probably should have posted this in here

[dannybhoy]

Hi all,

I'm Dan. I just posted a thread about some bizzarre behaviour from my lovely wife. I probably should have posted in ehre for other dads, but I'm new to the fourm and didn't even realise there was a dad's section.

Hers's the thread. Would lapprieciate some gys' views.

http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/showthread.php?t=407472

[dannybhoy]

Thanks for the replies in my thread, DaddyLarge. Would be helpful to hear back from some other dads, too. I seem to be making other members a bit wild at the moment. NOt what I meant or wanted. Can the women on the forum see into this section?

[Freya]

Yes... ;)

[dannybhoy]

Oh. Thanx mate.

[FloatingFairy]

I sent u a pm :)


*This communication was brought to you by the letter *i* and the word *phone*

[DaddyLarge]

Thanks for the replies in my thread, DaddyLarge. Would be helpful to hear back from some other dads, too. I seem to be making other members a bit wild at the moment. NOt what I meant or wanted. Can the women on the forum see into this section?

You're welcome.

I wouldn't worry about the flak. Unfortunately, there seems to be a bit of territoriality around here - but it seems like it's only a small minority.

[Daydream Believer]

I completely understand if I'm waaay out of line posting here (I'm a mum, not a dad) but i wanted to reply and ur other thread is closed... And I promise I won't invade again :)

I so get where you're coming from Dannybhoy. I've had 2 bubs, and I consider myself to have kept my wits about me pretty well. I think my hubby should thank his lucky stars, as I COULD have gone crazy and didn't. But ask him, and I was pregzilla.

I commend you for bringing flowers even though you feel like you're the one being 'pooped' on at the moment. With that kind of attitude, I'm confident you can ride out the storm. And hopefully she will realize how lucky she is, sooner rather than later...

I think we should always try and put ourselves in each others shoes. And I don't want to go over and over the same things others have said, but take it from me, one thing all women will agree on is that in some form or another pregnancy will make you crazy, even if only to milder degrees. and you can see yourself getting crazier, but ate helpless to stop it. Like its happening TO you...

Chant over in your head 'this too shall pass' :) and if you really truly think she is being unreasonable beyond reason, I don't see why you wouldn't be able to say gently, calmly and kindly 'i really miss hugs, can I have a hug?' who could say no to that?!

Please keep your chin up, and don't think too hard on all the criticism, you've probably said what every man has thought, but generally doesn't say so openly (especially in a forum majorly populated by women who have been/are preggers :)

Also, I agree, the birth won't be a cure all. Going from one baby to two (ESPECIALLY when the eldest is 2) is tough, and sometimes, (I'm being 'dannybhoy' honest here) well, a fricken nightmare.
You guys will need to communicate reeeeaallly well and calmly if you are going to have a chance :) remember; a conversation will ALWAYS become an arguement in the heat of the moment, or when some one is emotional.

All the best!

[pegasus]

Dannybhoy - everyone can see these sections - in fact non members can see these sections. We ask that other members be respectful of different sections (eg. single mothers, breastfeeding, circumcision), however, all of these areas are moderated, and therefore we ask that posts are written in accordance with the rules (ie. that they are respectful of other members)

There is an area on bubhub called social groups and only members of that particular group can see posts.

There is a dad's group on that for discussion of topics which may be sensitive to other members.

[Pinkzy]

OP :hugs: I am sorry the other thread ended up getting so ridiculous :rolleyes: As DL mentioned, there are a few territorial members here and yeah.........

Anyhoo, your wife sounds just like I was when I was heavily pregnant with my 2nd. The hormones were going *crazy* by then and it really was like someone else was controlling my body and mind (and mouth!). Don't be too down, this really will pass very soon :) As hard as things are, keep supporting her and keep coming here for support yourself.

[bellalika]

Your other thread was closed before I could reply, so I too am a crasher. Hubby asked me to pass on his tip of going for an early morning run twice a week. His is more of a stroll :p He says it was a real sanity saver. He didn't start until our second was 3 months old and would try to be back before both kids were awake. The early morning fresh air alone time helped. He didn't take over the cooking (he cooks toast and 2 minute noodles) but did a lot of other things and still helps out a lot. If your wife is anything like me 2 is way harder than people let on. Venting at hubby helped me but it took me a while and a painful conversation to realise that I was making things worse for him. Hope that helps!

[twotrunks]

Db if y get a chance look up the program "bringing baby home" and see if there are any in yr area. It is a great program for couples to strengthen their relationship when having kids. Or try the matching book, "and baby makes three". Helpful even if not first baby.

[Silverspoon]

I hope you can sort this out with her. I don't think that it's fair of her to be acting this way towards you.
I'd be inclined to think that there's something she's not telling you, and you need to find what that is.

If you can, get someone to babysit DD so you can sit down and tell her about your feelings.

Hugs:)

[dannybhoy]

Thanks everyone. I don't mind if mums reply to my thread - afterall, mums have got a perspective on this stuff too. I was just a bit weirded out by the elvel of aggression toward my posts. It seems to be going on in another thread, too, over an off-the-cuff comment I made. Whatever.

[dannybhoy]

Dannybhoy - everyone can see these sections - in fact non members can see these sections. We ask that other members be respectful of different sections (eg. single mothers, breastfeeding, circumcision), however, all of these areas are moderated, and therefore we ask that posts are written in accordance with the rules (ie. that they are respectful of other members)

There is an area on bubhub called social groups and only members of that particular group can see posts.

There is a dad's group on that for discussion of topics which may be sensitive to other members.

Thanks for that. How do I go about accessing the dad's gorup?

[bigbadbrad]

I log off for the weekend and everything goes NUTS!!!

Danny - Sorry you got a pounding from some forum members in the general chat area but I was glad to see there was some excellent advice there as well.

Sorry also that not more guys are posting but a big thanks to the helpful comments from the lovely ladies!

I completely understand where you are coming from. It sounds like your DW is a bit of an extreme case but I feel you are doing a very good job.

I also have to say that venting on here rather than at your DW is a MUCH better way to go!

Many mums do not realise that the frustration they feel during pregnancy can be even worse for many guys who like to protect/look after their family. The DW's can get visibly upset & all hubby wants to do is help but they often do not know themselves what the problem is or what hubbie can do and arguing is often the end result.

Just remember Daddy Larges comment about the Watermelon (My eyes are still watering!!). I know it seems like DW is being completely unreasonable but trust me when I tell you that we have it sooooooooooo much easier than the ladies do! Most importantly it will pass!!! and then she will remember what a trooper you were

The lack of intimacy thing is a bummer but you got a couple of good suggestions for that as well. Just keep repeating that it will pass.

A final suggestion is to try and get a weekend away with just the two of you. Even if the grandparents take your 2yo for two nights and you stay at home and just relax. Sleep in, go to movies..... whatever you like. A reminder of what life was like and will be again.

Babies are a complete disruption to our lives but SO worth it.

So until the baby arrives and things settle down (which may be 3-6 months or more after the bub comes FYI) just take deep breathes, use the good advice you got here and do your best.

All the best
BBB

[dannybhoy]

Thanks Brad, an evyryone else for the advice.

The wife seems to have settled down a bit now. Dunno why (maybe the flowers? It certainly weren't the coffee, microwaved to buggery 2 horus after it was bought, LOL!)

I've been making a big effort to get home from work earlier and take Gracie out for an hour so Libs can have a sleep. Seems to be paying off a bit.

sorry for being a dumb-a.r.s.e but what does DW stand for?

[FloatingFairy]

DW Is Dear Wife (as DH is Dear Husband for us ladies)

Glad to hear she's settling down a bit and you've also relaxed a bit more too.

It can be so so stressful and sometimes all it takes is a nice big vent and some new perspective to ease the tension.

Hope it stays this way for you :)

[Paul64]

Hey Dannybhoy

Just keep loving her and telling her. And before you know it, you'll have twice as much to love and all again will be well in your world. Run a warm bath for her, add some sweet smelling bath stuff our girls like, dim the lights, take her hand and lead her into the bathroom and then give her some peace time.

I know how you're feeling and IT WILL PASS.

Be strong, be supportive as you already are and before much longer, it will all get back to normal. Don't forget to take a little time-out for yourself too OK.

Cheers and kindest regards

Paul
SA

[swimyabuggers]

Thanks Brad, an evyryone else for the advice.

The wife seems to have settled down a bit now. Dunno why (maybe the flowers? It certainly weren't the coffee, microwaved to buggery 2 horus after it was bought, LOL!)

I've been making a big effort to get home from work earlier and take Gracie out for an hour so Libs can have a sleep. Seems to be paying off a bit.

sorry for being a dumb-a.r.s.e but what does DW stand for?

Hi Dannybhoy,

I put a blog post up a while ago called Learning the lingo. Scroll down the front page of the forum to "The pregnant bloke" (it's near the bottom in very small letters). You'll find what you're looking for on page two of the posts there. It's a list of just about every acronym known to (wo)man that gets used on this forum.

Enjoy the learning and good luck with the home life, I hope you all turn a corner soon!

Cheers

SYB