Need Help with Almost 4 Yr Old Daughter

[kateyb9]

My daughter is 4 in August, and I'm so ashamed to have waited this long to seek help- The problems we are having with her are so full on that after coming home from a weekend away, we've discovered that neighbours have left a note in our letter box saying that the noise that comes from our unit is so bad that they are ringing police/children's services the next time any yelling or shouting is heard.

Kalani has been 'difficult' for as long as I can remember. I've been trying to 'self-diagnose' since we first started having issues with her, around 18 months? but, no amount of healthy eating, trying to create as peaceful environment as possible, giving Kalani as happy and fun a lifestyle as we possibly can, etc hasn't helped... the little girl that we deal with is very emotional, very stubborn, very loud, and so very hard to know how to handle...

I'm mortified and shaking, I know what the excessive amount of noise that we make must sound like to surrounding neighbours. The issues we have with Kalani have caused oh so many arguments between my partner and I, but I had absolutely no idea it sounded bad enough for outsiders to threaten to contact police.

I don't know where to start with seeking a Paediatrician? Are they expensive? Where do I begin? Would there be a long wait to see someone? I need help for us with understanding what is going on with our daughter straight away... :(

[c38]

:hugs::hugs::hugs:

1 st step is talk to your GP, they can refer you to a Paed. The wait will depend upon where you live and availability and whether you can afford to go private or public. Do you have any friends who see Paeds in your area, or you can ask on here for reconmendations, and then ring and ask how much an initial consult would e as well as waiting time for an appointment. I've heard various quotes from $25 to $300+ out of pocket (i.e. after Medicare )

[kateyb9]

Thanks for your reply.

We are living back on the Sunshine Coast, after a year of being near my family in NSW, and this will sound bad but I haven't got a GP up here. We've been living back here for 4 months with no need to see a doctor for anything yet. Last year in NSW we saw a GP who my mum said "loves children and will be the most fantastic help with referring you to someone to see for Kalani", but with the information we gave him he ended up coming to the conclusion that Kalani's behaviour is 'normal'. My partner and I sort of just left it at that, but with daily melt downs and behaviour that leaves me panic-stricken and forever anxious, I know that her behaviour is so not normal...
We have my partner's fam in Bris, but I don't have any friends on the Sunny Coast who have children who I can go to for advice on a good Paed...
I'll def track down a GP for our family this week and then go from there.

[lucyn]

From your post I gather your daughter's issues are mostly behavioural not physical? Paeds are mostly focused on medical issues I think, I saw a Paed last week for our youngest bub (silent reflux) and the charge was $300, with a medicare rebate of $123 - Glad I went but ouch on the wallet!

It's hard to offer advice without much description on what the problems are but if it's behavioural, there are many things you can implement to avert a melt down and which do not require heavy handed discipline. I used reward charts with my eldest and we had great success as we included her in deciding the types of things listed, her choice of stickers to use, what the reward was for her achievements for the changes in her behavious etc.. and as cliched as it sounds, the naughty chair/step technique worked! The rewards do not have to involve spending $$ either. Being almost 4, she would be able to help you in deciding these things and understand the consequences should she choose to ignore the rules. The absolute key is presenting a united front with your partner (kids love to play one off against the other), being consistent - no matter how tiring/time consuming it is, setting and sticking to a routine and clearly outlining what the expected behaviours are (laying down boundaries). Things will change for the better :)

At the risk of sounding silly, might I also suggest watching a few re-runs of supernanny?! It sounds so cliche but some of her techniques worked really well for us.

Do any of your neighbours have children? Perhaps it might be a good starting point to ask them for some advice which also might start to build a friendship and your support network :)

If you would like some further details/info, pls don't hesitate to PM me

Good luck.. 4 is a challenging age :)

[Oblena]

Go to the GP and ask for a mental health plan - that way you can go to a psychologist and have it covered by medicare. Whether it is for you - to discuss your anxiety/ stress etc or a child psychologist to discuss behaviour management plans and her reactions to them etc either would be beneficial by the sounds. DH and I went to a child psychologist last year about DD's clingyness and anxiety and she gave us lots of help with behaviour change.

Ring up your local council and ask for numbers to ring for parenting courses - these are not for people who are 'bad parents' but for those who need new startegies to deal with serious issues such as the ones you've described.

Maybe the local health nurse would also know some of these numbers for you to call.

[Luna Lovegood]

Where about's are you on the coast? I do know of an amazing gp who would be able to point you in the right direction.

As for your neighbours, knock on the door, explain your situation and leave it at that. No need for them to being adding extra stress-sounds like you already have your
hands full.

PM is you want my dr's details :)

[smileygirl]

can you describe a bit more of what she is like?

Have you tried a failsafe diet (worked miracles in my household)?

Does she have any physical symptoms (rashes, excema, easy bruising)?

has she met her devel milestones?

[QLDSun09]

Sunshine coast pediatrics are great.