fed up with dh's ignorance towards his daughter

[musicalmummy]

sd is 12, started highschool this year. it appears i'm the only one who notices thigns and gives a f*** when it comes to her schooling and attitude etc.
one issue was her putting the photos on fb of pussy fingers etc, sticking her tongue out. i tried to explain all this to dh how inappropriate it is and what a bad image it sets for sd. so who ended up sitting her donw and discussing it...me!! she also has a friend who has apparently had sex (yes at 12) and she has already been suspended from highschool once for starting a fight (the friend that is). personaly i would try to avoid letting my child have sleep overs at her house but it's dh's call.
the other day i get a text froma friend to inform me that my sd has photos on her fb (tagged by someone) of her and her group of friends all sticking their fingers up in photos in their uniforms. i looked and it looks feral. i'm not ignorant and know kids tkae these type of photos, but i'd like dh to talk with her about the disrepect towards the school and explain that these photos stick for life. has he looked at them yet???of course not!! i'd love to copy and paste a photo and send it to the school. the BM is also ignorant towards all of this. she doesn't even have access to sd's fb like we do. i doubt she even knows the stuff that sd says and does (she has her more than us mind you).
i'm jsut at my wit's end. i feel like shaking dh and telling him to wake up and realise his daughter is growing up and needs guidance. i don't know how much input i should even have. i'd love to chat with bm and be together on all of this but don't know if that's stepping over the line.

[sandy cheeks]

Tough one.
Has she got an older brother or brother type that she respects?
The reason I say this because she most likely wont listen to her dad anyway iykwim.
I had an older brother (not blood bro but a brother none the less) and he gave me heaps of advise about how the real world works and what boys honestly think about girls and the impression the girls give iykwim. (the message they send)
The things he said to me stayed with me throughout school and I never allowed myself to get into too many silly situations (granted I still did stupid things most teens do) but even when my GFs were doing the most stupid of things like dodgy pix, being naive when it came to boys I knew what could happen and didn't get stuck it a sitch that I couldn't get out of.
He was a bit of a player and a bad boy as well so I saw the life he was living and was a bit put off I suppose too.
I guess I think she needs is to hear the dirty, nitty gritty of what can happen and maybe see it first hand (sad but sometimes it's the only way you take notice)

[decambla]

Firstly, I want to commend you on taking such an interest in your SD life and well being.

Unfortuantly this situation seems all too common these days, and it's just not with young people. I don't have FB but a friend showed me my sisters page last week. My sister is 26 and I was appalled at the message some of her photos were portraying.

I can imagine how worried you must be with her only being 12. I honestly don't think
talking to her BM is overstepping the line. Sure she might be annoyed at you pointing out and issue with the daughter but in the long run you are only looking out for her welfare. At 12, legally, she isn't meant to have a FB account. She is at that age where is trying desperatly to be "grown up" but doesn't have the brain power to actually do this. Try approaching her in an adult way so as to try to get her on-side. Gather as many facts as you can in regards to ways these types of photos have negatively affected people. I think a quick google will bring plenty of stories up. Dr Phil also did a show on just this subject a while ago. You should be able to access it on his website. Present her with these stories, explain how her future employment may be jeopardized because of things she did earlier. Just because she deletes them doesn't mean someone else hasn't saved a copy that could come out years down the track.

[MrsTwith3]

It is so hard isnt it when you can see exactly what is being portrayed by the young girls on fb (not all of them though) with their pictures. I have had a few instances where I have told the mothers or relatives about totally inappropriate photos and statuses but they just didnt seem to care. I dont think they understand how dangerous it can be. My cousins 13yo DD kept on going on about how she is ready and cant wait to finally do it. This girl is so young and when I told her mum she confronted her DD and she told her mum that she was just mucking around with her friends. Sorry but going by the pictures she had also put up it was anything but. You dont put pics up when your 13yo holding your top up seductively with the bottom of your breast showing.
Parents really need to make sure they have total access to what their kids are doing online ALL the time. Imagine these kids being groomed by pedophiles...who would be responsible then hey?

[musicalmummy]

yes, she has an older brother, h'es 20. but they don't get on at all. he's not much of a role model though as prior to him getting a job he was a bit of trouble for everyone, which she has witnessed and i think may be trying to copy.
i spoke to her the risks involved with putting up such photos (the tongue ones etc). she kept saying but only my friends see it. i said to her but those friends have friends who can see it on your friends computer. those friends also have fathers, uncles etc who can walk past their childs computer and see it. she also had ALL her details on her fb which i have deleted and explained to her that anyone could go oh look, that girl goes to this school , let;s go pick her up.
you know....i told dh about the photos on monday. do you think he's logged on to her fb to see it yet??

[threechooks]

I understand your frustration! Dads have a way of putting the blinkers on when their little girls are growing up. I have a nearly 14 year old SD, she is very close to DH. I have asked him to talk to her to make sure she knows she can access the morning after pill over the counter and that condoms do not prevent STDs, that STDs can be caught via oral sex etc etc etc. But he is dragging his heels. It may be left up to me which will be uncomfortable as we are not close and her mother is a loser. She is no help. She also has facebook photos with loads of make up and seductive poses....I have chosen not to friend any children on facebook as it is so inaappropriate for them to be on there.

[musicalmummy]

I won't friend her on fb either. I have her password so i have full access to hers. Why are men like this?do they really want to raise their own daughters child?

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