CC with a toddler who now cries out "mummmmmmyy'

[clucky77]

I am feeling terrible and really conflicted.... would love opinions/ thoughts.

I have used Tizzies strategies since about 4-5 months and it's worked really well. Now that she is almost 2 and is talking, she calls for Mummy in a desperate tone with a high voice. It kills me. I think it is best if I don't go in, but just call out to her to let her know I am there. If I go in, I wouldn't be able to come out.... it could take an hour of me lying on the floor, and this is something I can't get into as she will want this every night.

Most nights are fine- straight to sleep without crying. But 2 times/ week, she has that desperate 'Mummy' cry for up to an hour. I don't think she is 'scared' as she will stop as soon as I walk in, wriggle her little body and try and settle whilst talking to me.

But I'm torn- what if she is scared? When does this start? Surely if she feared something she would try and cling to me when I go in.

Arrrrrrrrrrrgggggg. Not sure what to do. The staying out seems to be better but the desperate cry for me is killing me. It does seem emotional but what does that mean!? She's absolutely fine when I go in there!

I am worried about the impact this might have on our attachment - she's quite clingy and won't venture off without me and I worry I am giving her inconsistent parenting as I am super responsive when she is awake/ hurt herself, but try and get her to self settle.

Thoughts?

THanks

[OurLittleBlessing]

Honestly, sweetie, attend to her.

I have been in your shoes. We did CIO/CC with our firstborn. And while all seemed a bed of roses at first, cracks in her confidence have appeared since she was 18 months +.

We are now cosleeping with her. If I could turn back time, I would do it differently. But there is no point beating myself up about that, I can only move on.

If it were me, I would go to her. It will probably take more effort, but I don't believe it is too late to restore some of that attachment. Like I said, we are co-sleeping now, and I can see my DD's confidence slowly but surely resurfacing.

HUGS sweetheart. I hope this made sense. I really shouldn't try and reply to posts at this time of day as I am so distracted with my girls!!!

Don't feel bad, you are obviously an attentive mother who is in tune with her daugher, or you wouldn't be posting this in the first place.

PM me if you ever want to chat to someone who has been there. HUGS HUGS HUGS

[OurLittleBlessing]

Okay, I'm a bit dense, I just realised I replied in the pro-controlled crying section.

My apologies.

My offer still stands if you want to chat though. HUGS again.

[clucky77]

Thanks for your honest repose- it is appreciated. I think those that are balanced should be able to reply so I don't think it's an issue.
Thanks again.

[JustUs3]

My DD does the exact same thing (she's 26 months).
Most nights she'll happily go to sleep once I've put her to bed but there are some nights where she stands in her cot and cries out to me. I normally go in, tell her It's ok and that's it time to go to sleep. Most of the time she tells me she wants a cuddle so I pick her up, give her a cuddle and then lay her back down. In an ideal world she'd lay down and go to sleep but that doesn't happen :laughing: so I leave her room until she starts yelling out to me again and then I go back in and repeat the 'shhh it's time to go to sleep' process until she eventually does.

Does she have a light on in her room? We sometimes put a night light in DD's room which helps. :)

[ghostdancer]

aw :hugs: its pretty tough isnt it. they are willful little creatures, arnt they.

my 28 month old does the same thing, some night he will go to bed happily and other night he will stand in his cot & scream out "HELP ME MUMMY muuuuummmmmmyyyy hhhheeeellllppppppppp" over & over.
i go in and he just wants to get out of bed, he goes to bed pretty late, usually between 8 & 8:30. and there is rarely something wrong, sometimes he drops his blankie on the floor & cant get it, but most of the time he just wants more attention from me.

I keep telling him that its bed time & i say it in a firm voice and i see that he has everything he needs like his teddy & blanky & then i say good night, give him a kiss & walk out. sometimes i repeat that about ten times until he goes to sleep.

if something was actually wrong with my DS i wouldnt do this, its just i know him and i know he just wants to have extra play time, but im the parent i have to win the bedtime battle.

i think that at this age they are all about 'testing the boundaries' - seeing what they can get away with.

[1+1=5]

i think you should follow your instincts :hugs::hugs:. could you take a book with you or a lap top, something to do while she falls asleep. i play on my iphone :)

[clucky77]

Thanks for this guys.

My instincts are to go in, and resettle quickly, and walk out. But when I walk out it just makes things worse. I need t make up my mind as the lack of consistency is unfair - she has only just started this so I am unsure of teh best approach

For a week we tried letting her cry it out and it KILLED me- my DH was all for it and self settling. I understand his logic- if we want DD to settle over night when she wakes, she needs to practice it at bed time. But I ended up more distressed than DD so I am not sure if this is the best for us.

BUT if I do get into the habit of going in, I am worried the bad settling nights / week will increase from 2 to 7!

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhh. Tonight took 1.5 hours. She settled by herself with me going in 3-4 times. Lots of pauses in between 'Muuuuuuuuuuumy cuddle' and desperate 'aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhs'

Oh I feel so sad, but when I look at it I think it might have been protest. In between the aaaaahhhhhhhhhs were funny little sounds that sounded almost playful.

[bellalika]

I wait a few minutes and hope for the best. If he cries out i'll lie very still in bed and not move incase he can hear me through the wall (i swear he has special ninja hearing). If he calms down, then I wait. If he arks up I wait again. The third time I go in. DS2 is 13 months old. The reason I wait is because unless I feed him (and I'm trying to ween) he'll take at least 90 minutes to resettle.I'm at my absolute wits end though. His brother only called out when he woke up in the morning so it wasn't a problem.

Hope that helps a little.