2 close, then a big gap for 3 [Archive] - Bub Hub Pregnancy & Parenting Forum

View Full Version : 2 close, then a big gap for 3

Cheekychops

19-09-2006, 14:42

Just wondering how many of you have had 2 kids close (within 1-2 years of eachother) and then had a 3rd a while later......

* were your close two the same sex?

* was #3 planned

* Would you recommend gaps like this?

* anything else you can think of.....

Mummy2my5

19-09-2006, 15:21

Hi....:wave: My first 3 are close,23 months between 1st and 2nd and same with 2nd and 3rd then i have a almost 6 year gap with my 4th. I don't have any real dramas the other 3 love having a baby sister (apart from oldest dd at times gets a bit frustrated) :banghead: my eldest son is 10 years older than his baby sister and absolutely adores her.

mytwolilprinces

19-09-2006, 15:26

My two boys are only 21 months apart ( I fell pregnant on DS1's first b'day) - I am glad they are close together especially since they are both boys and hopefully will grow up being great friends to each other.

I am planning on having another - just not sure when. Probably leave a bigger gap this time though - don't think I could handle 3 just yet :)

Lila

19-09-2006, 15:37

HERE HERE :)

* were your close two the same sex? No

* was #3 planned YES

* Would you recommend gaps like this? Definatley!!!!

* anything else you can think of.....
my big ones are 15 month apart - PLANNED !!! and between no.2 and no.3 is 7 years...LOVE IT !!! for us it is wonderful and we all love our bubby :)

Good LUCK

mumma_jessy

19-09-2006, 15:40

My two are 20 months apart, and if i had another one i'd have the same gap.

The problem with having a much larger gap, from what others have told me is that the younger one is left out, the first two stick together cause thats what they are used to doing and the little one is left playing alone, or getting bullied by the older ones.

Like i said i have no first hand experience, but thats what i reckon...

Cheekychops

19-09-2006, 20:37

Thanks girls.....anyone else???

EskimoMumma

19-09-2006, 20:42

is that the younger one is left out, the first two stick together cause thats what they are used to doing and the little one is left playing alone, or getting bullied by the older ones.

I have to agree with you there. Me, i have the OPPOSITE. I have a 4 year old DS and 9.5month old DD and another baby ont he way! These two will havea 14month age gap, so time will tell. So far DS totally adores and dotes on DD and the same for DD to DS, this baby, let us see. I hope they dont drive DS mental when they are nboth walking around being little buggers :D

Tannie

19-09-2006, 21:54

I have 2 girls 11mths, 3 weeks apart:eek:
Whilst I wouldn't really recommend this closeness due to the sheer hardwork of parenting 2 babies, yet at different levels.........I know in a year or 2 it will be wonderful for me and them.

We're thinking of a 3rd.......but IF that happens it won't be until youngest bub is over 3yrs hopefully!

I think in terms of how children behave towards each other - it's small part just how they are but mostly what you as parents allow from Day 1. My sister and I were just discussing this today actually.........6 of us and all the middle ones really close in age.....I'm on the end 3 1/2 yrs younger then this sister. We are all GREAT friends and always have been. I put this down to our parents mostly.......

1) we were never allowed to 'tell tales' on each other (unless it was something actually dangerous happening of course) Mum & dad encouraged us to stick together and sort out our "issues" ourselves. Mum would say "I can't stand tatle tails.......I'm not listening and I'm not doing anything about it because you came running to me to try get your sister in trouble and that's just NOT acceptable in this family......to be nasty to each other"
2) we all slept in rooms together - boys and girls until quite older.....kept us close and taught us to negotiate and compromise.
3) mum and dad were forever telling us how our "family was everything....you all should always be there for each other......no matter what happens, your brothers and sisters will always be your brothers and sisters.........that can NEVER change.."
4) Petty arguments were dealt with strongly and fairly........most of the time it was more "oh - for heavens sake - get over it & stop being silly..." If we fought over something - we ALL lost it!! So it was worth sorting it out ourselves rather then get mum & dad involved!!
5) mum and dad NEVER compared us to each other. We were all individuals with different personalities.......we were / are all equal to each other, just have different talents and focusses.....but we know we are all loved and cared about 100% the same by mum & dad.
6) mum and dad were very strong on privacy. In our family - you could leave your diary out on the table and KNOW that no one would read it. (No one ever would open mail addressed to someone else unless asked to either)The first person that saw it there would probably close it for you and put it on your bed or something..........so despite us all being so "close" - we respected each others personal space and privacy.......I think this helps greatly with preventing arguments and petty fights over "territory"....kwim?

We now range in age from 39 -49 yrs and are spread out all over the state, but we'd speak to each other at least several times a week (not to each ONE but overall - I'd speak to at least ONE of my siblings + my parents each week.....so I'd know what everyone else is up to anyway!) Umm.....although - in the last week I have spoken to everyone actually! 3 brothers & 2 sisters...and now that I think of it, that's not as unusual as I thought it was.........boy oh boy - no wonder we all have such big phone bills :D

If you allow your kids to be competitive and to argue and hurt each other..........then they will IMO. really - spacing has little to do with it when you really analyse the situation.

Sorry - I've rambled - probably just because my sister and I were discussing this VERY thing only a few hours ago :hugs:
T

2boysfornow

19-09-2006, 22:35

I have 2 boys..ds1 born aug 02 and ds1 april 04 so about 20 mths between..got to say that if it was up to dh there would already be a 3rd or at least nearly here..yes I am TTC now but decided that ds1 had to be close to school..needed part time break as neither of them have been to child care(he is starting kindy next year.note TTC now..lol) although I have been told there is not much difference between 2 to 3?? Don't know yet sorry .. good luck

Cheekychops

20-09-2006, 07:36

Thanks for taking the time to write all that Tannie!!!!

And thanks to for the other opinions - keep em comin' :thumbsup:

iamstephyc

24-09-2006, 17:29

I have a friend who has a 17 y/o girl, and a 14 y/o boy and a 5 y/o boy. Her 3rd was not planned and though she loves him to pieces, she would not have chosen to have a 3rd.

Crazyfamily

24-09-2006, 20:30

Hi There,
I have a 20 month gap between first and second and that was planned. Then there is 9 years between no. 2 and three. (no. 3 was not planned). Since then I have had 3 more. So I now have 2 teenagers aged 15 (boy) and almost 14 (girl) who are very close now. A couple of years ago they didn't get along very well but I did tell them that one day they would really appreciate each others friends lol and that is exactly what happens. As for my young ones, there is 4, 3, 2, and 6 months. The older ones find it hard to cope with the little ones but I think it is because there is so many. ( it is hard for all of us) but there is a lot of love in our family and everyone can see it. I don't find the age gap between my children hard be it the large or the small, what I find hard is MY AGE. I wanted more children and thought I should do it quick as age is not on my side. I am exhausted every day and love it.

FourAngelKisses

24-09-2006, 21:10

I have 15mths between my first 2 and 5.5yrs between my second and third.

* were your close two the same sex? No, had my son first, then my daughter.

* was #3 planned No, I was on the pill.

* Would you recommend gaps like this?In all honesty, definately not. The older two don't really like playing with their brother because he gets cranky, possessive, bored, he hits them if he gets frustrated etc etc.
It is also hard because the older two are at school, and I was constantly having to wake Matthew up (still do) to go and pick them up. It is harder to do dinner and homework when I am having to deal with the terrible 2's.

tammiet

24-09-2006, 21:38

Hi, i have 2 kids with 15 months difference. The eldest is a girl and then a baby boy. #1 was planned and #2 was a nice early surprise only 9 months after my first was born i fell pregnant again. At the moment it is hard to say whether they are getting on, as they are both still young but time will tell. I'm deciding at the moment whether to have the next one close or leave a gap. It would be nice to have a break from both breastfeeding and being pregnant. Considering I've done both for the last 2 years.

JenNT

24-09-2006, 21:43

* were your close two the same sex? no, girl then boy 18 months apart, they are so close but gee it was hard work at the time.They are 51/2 and 7 now.

* was #3 planned no he was a surprise packet, 4.5 years after number 2.I have to say he is fantastic, i have time to enjoy him more.

* Would you recommend gaps like this? absolutely!

* anything else you can think of..... Yep... JUST DO IT!!:D
__________________

Funkychicken

24-09-2006, 21:55

were your close two the same sex? DS came first then DD was 2y 2 mnths later. I adored having a toddler and a baby.
* was #3 planned ditto to what JenNT said!! No plans, 5 years between 2 & 3 and he is the best thing to happen to us!
* Would you recommend gaps like this? absolutely!

* anything else you can think of..._Even if we had tried I don't think we could have planned it so well! No.3 born during xmas hol's so no school car drives etc..just lazing around for 6 weeks. Then when school returned DD started prep so I get baby all to myself in the day. It's like having the first one again without all the worries and concerns about the small stuff.
Number three is the magic one-DH and I just can't get enough of him, he's so scrumdittliumptious!

Valosgirls

25-09-2006, 10:55

Hi:wave:

Well I have two little girls born exactly 12months 7days apart. It was really hard work there for a while but my has it paid off now!! They are the best of friends and I never have to entertain them - they are now 4&5 and baby#3 is due in about 5days time:)

It was never my intention to have such a big gap but I was truly so exhuasted after the first two being so close that I didnt have time to scratch myself let alone make more babies LOL:laughing:

Im hoping and praying that the age gap wont be a problem and Im sure it wont - the girls already love this baby to pieces and its not even here yet!

Hope that helps:)

mysonroger

25-09-2006, 15:33

my first two are 15 months apart (DS followed by DD), which was planned and executed beautifully. the third was meant to be equally close but it just ain't happening for me. i keep running into obstacles that prevent me from falling pregnant. i'm trying my hardest as three under three is what i wanted and would have loved, but now i'm slowly getting used to the idea that there's going to be a bigger gap now with the third. oh well......

i would recommend babies close together if you can handle it. not everyone has the composition to do it.

FourAngelKisses

25-09-2006, 16:33

i would recommend babies close together if you can handle it.

Me too, I thought it was great!!

Angelmist♥

25-09-2006, 23:00

Hi:wave: I have 2 boys 13 months apart and then 4.5yrs after no.2 our DD was born.She was planned and I love it!

'The boys' love their sister to bits and are still jumping over each other to help me with anything she needs!LOL I thought the 'novelty' would have worn off by now!Honestly sometimes I do wish we hadn't waited so long but I love that I have DD to myself when DS2 is in preschool and DS1 is in school.

WizzFizz

26-09-2006, 15:42

Hi there,
I can't tell you what having 2 close together is like because I only have DD at the moment, but no. 2 (a little boy) is due 2-3 weeks after her first birthday! To be honest, I am really worried about the sheer hard work that is indefinete at the begginning, but DD was an awesome baby and here's hoping that no. 2 will be just as good.

I have had a few nasty comments from people that it will be "worse than twins", I "asked for it" (wtf?), "Geez your keen" etc etc., but even though no. 2 wasn't planned, we now think in 2-3 years time we are going to be set, as we are both so young, and can plan our future (careers, first house etc.) without the interuption of another pregnancy/baby, as we only wanted 2 - and we're so clever, we got one of each!:p

I think its great that we will have the kids close!!

DoubleDelight

27-09-2006, 14:22

I have a nearly 15yr old son and a 12 1/2 year old son - there is 2yrs & 5mths between them. I also have 1yr old b/g twins.

After my marriage broke up I never intended to repartner let alone have more children but once I met and fell for DP we decided we wanted a child together and instead had 2 :p

DP has a 25yr old daughter who is fantastic with the babies.

Youngmummy - trust me it won't be worse than twins.

Some days I think what have I done but then they'll cuddle me or smile and giggle and I know that I wouldn't change a thing.

Femme la Phoenix

27-09-2006, 22:05