knjsmum
16-06-2011, 10:19
Hi everybody,
I am new to this site and found it yesterday when searching for advice about terminating a pregnancy. I feel like I just really need to exaplin my story and see if anyone out there has any advice that they can give me at all! I found out yesterday morning (23 hours ago!) that I am pregnant. I am not exactly to the date sure how far into it I am as I am terrible at remembering the dates of my last period, but I am thinking between 5 and 6 weeks (possibly towards 6 weeks as the queasiness started yesterday morning). My first reaction ws just disbelief and then many tears. I am often late with my period but this time I just KNEW that I was pregnant, but desperately hoping it wasn't true.
It was absoltuely unplanned, and a stupid mistake with my ex-fiance. We broke up 4 years ago, and this was just one stupid little slip. We already have 2 children together (we separated when I was only a few months pregnant with our 2nd child). They are 4 and 5 years old and I have dedicated my whole life to my beautiful boys :) He is also a fanatastic father to them, and although the first year or so after we broke up was dfifficult, we work together really well as a team in parenting our boys.
However, he wants me terminate this pregnancy. That was also my immediate reaction. I did the test yesterday and within 5 minutes was googling the RU486 pill. There is a place nearby that can provide this medication for pregnancies under 9 weeks. Since beginning my research I have swayed back and forth a few times now; I am going to have an abortion, no I am going to have this baby, no I will have an abortion. Since waking up this morning I have changed my mind 3 times! I am so lost and so confused, and feel like I have VERY little time to make the decision, as I would want it done within the next week if I was going to do it!
My biggest reason for wanting to terminate is because of my boys. It was a definately a big struggle when they were little, they were born only 12 months apart and their Dad and I weren't together. I was also very young (19 when my first was born). But we have gotten through those most difficult years and they are healthy and most importantly happy carefree kids. I feel like adding a baby into the mix would change that; less attention they would get from me and their Dad, aswell as more pressure on the friendship and partnership between us.
My youngest is about to start prep year, and I feel like I have been waiting for this moment forever! My oldest started prep this year, and it is a shock at home how much more difficult it can make life having to do the school run 10 times a week! I can't imagine doing that next year with a newborn in tow. I feel like I am just sooooo ready to settle into this school routine, I love being the stay at home mum who can drop them off every morning, pick them up every afternoon, bake for their teddy bear picnics, do their homework with them every night. I also volunteer in his classroom for a few hours every week. I wouldn't be able to do any of that half as well next year for my youngest with a new baby.
I am also just over a year into uni although I have been studying it for 2 years as I am doing parttime. I have always planned to change to full time next year when my youngest starts prep. I am motivated and driven to finish uni and set up a career for myself in which I can easily support my boys.
All these things are reasons why I want to terminate; not even mentioning how difficult it is going to be to go through the whole pregnancy with a 4 and 5 year old and an ex-fiance who is absolutely not supposrtive of a decision to the baby. He is completely against it, and really I can't blame him. We broke up 4 years ago, we are both well and truly over that relationship and have moved so far forward with our relationship of being parents together. It was just one night and one stupid mistake :(
But I can't completely remove my emtions from the situatiuon. I think about this little tiny thing inside me that has the possibility to turn into a baby, and all it needs to get there is a mummy to care for it. I know without a doubt that if I went through with this that I would love that child just as much as I love my other babies. If there is a God, which I'm not sure I belive or not, would he punish me if I had an abortion? This would not be my first time, I had an abortion when I was 16. It is something that I have never had one tiny ounce of regret about, I knew for certain it was the right decision. And I still know that, because if I hadn't have done it then I wouldn't have the 2 beautiful boys I have now. But there is a big difference between having an abortion at 16 years old, and having one at 24 years old when you are already a mature and respnsbile mother of 2 other children.
I still have alot more going through my mind but this is long enough for now :( I hope there is someone out there who has some words of wisdom for me, or someone who has been through something even remotely similar. I am so stuck and have absoltuely no idea what I am going to do!
I am new to this site and found it yesterday when searching for advice about terminating a pregnancy. I feel like I just really need to exaplin my story and see if anyone out there has any advice that they can give me at all! I found out yesterday morning (23 hours ago!) that I am pregnant. I am not exactly to the date sure how far into it I am as I am terrible at remembering the dates of my last period, but I am thinking between 5 and 6 weeks (possibly towards 6 weeks as the queasiness started yesterday morning). My first reaction ws just disbelief and then many tears. I am often late with my period but this time I just KNEW that I was pregnant, but desperately hoping it wasn't true.
It was absoltuely unplanned, and a stupid mistake with my ex-fiance. We broke up 4 years ago, and this was just one stupid little slip. We already have 2 children together (we separated when I was only a few months pregnant with our 2nd child). They are 4 and 5 years old and I have dedicated my whole life to my beautiful boys :) He is also a fanatastic father to them, and although the first year or so after we broke up was dfifficult, we work together really well as a team in parenting our boys.
However, he wants me terminate this pregnancy. That was also my immediate reaction. I did the test yesterday and within 5 minutes was googling the RU486 pill. There is a place nearby that can provide this medication for pregnancies under 9 weeks. Since beginning my research I have swayed back and forth a few times now; I am going to have an abortion, no I am going to have this baby, no I will have an abortion. Since waking up this morning I have changed my mind 3 times! I am so lost and so confused, and feel like I have VERY little time to make the decision, as I would want it done within the next week if I was going to do it!
My biggest reason for wanting to terminate is because of my boys. It was a definately a big struggle when they were little, they were born only 12 months apart and their Dad and I weren't together. I was also very young (19 when my first was born). But we have gotten through those most difficult years and they are healthy and most importantly happy carefree kids. I feel like adding a baby into the mix would change that; less attention they would get from me and their Dad, aswell as more pressure on the friendship and partnership between us.
My youngest is about to start prep year, and I feel like I have been waiting for this moment forever! My oldest started prep this year, and it is a shock at home how much more difficult it can make life having to do the school run 10 times a week! I can't imagine doing that next year with a newborn in tow. I feel like I am just sooooo ready to settle into this school routine, I love being the stay at home mum who can drop them off every morning, pick them up every afternoon, bake for their teddy bear picnics, do their homework with them every night. I also volunteer in his classroom for a few hours every week. I wouldn't be able to do any of that half as well next year for my youngest with a new baby.
I am also just over a year into uni although I have been studying it for 2 years as I am doing parttime. I have always planned to change to full time next year when my youngest starts prep. I am motivated and driven to finish uni and set up a career for myself in which I can easily support my boys.
All these things are reasons why I want to terminate; not even mentioning how difficult it is going to be to go through the whole pregnancy with a 4 and 5 year old and an ex-fiance who is absolutely not supposrtive of a decision to the baby. He is completely against it, and really I can't blame him. We broke up 4 years ago, we are both well and truly over that relationship and have moved so far forward with our relationship of being parents together. It was just one night and one stupid mistake :(
But I can't completely remove my emtions from the situatiuon. I think about this little tiny thing inside me that has the possibility to turn into a baby, and all it needs to get there is a mummy to care for it. I know without a doubt that if I went through with this that I would love that child just as much as I love my other babies. If there is a God, which I'm not sure I belive or not, would he punish me if I had an abortion? This would not be my first time, I had an abortion when I was 16. It is something that I have never had one tiny ounce of regret about, I knew for certain it was the right decision. And I still know that, because if I hadn't have done it then I wouldn't have the 2 beautiful boys I have now. But there is a big difference between having an abortion at 16 years old, and having one at 24 years old when you are already a mature and respnsbile mother of 2 other children.
I still have alot more going through my mind but this is long enough for now :( I hope there is someone out there who has some words of wisdom for me, or someone who has been through something even remotely similar. I am so stuck and have absoltuely no idea what I am going to do!