Feel like such a cow

[Manxie]

My family are all overseas and none of them have seen my new baby. They are unable to travel so will not be able to see her until we make a trip back sometime next year.

How do I stop myself feeling VERY resentful of my DH's family (he has a large family) in particular my MIL :( She was over last night and I get so upset that I cant even make eye contact with her. She isnt an easy person and is a bit of a trouble maker, I feel she tries to bait me with her comments, therefore I have adopted the stance of just not reacting at all which I think is probably the best way to deal with her as she would just LOVE an argument and a bit of drama.

My DH knows how I feel but is naturally enjoying sharing his little girl with his family. He did however comment that I seemed very grumpy last night.

I just feel so sad that my family are not going to be as involved as I would like - tears are flowing as I write this. How can I deal with my sadness and anger and my MIL?

[Blessed Mum]

I know exactly how you feel, my family aren't that far away but I resent my MIL as well and feel extremely guilty. My hubby has a son from a previous relationship who she absolutely adores and to the point that she'll overlook our son and we are due in late jan for #2. She had the hide to say to me that she hopes its a girl as she really doesn't like baby boys!!!!! I try to ignore as well but it is hard just be the bigger, better person other wise I find it takes up to much of my time that I could spend loving my family and enjoying my pregnancy.

Take care Tara

[Nickster]

Hey Manxie,
I just replied to your settling thread, now I see this! You poor darling - you've got enough on your plate without MIL problems too. At the end of the day, you're exhausted caring for a new bub, and the last thing you need is a soap-opera scenario at your own precious home, in your own space.
Just remember, you are the mother of your precious baby, and if you can't deal with what's going on (ie. your MIL's comments), don't have her over. You choose where to see her if you want to see her at all, and calmly but firmly explain this to your husband. Hopefully he will support you in this.
I think sometimes it is better to not react - I'm sure she does love her grandchild, and sometimes it is better to keep the peace for the sake of the children and their relationship with their grandparents, but that doesn't mean you have to be a doormat either!
Why exactly is it you are resentful of your DH's family? Are they not helpful, or supportive of you? Or is it simply that they are there and your own family is so far away?
Perhaps things will settle down for you in time - some days with a new bub can be harder than others!
I hope I've been able to help! :)

[Manxie]

Hi

Thanks Tara and Nicole again!! Think I am just resentful of DH's family as they are here and mine are so far away. They are mostly supportive but I do feel that I have to be strong or else they will take over and I wont get a look in. I am feeling very possive over my little girl but try to be good and let them all have a cuddle even if it means I am sitting on my hands at the time!

I have thought about letting DH just go on his own with Lucy to the MIL's but not sure if this is wise or not.

It just drives me nuts when MIL says oh "Lucy says she needs a feed/burping/ etc" grrr. I suppose at the end of the day she is just very different from my mum and I want my family to have the same involvement as DH's but its just not possible and that makes me very sad. Probably dosent help that this is the longest I've been without seeing my family & friends :(

Anyway enough moans and thanks for your support

[rynosmum]

Hi Manxie,

I really feel for you in this situation.

My father is quite ill and unfortunately my DS and I have seemingly been unwell (one or the other with a cold or flu) for the past couple of months. As my Dad's immunity is very low and critical, even if DS has a sniffle, we can't go and visit.

My MIL is with us 2 days per week.

My parents were the ones who were in the waiting room the whole day while I was in labour - so excited about their new grandchild. They are the ones who call every day to see how DS is. My Dad has missed being part of DS's life for the past 12 months due to his illness. This also means that my mother doesn't get to see DS in case she picks up a cold that is passed onto my father. I know that she is devastated about this - she feels that she is missing his whole childhood.

I feel guilty for my parents missing so much of DS's first year, I miss having my own mum with me so we even just all go to coffee or shopping or to the park, I sometimes resent my MIL as she gets so much involvement. I know deep down though that she also loves DS incredibly so really, time spent by each grandparent should be dealt with differently. I sometimes take her words as critical when I am probably oversensitive...

The truth is, they aren't our blood relatives, but they are still our family and they really do want what is best for the baby, even if it's not the way OUR mum's would do it.

All the best for this one ! :)