. I dread the time coming. I know I am a good Mum but I worry maybe they will like her so much they will prefer spending time with her over me. And then I worry they won't like her and will be miserable:rolleyes: I seem to worry about it no matter how it turns out...

Has anyone ever felt replaced? Threatened?

I am a step Mum as well, so I feel completely different from the other angle, but as a Mum is scares me.

[faroutbrusselsprout]

Absolutely.
I am so glad FOB is such a difficult person as I think I would vomit if DS1 said he had "2 mums".. *shudder*

[HowCrazyCool]

Yeah it's a tough one, my dad was threatened by my step-dad and my step-dad was ****. But my dad was never there.

Stopthemadness, how do you feel about your step kids? Hopefully the'll get a step-mum just like you :hugs:

[Ulysses]

i think my step daughters mum is threatened as she has said a number of things to her that implies it.

However no matter how much my step daughter cares for me i know there is nothing like a childs love for their mother - nothing can replace it & no matter how much fun i am or how much i care for her like a mum she will never have the same attachment with me that she has with her mum - I suppose it's just a bond that is very strong & unique. Of course if her mum was abusive or the like she might prefer to be with me but that is not the case in our situation.

Being a step parent is so complex that I would be setting myself up for failure if tried to replace her mum. But I would probably feel frightened myself if my dd had a step mum even know from my own experience that it wouldnt be a real threat - i suppose its just natural. I know my husband always worries that his daughter sees her step dad as a dad

I am sure your kids will always love in a special way that no one else can take away from you.

[Lillystar]

I agree with wicket. I think it would be very hard for step children to like their step parent more than their own mum. Their mum is there mum and nothing can change that bond or the love they have for them.

I am a step mum. And whilst I know my step kids like me and enjoy having me around. They certainly don't like me more than their mum, nor would I ever expect them to :) They have a mum, they don't need another one. I am good to them, play with them, hang out with them, care for them and we get on well. But that will never change the relationship they have with their mum nor come between it. Its a totally different relationship and more then a friendship than anything else for us I guess.

Try not to worry too much about it. I am sure it will all work out fine and I'm sure your kids will always love you no matter who else comes a long.

[kittykawaii]

My ex's new gf (i refuse to call her my kids stepmum. She's gotta earn that title and she hasn't) is more threatened by me. She won't even say hello to me the rude thing. I've only been nice and non confrontational to her.
She could NEVER even come close to being anything resembling a mum to my kids.

[Benji]

I'm actually very grateful to my son's step-mum. I prefer that she's around while FOB has access because I know he's being cared for. FOB makes life difficult sometimes... okay, a LOT... and sometimes she's sadly caught in the middle but I really respect her.

My DP is who I consider my son's father. FOB was easily replaced though considering he has very little interest in DS apart from putting on a good front for others.

I think most parents will be okay and definitely won't be 'replaced' as long as they are involved, active parents. I certainly don't consider my DS' step-mum to be 'replacing' me when she has him but they do have a special bond and relationship which I think is highly important. I much prefer it to him having a step-monster!

[faroutbrusselsprout]

I'm actually very grateful to my son's step-mum. I prefer that she's around while FOB has access because I know he's being cared for. FOB makes life difficult sometimes... okay, a LOT... and sometimes she's sadly caught in the middle but I really respect her.

My DP is who I consider my son's father. FOB was easily replaced though considering he has very little interest in DS apart from putting on a good front for others.

I think most parents will be okay and definitely won't be 'replaced' as long as they are involved, active parents. I certainly don't consider my DS' step-mum to be 'replacing' me when she has him but they do have a special bond and relationship which I think is highly important. I much prefer it to him having a step-monster!

I think that's awesome Benj.

[brizbabe71]

Nope -never felt threatened by our daughters stepmum-I actually think she's pretty awesome-she is very crafty and does all that sort of thing with our daughter (cooking / scrapbooking etc) while I tend to be a little more sporty(roller skating / play on the swings in the park-so our daughter gets the best of both worlds. As far as I'm concerned she is a lucky girl with two mums.

My partners ex-however is another story-he has until very recently "primary care" and she is VERY threatened by me and I got a 11 page email explaining why she was so jealous of me-that came in very handy actually when we had to go to court to get recovery orders for the oldest child that she refused to return to his care.

[StopTheMadness]

Stopthemadness, how do you feel about your step kids? Hopefully the'll get a step-mum just like you :hugs:

I adore my step kids:hugs: They are wonderful and right from the beginning we got on really well. I know sometimes their Mum has been a bit threatened by me, and I always thought that was ridiculous because I just treat them like my own, so none of them feel left out. Would she prefer me not to be there for them? But then as a Mum I can completely empathise with her. To the point that I actually decided to go back to my ex at one stage because I couldn't stand the thought of them having "two Mums", especially when we have 50/50, so they would be seeing her just as much as me. It terrifies me. My partner keeps telling me not to stress and I will always be their Mum, but I can't seem to shake this panicked feeling.
I don't want anyone else involved in raising them:no:

[StopTheMadness]

Nope -never felt threatened by our daughters stepmum-I actually think she's pretty awesome-she is very crafty and does all that sort of thing with our daughter (cooking / scrapbooking etc) while I tend to be a little more sporty(roller skating / play on the swings in the park-so our daughter gets the best of both worlds. As far as I'm concerned she is a lucky girl with two mums.


I'm actually very grateful to my son's step-mum. I prefer that she's around while FOB has access because I know he's being cared for. FOB makes life difficult sometimes... okay, a LOT... and sometimes she's sadly caught in the middle but I really respect her.

I certainly don't consider my DS' step-mum to be 'replacing' me when she has him but they do have a special bond and relationship which I think is highly important. I much prefer it to him having a step-monster!

Wow, that is great you both feel that way. Do you get on with them as well? Your kids sound very lucky having so many people care about them:)

[remembertobreathe]

I prefer my step parent to my real parent.

My dad left when I was born basically, and my mum met my stepdad when I was 12. He was the best thing that ever happened to me, no joke.

Am now 24 with a son of my own, determined to keep it together.

[Benji]

Wow, that is great you both feel that way. Do you get on with them as well? Your kids sound very lucky having so many people care about them:)

We did until recently. Unfortunately FOB made her cancel on me for his failings to pick up DS (when I was at work) and I was so stressed about how to get DS from school that I responded probably a bit more bluntly than necessary. It was all HIS fault and, unfortunately, we did have a bit of a falling out :( but up until that point we got along great! We always used to call and text each other about how well DS is going at school, what he got up to on weekends, how he's feeling etc.

[meljemillie]

to be honest early on i did she was "fun" they always took dd1 places and brought her toys etc every time they went out mind you ex didn't pay child support and i had to spend my money on more practical things like food and clothes and bills but now its been 3 almost 4 years and its great i know my daughter will never love her more than me and her step mum and i actually have a great relationship she is the buffer between ex and i as we do not get along at all she treats my daughter really well and she is always dressed and fed and as long as that continues we will get along:)

Sent from my GT540 using Bubhub

[brizbabe71]

Wow, that is great you both feel that way. Do you get on with them as well? Your kids sound very lucky having so many people care about them:)

I do-we catch up semi regulary (SM and I) for coffee and gossip and just a general catch up-she was / is a long term family friend (NOT involved with the marriage breakdown at all) and has known Miss 11 since she was 1 years old or so-she rocks and I am very lucky (as our daughter is also) having such a great person to share her upbringing with