How old is "old enough" to know all the details?

[the_queen]

Hi everyone,

I am about 7 weeks pregnant with my second child. My daughter (The Princess) is 4 and a a half years old, and (as I'm sure every mother thinks of their child!) I think she's quite advanced for her age. She seems to be coping really well with the idea of the baby. (I know it's early to tell her - but I had to take her with me to the doctors etc etc, and I never formally told her, she just worked it out.) ANYWAY I was reading some pregnancy and birth magazines today, and there was a really good (ok maybe the term "good" is kinda subjective!) photo of a woman giving birth. The baby's head was beginning to crown, and it is really obvious that the baby is coming out of the mother's vagina. I thought about showing it to The Princess, to show her "this is how the baby will come out" but I don't want to scare her. Is she too young to be shown photo's like this? I can tell her "the baby will come out mummy's vagina" but I don't think she comprehends what a vagina is, exactly. I use the word, but how can I "show" her what a vagina is, without either touching hers or showing her mine (both options that I think are definately NOT ok)? Has anyone else experienced this? How should I deal with it? She's already started with the questions: "How did the baby get in there?" and "Who made the baby?" which I have been able to deal with confidently. But my concern is about showing her photo's. I don't have photo's of myself giving birth to her. I don't want to traumatise her or freak her out, but I don't want her to "not know" how things happen. I am always up front, honest and open with her about everything, and surely it is my job to teach her these things?
I'd be grateful of any advice anyone can offer me!

:)

[alicesmum]

hi there
i posted a similar thread a while back.

see ...
http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/showthread.php?p=16567

...to see what other people thought about showing pictures like this to older children

rachel :)

[the_queen]

thanks Rachel
:)

[ThomasMum]

Hello the majesty Queen (he he), from my personal experience there’s no such too young-or too-old for well-informed, positive education!

Having a dad as a “medicine man” (he’s an OB/GYN) I grew up experiencing many full on-into details stories, pictures or even once or twice Dad took me for a drive for his home visit witnessing women giving birth when I was really little! I wasn’t scared not a bit!

Don’t ever kill the child’s curiosity, in another words nurture your child's natural curiosity that’s my opinion!

:)

[Baby Girl]

It might be better to show her the photos early in your pregnancy and explain about it and then as you get further along she can always ask to see them again or if she has any fears you will have more time to deal with them before the bub arrives.

I agree with Thomasmum, positive education of children at any age is essential.

[xkwzit]

Hi
It's just my opinion of course, but I think if she really wants to know, she'll ask. Then you just tell her the facts and you can show her pictures if she's interested. I don't think there's any need to push it.

Cheers

[Ky]

My daughter (also 4½) asked me a couple of nights ago what her special hole was for! I don't know who had talked to her and called her vagina this, but I didn't want to jump in and ask who as then she may have clammed up thinking it was a naughty question.

I told her that Mummies who didn't have thier tummy cut to get the bubby out had thier babies come out through there. I told her that it was ok, as ladies were designed to stretch a lot and that a baby was made to fit out of there. She seemed quite satisfied with this explaination. I have shown her vaginal and c/section births on tv before, and now she has connected them to parts of her anatomy.

Up until about a year ago, we referred to her "front bum" as girl bits and her brothers as boy bits. This was enough for a while, as all she needed to know was that it was ok for there to be a difference. She is fascinated that boys and girls are different in the front but look the same from behind!

I think that you tell them enough to satisfy thier curiosity and not confuse them at a young age. Be open and not shy or flustered when answering thier questions and it should set them on the path that they will come to you about anything for the rest of thier life rather than turning to more dubious sources of information. i believe this is one of our main goals as parents ... remember the mis-information that we learn't through our classmates at school???!!!

[Angelmist♥]

Hi I was in the same boat as you are now.I am 34 wks preg. and my 5 and 4 yr old ds' were very confused on "how the baby comes from belly to home". Anyway long story short I ended up watching some discovery channel births with them!I found that these were tame enough for their young minds yet informative enough at the same time.(They originally thought the doctor cut the baby out "my stretch marks" and used red glue to put me back together :rolleyes: aarh kids!!)I just thought that it was better they get the truth from me in an honest relaxed open environment than get the horror stories from either older cousins, other pre-school kids or grandparents.Trust me kids will ask ANYONE if they are curious enough. I remember being told the stork brought us home,along with a whole heap of lies depending on the questions asked (obviously my parents weren't really open or honest when it came to 'talks')to the point where I didn't even know I had a vagina until I was 14 and a friend told me about tampons :eek: sorry maybe a bit tmi!
Anyway my point is,that I think if you are open and honest (not embarassed) with your children from a young age,they are going to be a lot more confident with coming to you with questions when they do get older and questions get trickier.

Best of luck,
Nara 26

dh Kurt 28
ds Cody 5
ds Dylan 4
it's a girl woohoo edd 8/11/05

[the_queen]

Thanks everyone for your helpful advice!! :) The Princess has now seen some birth photo's, and is fine with it all. I haven't overloaded her, I've just answered her questions honestly and factually , like y'all suggested, and it has gone really well!!

In fact, now, when we say our prayers, she always says "And Thank You God for letting mummy's uterus stretch enough to fit our baby."........ :rolleyes:

I have these two books, "The Pregnancy Question and Answer Book" and "The Australian Baby and Child Question and Answer Book" , and when The Princess asked me how big the baby was now, I showed her the fantastic illustrations and real in-womb photo's in the pregnancy book. And She kept looking, kept flicking through the book, until we got to the page with some pretty graphic birth shots. The mum was squatting, and there's 3 pics, one where the head is there, one with the vagina streeeeeetching, and then one with the baby half out. She looked at the pictures, and kept looking, and was pretty quiet, so I said "That's how the baby will come out of me. " And she asked me if it comes out my bottom. So I said " not from where the poo's come out, or where the wee's come out. It's a special place called the vagina " and she was satisfied with that. So PHEW :D I think I handled it quite well, and thanks in part goes to you guys !! Thank you!!!