Recovering Anorexic and currently pregnant

[kate1990]

I couldn't seem to find a post with mums to be who are in recovery and struggling...
background
I'm in recovery from anorexia/ bulimia. i haven't been admitted to hospital in 3 years and
have maintained at (acceptable to me) healthy weight, apparently still skinny to some.
today
Struggling silently. and i cant talk to my BF about it as he'll get angry and not understand. this is hard. really hard. the weight is getting to me. my head. its messing with me. I'm trying really hard. I'm fighting it because i have to. if i don't eat something every 2 hours i faint so I'm eating and regularly. but I'm paranoid of this weight. i have barely any choice in dinner. i am petrified inside but put on a brave face and shut up and eat. but its getting harder. i had this magical idea in my head that my baby would make me move on in life and forget the hell Ive been through. but its not that simple. i wont hurt her. i couldn't ever. she is everything to me. but I'm just scared. this is unknown territory and everything is un predictable. we don't have scales so i weigh myself at a friends house when I'm there once a month. iv put on 1.7kg. i expected more. i look and feel like I've put on 5kg. i probably have by now. in some ways its ok. but the other half of me is scared ****less about this. and i can see its only going to get worse as i get bigger.
Is there anyone else the same right now?

[scarlett41]

:hugs::hugs:

Oh I can sympathise. My best friend has battled anorexia for the best part of a decade now and we have talked a bit about what she would do if she got pregnant (she got a boob job and even the extra weight from that sent her into a freak out zone!!).

I struggled with the body image of being pregnant. I was always a good eater and healthy weight (62-63kg about 170cm) and when I noticed I put a bit of weight on I'd go harder at the gym for a few months. Pregnancy is different you have no control! In the end I put on 15kgs and honestly in 10 days 10 of them were gone again and by 3 months I was back with only 1 or 2 to loose (now I'm preggers again:freakingout:)

You need to go and see a counsellor or at least be honest with your ob and midwives so they can do proper checks on you. Your past is not something you should hide from at all. They will give you the support you need (and if they don't then you need to swap your team)

You are not alone-I think every woman struggles with the pregnancy body (its a far cry from the romanticized baby bump we imagine). I know I did-in fact looking back it probably caused me to spiral into ante-natal and then post-natal depression. The concern for you is that you have struggled with your non pregnancy body too! If you don't feel you can talk to your antenatal team then get online and search for PANDA-that may be of some help.

:hugs::hugs: Easier said then done I know but try to enjoy your pregnancy-I am having a blast this second time round-no depression at all- because I know that it will end and I will get some control back soon!

Good Luck and keep us informed:)

[Atlantic Puffin]

I don't have advice just wanted to give you some :hugs:

I think it shows great strength for you to reach out through your struggle.

I will be keeping you in my thoughts. X


Beep beep sending from my iPhone

[trishalishous]

I was in the same boat, but being pregnant really helped me. I HAD to watch my diet and eat regularly, and I was fortunate enough to not gain much. (I was weighed on my first visit and last visit, and told NOT to weigh myself during pregnancy)
its hard, but I just thought of my bubs growing healthy inside of me. :hugs:

[kate1990]

Wow I am surprised at the response.. thank you! as you can see by my writing it was state of mania, today I am calmer and trishalicious I think its best what you did and not weigh myself. I was straight up with my midwife and it is on my yellow card so it not a secret and I am open about it to those I'm close with. At the moment there is just no one around who understands who I can talk to.
I am trying to steer clear of ante-natal depression although with my history am expecting it sometime soon to creep up... Guess its baby steps one at a time! ..Congratulations scarlett41 I wish you all the best in this pregnancy!

[Jess1889]

I will talk with you about this when I see you next. You know you can talk to me. This sprung from when you weighed yourself here on saturday night didn't it? If you are struggling this much then I think it's best to hide
My scales from you next time. You need to focus on being healthy for your baby. You can focus (healthily) on your weight when she is born.

[halloweendee]

definately stay away from the scales!
i suffered from when i was 15 until 29, in and out of hospital.
when i fell pregnant with my first baby it was terrifying but i knew that i could not live with the guilt if anything went wrong so i forced myself to eat properly. not knowing my weight kept me sane.

since then i consider myself 'recovered' although i do engage in some weird eating patterns at times due to stress.
for this pregnancy i have been reading my weight (big step for me!) and although it has freaked me at times i know i have progressed far enough in my recovery to cope.

it sounds awful, but for me pregnancy has been like a get out of jail free card. it is the only thing that has made me commit to healthy eating for an extended period of time (ie longer than a week!) and if that's what it takes i say go for it.
also the fact that you are going to be a mom and will need to role model healthy eating for your child is good motivation.
read up on cognitive behaviour therapy and just argue back to that annoying little voice.
and see this as an amazing chance to finally put the monster behind you.
xx

[mumtocharli]

Hey i am not annorexic or a recovering anorexic however when i read ur post i needed to say something or at the least send hugs your way:)

I felt huge and fat from day one, the amout of food i was eating compared to usual kinda repulsed me. Anyways, what im getting at is all i focused on was that all these good nutriends from the food i eat are being passed onto my baby, im giving her the best start to life as i can. Also, for me it was a time to give in and for just 9mths, not let the scales/calories/carbs/fat/mirror stop me from eating to keep me strong so i can give life to my baby.

I was weighed at the beginning of my pregnancy and never even touched a scale during it. Mainly because i didnt care, if i felt ok then i was.

So i have no idea how much i put on and im glad :) I did take photos every week tho:)

I'm sorry if i was no help but i just really wish for you to enjoy your preganancy, even with what u have been going thru, i cant imagine how hard it must be. Just Think of that little life in ur "stretched" belly and only YOU are making her thrive more and more every day.

Huggles to you and goodluck!



My DD weighed a healthy 7lb 6 :)