If I get told to do this one more time..

[TheUndomesticGoddess]

I'm going to lose it at the next person who asks me/tells me to "just let him cry it out..he'll fall asleep eventually"

I'm feeling pressured/guilty for not wanting to let my baby scream for however long it takes him to go to sleep.

After telling people that I'm uncomfortable with letting him CIO, they get this look on their face like they're thinking "oh well then...just deal with his bad sleep habits!"

Being told this only makes me feel worse, and more alienated and it makes me not want to discuss/seek help for his sleep problem.

So, am I meant to just 'suck it up' and deal with it then, even though it's driving me bonkers?

I just feel really low after my CHN appointment this arvo, where I was seeking help and another referral to sleep school (as the 1st one wasnt accepted because the cranky old doctor who wrote it for me pretty much wrote ''please see DS for help with sleep problems'' and that's it- so, of course the sleep school was going to reject the "referral" as it explained nothing of what has been going on or how I'm living alone and have no support. That Dr is bloody lucky I haven't completely lost it at DS. I'm still p!ssed that she was of no help because she also suggested CIO and then brushed me off and gave me a crap referral when I said I didn't want to! Another one who raised their eyebrows knowingly and shook her head at me.

The CHN today was better. But she still, gently though, suggested letting him cry....I'm sorry people, I just can't bring myself to leave my child alone in his room, screaming.

Feeling let down and becoming alienated from the health services I go to.

Vent over. :(

[trishalishous]

hugs!!!!
have you read no cry sleep solution? I found it really good :)

[krystallxx]

Sleep school will basically make you leave him to cry .. Not sure if you knew that or not.

[bubbaboyandbump]

Oh you're still having problems? I would be too but I have caved for now and DS is now sleeping in bed with me. He still wakes at least five times but settles so quickly. I also got sick of people telling me to let him cry and ended up not asking for advice! I'm going to have to deal with it someday soon but I will be waiting till I've moved back to Perth and I have people to help me during the day. Let me know if you find anything that works! I have avoided sleep school because as Krystal said most of them will make you leave them to cry (at least for a while) and I'm not willing to do that at this stage

[heeeeerekittykitty]

Hi there :-)

Its so hard with bad sleepers , my 16 month old is terrible , still wakes for bottles all night and can't sleep longer than a two- three hour stretch ! My 2 month old sleeps better than him !!( only slightly )

People have been telling me the same thing for 16 months . I will never leave him to cry . It's an absolutely positively non negotiable subject for me.

Trust yourself and your instinct and don't let anyone sway you . I know it's hard , I really do, but just know your not alone . I really hope things improve for you , all the best . As Krystalxx stated though , sleep school will request you leave him to cry from what I've heard .

Good luck love kitty xo

[duckduckgoose]

I was SO surprised when I had DS how many people suggested CC when he was still a tiny tiny baby! I was getting so sick of hearing "let him cry" from everyone. He had silent reflux which compounded his sleep issues too.

Good on you for sticking up for your principles. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with your son. I hope you find a solution that works for you, sleep deprivation is truly awful.

:hugs:

[trishalishous]

I was SO surprised when I had DS how many people suggested CC when he was still a tiny tiny baby! I was getting so sick of hearing "let him cry" from everyone. He had silent reflux which compounded his sleep issues too.

Good on you for sticking up for your principles. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with your son. I hope you find a solution that works for you, sleep deprivation is truly awful.

:hugs:

We were told the same, even WITH having no sleep problems! (from my sister who is up 4-5 times a night with her 5yo twins nightmares and sleep anxiety)

[Lemonhead]

kaeja- You are doing the right thing. Babies cry for a reason and you are meeting your bubs most basic need of comfort by going to him when he wants you and you should not feel bad about that. Follow your instincts, there is a reason its distressing for us to hear our children cry kwim?

I would have a look at the book Trishalishious suggested :) goodluck.

[moonsmum]

my 6 month old who once was a very good night sleeper, only 1 breastfeed between 10pm-8am when she was younger (up to 4 months) is now waking ALOT and I refuse to let her cry herself to sleep too. It's distressing enough for me when she is upset and I'm holding her let alone leaving her by herself. I know it wouldnt work for her and she would feel unloved and betrayed. She is abitr of a "sook" as ppl say.

some nights she is unsettled for ages, other nights like last night shes up and i feed her every 1.5-2 hrs and i sleep on a mattress on the floor with her so she doesnt wake dh. It's been going on for a while now and yes its very hard especially with a 2 year old too but i also dont want to go health professionals for help as i know they will want to let her cry.

guess we jus b zombies seriously lacking sleep hoping they grow out of the wakings soon.

[missie_mack]

I don't think people realise how inappropriate such comments can be. Could you imagine if an adult was saying they were so tired that they were in tears and needed their DH's/DP's and he turned off all the lights, closed the door and left them to cry it out. People would respond in outrage! I can't believe people think its appropriate to do to a baby, yet alone a medical doctor :eek:

I'm sorry his sleep habits are so terrible but do agree with other posters that few sleep schools don't practice CIO or controlled crying/comforting techniques. I imagine a lot of your frustration comes from being a single Mum (hence why IMO single Mums rock for what they get through :hyper:)
What techniques have you tried and what hasn't worked for you? Have you tried co sleeping or found a pattern to his issues?

[shinebrite]

Your doing the RIGHT thing by not letting your bubby cry!! You just need some reassurance what your doing IS right and some good come backs!!!!



I'm going to lose it at the next person who asks me/tells me to "just let him cry it out..he'll fall asleep eventually"


YEP! that's right 'most' babies WILL end up asleep, but the reason behind it is because their body goes into 'shut down, save my energy, I'm being abandoned mode' what a nice way for your much so loved child to feel!! Babies are only young ONCE! a year or 2 of cuddling and feeding your bub to sleep numerous amounts of times a night isn't really that much of a sacrifice really?! Is it?! When they feel secure enough to sleep through the night, medically speaking is 5hrs between the hrs of 11pm-4am they will.

Do read the 'no cry sleep solution' and go onto the askdrsears website. There are some great pointers on there and some excellent reassurance.

As for your doctor, you might just need to find one who agrees with your beliefs. VERY hard to find! I had very unwelcomed CIO advice from a doctor, I didn't go back to her! That's for sure!!!

Just tell people that crying means 'something' our job as mums is to find that out! It may be just a need to be close... SO BE IT! it won't last long, it's a season and soon you'll be wishing they were that little again and so needy, but they'll be all grown up :( (((hugs)))

[MamaBleech]

It is really tough when little ones struggle to sleep, and although it can be horrifyingly challenging it IS normal infant behaviour.

All the babies that I know, that "sleep through the night" have been CC/CIO. Like you, it was never something I could bring myself to do. Instead I have had to adjust my expectations around sleep and accept that unless I am willing to take the drastic step of putting her in a cot and shutting the door, she isn't going to sleep without me for a while yet.

Instead I have found myself surrendering to her needs. She's 21 months now and sleeps with me, still feeds over night (once or twice) and wakes frequently. Having her in bed with us makes it work though and we don't have tears around sleeping and I'm not sleep deprived. When she was little I wore her in an Ergo for day sleeps or sat on the couch while she slept in my arms.

Were there times I wanted to scream, throw her out the window and run away? Yes! But I keep telling myself (over and over again) that is is great for her emotional development, it is NORMAL for a breastfed baby to wake for comfort/food frequently and it WILL stop one day.

I read this article the other day, and it is just beautiful - and oh so true. This too shall pass, I promise.

http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detsleepthrough.html

Oh and I would gently suggest avoid MCHN's in the future, most of them are unsupportive and give outdated advice. Maybe hanging out in the natural parenting or no cry sleep solutions sections on here for support might be more helpful?