Going greyer by the second ....

[Supermum]

I took master Benergy to the Doctor yesterday where he proceeded to pick up everything he could in the surgery.

Then, while I was talking to the doc he opened up the sliding door and did a runner ... all the while giggling his little **** off. As one is not permitted to consume food or drink in the surgery I couldn't very well cram a piece of apple in his mouth and ask him to sit. After catching up with him and using my stern mummy voice ... unacceptable behaviour yadda yadda - I gave him a good dose of choice and consequence. You have two choices - hold mummy's hand and stay by my side or I will have to carry you (he loves his independence).

Then at the pharmacy, he did the same thing. Took off directly en route to a main road - and before you ask, yes I was holding his hand with a vicelike grip but this was the one that got away. After we left the pharmacy I knelt down next to him and told him that what he had done was very dangerous and totally unacceptable and that cars were ouch. There's no thinking chair on a main road so I explained that he would be serving his thinking time in the car. So i put him in his car seat, got into the front of the car and sat there for five minutes not saying a word.

After the five minutes were up I told him he were going and was about to ask what he had to say to me and he said "wait mummy". I turned around and he looked at me with those HUGE baby blues and said "I sorry for running mummy, I sorry". Oh my lord - has it worked? Did I get through - or is he just streaks ahead of me and paying lip service to my disciplinary methods? Is this 2½ year old laughing at me on the inside?

I'm considering a behaviour chart - you know ... prepare your children for the outing and advise them of your expectations "you must stay by my side, you will need to sit for a little while ..." and if they are well behaved give them a star on the chart or let them draw one. I always do the preparation part of it but it doesn't seem to the working and I thought this may provide the additional motivation??

Has anyone else ever used a behaviour chart - looking for the pro's and cons.

Cheers, mother of the absconder

[Chickadee]

... he looked at me with those HUGE baby blues and said "I sorry for running mummy, I sorry".
Too cute. They really do know how to get to us sometimes. I'm sure it is no consolation but my older brother STILL knows exactly how to play up to my mum to get her laughing and forgiving of all our bad behaviour.

I have no suggestions on the star chart, but wish you luck with it.

[Peaceangels]

A friend of mine uses the star chart and at the end of the week her DS gets a special treat if there is a star on every day. It kind of makes them accountable for their behaviour.
The other method she uses (as advised by tresilian or similar nurse) is drawing a happy face on one side of a piece of paper and a sad face on the other side and sticking it on the fridge (or somewhere DS will see). Then, when something unacceptable is done the sad face is shown (along with something like "until you can show mummy you are good,then the happy face is gone - or along those lines anyway), when they are being good the happy face is shown. They hate it when the sad face is showing, so chances are they will be trying their hardest to get the happy face back! (but this one would only really work at home).
I have tried the latter and it seems to work along with time out.
Supermum, I hope you find something that works or at least takes the pressure of you a bit - good luck!
PS- Just thought I would share a story from a fellow absconder child's parent (my SIL), they were at the shopping mall and she decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and take him into sportsgirl while she looked for clothes. Was holding his hand and when she was distracted for seconds he was gone. She first calmly called his name, then screamed & ran around frantically looking for him (along with shop assistant's) for what seemed like a long time. Then finally she saw someone laughing and pointing at the display window and sure enough there he was sitting up next the manequin laughing back at everyone (with that mischievous look!)
I too have one in the making (DS2), but for the moment he can be contained in the pram, so I'll be milking that one for as long as I can!!!!!!!!!! ;) At least DS1 stays by my side, two would be too much to handle! :eek:

[Supermum]

drawing a happy face on one side of a piece of paper and a sad face on the other side and sticking it on the fridge (or somewhere DS will see).

I've tried this one before but I think I did it a little early and he wasn't old enough to understand ... how does this work if you're out of the house though? If I put a sad face on the fridge after being out shopping somewhere for an hour he'd wonder what on earth it's there for!

I'm going to give the chart a go - trying something is better than nothing.

[veve]

Hey :)
Our parents tried a little 'shock value' on us when we were kids- to teach us to stay beside them at all times...

they took us shopping... and clearly told us to STAY HERE (pointing to a spot)... while they shopped... (e.g. looking at one section of the shop or talking to a staff member)

If we wandered off.... THEY hid from us!!! (ie they were watching us from a corner somewhere) - it was kinda like a controlled situation.. Mum said she only had to do this once for me (she hid behind a rack of fabric in the material shop!) - I turned around.. they were gone and I just fell to pieces- tears and all- I was so relieved to see them- I promised to ALWAYS stay where told!!!!

They weren't so lucky with my brother... he didn't care if he was lost!! - he would just wander from shop to shop.. it took a few trials before he figured it out

it sounds like a traumatic experience... but mum said she NEVER had to look for me again!!! and I certainly never ran off!!!

re: star chart - I have ALWAYS used one in my classroom... and it usually works - I also have friends who use them with their kids - either for toilet training or general behaviour - and as long as the kid has ownership of the reward (it is THEIR CHOICE) - it is usually a very powerful reinforcer for behaviour....

xxxx

[WeThree]

hi debs, i say try a star chart, i think i will too actually, alhtough he might be a bit little to understand it at first, he will very quickly get it, especially when he gets his first 'reward' hopefully your on to something here :)
btw, Cooper also says sorry- alot in the most sincerest voice with lots of hugs and kisses, it means nothing however as he is usually doing the same thing 5 secs later! lol

[talon]

just wondering when it is most effective to start with the reward chart and smiley face?