Funerals

[Shakey]

Im not sure where to put this, so its here, I gave bith to my wee boy at 20wks on friday, I have to arrange his funeral cause he was born after 20wks, i'm just really after advice on what to do and stuff, i'm so at a lost with everything, I have no family around to help out, so could really do with some advice, tia everyone

[Mum&bubs]

Sorry I have no advice on funerals I just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear about your loss :hugs:

[~EmsMum~]

Sorry I have no advice on funerals I just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear about your loss :hugs:

same here I am so sorry about your loss :crying: :hugs:

[rynosmum]

I believe that if you call a funeral director, they will help you through the entire process.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine what you are going through:hugs: :crying:

[indigoin0z]

oh goodness... i so wish i had some advice for you....:(

i cant even begin to understand your pain right now...
tho i have been thinking about similar if my fragile pregnancy turns the same outcome... i have wondered these factual issues about what happens myself..

hopefully one of the lovely ladies here will be able to help, as it seems its sadly not an uncommon thing...:crying:

pleez take care:hugs:
PEACE 2u

[Starlet]

Oh sweetie, I am so so so sorry to hear of your loss. Big hugs to you and your family.

[talon]

hi greyeyes. I am so very sorry for your loss. I would recommend phoning some funeral directors in your local area and ask them what the usual proceedings are for burying your baby. Also do some searching on the internet also. You may find some information there. Hugs to you and look after yourself.

[aardvark]

Firstly, I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

My brother and his wife lost a baby and had to have a funeral. They had a simple graveside service, with a celebrant who was recommended by the undertakers. They had a reading which I have heard before, which I think was called "footprints in the sand", which seemed appropriate for the parents especially. They also had a few prayers and The Lord's Prayer.

I think the starting point for you needs to be what you and your partner need from the service. Do you need it to be overtly religious, slightly religious, or just a ceremony to mark your baby's passing? Once you know what you need from the service, the undertaker will be able to help you find the right way of proceeding.

Whatever you need the service to be, make it so. There is no second chance to do it "better" later.

[Shakey]

Thanks everyone for you thoughts, were going to chat to xome funeral directors tomorrow and the social worker in the hosp, i'm just really wanting some advice on what would be nice to do and stuff, my head is all messed up at the moment and want to get this right, there will only be one funeral, i know the funeral directors will help us through it

[Funkychicken]

:hugs: I am so sorry for your loss of your little boy. I cannot imagine your pain right now.
My dearest friend lost her baby at 34 weeks and a funeral was held with a small church service followed by a graveside service. The family each released white balloons which symbolised 'letting go'. It was a very moving gesture to witness but also very difficult as my friend was unable to let her balloon go. The other family member's were each able to do this though.
Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. All the best for tomorrow.:hugs: :hugs:

[Elfin]

Oh greyeyes, I am so deeply sorry about the loss of your precious little boy. I think one idea that is lovely for a funeral is releasing some butterflies or releasing some balloons. Playing some special music and reading a poem is beautiful too. I hope you find a nice funeral director to help you through this awful time. The only other suggestion, is perhaps the bonnie babes site might have some ideas.

Best wishes to you and your family:hugs:

[shed]

Oh greyeyes, I am so sorry for your loss.

I used to work at a funeral home and have sadly been witness to funerals for little angels who were only on loan for such a short time. I never got used to it, none of us ever did, we would always be sad and short tempered with each other when we had a wee baby to organise the funeral for. Even the toughest old buggers and the ones who had been in the industry for years and years would be upset.

Ring your local funeral director and as you have already said, the social worker at the hospital will be able to help you and guide you through the process.

The funeral director will help you choose a casket and will show you the flowers you can choose from. They will be able to recommend a celebrant and will have examples of readings to choose from or you can write your own. They will take care of everything regarding the funeral and the social worker will guide you on the other things involved.

Please know we are all thinking of you at this sad time. If you need any advice regarding the logistics of the funeral, cost, flowers, readings ANYTHING, please PM me. I should be able to answer most of your questions.

[Mariposa]

:hugs: to you and your family for your terrible loss. as everybody has said, the funeral places will advise you, as will a social worker.

we lost my little nephew (12yrs ago now) when he was 4mths to sids, my sister organised butterflies to be released, as well as a single dove, which soared straight up. was absolutely beautiful..

once again, im truly sorry for your loss.:hugs:

[*Kimmy*]

I wish I had more words of wisdom or advise, but I would just like to say how terribly sorry I am for the loss of your little baby boy. As 'Shed' said, I beleive these things happen when the angels are on loan for just a short time.

I think the idea of releasing butterflies is beautiful, and a poem read by a close family member or friend would be lovely.

My heart goes out to you. :hugs:

[Bron]

Oh greyeyes, I am so very very sorry for your loss.

I'm afraid I can't offer advice beyond using music or poetry that is special to you.

I'm thinking of you and your family. :hugs:

[Jenko]

Oh Jo, i'm so so sorry for the loss of your little man :( I have sent you a PM. :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[Strawberry_Shortcake]

Sorry I have no advice for you. I just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear about your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family. :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[~beckkles~]

Greyeyes,
I'm so sorry for your loss, I've been waiting to hear "good" news but know so much heart ache accurs losing them so soon.
DD funeral was very beautiful with just a few family and friends, she only breathed for a few minutes but changed our life forever. PM if you need to talk.
Bec

[Mahjong]

Hi Jo,

Im always here if you need me OK? You have my numbers. ven if you just need time alone, I am MORE than willing to take Jacob for the day :hugs:

Im so sorry for your loss, Daniel and I cannot imagine what you and the family have been through.

[mothergoosewannabe]

Greyeyes,
My heart braks along with yours and your family's at this time. I also have had the task of burying a child. My son was stillborn at 28 weeks. Seeing a funeral director will help you heaps as they have great ideas. For my son's we had a graveside service only and we also had it small. We also organised a viewing to be held at our home and placed him in the nursery and took pics of him there for us to remember and it felt like a bit more closure for us to have had him at home with us at least once. Even though this was very hard to do, i am now glad we did asa we will always have these pictures and sometimes it is nice to bring them out and show them to my DD and DS so they can come to understand the story of their big brother.Then at the graveside we got the minister to read out a letter that my DH and I had written to him. I have a copy if you would like to read it, pm me. It may give you some ideas on what to say. We just said about little things that happened during out pregnancy that made us laugh ie toiletstops etc.
We also placed some items in with him. And let others do it too. He got a dockers football plus an eagles one, just incase he might go for one or the other. He also got teddies, a chocolate easter rabbit a can of bunderberg rum. The things that did not fit in the coffin were put into the grave with him.
What it comes down to is how you feel about it. Do what feels right to you and I will thinking of you during this time. PM if you need to. :crying:

Empty Heart.

As I run my hand over my belly,
I remember you're not there.
As I walk around the house,
I realize you will never cry here.
Nature decided you weren't meant to be,
But where does that leave me?
To greive a child who will never grow.
To cry for a son,
I never got the chance to know.
So each day I wake to an empty heart,
Knowing that we are forever apart.

( in memory of Brock Ethan Smith)

[2s'nuff]

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: coming your way greyeyes. Sorry to hear you lost your little boy, all my thoughts and best wishes are coming your way.

[*Sparkles*]

:hugs: I am so sorry to hear of your loss Greyeyes. I was so hoping that your little fella was going to hang in there.

A lot of the other ladies have come up with some lovely ideas for the funeral. I have never been in that situation, so I don't have alot to add. Other than if it were me, I would like to have a permanent reminder of him such as a special tree in the garden.
I think the ideas of reading out a letter to him at the funeral and putting some things in the casket are all very special.

I hope you have a lot of love and support through this difficult time and may your little angel rest in peace :hugs:

P.S I will be thinking of you through the rest of my pregnancy as our little boys were due on the same day :crying:

[Hokey Pokey]

I am so sorry.
My aunt lost her bub at 6 months and she contacted SIDS and another support place like that and they helped her do it all. You just can't do it all on your own.
My heart goes out to you and your family.:hugs:

[mum2angels]

I am so sorry to hear that your little one did not make it, :hugs: to you . I have been reading your posts and had my :fingerscrossed: that everything would be ok. Our first baby girl was stillborn at 39 weeks, I was very sick so my husband and my mum organised most of the funeral with the help of the funeral director. It was very hard, I didn't know what to do, it's not something you think you will ever have to do. We wrote a little letter to our baby girl and put a few little things in with her. We also had pink and white roses which everyone took one to put in the grave and then we released pink and white balloons. I wish that I had of been thinking clearer so that I could have pick out songs and reading that I wanted for her. I hope that the funeral director can help you organise something special for your little one. Take care of yourself and again, I am so sorry you have lost your precious baby.

[3Divas&me]

Just want to let you know Greyeyes that I am thinking of you and feel so deeply saddened for you and your family. The loss of a child is an unbearable thought.:hugs:

[cmd'smum]

Greyeyes......so sorry for your loss :hugs: :crying:

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[smelly]

Hi greyeyes

I am really sorry to hear about the loss of your little one. As I don't visit this site very often I'm not sure where you are located. Hope the following can be of some help though.

I gave birth to my first daughter at 21 weeks in February - she was stillborn. I'm in Brisbane and we went through Metropolitan Funerals at Mt Gravatt for the service and cremation. The hospital recommended them and they were wonderful. I had absolutely no idea how to organise a funeral but the funeral director took us through all of our options and put us in contact with the most wonderful Reverend to conduct the service. Neither the funeral company nor the reverend charged us a cent for the funeral - they said that losing a child is such a tragedy that it was the least they could do and it was their way of giving back to the community. I have since heard that some funeral companies take just that approach when it comes to the loss of a child.

It was all a bit of a blur at the time and hard to make decisions but I am pleased with how things went. We had a very small service (just immediate family only) and purchased a beautiful urn for our daughters ashes. Prior to the funeral we also bought a locket and had it engraved for her - we asked that it be placed around her neck for the service. I wanted to give her something to let her know she was so special to us and that we would always be her Mum and Dad.

I know this sounds a bit morbid, but we didn't take any photos at the funeral and it's now something I wish I had have had the foresight to do. When it's all over there are very few lasting mementos of babies lost so soon, and I personally feel that photos from the funeral might have helped in that regard. But everyone is different.

I know there's nothing more I can say but my thoughts are with you at the moment. x x x

[misskittyfantastico]

You have been given wonderful advice from the other ladies. I just want to offer my deepest sympathies to you and your family.:hugs:

[~J'dore~]

I am so sorry to hear of your great loss, I hope that you find a lovely funeral director that can help make the process as ease as possible for you.

Take care of yourself.

xx Denise

[Charis]

Very very sad time for you Greyeyes, just to let you know that we're all sending you huge hugs and care at this terrible time of loss.

The ideas the other ladies have written for the funeral of your little boy all sound really special and the 15th Sept will always be very very important day.

I'm not sure if other peoples loss helps at such a time, as it must be so so personal and more to you than anyone else.:hugs: But one of my closest friends delivered her very special twin boys at 21wks and they have very treasured little foot imprints (like finger prints, but bigger!) of their cherished ones little feet and hands too. Similar as Smelly wrote about wishing they had taken photos.

Deepest sympathies. :hugs:

[bubsone]

Grey Eyes, I'm sorry I have no advice for you in the way of funerals. Some of the other ladies have some lovely ideas.

I am so so sorry to hear of your loss. My thoughts have been, and are still with you every day.

Deepest sympathy to you and your family. Take care of yourself.

Lou
XXX

[sugar n spice]

grey eyes sorry ive been away and only just realised of your loss. Im so sorry and i have tears in my eyes reading of your loss. hugs to you and your partner:hugs::kiss:. my thoughts are with you both.

I have no ideas when it comes to funerals but there have been some lovely ideas on here.
:crying:

[dragonflyblu]

I am so sorry for your loss. Our thoughts are with you and your family. My neice lost her baby girl at 32 weeks. Her funeral was very simple and later my neice had her name (Faith) tatooed on her arm. Our deepest sympathies. Kylie and Gerhard

[Percy]

My heart goes out to you and your family. I am so sorry for your loss.

I dont know if its too late now, but i know that Metropolitan funerals have a very good reputation for dealing with infant funerals.

Hope everything works out for you!:hugs:

[Doula Jane]

Dear Grey Eyes

My heart aches for what you've been through in the last few years....... I lost a little girl in between my two daughters that are here with me, and found it very difficult to "let go". After her burial, which was just myself, my DH and the Vicar, we then chose a beautiful plant that we planted in our garden, and it flowers at the time of year that she would have been born had she been born at full term. I found this really helpful because it gave me a positive, natural and beautiful reminder of her, and I felt that she was close......

It's so hard to make sense of why this should happen, and often we never make sense of it. I do believe that there is always a reason for why things happen the way they do.....sometimes, way down the line, we find out the reason, and sometimes, we never do. Time really is a great healer.......just keep talking to people, and never feel alone - we're all here.......

Just know that you beautiful baby boys are in a wonderful place and they will always be with you.......

Doula Jane xxxx

[Shakey]

Hi everyone, thanks for your lovely thoughts and for sharing, we had the service yesterday, it was beautiful, we had just imediate family there and the priest did a blessing there as well, it was very small but lovely, he looked so tiny in his little coffin, i so wanted to bring him home, I know he's with his brother and they are keeping each other company, I just wanted to say thanks for all the suggestions,