I need to talk to someone.

[kittykawaii]

I had a termination in January 2009. I never had counselling for it. They gave me a number for a telephone counselling service based in Qld (and I'm in Sydney and wouldn't be able to afford the phone call but at the time they were apparently on holidays for a few weeks anyways) and I never used it.
It's played on my mind since I had it done and I feel like I would need someone to talk to, especially after having a baby 10 weeks ago. It's such a taboo topic I feel like i'm not even allowed to talk to anyone without fear of being judged.
So I want to talk to someone that understands how I feel and who won't judge me for it.

[deany]

could you maybe google some counsiling near where you live or maybe go to your gp and ask to be refered to a counselor? i hope you get the help you need soon best of luck

[kittykawaii]

When I went to the gp to do the poas test to confirm the pregnancy, I then asked him for a referral he went all weird and said he doesn't do them (guess it's a conflict of his beliefs?) And it made me uncomfortable and I then had to go out and search for myself a place to have it done. But ever since then I'm scared to even broach the subject with a gp because I feel like I will get that same reaction and it makes me feel awful :( even having to repeatedly admit to obs and midwives during my pregnancy was hard. You just think the whole world is against you and even though I did what I felt I had to at the time, it doesn't make it an easy decision to live with. I thought once it was done that I wouldn't need to talk about it or tell people and I wasn't even able to talk to my family about it. So very few people know. DP does but he's a guy and doesn't understand.
I'm on my phone so googling is hard when certain websites don't show up properly so will have to wait til I can get to a computer but thanks xx

[heeeeerekittykitty]

Oh kitty I'm so sorry your feeling this way :-( and I'm not surprised that having a baby recently had brought this back up got you , it's probaly a major trigger .

You could go to a local gp who is able to put you on a mental health plan and give you a referral so you can get some rebate back from Medicare for the therapy .

All the best , don't feel judged , anyone that judges is not worth your breath , they haven't walked in your shoes . Please get help ASAP so you are not robbed of any joy your beautiful new baby is going to bring you because this other issue is on your mind .

All the best love kitty xo

[Señor Chang]

Your GP and the clinic where you had the termination should be able to put you in contact with some counselling.

But, if you ever do need to talk to someone who has experienced what you have then I'm free to talk any time. :)

[heeeeerekittykitty]

Ps- your experience with that GP was horrible , please don't think they are all like that . I have no doubt you will find a supportive gp , I dont think they are all like that at all but unfortunately the ones that are give the wonderful ones a bad name :-(

[BlissedOut]

When I went to the gp to do the poas test to confirm the pregnancy, I then asked him for a referral he went all weird and said he doesn't do them (guess it's a conflict of his beliefs?) And it made me uncomfortable and I then had to go out and search for myself a place to have it done. But ever since then I'm scared to even broach the subject with a gp because I feel like I will get that same reaction and it makes me feel awful :( even having to repeatedly admit to obs and midwives during my pregnancy was hard. You just think the whole world is against you and even though I did what I felt I had to at the time, it doesn't make it an easy decision to live with. I thought once it was done that I wouldn't need to talk about it or tell people and I wasn't even able to talk to my family about it. So very few people know. DP does but he's a guy and doesn't understand.
I'm on my phone so googling is hard when certain websites don't show up properly so will have to wait til I can get to a computer but thanks xx

Call around GPs and ask for one whos personal beliefs are comfortable with pro-choice.

Personally the topic conflicts with my own beliefs and I know I've found it difficult to give a good friend the support she needed following hers. :( So I know what you mean in terms of it not being a comfortable conversation with family/friends.

Massive hugs. Your GP should be able to give you a referral for counselling.

[kittykawaii]

I already suffer from depression and other issues and have already used some sessions from a mental health plan previous to having the termination.
I was hoping to bypass the gp visit altogether and was hoping there is a service strictly for this but I guess a gp referral would most likely be needed. :(
I know its my own fears and insecurities that makes me feel this way though and that I need to get over that. Even putting this out here, even though people don't really know me, is hard.
Termination was always against what I stood for, until I was put in that position and practically bullied into having it done by the 'father'. And now i'm the one who has to live with the regret. Not him. He couldn't even come with me for the procedure. I had an ex bf I was still friends with come with me. And last year I found out that soon after my termination (like probably within a month) he got someone else pregnant and she kept her baby and now he's a proud dad to a little boy. I don't even know what sex my baby was :( even though I saw it on the ultrasound :(
And even though my DS2 was planned, I still had trouble bonding during the pregnancy and he's 10 weeks old now and I don't feel completely in love with my baby like I did with my first two children.
I feel like a horrible mum for not loving my baby like I'm supposed to. Sometimes he doesn't even feel like mine. And I'm scared to admit that to anyone I know because I don't want to seem like a horrible person. I don't have pnd. That's not what this is. I'm just having issues because of the termination. I feel stupid even thinking about it. What's past is past and I have a gorgeous little boy so why do I keep thinking about this?
Thanks Kitty xxx

[kittykawaii]

I guess I have to confront my fears and go to the gp. Because it's really starting to effect me. No matter how much I pretend it doesn't.
Thanks for your replies Senor Chang and Blissed out and thanks Kitty :hugs:

[Bubbles10]

http://www.childrenbychoice.org.au/nwww/coping.htm

http://www.familyplanningcentre.com.au/ melbourne

http://www.contraceptiveservices.com.au/ sydney 02 9221 1933

Family planning centres may be able to provide you with contacts that can help.

Congraulations on your new baby. Hope you start to feel better and your energy can be spent on enjoying your new bubba.

take care

[Little_P]

I'm so sorry you are feeling like this but I do understand. It's weird how these feelings can come back at odd times. I had a termination and thought everything was fine - even though the experience was pretty yuk - but years later I started feeling awful about it. Once you start to get these feelings out you will feel better, probably even just getting the referral will take a weight of your shoulders by the sounds of it. If you worry what your gp might think, I think ringing around is a good idea as you are anonymous on the phone and whatever happens you don't have to go back once you have that referral. Take care sweetheart, such a tough time :hugs: