help with smoking

[mollyandkurtsmum]

Hi Im after a little advice I have a close friend who has just found out she is 12 weeks pregnant and is extremely excited about it ......BUT she says she is not going to give up smoking as she has heard that the stress of giving up can cause misscarriage?????????( I didnt say she was a smart friend) This is her 2nd child and her first was born at 30 weeks weighing in at 2 pounds 3. How do I stress the importance of quiting without pushing her away??? I cant help but feel anger towards her and as I am also pregnant (about 18 weeks) and cant imagine smoking with a little life inside me. She keeps telling me that I am just a BAD reformed smoker with a negative attitiude towards all smoking. Which I probably am. But how can I convince her that her attitude is rediculouse and that her baby is at risk???????????

[jembelina]

I have also heard that the stress of quitting can be worse for bub than continuing to smoke. Never having been addicted to anything myself I guess its kind of hard to imgine how hard it can be to give it up. Is your friend even willing to try and cut down?? Is there anything that is really important to you that you could give up?? Maybe you could set a challenge and you could both give up together? Or just get on a general health kick together? maybe if you take on the role of support person to each other this might be more encouraging..... It's a tough situation to be, hope these ideas are useful :) good luck

[Nickster]

Hey mollyandkurtsmom,
It's definitely a hard one! I know this is a really touchy subject on bubhub, so please anyone reading this, don't take anything I say the wrong way! I'm not meaning to cause any offence! BUT - I don't really think that there is anything you can do or say without offending her if her mind is made up! Do you risk your friendship for the sake of her baby's health - what do you do?
I can only say that my DH gave up smoking one month before Libby was born, and his rationale was that by continuing, he was compromising his health, and also because it is an expensive habit, he was taking food out of our mouths - maybe that is a tactic you can take with her. But it is a very hard habit to break, and although I don't particularly condone it, there have been many pregnant women who have smoked and had fairly healthy babies, but I often wonder how much healthier they might have been had their mum not smoked?
Perhaps she is fully aware of this and feeling really guilty anyway?
I've thought about what you could do, from leaving brochures lying about to finding websites to show her, to having a full-on intervention, but SHE needs to be ready to quit, otherwise you're facing a losing battle.
Sorry, I hope someone else can give you more constructive advice, and that this doesn't turn into one of "those" threads..... :)

[littlepickle]

Hi there, I am ttc and used to smoke, I gave up when I made the decision to ttc.
Its funny, and I can speak from personal experience here - but your mind plays all sorts of tricks on you when you try to give up smoking. And you will grasp at any excuse to keep smoking. I had heard that myth also that giving up smoking while pregnant can cause a miscarriage, but the truth is that it is just not true, smoking in itself increases the likelyhood of a miscarriage a lot, the risks of a miscarriage due to giving up are much much lower than the risks of miscarriage due to smoking, so by giving up smoking the risk of miscarriage is reduced. Giving up smoking also gives the baby a better start, a healthier birth weight, less chance of needing special care after birth. Also, babies born to smoking mothers often suffer from withdrawal symptoms after birth.
I am so glad that I have given up now, and I feel so much better for it, it is probably one of the most important things that you can do for your unborn child.
There are so many reasons to give up, and although I dont want to sound like a over the top born again smoker - there is no way in this day and age that a mother can be oblivious to the effects of smoking on her unborn child. The excuse that giving up smoking causes miscarriage is more of an excuse than a reason, but having said that, I can sympathise with how hard giving up can be. Unfortunately patches and that sort of thing shouldnt be used while pregnant but there are other alternatives such as accupuncture and hypnotherapy.
I dont know if this helps, but the way I gave up was by going out and buying loads of pamper products - bath stuff, face masks, scrubs, pedicure stuff - the works! On the day I gave up, I created a home spa, and had a real pamper session, that way I felt that I was replacing the smoking with really looking after myself. I still do that now, and I feel and look a lot healthier. I think the physical act of looking after myself has made me feel like I am doing something good if that makes sense.
Maybe your friend could try that, and with some of the money saved from not smoking, could get a pregnancy massage or something like that?
Just a thought

[littlepickle]

btw, sorry about the long post above!

I just wanted to add,
i hope I havent offebnded anyone with my post, I know it is a sensitive subject, I do sympathise with people trying to give up, it is no easy task and something that takes a lot of willpower. The only thing I can say is that it DOES get easier after the first week.

[Kaileysmum]

Hi
I just thought Id put in a reply to the post as I used to be a smoker. I dont smoke now but I did through some of my pregnancy as I just couldnt give up, the reason is that I didnt really want to (even though I knew it was harming my baby).
But Ive now given up as I thought of the effects on what I was doing to my bub and that i dont want to bring my child up in that kind of enviroment. What Im meaning by all that is it doesnt matter what people say to you, you'll still smoke till your ready to give it up other wise its to hard ( I found it easy the second time). Trust me when I was trying the first time and people would say things about me being pregnant it ****ed me off as its no ones business but mine. So my advice is don't hassle your friend as You might lose her as a friend!!! She'll give up when the times right for her. And remember it is her decision, and you should support (even though its hard if you think its wrong)

I hope this doesnt offend anyone!!!

FIRST BUB DUE 30/09/05 :D

[jaydensmum]

Hi Im not sure how you would go about telling her to give up. I smoked up until 5 months pregnant (I know I shouldn't of). Everybody was telling me that I was a bad mother and that Im killing my baby, to make me stop smoking. In fact, by other people putting me down and dictating me to stop, was making me smoke more. I gave up on my own accord and I felt that it was important to stop. I have read that stopping smoking at any time during the pregnancy will help the baby. It's really hard to give up smoking and even more when your pregnant because you have to go cold turkey. I hate to say this to you but its her personal decision and she'll have to make the decision to keep going or to quit. The only advice I can give you is be supportive for her and maybe get some information about smoking while pregnant. Im sorry I cant help you any more than that, its a really hard thing to help on.

jaydensmum. :)

[mollyandkurtsmum]

thanks for your replys and help . I do know how hard it is to give up as I gave up the week I found out i was pregnant . So Im not nagging without noing how hard it is . I just cant understand her reasoning and it frustrates me. She also smokes in the car with her young child and in the house something I never did even when I was a full on smoker. very frustrating but as some of you have suggested nagging just makes some people get more ****ed off so I might just try and keep my mouth shut

[Kamaikia]

I smoked throughout my pregnancy (about 20 a day) and my baby was fine. I was pretty depressed so quitting never happened. When my son was born on time my midwife said you would never have known I had 1 smoke because the placenta looked too healthy.
Now I know smoking is not a good idea but it doesn't always cause problems.
And I think that a friend will accept everything about their friends - good and bad. Have an opinion but know when to keep it to yourself.
In the end its her life her body her baby.
Oh and I was also told to be careful quitting because after 13 years of smoking the stress could be bad for me and the baby. They suggested I cut down instead of quit.
And I was also told by another midwife that if I had morning sickness having a cone might help. (never had morning sickness so never tried that one)

[nemosmum]

My sister was a smoker for about 15 years before falling pregnant and only stopped when her DH dragged her into the doctors office and the doc explained that every time she lit up she was depriving her unborn child of oxygen, showed her pictures of little babies arteries and stuff, very graphic etc etc.
Afterwards she was very shaken up but quit cold turkey and hasnt had one since (her bubs now 8 months old). I say if your a true friend you'll be honest with the facts and not sugar coat it, at the same time be there to support her even if she decides against quitting.

Just my 2c, Goodluck :)

[WeThree]

someone else mentioned that there is probably no way you can let your friend know how you really feel about this without getting her upset and they are probably right, so i guess you have to decide that if she is a really good friend and you value her friendship that maybe you shouldnt say anything, or if you feel really passionate about it then just have to risk p#@*ing her off! i used to smoke and it is so true, you will think and say anything to rationalise and justify it, and i guess you should either say absolutely nothing about it or just get everything off your chest, no in between! it must make you sooo frustrated though, especially when she smokes in the house and car etc, i know how much cigarette smoke irritates and distresses me now that i no longer smoke(find it hard to breath, makes my eyes water, sneeze, it stinks etc) and im an adult!! im agine how it must feel to poor little ones who dont know anything else, im agine having to sleep at night like that, a childs house should be a lovely clean safe haven... sorry i am starting to get wayyy off track lol anyway yeah as i said either set her straight or decide to say not another word(i know how hard it is when you really value someone as a friend to say something to them that might jeapordise the friendship, so i dont think anyone would begrudge you for not saying anything to her :) ) maybe lots of strategically placed leaflets etc lol

[rynosmum]

I'm sorry if I offend anyone with this post but reading through this thread, I can't help but say something here.

I understand that giving up smoking, as with any addiction, would have to be a very long and difficult process and I have 4 girlfriends who smoked to some degree through their pregnancy and whilst I didn't agree with it, I felt it wasn't my place to make a judgement as I was not yet a mum myself.

I now have a beautiful little boy who I love more than anything in this world. Like most mums, I would give my life for my child - he is part of me, part of my husband, and a beautiful bundle of happiness, peace and joy with a fantastic future ahead of him.

Perhaps I am missing something but I don't understand how we mothers can continue something that is proven to cause issues with a baby's development - they are so precious. We are not creating paper mache but a child with cells and bones and a mind - all of which can be so affected by ALL environmental influences - especially a toxin that is ingested into our bodies and bloodstream which provides nutrients to the unborn child.

For the midwife who mentioned to one member in a previous post that "if I had morning sickness having a cone might help". I'm sorry but don't even get me started on this one.... :confused:

[nemosmum]

For the midwife who mentioned to one member in a previous post that "if I had morning sickness having a cone might help". I'm sorry but don't even get me started on this one.... :confused:

Well said rynosmum, I agree totally!

[Zarbz]

I didn't give up smoking while I was pregnant for that reason! My bub is nearly 5months and there is nothing wrong with her!! If your friend chooses to smoke thats her chose and you shouldn't feel like u should tell her whats right or wrong!!!! I know a lot of women who smoked during the pregnancy and never had a problem!!!

[littlepickle]

This might throw a cat in amongst the pidgeone but ...

When people who smoke while pregnant say that it is their choice and their baby and that it is nobody elses business ... weeeelll, maybe BUT I think the point here is that we all know its wrong, and to some extent have a moral obligation to ADVISE friends. This is not a case of telling people what to do - they are their own person and have to make their own choices, but pointing out the dangers cant be a bad thing - its got to be a lot better than shoving our heads in the sand!

The point I am trying to make is that, Yes people should be able to make their own decisions, but let them be informed decisions. I would feel obliged as a friend to talk about the dangers.

[nemosmum]

I didn't give up smoking while I was pregnant for that reason! My bub is nearly 5months and there is nothing wrong with her!! If your friend chooses to smoke thats her chose and you shouldn't feel like u should tell her whats right or wrong!!!! I know a lot of women who smoked during the pregnancy and never had a problem!!!

As I said in my previous post my sis was shown graphic photos of little babies (whose mums smoked through preg.)hearts/lungs/arteries etc and I think you'd be suprised at the damage done.....when you light up your baby is not recieving the oxygen it needs to develop and grow. Please dont deny the facts, smoking does harm unborn babies

[Nickster]

When you regard the way society views smokers and the legislation in place restricting where they can smoke, and the laws against child abuse, surely it is only a matter of time before pregnant smoking women are fined....or worse??

[strawb]

Has anyone seen the ad with the young girl telling her dad about playing with "uncle mark" at the BBQ and that she had so much fun. "You should have been there Dad" And Dad is bed bound strapped to machines.

I think this ad has to be the best one released to show US the long term dangers of smoking. Imagine what its doing to something inside you.

I dont really care what other people do, its your life. But the child should be the your major priority.

I will say this, when i found out i was 8 weeks pregnant I was a total party animal.
I smoked and did other naughty things but then i found out I was pregnant i realised that it was time to grow up, get healthy and develop mentally. I felt so guilty for the health of my son.

This has been a growing experience, a real journey and now i cant even stand the smell of ciggies. YUK

my rant... :o

[littlepickle]

Well said Orlandosmum!!

[nemosmum]

Has anyone seen the ad with the young girl telling her dad about playing with "uncle mark" at the BBQ and that she had so much fun. "You should have been there Dad" And Dad is bed bound strapped to machines.

Yep seen it but I think those old ads, the ones with the hook coming out of the ciggie and the one were they cut open the smokers lungs were more edgy and showed us what its really like. I think the new ads might be a little too soft to really get the message across to people (especially young people, as when your young you really believe you are unbreakable-and thats usually when the habit starts)
I also think its so hypocritical of the government to spend our tax money on such campaigns and yet they rake in millions on cig.taxes every year.....it sickens me!

[mummy929]

hi, i suppose i cant add anything that hasn't already been said. However i really think that it doesn't matter what you say to your friend, she obviously has a mind of her own and wants to make it up herself. I understand your anger towards her but ultimately it is her decision and not yours. (not wanting to be the negative here, but...).

The only thing that you can do is either support her during her pregnancy (and i don't mean condone the smoking) or don't continue your friendship if it upsets you that much (you have your health to think about too).

I smoked during my first pregnancy (i was 19 and pretty naive) my daughter was 2 months premature, she had no other health problems (thank god) but the guilt that i felt after her birth was so hurtful that i suffered with depression for ages. I have since quit smoking.

I guess the point that i'm trying to make is that smoking is addictive and 90% of women who smoke before being pregnant DON'T give up smoking when they find out they are (that is a statistical fact). There are many people out there that make out that they are more perfect than they are so don't be too harsh on your friend, at least she is being honest about it.

[mummy929]

i would also like to point out that not many people that have responded to this post actually have anything to say to help with the actual topie. you are all just slinging your opinions about smoking in general.

I'm not disagreeing with anyone but this post was to help someone with a problem. Not to divulge all our bitterness about the subject.

[Taddy]

Hey, My sister which is 25 has been smoking for bout 7 years and has a beautiful, healthy little girl who is 6months. She first fell pregnant at the end of 2003, after she found out she was pregnant she quit smoking. She went for her 12week scan but found out that she was only 8 weeks into the pregnancy. About a week later she had a miscarriage. 4 months later she fell pregnant again and quit smoking again, at about the 9 week mark she had another miscarriage. Her doctor said it was caused by stress. Mid 2004 she fell pregnant with Nikki but she didn't quit this time she just cut down to 1milligrams. She is trying to quit know so its not as much stress when she decides to have another.

Natasha (me) 18
Chris (fiance) 19
Jayden-Robert 30/10/04

[mollyandkurtsmum]

I have to say taddy I really dotn think the stress of giving up smoking can cause a miscarriage . Babies manage to hold on through hurricains, car accidents, and other disasters . I really disagree with the theory of smoking FOR the baby.. By that theory crack addicts and junky mums would be better off staying on the stuff which they are deffinently not.............sorry to be so blunt

[nemosmum]

Actually I read in sat. paper that quiting cold turkey (smoking or drugs) can cause miscarriage and the article claimed it was better for mums to cut back as the baby is so addicted to the tabacco or drug it can have severe withdrawals and yes die :eek: A very sad situation as I am very anti-smoking any way and would have thought quiting when pregnant would be best, but obviously that is not the case. I guess the best thing to do is to stop prior to TTC , but that doesnt help the many women who fall pregnant without trying.

[WeThree]

Quitting smoking will not cause harm to your baby, and to the woman who said she smoked and her baby is fine ,well that maybe so now, but you dont know what long term damage you have done to her , and did you know that every time you had a cigarette whilst that baby was supposedly being protected by you in your womb, her oxygen supply was temporarily cut off, putting her in a constant state of anxiety. Someone else mentioned that no one was offering advice on how to quit , well i have offered plenty of tips etc for giving up smoking i the past when others have posted similiar threads to this and i have always been shot down by the 'its our body and our baby so its our right to risk its little life' brigade, besides mollyandkurts mum didint ask for advice on stopping smoking, she asked how to go about getting through to her friend how bad smoking is for her and her baby.

[chellegoth]

This is something your friend will have to do on her own. It's all well and good to inform people of the dangers and to support them but unfortunately it doesn't help the physical need to have a cigarette. It really depends on how heavy a smoker she is, what milligram they are and what brand. I am a smoker and was never able to quit when pregnant but cut down alot. Before I was pregnant i would easily smoke at least 2 packs a day, I managed to cut down to about 1 every few days by the time she was born.
Even if she changed the brand of cigarette she smokes may help her cut down as they do taste different. I know if I smoke a cigarette completely different to my regular brand, sometimes I can barely get through it.

Also as you are pregnant yourself and you said she smokes in the car and in the house, you could decline any invitations to travel in the car with her or visit her home for health reasons. But tell her that you are happy to meet somewhere else or at your home (pick a place where smoking is not allowed).