Too proud to admit

[coin16]

I have been suffering from what I believe to be post natal depression for the last 3 mths now. I have sat back and just hoped things would settle by themself , when infact it is gettin so much worse . I have a very difficult baby and things seem way too overwhelming. I can b fine 1 min and horrible the next, and it only has to b the tiniest of things like too many ppl visiting at one time or my house work piling up on me and I feel so anxious and annoyed that I either explode or just cry. It has gotten to the point where I am constantly jumping down my partners throat and I feel he is about ready to walk. I want help but am such a proud independent person that I don't know how to bring it up with a doctor or talk about it .

[NicAndStu]

I just wanted to pop in and say what a great job you are doing as a mum. I can see from some of your other posts that your bub is 6months old with silent reflux. That must be really hard for you. Big hugs.

There is a depression section on the forum that may help you further with PND Topics.

I have read other ladies on bubhub talk about their PND and they all seem to say the same thing: once they tell their doctor, the doctors are really proactive in helping to treat it. They're not judgmental, but are really concerned for your health and talk to you, organize counseling and meds etc.

It's great that you were able to open up here about your feelings because you will find you're not alone and having a good support system is important.

If you're not comfortable telling your doctor maybe you could speak with beyondblue, or a telephone service to start the ball rolling?

I'm sure there will be others with better suggestions, but I just wanted to give you my support and well wishes.

Me 26 - DP 27
DS 04/02/2011

[myhusbandswife]

I was exactly the same as you up intill yesterday.

But yesterday I went to my GP and just let it all out!! I feel a bit better already.

You have done a great job to recognise the sign already but I do suggest you have a chat to your GP and go from there.

Fir me it was not wanting to be that cranky person forever.

Good luck! Big Hugs! PM me if you want to chat or ask anything

[coin16]

Thanks guys , yeh I think how difficult my daughter is has been what has set it all off. It has been an absolute night mare. Did your doctor prescribe u something to ease the anxiety or stop the sudden out bursts or has he just referred u to councilling. It definitely needs to b addressed as every aspect of my life just feels as though it's falling to pieces. I don't want friends to cum visit because as soon as they leave I get myself so wound up about the extra house work I have to do once they leave and I hate visiting people because my daughter is just such hard work that the visits r Neva pleasant. I go to friends to have coffee and 9 times out of 10 it goes cold before I even get a sip because there is always something to do for my daughter.

[myhusbandswife]

My Dr prescribed anti depressants and also has referred me to a phychologist that specialises in PND. I will start taking my meds tomorrow.

What your explaining is exactly how I feel. I have 2 children with a hearing impairment and I think the diagnoses of my second was what pushed me over the edge.

My GP just asked casual questions about my pregnancy, labour and delivery, family history of mental illness and also about bubs sleeping and all that. He did a little test thing aswell which I scored quiet high in. He was so good even though I was a blubbering mess lol. I definatly feel better just having it all out here rather than trying to put on a front. I told my best friend today and she was speechless as she had no idea I was suffering while she thought I was supermum.

Does your daughter have sleep troubles? Have you thought about getting some help with that?

[coin16]

Well that's excellent I hope it helps u get back on track. My first was an awful baby and when he was 16 mths old I decided I was Neva having another because it was way too hard. But then I talked myself into believing that there was no way I could have a second baby that bad, I was very wrong. She barely sleeps at all. I put her down at 7 at nite and she will solidly sleep till 10 and then from then she is up and down all nite. Ppl often say to me aswell that I am super mum and they don't know how I keep such a tidy house and how I am not a wreck even though my daughter is so tome consuming and how I am always so organized even though I run on bout 2 hrs sleep , and I just feel like screaming at them because deep down I am not super mum and nobody Eva offers togive me a hand because they c me as a person who does everything perfect and copes great.

[coin16]

And in a way I have a lot of guilt because there is s big age gap with my 2 children , for 5 yrs my son was an old child and we fun everything together , once he was old enough to actually have cute and funny conversations with we would often go for walks, go and have milkshakes once a week with just the 2 of us, we would have days where we would just bring a mattress into the lounge and watch movies but now that is all very limited and I hate that s much attention has been taken away from him. I am constantly asking him If he is ok and if he luvs me because he is a beautiful little boy and I don't want him to Eva stop feeling that I am his number 1 person in his life. Sum days I feel like packing him up and running away with just him, and that is terrible , what kind of person wants to leave their partner and their daughter behind when it al gets too much.

[2plusbaby]

:hugs:It takes a strong person to see their own symptoms, well done!! Thats one of the biggest steps!!

I had PND with Jakobi, at first I ignored it, figured it was just because he was difficult, (colic then reflux...)and I was young and couldnt cope... until one evening feed, I couldnt touch him. I couldnt make myself pick him up, I believe he was pure evil... I just sat on the bed crying while he screamed. Lucky there was a few sample packs of formula in the house, my then partner feed him and the next day I went to the doctors. I felt like a horrible mum... TBH I still do about that. My mum (who I now live 1000kms from) felt the need to remind me how awful I was, and how I struggled to bond with him as her way of expressing her concern I will have it when our Jellybean in born... Thanks Mum... it has actual just made me feel guilty, and anxious about having Jellybean...

Wow that was longer than I was planning, sorry to ramble on!! What I'm trying to say is Well Done!! and good luck! Drag yourself to a doctor you trust and let it all out!! :hugs::hugs::hugs:

[myhusbandswife]

2plusbaby - Hopefully PND stays away this time for you but on another note atleast this time you will know what to look for and if it rears its ugly head again you can get on top of it early.

I keep wondering to myself if I had it with DD and I just didnt know and then I got UTD again and it went away...

Coin16 hope your feeling ok xx

[coin16]

Thanks guys, it's actually helps knowing that I an not the only person that feels this way a lot of the time . I am hoping to b able to make an app with my gp this week and am hoping that I get there and tell him everything I need to and not just crack and freeze up. I also think a lot of it will settle once all this stuff is sorted as far as my daughter is concerned. We r waiting for a call from the pediatrician with an app time and hopefully it is very soon and after she gets sorted I am hopin that even just 1 day of day care would b good. I know she is only young but I really think the break will do me good as far as being more patient

[integratelife]

:hugs:
I hope by now you have made it a priority to take care of you and your needs... there is absolutely not shame in asking for help... in fact take a minute to imagine what advice you might give your own daughter if she were struggling. I have copied a link to a really great article originally from the American Psychiatric Journal about mother's mental health:
Successful Depression Treatment Of Mothers Has Long-Term Effects On Offspring http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/releases/224682.php
There are also therapists, of which I am one) who offer skype counselling sessions for PND so you dont even have to leave the house or make appointments around sleep times etc.
Take care of you

[MamaC]

Hi Coin :hugs:
How are you going with everything? Did you manage to get a GP appointment? If you are struggling to verbalise what is happening, can you write it down so that your Dr. can read it? It might help to get the ball rolling.

I have now recovered from PND, but it was a very long journey for me. I spent just over 2 years on meds and there is no question that They. Saved. My. LIFE. There is no shame in speaking up about how you are feeling. There is also no shame in taking medication for this. I am so grateful to now be well after struggling for so long.
The turning point for me 1 year into treatment was when a friend of mine said to me "I have bad days, but at the end of it I'm still happy. Are you?" And it was at that point that I realised that I not only deserved to survive, I also deserved to be happy!

You are brave. You are strong. And you can get through this! :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: