I want another baby but my DH doesn't....

[shelfy78]

I am a 32 year old woman with two beautiful children a son who is 8 and a little girl who is 4. I have been married to my DH for almost 9 years and we have an amazing happy relationship. :hugs: However the one thing we disagree on is that I want a third child and he doesn't!!

Before we go on I just want everyone to know that I am EXTREMELY grateful for having two healthy wonderful children, however there is an ache in my heart for just one more bay - always has been always will be.

I don't want this issue to create resentment between the two of us, and I really need to get over my anger that he gets to choose how many children I have!:hair:

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!

[Annabella]

no advice but I'm in the same position. We have 3 and I desperately want a fourth but he doesn't. Its at the point where every time we have sex or when I get my period I just feel so sad as its like a reminder of my fertility going to waste. Sounds stupid but like you said, its such a strong yearning, even though its against everything logical (I am half way through uni etc), I just really want another one (or 10 hahaha but I'd be happy with just 1 more)!

[decambla]

I'm in the exact same situation aswell.

no advice but I'm in the same position. We have 3 and I desperately want a fourth but he doesn't. Its at the point where every time we have sex or when I get my period I just feel so sad as its like a reminder of my fertility going to waste. Sounds stupid but like you said, its such a strong yearning, even though its against everything logical (I am half way through uni etc), I just really want another one (or 10 hahaha but I'd be happy with just 1 more)!

[shelfy78]

Thank god I'm not the only one!!!

Sometimes I feel like when I tell friends and family there are like "Why would you want anymore?!!" Its as if it is this horrible thing I want to do!

I too feel the same way every month when I loose another chance at a baby - I feel as if time is ticking!

[flicker]

It must be hard for you ( hugs)
What are his reasons for not wanting another?

[AliG]

I feel the same I have 2 girls but want another baby not now but in a few years DH dosnt but i have time to work on him

[twofornow]

Again I can't offer a lot of advice as I am in same position! Want a 3rd and hubby is happy with 2 (actually I would love 4 but know this is unlikely lol). I think I am starting to change his mind though.

Its hard because someone has to give in there really is no compromise and will that cause resentment? I have heard a saying on here that you never regret the children you have, only the ones you don't! Maybe tell him that!!

Good Luck!

[quitecontrary]

Ah, I'd like the Third too - but its me thats oscillating. Plus I am seriously old (43) and overweight and we travel so often to the UK and jetlag is like some sort of awful torture on kids. We have two gorgeous hilarious children who rock my world, but I just can't get past the nagging in the back of my head. Dh doesn't really mind. There is no way we'd have ans Oops baby, just no way.
So, you're not alone. Except with us its me really that can't decide. Silly really. And the UK trips will start to slow down before too long, dd will be at school next year etc.

[bam2]

I feel the same way too. My husband and I have always said that we wanted to have 3 children. we have only welcomed our DS to the world 16 weeks ago and now that we have a DD and a DS my husband has said that he no longer wants a 3rd. It does sadden me in a way as i feel like a dream is slipping away.
We sat down and had a good talk about it and he said that he is finding it hard with our DD having terrible 2's tantrums at the moment and he feels that he doesn't have the patience for a third. I agreed with him that she can be a handful at this age, i guess all 2 year olds can.

We lost a pregnancy and it makes we yearn a 3rd child even more in a way. I know it sounds silly, but I don't want our 3rd child to be the child that we lost!

Anyway, we said that we would see how we both felt when our DS is at least 2 and make the decision then. I am happy with that, there is no way i would consider trying for at least 2 to 2 and a half years anyway, my hands are VERY full at the moment. Our DD and DS are 21 months apart which we love, but they keep us on our toes at the moment the little rascals!:hugs:

If we did decide that we will stick with the 2 kids i would be happy, but i guess i would always have that yearning and regret not having a 3rd. Not sure, see how i feel in a few years i guess!

[Mummypants]

I now have 3, DD 12, DD 5 and DS 16 wks (6 corrected) my dh did not want a third but I worked on him lol had a few desperate talks and then eventually I said " I'm just doing it anyway" it's not like he would stop me, I'm lucky enough my dh supports me no matter what even though I had a mc when he finally came round, we then decided to leave it at 2 and would you believe I fell without even trying next cycle, although my son was early we are blessed to have him as we lost his twin, so I believe in the Order of things if something is meant to be it will be regardless of what you want or what you do good luck! 

[SalTheGal]

:hugs: I feel your pain.... I have two beautiful DS's but always knew I wanted 3 children.... DH has decided he does not want anymore. I won't bore your thread with my pain... but I know how you feel.

It has become all consuming for me... so much so that I have been in tears on a daily basis. I ended up going to my GP, and he has put me on a mental health plan, so I can access a psychologist to talk about my feelings, and how I am dealing with everything.

If it is becoming too much for you- I urge you to find someone to talk to, get some counselling, even better get counselling together- so that maybe if your DH see's how you feel he might even change his mind.

Kinda sucks given that generally speaking we are the ones who carry, birth, and predominantly care for the children, it is a choice that gets taken out of our hands. :crying: :crying:

[Annabella]

Sal, I think thats where I'm headed. I feel so sad about it, so often, I met a lady with 13 kids the other day and felt JEALOUS! And I don't want 13 kids, but thats just how much its f*&%$ng with my mind!

I don't understand why so many men feel this way, my husband literally doesn't lift a finger, I don't get sick when pregnant, I'm home and back on my feet the day after giving birth... it really makes no difference to him as I'm the one that does it all anyway....

Sorry OP, I just hijacked your thread. Has your husband said why he doesn't want another one?

[shelfy78]

I'm pretty sure its all about me and him time and financials!

Deep down I think sometimes men can get a little jealous of all the time we spend with newborns, babies and children! I think he might feel a bit left out during those first few months - not that he would ever admit it!

He always goes on and on about how much one child costs let alone three! I just can't see past the fact that we are so much more financially secure than we have ever been and I just know that overall it wouldn't make much change in our lives!

We're at the stage where we go out in public and someone has a newborn or is pregnant and i can see him stiffen up with tension of my reaction! * sigh - just one more thats all I'm asking!!

[mnt]

I'm in the same boat, only I have 1 ds. I feel your pain, I've always wanted 2, a boy and a girl. If I end up with two boys thats ok :) I just really want two.

*sigh*

[bam2]

Hi ladies

It sure does stay on your mind. My DS now 4 months is a really chilled and easy baby. DD was a screamer for the first 6 months so we did struggle there but it has been wonderful with #2 and he has just slotted in nicely to our lives.

My husband is now going back and forth between wanting #3 or remaining with 2. I still want 3 so it is up to him but it does suck that they seem to hold the decision between having another child or not.

with some people i think it is more about having another child in the baby stage, but i love it when they get to the toddler stage and older better, so it's not about the baby stage for me.

anyhoo, the other night i said that i was going to put the baby bath on ebay as we are in the process of looking to move and he said "i think we should keep it. what if we have another baby?"

We are going to see how we both feel in a couple of years and make the decision then. some days i do almost change my mind too, but i know that ultimately i still would love 3:fingerscrossed:

[missmoody]

Oh ladies!
I had no idea so many had the opposite problem I have!

:hugs::hugs: