Attachment Parenting info and Advice Please

[Theophania]

I'm not too sure where to start. I am struggling with the feeling that I am a bit of a failure as a mother. I haven't spent anytime reading books on AP etc and have just sort of gone with my instincts, and whilst I don't think I have done damage to my kids, I can't help but feel that I have not been the mother they deserve. I used to smack DS (it was how I was raised and just thought it was normal, until BH made me realise it wasn't right) and whilst I no longer smack, the urge is there when I get angry etc. I yell like a nutter, I hate it, but I just can't seem to cope with my son's behaviour. DS is 2 and a half and I have an 11 month old daughter. I want to stop this behaviour of mine before I can cause anymore damage. I want to be calm and be confident that I am doing the right thing and well as far as I am concerned natural parenting methods is what I think is best for myself and my kids, but I am looking for advice and suggestions from anyone out there that uses this method. Any good books? I would love to go and do something like a weekend workshop with my kiddies, to bond better with them, any idea if something like that exists??? I really need help here for myself and my babies, I want them to grow into happy, healthy stable adults and I am scared that my ranting and raving is not good for them. I hope its not too late for me to make the changes...

Please help :(

[Phyllis Stein]

You sound like a really switched on attachment parent, tbh. Good on you for recognising the areas you could do better and doing something about them.

As for books, there are so many out there, but a few are stand outs as far as I'm concerned. The best is Children are People, Too - this has some really excellent examples of gentle parenting strategies as well as challenges some of our faulty beliefs about children that lead to parents clashing, rather than working with them. If you're struggling with your "buttons" being pushed, then Buddhism for Mothers is fantastic - it's not an overly religious book, more about ways to develop calmness, patience and a sense of humour about parenting. Alfie Kohn's Unconditional Parenting is great, too.

[V8]

It's never to late to seek help if you want to change the way you cope parenting your children in a more calm fashion. I have heard of some good books Alfie Kohn Unconditional Parenting might be good, Dr Sears is pretty AP focused and a doctor, you could search for some of his books too. Hopefully others may have some suggestions :hugs:

[V8]

Robin Grille - Parenting for a peaceful world.

Sarah Buckley - Gentle birth, gentle mothering, i read it more about pregnancy etc, but she does have more parenting methods in the back too.

Judy Arnell - Disciplining without distress

HTH :)

[Benji]

I have a book called "discipline without shouting or spanking" which I found to be wonderful when my DS was a toddler - it has some really fun ideas!

:hugs:

[MamaBleech]

Hey hon, it is never too late to make changes. FWIW, rage is something I really stuggle with as a parent and I frequently 'yell like a nutter'. :hugs:

Books I have either read or heard great things about... (in addition to the ones mentioned above)
Heart to Heart Parenting - Robin Grille
Parenting for a Peaceful World - Robin Grille
How to talk so kids will listen, and listen so kids will talk - Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
Toddler Tactics - Pinky McKay
Anything by Louise Porter, Robin Grille, Jean Liedloff, Alfie Kohn, Steve Biddoulf or Dr William Sears

In regards to your anger stuff, have you looked into meditation or mindfulness at all? This is something I'm currently working on and I really think it is going to help me overcome some of my anger issues.

As a side note, I have recently discovered the difference between attachment parenting and permissive parenting. Try not to forget that you are here to meet your child's every NEED, not their every WANT and it is okay to set boundaries and be firm (particularly once they're toddlers and older). I only say this because some of the AP stuff I have read has made me feel very guilty but it was aimed at babies and I was applying it (in my mind) to my toddler.

Hope this helps a bit. You're a wonderful mother because you care enough to think about this stuff! :hugs:

[babybabycakes]

You sound like a very switched on mummy. It takes courage to look more closely at the way we parent and change it :yes: its a huge step and you should be proud of looking at your issues and trying to overcome them.

I agree with the book suggestions so far.

I would add the no cry discipline solution. Its like a recipe book of things to do with discipline or heading off situations that would reqire discipline. I am finding it useful as i wouldnt have thought of many of the ideas. Easy to read and very handy.

Good luck, and dont let guilt overwhelm you. I have anger issues too and i try hard to not let them affect mym kids with yelling etc, but it is s o hard. As long as we keep trying and keep our kids love at the forefront of what we do, we will do good things and improve their physical, emotional/ spiritual and overall welbeing. Once thy grow up and have thir own kids perhaps, i like to think they will appreciate our constant efforts to improve

[Regen]

I hear you on the yelling, it's such a difficult habit to break isn't it, I'm a work in progress as well. I have a very short temper, my hand often twitches to smack a bottom when somethings pushed my buttons and I've had to just walk away many times. Buddhism for mothers was really helpful in dealing with my own feelings and reactions to situations. For practical solutions and more postive ways of interacting with children "The Discipline Book" from the Sears is really fantastic, mine's all dog eared and worn where I keep re-reading and looking stuff up.