Distressed Mummy right now!!! Just a bit of a vent.

[LAMmum]

DS is 3 and over the last 4 weeks has reverted back to having to being rocked to sleep. I don't know what has happened, nothing has changed but he just can't get to sleep by himself. I am not a big believer in controlled crying so have never done it. When bubs was very small DH forced me to leave him cry and he ended up vomiting and was laying in it for at least 5 minutes. I went in to him because I couldn't stand it anymore and my god, his little face with all that vomit on it, I felt so guilty. I rocked him to sleep in my arms from 7 months to 2 years and for the last year he's been fine. Just a couple of stories, a quick cuddle & a tuck in and he was fine.

I have basically decided that enough is enough. He just clings to me at the moment. I can't even leave the room without him saying "Mummy come back"

Well tonight DH & I have on the spur of the moment decided that we need to toughen up with him. DH read him a story and put him to bed. 5 seconds later he was yelling for me as usual. I decided that I'm not giving in to him because he needs to learn that he's a big boy now and needs to go to sleep by himself. Then the drama began........and it's still going.....1 hour later!!! We've been taking turns just putting him back in his bed every time he gets out which is exactly 2 seconds after we put him in. He is saying all the emotionally crushing things like "Mummy, you've left me, Mummy I need you, Daddy go away it's not your turn, I'm alone in here", the list goes on.

I have removed myself from his sight as I tend to set him off but I'm just across the hall and I can hear him yelling. He is so tired but he's not giving up. I heard him say to DH "I'm tired now and need to go to sleep" but he is just not letting up for crying out loud (literally)

I watch Super Nanny and cringe at this exact situation thinking that I would never have to do it with my child. As I am typing this he is saying to DH "just walk away Daddy, sob sob sob, you have to go away, just walk away NOW" OMG DH is being so patient with him and i REALLY appreciate it.

I can't see what is happening but DS just said "Let me out" so I think DH is stopping him from getting out of his room. He is now shouting "I want my Mummy, let me out". Just checked and DH is outside his door not shutting him in. DS is staying put in bed sobbing "I want my Mummy, get Mummy" but has now fallen silent.

It's all over now, he's asleep.

Thanks for reading. I'm sure I'm not alone. :freakingout:

[trishalishous]

I know this is in the PRO CC section, but if it feels wrong to you, it probably is hon
:hugs:

[MyPossum]

DS is 3 and over the last 4 weeks has reverted back to having to being rocked to sleep. I don't know what has happened, nothing has changed but he just can't get to sleep by himself. I am not a big believer in controlled crying so have never done it. When bubs was very small DH forced me to leave him cry and he ended up vomiting and was laying in it for at least 5 minutes. I went in to him because I couldn't stand it anymore and my god, his little face with all that vomit on it, I felt so guilty. I rocked him to sleep in my arms from 7 months to 2 years and for the last year he's been fine. Just a couple of stories, a quick cuddle & a tuck in and he was fine.

I have basically decided that enough is enough. He just clings to me at the moment. I can't even leave the room without him saying "Mummy come back"

Well tonight DH & I have on the spur of the moment decided that we need to toughen up with him. DH read him a story and put him to bed. 5 seconds later he was yelling for me as usual. I decided that I'm not giving in to him because he needs to learn that he's a big boy now and needs to go to sleep by himself. Then the drama began........and it's still going.....1 hour later!!! We've been taking turns just putting him back in his bed every time he gets out which is exactly 2 seconds after we put him in. He is saying all the emotionally crushing things like "Mummy, you've left me, Mummy I need you, Daddy go away it's not your turn, I'm alone in here", the list goes on.

I have removed myself from his sight as I tend to set him off but I'm just across the hall and I can hear him yelling. He is so tired but he's not giving up. I heard him say to DH "I'm tired now and need to go to sleep" but he is just not letting up for crying out loud (literally)

I watch Super Nanny and cringe at this exact situation thinking that I would never have to do it with my child. As I am typing this he is saying to DH "just walk away Daddy, sob sob sob, you have to go away, just walk away NOW" OMG DH is being so patient with him and i REALLY appreciate it.

I can't see what is happening but DS just said "Let me out" so I think DH is stopping him from getting out of his room. He is now shouting "I want my Mummy, let me out". Just checked and DH is outside his door not shutting him in. DS is staying put in bed sobbing "I want my Mummy, get Mummy" but has now fallen silent.

It's all over now, he's asleep.

Thanks for reading. I'm sure I'm not alone. :freakingout:


Just loads and loads of hugs for you... :hugs::hugs:

[LittleBlueKisses]

I know this is in the PRO CC section, but if it feels wrong to you, it probably is hon
:hugs:

Sorry but I'm going with this. Around 3 kids are just touching on emotions to there full extent & the slightest thing can upset/scare/anxiety trigger with them. For me if the behavior was cheeky/outright naughty/abusive/violent/tantrum style I would believe he is just being difficult but being that he is crying, sobbing & begging for simply comfort & company I would think it is likely to be just that & not wanting attention for attentions sake IYKWIM.

I do but feel that is normal when they are still that young to want to be close to you...some folk expect more independence by that age. Sorry I ain't much help most probably but I would have sat with him & quietly talked without upset about what he may be feeling to want me close for longer then norm. I like to give less reaction to behavior changes like that & slowly set less attachment in motion each night not full removal all at once.

[OJandMe]

I'm just offering hugs.

Is there any particular reason you can lie with him until he falls asleep? They really are only still very little at that age. I've found that by about 4yrs old they are happy with a story, a kiss and a cuddle.

When my boys get to about 3.5ish I start the "Mummy's just going to get a drink of water, I'll be back in a second." Then I leave the room and come back.

The next night I say "Mummy's just going to go to the toilet" and I leave the room and come back in a minute.

The next night I say "mummy's just going to get a drink and go to the toilet, I'll be back in a minute"
And I leave and come back 2 mins later.

The next night I say "Mummy's just going to have a shower, I'll be back in a minute"
And I come back 5 mins later.... in which time they've usually gone to sleep.

But I only do that (leave the room) if they don't fall asleep with me sitting/lying and singing to them within 20 mins. And I've learnt to really really really love that calm peaceful 20mins with my babies before they go to sleep.

[LAMmum]

Hi,

Appreciate the advice and hugs :)

I really need to re think this one. I think we made a bit of a mistake just kind of springing it on DS that there will all of a sudden be no more cuddling on his rocking chair with Mummy anymore because I have been pandering to him. I'm not surprised he was so upset and I feel really bad but I haven't had this problem with him before so wasn't quite sure what to do.

Last night he fell asleep in the car on the way home from picking him up from my Parents as they look after him while I'm at work 2 days a week so getting him into bed was a breeze. He woke up at 1:30am however and wanted cuddles again. Refused to give in to him again and he just kept getting out of bed, crying and wanting me. DH helped but in the end he would get in bed for me and let me tuck him in but as soon as I left the room he was out again.

I ended up just sitting on the floor in his room and he stayed put and eventually fell asleep. This whole thing went on for nearly 2 and a half hours. I think baby steps are required rather than just physically putting him back in bed and walking out the room with no interaction at all.

Thanks again for the advice girls. Will see how we go tonight :wave:

[lovelymum]

Hi, I just wanted to let you know that our DD is turning 4 in September and to this very day we still stay by her side whilst she falls asleep everynight. Its generally quite quickly - maybe 15 minutes tops. I personally have no issue with it whatsoever, we have a DS who is 7 and he has always put himself to sleep at night and we are comfortable in accepting that she simply feels more secure with one of us by her side. If she wakes in the middle of the night one of us will always go and comfort her and if necessary sit with her until she falls asleep, sometimes I will say to her that I am going to bed and I will come back to check on her soon and most of the time she will fall back to sleep before I return. I guess my point is some battles are simply not worth the fight and I truly believe that if they go to bed upset they tend to wake more during the night upset and then will require the dreaded 1am resettle. He is just a little boy who needs a little bit of extra love at bedtime.

[teacherkate]

Hi There,

Know I might be swimming against the tide here, but I think you have done the right thing! If your child was putting themselves to sleep before, I believe they can and should be able to do it now.

Perhaps the only thing I would have done differently would be to explain to your little one what is happening before bed time. So for example "mummy and daddy are not going to be coming in to you after we have read your stories and tucked you in. You are a big boy/girl now and you need to go to sleep by yourself. If you get out of bed Mummy/Daddy will have to close your bedroom door". And then you follow through, which it sounds like you have done already.

You could also intrioduce a reward chart with stickers etc for going to sleep without a fuss.

So, in short, keep up the good work and all of you will enjoy fuss free bed times very soon.:)