Postnatal Depression

[Casey88]

I think I may have PND :( I have read up a little about it and think it sounds just like me.
The thing is I tend to feel ok during the day, but come night time when my baby is getting hard to settle I break down.

I already have a 2yo and had nothing like this with her, but she was much easier to deal with than her sister!

Iv'e had a rough start with this baby compared to last time. I went home with her feeling excellent but a week after she was born I ended up back in hospital with Mastitis from Sunday - Tuesday. On the Tuesday I went home and started feeling sick that night and was very sick the wednesday as was my 2yo and my newborn (11days old at this stage) so we all went to the doctors. My 2yo was getting better but he said we'd both had a gastric virus. He checked out my baby and I had to take her to PMH (princess margaret hospital perth) and she ended up getting admitted that day until the sunday. She had numerous blood tests, a drip in her arm and a lumbar puncture. There was a scare that they thought she may have had meningitis but thankfully didn't and was told it was more than likely also a gastric virus (however I still ahve to take her back to PMH for check ups). Whilst I was in PMH I was in a room called the resuscitation room as thats where my daughter was and she was peacful and didn't want to move her so we went to her. Whilst I was in there a heap of doctors ran in and wheeled a little girl about 4yo into there who wasnt breathing and instantly started cpr. Myself, dp and dd were rushed out of there and I saw all the surgeons running in there and this poor girls mum in tears. After a while they all came out and I didn't feel confident by the looks on the faces of these doctors. A doctor came to see me later in our room to speak to us as they knew what we had seen may have upset us, we were also welcome to ask some questions. The only one I wanted to know was if she survived, and unfortunately she didn't, and I can't help but get that little girls face out of my mind.

I'm sorry this is so long but it's all caught up with me and I need to speak about it and I am to afraid to actually open my mouth and talk so this is the best option for me.

[NewMamma]

Oh honey :( Big hugs!! You have been through a really traumatic experience suing an already stressful time - there is only so much you can deal with.

I had a similar experience when I had my son - we had a major family trauma when my son was 4 weeks old. My son was a challenging baby, so the combination of factors resulted in me having PND.

I'm also in Perth - I was referred to The Raphael Centre at SJOG Subi, and they were brilliant. They specialize in maternal depression, and it made all the difference having people who just Got It.

I know it is really really hard, but talking to someone is really the best thing you can do. My GP was a godsend for me - she was so understanding, and guided me through my options. She didn't ever push me into treatments I didn't want (I didn't take meds, although if I get PND with my next baby I would be far more open to them).

I am more than happy to chat with you if you need it (online, in person, whatever) - feel free to PM me.

And most importantly - look at what you have been through and give yourself permission for feeling the way you do. We aren't superwomen! It wasn't until I saw a counsellor who pointed out all the things I'd been through that I realized hey! It's not surprising that it all started to go pearshaped!!

Good luck hon xx

[bookwormmum]

Wanted to offer you lots of :hugs::hugs::hugs:
I have a 2 year old and a young bub too and my GOD it's hard. It is so much harder than I ever imagined it would be. I had PND after my daughter's birth and I didn't feel myself until she was about a year old. I felt - and sometimes still feel - myself slipping back into depression now since DS has been here (he is a really difficult baby too, he doesn't sleep- at all :freakingout:) but I have been trying to get out as much as I can, trying to forget the housework (just doing what I can when I can), and have found people to lean on when I need help or just someone to talk to. It's invaluable. The worst part of it all, I think, is feeling alone and feeling isolated.

I can just imagine how scary it would have been at the hospital :hugs: That would have something very traumatic to see and to go through and I really think you would benefit from talking about it. Having such a rough start with your bub definitely wouldn't help. I know how hard it is, but talking to someone understanding IRL really does help, but if it feels too much, keep talking here or I believe there are some support groups on FB you can join. You aren't alone here :)

[Casey88]

Oh honey :( Big hugs!! You have been through a really traumatic experience suing an already stressful time - there is only so much you can deal with.

I had a similar experience when I had my son - we had a major family trauma when my son was 4 weeks old. My son was a challenging baby, so the combination of factors resulted in me having PND.

I'm also in Perth - I was referred to The Raphael Centre at SJOG Subi, and they were brilliant. They specialize in maternal depression, and it made all the difference having people who just Got It.

I know it is really really hard, but talking to someone is really the best thing you can do. My GP was a godsend for me - she was so understanding, and guided me through my options. She didn't ever push me into treatments I didn't want (I didn't take meds, although if I get PND with my next baby I would be far more open to them).

I am more than happy to chat with you if you need it (online, in person, whatever) - feel free to PM me.

And most importantly - look at what you have been through and give yourself permission for feeling the way you do. We aren't superwomen! It wasn't until I saw a counsellor who pointed out all the things I'd been through that I realized hey! It's not surprising that it all started to go pearshaped!!

Good luck hon xx

Thank you :-)
Its nice to know I am not the only one who has felt like this. Its hard sometimes to not feel alone. Thanks for reminding me that we are not superwomen!! I did need to be reminded that. I had a good chat to my mum this arvo, she lives 600km from me. And my DP is great, he told me that I am stronger than I think I am which made me feel very good about myself. Its all those little things that count :) Ive just started an online diary on here so that I can just get things off my chest from time to time when I need to. I also think I need to lower my expectations. My dd1 was an amazing baby and I can't expect this one to be also. And I need to make sure I take time out to be my own person too. Feeling much better this afternoon after getting lots off my chest :-)

[Casey88]

Wanted to offer you lots of :hugs::hugs::hugs:
I have a 2 year old and a young bub too and my GOD it's hard. It is so much harder than I ever imagined it would be. I had PND after my daughter's birth and I didn't feel myself until she was about a year old. I felt - and sometimes still feel - myself slipping back into depression now since DS has been here (he is a really difficult baby too, he doesn't sleep- at all :freakingout:) but I have been trying to get out as much as I can, trying to forget the housework (just doing what I can when I can), and have found people to lean on when I need help or just someone to talk to. It's invaluable. The worst part of it all, I think, is feeling alone and feeling isolated.

I can just imagine how scary it would have been at the hospital :hugs: That would have something very traumatic to see and to go through and I really think you would benefit from talking about it. Having such a rough start with your bub definitely wouldn't help. I know how hard it is, but talking to someone understanding IRL really does help, but if it feels too much, keep talking here or I believe there are some support groups on FB you can join. You aren't alone here :)

Thank you also :-)
I know having a 2yo and a baby is harder than I thought, I was so lucky with number 1 and just not prepared enough for number 2! I just made sometime for myself, while both girls are asleep!! was nice,and still is as they are still sleeping, nice to just relax a bit. I am going to try get out of the house a bit more and hopefully make some more friends as I dont really have many here yet. I did have a good chat to my mum this arvo, and my DP called and had a good chat to him too :)

The hospital was horrible, not something I want to go through again. Like I said before its nice to know Im not alone, well be reminded I'm not alone. :-)


Thank you to both of you for taking the time out to read this and reply :-)

[twofornow]

Thank you :-)
Its nice to know I am not the only one who has felt like this. Its hard sometimes to not feel alone. Thanks for reminding me that we are not superwomen!! I did need to be reminded that. I had a good chat to my mum this arvo, she lives 600km from me. And my DP is great, he told me that I am stronger than I think I am which made me feel very good about myself. Its all those little things that count :) Ive just started an online diary on here so that I can just get things off my chest from time to time when I need to. I also think I need to lower my expectations. My dd1 was an amazing baby and I can't expect this one to be also. And I need to make sure I take time out to be my own person too. Feeling much better this afternoon after getting lots off my chest :-)

You have a wonderful attitude and the fact that you were open and honest about your feelings to your family and other mums on here can only be a good sign! What a terrible start you had, no wonder you are feeling crappy. You should be giving yourself a pat on the back for getting through that time so well :hugs:. Gastro type sicknesses are very tiring and for all 3 of you to be sick must have been hard. Just take each moment as it comes, don't worry too much about housework etc...try and relax as much as you can!

My first was a dream baby too and its hard not to compare the second to the first! My son set very high expectations for his little sister, which of course were never met, I quickly reminded myself that my son was probably a minority which allowed me to bond better with my little girl. Take Care :).

[Casey88]

You have a wonderful attitude and the fact that you were open and honest about your feelings to your family and other mums on here can only be a good sign! What a terrible start you had, no wonder you are feeling crappy. You should be giving yourself a pat on the back for getting through that time so well :hugs:. Gastro type sicknesses are very tiring and for all 3 of you to be sick must have been hard. Just take each moment as it comes, don't worry too much about housework etc...try and relax as much as you can!

My first was a dream baby too and its hard not to compare the second to the first! My son set very high expectations for his little sister, which of course were never met, I quickly reminded myself that my son was probably a minority which allowed me to bond better with my little girl. Take Care :).

thanks :) i am actually feeling great today!! I thiks seeing eberything that I went through in writing made me realise, wow I have been through a bit and I did deserve a pat on the back. It really was horrible all of us being sick, my eldest was sick whilst I was in hospital with mastitis and that was hard as I couldnt do anything for her. Yesterday and today I have really tried to relax and do things for me and so far its going well. had no tears for over 24 hours!! YAY.

I think I had the expectations set too high for this one and last night I lowered them and just gave into her and it worked, she was in bed at a good time and slept really well! Thanks for taking the time to reply too :-) I definately plan to take care hehe xx

[NewMamma]

thanks :) i am actually feeling great today!! I thiks seeing eberything that I went through in writing made me realise, wow I have been through a bit and I did deserve a pat on the back. It really was horrible all of us being sick, my eldest was sick whilst I was in hospital with mastitis and that was hard as I couldnt do anything for her. Yesterday and today I have really tried to relax and do things for me and so far its going well. had no tears for over 24 hours!! YAY.

I think I had the expectations set too high for this one and last night I lowered them and just gave into her and it worked, she was in bed at a good time and slept really well! Thanks for taking the time to reply too :-) I definately plan to take care hehe xx

So good to hear :) It sounds like you are doing such an amazing job in a difficult situation. I had a tricky baby first up, and I did often wonder how the women who had dream babies would go if their second bubs were more challenging! I'm resigned to the fact that my second will probably be equally challenging... But I've lived through it once, I can do it again!

So glad you are feeling more positive today :)

[Casey88]

So good to hear :) It sounds like you are doing such an amazing job in a difficult situation. I had a tricky baby first up, and I did often wonder how the women who had dream babies would go if their second bubs were more challenging! I'm resigned to the fact that my second will probably be equally challenging... But I've lived through it once, I can do it again!

So glad you are feeling more positive today :)

Well now you know those who have dream babies first up don't cope all that well with a challenging second baby! But I've turned it around and am taking each moment as it comes. Loving doing my online diary!! Thats it, just like labour you seem to forget what a newborn can be like and have to learn all over again.

Second night in a row that I've had Laura asleep by 9.30 so now I'm enjoying a glass of wine (actually my third hehe) and waiting for Dom to get home from work. :-)

[NewMamma]

Well now you know those who have dream babies first up don't cope all that well with a challenging second baby! But I've turned it around and am taking each moment as it comes. Loving doing my online diary!! Thats it, just like labour you seem to forget what a newborn can be like and have to learn all over again.

Second night in a row that I've had Laura asleep by 9.30 so now I'm enjoying a glass of wine (actually my third hehe) and waiting for Dom to get home from work. :-)

Fabulous!! Haha yes, I was just saying to someone that I have clearly blocked out the first 6 months of Master M's life, because I am starting to look forward to having this new baby! Heaven help me :laughing:

Just before I fell pregnant, I was cleaning out my inbox and found some correspondence from our Sleep Consultant from back in The Dark Days... reading over my email nearly made me cry! If only I could go back to that version of me and let her know that it would get better :yes: I just pray that the skills I have learned from having a challenging baby will serve me well if we have another one the same - I did ask my GP whether she could pre-prescribe me some happy pills, just in case :laughing:

You enjoy that wine - god knows you deserve it!

[NewMamma]

Oh - I meant to say, if you are having issues with settling/sleep, have you tried calling Ngala? You may have already gone down this path, but I found them an immense source of support when my son was a newborn.

[Casey88]

Fabulous!! Haha yes, I was just saying to someone that I have clearly blocked out the first 6 months of Master M's life, because I am starting to look forward to having this new baby! Heaven help me :laughing:

Just before I fell pregnant, I was cleaning out my inbox and found some correspondence from our Sleep Consultant from back in The Dark Days... reading over my email nearly made me cry! If only I could go back to that version of me and let her know that it would get better :yes: I just pray that the skills I have learned from having a challenging baby will serve me well if we have another one the same - I did ask my GP whether she could pre-prescribe me some happy pills, just in case :laughing:

You enjoy that wine - god knows you deserve it!

Haha its amazing how easily you forget. I hope the skills you learnt help you too!!
I definately enjoyed my wine and am doing so again tonight hehe.

Feeling great after just talking to people, madde me have such a major turn around, even dom commented today and said I am so much happier these last few days.

I was going to call Ngala but the nist 3 night I've had her in bed by 9.30pm and no drama's! WOOHOO....mind you she is sick so didn't sleep well and have been up since 4.15 am - its now 8.45om so plan to go to bed VERY soon :)

[MamaC]

Hi Casey :wave:
I just thought I'd pop in and see how you were going and wow! Your recent posts sound so upbeat :highfive: Good on you! Keep going with this positivity and keep writing in your journal - it sounds like it's really helping you to be able to vent and reflect and then let go :hugs:

I loved what Chloeandme said about letting the housework go sometimes. If you have a bad day just set a small goal for that day (i.e. everyone is out of their PJs by lunchtime) and you would be amazed at how good it feels when you achieve that small goal, it will give you the motivation to achieve something else (do the dishes, or get the kids out for a walk). And never be afraid to ask for help if you need it :hugs:

[Casey88]

Hi Casey :wave:
I just thought I'd pop in and see how you were going and wow! Your recent posts sound so upbeat :highfive: Good on you! Keep going with this positivity and keep writing in your journal - it sounds like it's really helping you to be able to vent and reflect and then let go :hugs:

I loved what Chloeandme said about letting the housework go sometimes. If you have a bad day just set a small goal for that day (i.e. everyone is out of their PJs by lunchtime) and you would be amazed at how good it feels when you achieve that small goal, it will give you the motivation to achieve something else (do the dishes, or get the kids out for a walk). And never be afraid to ask for help if you need it :hugs:

Hi :) Yeah the journal has been great for me to just write in it about anything and everything both good and bad. :)

I like the idea of just setting a small goal for the day, rather than aim to clean the whole house I can just concentrate on one room and I probably would feel so good about getting that one room done :)

Plus for the last 3 nights bub has been in bed at a decent night, has really helped as thats where my of my stress was coming from.

[chutie]

hi there, this is going to be long, but i feel like i need to be open about it, to help others out there going through the same thing.

i was diagnosed with postnatal depression in february this year. i have two daughters aged 3.5yrs and 18mths, so when i spoke to my gp about how i was feeling and he said it sounded like postnatal depression i thought he must be crazy, my youngest was 14mths at the time so i thought there was no way it could be PND, i stupidly thought it was something that happens when the baby is newborn. but when he forced me to see a psychologist and i spoke to him about how i had been feeling, i realised i had been suffering with PND since i had my first baby. i was a mere shadow of who i used to be, i was sad all the time, having meltdowns when things got a little bit hard, getting angry at my children for no reason, snapping at my fiance, and feeling constantly like i was alone, worthless and a failure as a mother.

Realising that i had PND was a big turning point for me, i realised if i wanted to get better i had to admit i had a problem and start taking small steps to fix myself, and having the psychologist there to help me understand it more really helped, he taught me ways to deal with my feelings in a productive way instead of just falling apart.

my doc did blood tests on me and bcos my hormone levels were so high i also got put on antidepressents which i have to say i was skeptical about at first, but after being on them for 3 weeks while also attending psychologist meetings 3 times a week, i noticed a huge change in myself, i started smiling more, i was more relaxed, enjoyed my family more, and started to feel like my old self. i have now been on the antidepressents for 4 months and have stopped seeing the psychologist, and i feel back to my old self. i even got back into baking and cake decorating, and actually enjoying it instead of it feeling like a task i HAD to do. i have more energy to play with my kids and am handling their temper tantrums much better.

post natal depression is nothing to be embarrassed about or ashamed of. my advice would be: you know yourself and if you feel like something is not quite right within youself, then seek help. go to your gp or a midwife, and just talk. and be honest. no point in going if youre not going to be honest (i was so honest with my gp i think i scared him lol, and i dont think he has ever seen a woman break down and cry so much in his office lol)

so anyways thats my story about my battle with PND that i feel i have won...i hope all of you out there with PND get the help you need and feel better soon. x0x hugs