I feel like the worst person in the world

[Ana Gram]

I feel like such a terrible person right now. Over the last 6 months, I have come to realise that I don't love my partner. We got together less than a year after my previous partner had died and I got pregnant two weeks later. I never allowed myself to grieve for partner 1 which is now coming to bite me in the bum.
I feel like I have pretty much ruined his life, since after yet another major argument last night, he knows how I feel. He is pretty much heartbroken as he does love me.
Life is looking very scary and bleak now, as I don't know what to do next. Our lease is up and I doubt he is going to want a house together after this bombshell which leaves me having to move back to Canberra with my parents which is incredibly depressing to me.
I am truely stumped as to what to do next.

[DQ]

I have no real advice for you but :hugs: .

I guess no matter how hard it might be to "walk away", it might be better in the long run if both of you are spending the best years of your life unhappy. You deserve better and so does he.

Good luck with the road ahead!:fingerscrossed:

[*Chels*]

aww Chelle!I havent seen ya round for awhile,I was wondering how you were doing.
I know it feels horrible,but I honestly think that its better to tell the truth and get it out in the open rather than living a lie.Otherwise you would ALL end up very unhappy!
I dont really have any advice for you but I hope youre going to be OK and everything works out for you.
Take it easy:hugs:

[tweedledee*tweedledum]

This must be an excruciatingly tough time for you and not having been there, I am not going to say I know how you feel, but I do feel for you and hope that your final decision is one that you can feel some happiness about. Do you think a trial separation from your partner would help you, before you make the final choice to leave? Or are you 100% certain that you will never really love him?

[MilkOnTap]

Chelle, I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through right now. I am not going to pretend that I understand the situation that you are in right now, but I think that you know what the right thing to do at the moment is...

"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, its yours; if it doesn't, it never was"

I think you need to be the butterfly and go back to Canberra to get your thoughts all together. You have a lot to work out right now, and perhaps with your families support you will be able to get through it faster, and come out at the end so much stronger for it.

Best wishes,
Ally xo

[Tea Lady]

I don't have much to add either but I wanted to say I really hope you can find a way to move forward. :hugs:

Do you think it would be worth trying to work it out with him? Maybe some kind of counselling could help you work through your grief for your other partner and things might not seem so bleak. Sorry - I'm not trying to tell you what to do - just offer a couple of blindingly obvious suggestions :rolleyes:

Keep us posted on how you go won't you? :hugs:

[LittleBoysRock]

I dont really know what to say but I just wanted to offer :hugs:

I think Tea Lady might have a good suggestion there. Counselling may help you to grieve for your lost partner and that may help things a lot.

Time apart to re-evaulate the situation might help too...

:hugs:

[Ana Gram]

Do you think a trial separation from your partner would help you, before you make the final choice to leave? Or are you 100% certain that you will never really love him?


I've tried for over 3 years and it's getting harder and harder to live like this. Our lease has run out, so sorting somethig out has become fairly urgent. I don't want to leave Melbourne but since I am a stay at home mum, I pretty much have no option than to go back to Canberra to my parents house. And I know once I do that, it will be virtually impossible to get back to Melbourne.

[subaruforestermum]

You are not a bad person......I in a way know how you feel...mine is a different situation though...... There is an old saying "let love go and if its real, it will come back to you", or something like that.....you never know, after you let yourself grieve for your previous partner, you may find that you do love your current....... But then you may not..... Try talking to him calmly, and explaining how you feel, or write him a letter to explain, why you have these feelings (or dont have any.....) Over time, you may fall in love with him, or you might both move on, but you have to do what is right for you. If he truellyl loves you he will give you the space you need, although it will be hard.........you both have to let go....

I really dont know what else to say, but dont give up hope.......

[misskittyfantastico]

You can't change how you feel chelle. Falling out of love doesn't make you, in any way, a bad person.

Moving back home must be a pretty bleak thought, but at least it will give you a chance to make a clean break.

You never know what may be ahead of you.

Good luck.

[WeThree]

Oh, our dear Chelle :( :hugs:
My heart goes out to you, what an awful situation to be in, I just dont know what to say but I couldnt read something like this from someone I have grown to consider a good friend and not respond, please pm me any time you want to chat, hopefully if we all put our heads together we can think of someway to help Chelle :yes:

[caz]

I don't have any words of inspiration for you Chelle but I just wanted to say that we are all here if you need us :hugs:

Only you know in your heart what is the right thing to do :hugs:

[MariaO]

I know how awful it is to hurt someone you care about, even if you don't love him. I just shows how you are anything but the worst person in the world. You can not help how you feel. You have not ruined his life though, he has a beautiful daughter and I am sure he will never regret having you in his life. Maybe in time, you will have a friendship that you both cherish, whether you stay together or not. Here's hoping that things work out for you.

[reAllytee]

Oh hun your not terrible at all :hugs:
I went through all of this back through May, June & July basically all that had been happening for us came to a head & i was like " nope dont love him thats it & i also felt as though i was still in love with my ex ".
Its taken a lot of time & heartache to work through it.
I hurt Baz deeply but the thing is i was hurting to & thats also something you need to realise is that your just as upset & hurt by this & all that has happened.
Counselling has been helping greatly so maybe its an option i dont know but i just couldnt leave that final stone unturned especially when i know i still respected Baz & wanted to keep our family together.
Falling out of love happens for many reasons but thats not always the real reason. You have been under so much stress of late with R & all thats been happening money wise similar to us in some ways this creates a lot of chaos in a relationship. For me also i know i harbour a lot of nasty emotions not just from Boof's birth but also his first 3mths in the world because in some ways i felt like Baz shouldve helped me more etc etc. I think maybe many things are catching up to you & if you dont seek couple counselling then i can only encourage you to seek counselling for yourself because not meaning it badly but i think you need it.
Sometimes just talking helps take the weight off our shoulders but it also helps us get perspective not just internalising it so it festers.
Ok ive ranted because im half asleep but you know if you need us we are here for you take care :hugs:

[JATS]

Sorry Chelle. I know there's nothing I can say to fix it.

If you need to walk away to heal then that's what you have to do, that's if he can't help you heal. Maybe he just dosen't know how? Loosing a partner would be one of the hardest things anyone has to endure, maybe you're just so numb from not being allowed to grieve you can't feel the love you have for your current partner. Dosen't mean it isn't there.

If its over it's over, and time to walk away, but don't set anything in stone until you've had time.

[melfunction]

Hiya chelle,

Can I just say that I don't think anyone who admits their true feelings should be classed as 'bad'. Of course you don't feel too good about the hurt he is feeling, but isn't it worse to keep denying YOUR feelings?

Losing a partner would be devastating and if you haven't grieved for him, life isn't going to become any clearer until you do. Counselling could be a new start for you.

Best of luck with whatever you decide to do.

[Mamaduke]

For once I'm actually lost for anything of value to say...but I do agree with the others - you can't help how you feel, and by being honest about your feelings, both to yourself and your partner, cannot make you a bad person.
I just want to offer :hugs: :hugs: and more :hugs:

[Ana Gram]

Well here is an update for you. We have broken up. However we are going to continue living together as friends in separate rooms. Sounds odd but we think it can work.

[Funkychicken]

Here are some more :hugs: for you Chelle. What a predicament you have found yourself in. As I was reading your post about having no option but to return to Canberra, I was thinking, "I wonder if they could stay sharing but not in a relationship?" Then I got to your last post and there you have it! I really hope things work out well for you. All the best.:hugs:

[MariaO]

I had a feeling that might be on the cards. Good Luck to you all.

[Elfin]

Hope it all works out well for you Chelle, it sounds like it will be the best situation for your dd to have both of your around. Best wishes:)