my gosh this is hard

[Electric Boogaloo]

My 8 month old DS has been waking several times a night for about 4 months now (he used to sleep through the night!! :hair:). We are not willing to let him CIO so we've been trying to use gentle methods of getting him to sleep and re-settling him at night but my god is it tough!! I have been co-sleeping with him for about 3 months now but it doesn't seem to be doing any good - we were both having very disrupted sleep and I never get to share a bed with my hubby who is too worried about baby to comfortably bed-share with him so he sleeps in the spare room most nights.

So last night we decided to side-car the cot to our bed. DS of course had a very rough night because of the new arrangements and today we're all exhausted (happy mother's day to me :rolleyes:). He went off to sleep with me lying near him but he has already woken twice in less than 2 hours (pretty typical). He resettles okay but my evenings are all about 'how is baby going to sleep? how many times will he wake? do i have time to watch a TV show or have a coffee?' And then all through the night! He is not usually hungry, cold or in pain, I think it's just a terrible habit and now he doesn't know how to sleep for longer periods. I just want him to be well rested :(

We're committed to a gentle approach but blardy hell it takes such a long time and such a lot of effort. I keep telling myself "he will grow out of it" but WHEN?? Right in the middle of it all it seems like we will never have a life after 6.30pm:crying:

I'm just so so very tired :dizzy: Thanks for reading if you got this far...

[Merla]

I can reassure you that he WILL grow out of it, you will get to sleep again, but sleep deprivation is torture when your in it!

Your DS sounds a lot like my DD as a babe, she needed me to help her move from one sleep cycle to another (every 45min or so) and liked to feed to sleep. Once we broke the feed sleep association she needed me close (usually holding her) to resettle.

This is what worked for us:
Laptops! Headphones and movies for my lappy meant when I went to her I didn't go mental resettling, also allowed me to take my tv shows or movie with me to resettle her.
Side car cot - we did this from birth and I simply love it, once she was able to settle without being held I could just roll over and give her a cuddle or hold her hand and she would go back to sleep, made resettling a heap easier. Also there was now enough room for DH in the bed.
Naps!! Try and nap when your DS does during the day, forget housework, sleep is way more important.

At 16 months DD started sleeping through a single cycle (more than an hour), by 18 months she was sleeping through most nights. Now she has just turned 2, she sleeps 7:30-7:30 most nights (unless she needs to get up to use the toilet).

I know its hard, but it will pass, your baby boy needs you at night, and your doing an excellent job at meeting his needs.

[Electric Boogaloo]

Thank you so much Merla :hugs: I needed some words of reassurance tonight. I know we'll get there eventually but sometimes it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

[Merla]

We all have bad nights, sometimes its really hard to see past the current situation (especially when sleep and time deprived) but the big picture helps. Your DS will thank you one day :)

[BabushkaMumma]

It sure is hard we still have very wakeful nights at just about two years old. but I do remember from about 8 months to 18 months were the WORST!!

I feel there isn't 'one solution' that will work forever from implementation for sleep - other than age-readiness. Kids get sick, teeth, developmental changes keep them awake, separation anxiety. All these things come in and upset sleep patterns.

We use gentle method to put our DD to sleep & I find it's been easier to ride these changes out - because bed times are already comforting right until the moment they she closes her eyes.

I've noted in threads about CC / CIO, parents often note they often have to reapply the methods after an interruption to the routine or that the method all of a sudden stops working - with some negative results such as fear of going to sleep or fear of their bed.

I mean those things can happen with any method but i found it happens more often than not with CC because it's often done before a child is developmentally ready.

But 2 years on, I have a happy and confident child. She isn't afraid of bedtime or her new big girls bed that we got her last week.

It does bring results long term. I feel that gentler methods for sleep teach sleep better in the long run as there is now fear or negative associations, that a parent is there for you.

Keep on going - it is hard but totally worth it! :)

[minties]

My DD is very similar too hun, I promise it does pass. Like yours, she slept beautifully until four months and then started waking often. She is now 13 months old and is improving, a few times now she has slept 8 hours straight!! (she is in bed with us).

I agree with Merla, get yourself something to do in bed so you don't go crazy! I splurged and got myself an iPad, it is awesome. I can go online or watch movies while DD is falling asleep, and when she needs resettling (actually, i'm usingit right now, sitting next to DD, she's already asleep but I'm too comfy with her to get up lol). Hopefully everything goes better with the sidecar tonight, it may take him a few nights to get used to it.

Just wanted to say also you are doing a great job, it does take commitment to use gentle methods but they are only small for a short time and it does pay off. These days DD falls asleep babbling, giggling and blowing kisses, and lays down happily next to me, has a boob and cuddles til she falls asleep. she is so calm at bedtime as sleep has always been a safe thing for her. it's our special time, I wouldn't trade her for a 'self settling' baby for anything:goodvibes:

[Electric Boogaloo]

We had an even worse night last night :( DS woke up so many times and just wouldn't go back to sleep for hours. I ended up bringing him into our bed which settled him a little bit but he was still pretty restless, poor darling.

[jennibear]

I cant really speak from experience but my DD did go through a nasty sleeping phase at around 8 months cos she was teething. Could he be teething...if so id say to you get the baby neurofen out and get yourself (and your son) a decent nights sleep. Could he be sick??

After DD had this terrible sleep phase we did have to do a little controlled crying but i followed 'super nanny's' stay in bed technique.
Put bub to bed...kiss and cuddle.. and sit in his room facing the door. if he stands up in his cot, get up, give him a kiss and cuddle and go back to your position. If he gets up 3 times just lay him back down without the kiss and cuddle. Continue this til he falls asleep. This teaches him that you are there for him without physically hellping him to sleep. Eventually (hopefully) you'll be able to put him to bed and sit outside the door.

it really worked for us.
Good luck.

[heeeeerekittykitty]

We had an even worse night last night :( DS woke up so many times and just wouldn't go back to sleep for hours. I ended up bringing him into our bed which settled him a little bit but he was still pretty restless, poor darling.

I'm Sorry , I have no advice just sympathy and prayers that it eventually improves for you .

You bet it's hard . My DS 16 months sleeps terribly and still night feeds a few times a night . I also have a DD 5 weeks who feeds all night ( obviously lol ) . So I really do sympathise. I'm also committed to gentle parenting as you stated in your OP , I just couldn't leave DS to cry ever so I know how hard it is to be responsive all night every night ten times a night . But he's my baby and I just accept it and hope he will improve as he gets older even though I still wouldn't care if he still woke for one feed , I'd miss that too much :-)

I wish you all the best , I hope it's a stage that passes for you soon. Good luck, your not alone in those dark hours even though you often feel like you are :-(

love kitty Xo

Xoxo



Ps - its tough when every night you think here we go , the bed battles begin . It's hard not to obsess over it I know , as you really feel like you have no life and no evenings . I'm certainly not telling you to get over and think like me , just wanna tell you what helps me ! Everynight I just go with the flow now. No analysing , no dreading it I just do what I have to do to get through another evening of getting him to sleep , feeds abd constant resettling . I tell myself ahh this is bloody kids , it's all part of it . I actually found that attitude quite liberating and from then on I no longer worried about it , I refused to because it wss bloody doing my head in. Easier said than done I know , but sometimes our acceptance and changing our perception of the situation can help a great deal in relieving some of the stress . Doesn't give us bloody more sleep though I know :-) hugs again . Xo

[Izzys Mummy]

I feel your pain Back to the Future - My bub is a week older than yours and is doing my head in. from 5weeks till 7mth she has gone from 8pm-4am without a feed and then up at 6.30ish. Now she is up at 10, 1 and 4am and up to play from 5.30am. I tried to resettle her without feeding and it only lead to wake ups every 45m-1.5hrs. prob is that the more you feed, the more often you have to nappy change and yes then they get more awake and another reason not to sleep.


I too dont want to use CC and am trying to use NCSS but so far nothing. good luck and do know that there are more bubs that out there that wake up for night time cuddles.

[Electric Boogaloo]

Thanks everyone :hugs: Bubs went to sleep beautifully this evening next to me in his cot and I'm tucked up in bed with my laptop and a DVD as hubby is working a late shift.


Ps - its tough when every night you think here we go , the bed battles begin . It's hard not to obsess over it I know , as you really feel like you have no life and no evenings . I'm certainly not telling you to get over and think like me , just wanna tell you what helps me ! Everynight I just go with the flow now. No analysing , no dreading it I just do what I have to do to get through another evening of getting him to sleep , feeds abd constant resettling . I tell myself ahh this is bloody kids , it's all part of it . I actually found that attitude quite liberating and from then on I no longer worried about it , I refused to because it wss bloody doing my head in. Easier said than done I know , but sometimes our acceptance and changing our perception of the situation can help a great deal in relieving some of the stress . Doesn't give us bloody more sleep though I know :-) hugs again . Xo

:yes: Great advice, thanks Kitty. I really try to do that most nights but sometimes when I'm so sleep deprived, it's hard to think straight! Fingers crossed for tonight... :fingerscrossed:

[BabushkaMumma]

Oh, funnily enough, as they start to need you less at night ( yes it does happen) you miss them.

I remember not being able to sleep one night wishing DD would wake so I could fed her and I could drift off to sleep!

I think it's hard because we're in those moments, night in and night out. I know I'll miss it when it's over.