Help:Should we have another baby?

[FamilyMum]

My son is 20mnths, should we started trying for another baby now or should I wait till my son is a little older?

Please help
Theresia mother of
Iwan Jan 04
DH Shaun

[ThomasMum]

My advice isn’t going to be a good one: don’t have another one just yet!
Raising child/ren are very expensive, spiritually materially mentally.
I think the best one would be speaking to your other half, what does he think about having another one?

“take care of yourself and each other”

ML

[Briannabear]

I think its a very personal thing - whats right for one family might not be for another.
My brother and I are only 23 months apart in age and it was wonderful growing up. We have so much fun together. :D
But it needs to be something that both you and your partner want, or else it may cause friction.

[cwsmum]

I can't really help you decide whether or not to have another bub just yet...but my advice is DO NOT start trying unless you are definatly sure you are ready for another bub.
I went off the pill on new years eve, thinking it would take a few months to fall preg...I fell preg in feb :eek: Once you stop taking the pill, and have a period, it is possible to fall preg straight away. Alot of people told me that it takes a few months for your body to adjust to not being on the pill and to get it out of your system before you can fall preg. I asked my DR about this and she said that it is definatly not true.
Of course, if you are not on the pill, then this is totally irrelevant :) but maybe it benifit someone else
Good luck :D

[FamilyMum]

Thanks to everyone who has written back so far.

I have discussed this with my husband and he is very keen. I just don't want to disadvantage my first born in anyway. Or have less attention paid on him. Does that sound silly? :confused:

Theresia

[philippa.s]

Mine are 19mths apart. I planned it that way. I want to go again at same gap, (which means concieving tonight BTW), but that is right for me. I fact it is great for my kids too. But everyone is different & what we want & need is different. You & your husband know best what is right for you. 1st borns are the only ones that get time alone with mum & dad, does that mean that all subsiquent babies & multiple births are disadvantaged in some way. No of course not. how could they. Children have love to share too. Not just with you but with each other. This is not some thing that you should decide for your childs sake but for your own. What works for you & your husband?

Cheers ;)

[BugBias]

mine two are 2.5 months apart (so are my brother and I) I find this a good age gap (however I do know no different!) My oldest can understand that mamma is busy with bias and is toilet trained, orthough we did this while I was pergos and just after the baby was born.
I think if your son can communicate well then go for it, my DD was the only child in the family and needed to have another child around. It was the right time for us.
My DH and his brother are 4 years apart and his mother hates it, she wished she could have had them close together.

[funnyfarm]

Theresia, me and my husband are trying for our second child and my daughter is 15 months old. You do not sound silly about worrying how much attention you can pay to your son if you have another child. I have had the same concern but i also know that she would love a play mate and yes, things might be hard for the first couple of years with two children so young but will be worth it in the long run.

Sorry to ramble. Hope it makes sense.

Briana's mum.

[petster]

I really believe it is an individual thing - what's right for you may not be for someone else. We are trying for #2 (IVF) in the next few weeks, and my daughter is only 6 months old!! I'm already 34 and I don't have the luxury of time - it could takes us a long time to conceive, so hence the reason for starting now. I think there are positives and negatives for every age gap between cildren. And sometimes it's dependent on the children themselves. My 2 younger sisters are 23 months apart and have pretty much NOT got along all their lives... There is 11 years between my youngest sister and I, and we're incredibly close. You just never know... I imagine it will be quite difficult having kids close together, but I figure you just DO manage - women have been doing it for millions of years!!

Cheers!

[nanny87]

Hi

I work as a nanny and see lots of different family situations, but in my own faily there are 4 children there is 13 months between my older brother and sister and then 4 years between me and my older sister and 4 years between me and my younger sister. My mum had MC in between the 4 year gaps. She would love to have had us all 13 months apart, she says it easier on both the parents and the kids.

[CJJHRA]

As they get older, I find if you have a close age gap, the kids get on better..

I have 6 children, 13,9,7,4,4,18months. the 9&7 year olds get on great (22months different) and of course the twins get along like a house on fire!! LOL

do what you feel you can handle!

[DoulaFelicity]

We've just decided to get started on our second bub, and our son is just a smidge over 4 months old. :)

Initially, we intended to leave around 1 or 2 years gap before we started trying again. Living with the reality of babyhood now, though, we feel that it will be easier for us to deal with 2 babies, rather than "start from scratch" again with a newborn and a toddler. A lot of their behaviours and milestones will be similar when they are closer together; their needs will be easier to meet in a combined fashion; and we feel we'll cope better handling 2 babies. Financially, emotionally, and spiritually, we both feel we would like to conceive another baby now; in the end, that is what your decision has to come down to. :)

I also have PCOS, and my cycle is unpredictable. I could conceive immediately, or it could take years. We don't want to gamble with time and lose.

Also, the closer we have our children together, the more children we can bear, whilst still young ourselves. We want to enjoy our lives as a couple when our children are all grown and have moved out; we'll be a lovely age to do so when this happens, at this stage.

I firmly believe that rearing children is only as expensive as you make it. I wouldn't let finances be a major factor in our family size or timing (within reason, obviously - if you can't afford a roof over your head, that's clearly a problem! ;) ).

I've always wanted a brood, though. :) Everyone is different. Basically, if you and your partner feel ready for the next child, then do it. Your existing child will love their sibling no matter the age difference. There are pluses and minuses for any age gap. It has to come down to what you both feel you want.

Best wishes - keep us posted!

Cheers,

[tickle]

This is definately a personal thing. I am currently preg with my second and I will have 21 months between them. I want this age gap as it will be the same as my brother and I, which I really enjoyed as a child. I think you need to do what is right for you and your family. I must admit when that test came up + I did have a twinge of guilt for my son. But I think he will be so ready for a sibling and will love having someone to play with.

Ellen

[Angel_baby_1982]

my son is 14 weeks and we are ttc#2, I think if you want another go for it! It could take you a few months to concieve anyway! Took us forever to get pg with #1.

[Oscar's mum]

I personally would like to have my children close together.

Everyone is different though, my reason is that my brother and I are 10 years apart and we are not close at all. I want my children to have a good relationship with each other and I think they need to be close (or at least closer than 10 years) to at least have the chance to form a good relationship with each other.

[nemosmum]

I dont know you Family mum but yeah why not go for it have another bub hey have 2 or 3 more LOL the more the merrier :D

No Im kidding do what feels right for you, if you and Dh feel ready for bub no.2 then do it but if your unsure I would suggest you wait coz you can hardly change your mind once the deed is done ;)

Good luck with your decision, isnt it wonderful that women in this country have the right to choose whether or not to have babies, its great :D

[jaydensmum]

Yep, i definetly think that its a personal decision too. No one can make that choice for you as you are the one who has to be prepared emotionally and physically. We decided last month that we will try for our 2nd and jayden is only 7 months. We want to have our children close so they can grow up together and so we can age gracefully with them! :D

jaydensmum

[Terrible2+1cutie]

My kids are 15 months apart currently aged 2 years old and 10 months. They get on like a house on fire and wouldn't change having them so close for anything. It is a personal decision that has to be between you and your partner. We are currently talking about going for a 3rd kid cause i would really like a girl.

[Melissa1983]

Hi
Its really up to you and your partner. I have two girls and they are 12 months apart, its hard work but they get along so well. We were going to try for #3 but now have decided not to, so i can get my career going alittle bit, and will probably try for another one later on. No rush i'm only young ;)

I was worried about having another one so close with my first and that she would miss out on things, but that has never happened.

Good luck with your decision

[Ky]

My two are 22 ½ months apart and are really close. The first thing they say to each other in the morning is "I love you", "I love you too"! It is so nice to hear!!!

They fight sometimes and now that they are about the same weight and strength thier fights can be quite physical, but they are the first to defend each other, protect each other and cuddle each other if they are upset.

Bella is always telling me how "cute my little brother is" and Daniel is always saying "where my Bella?" ... they are close.

I wanted to have another one close in age again, but that wasn't to be ... instead, hopefully when we are ready (and it had better be soon as I am getting old!!!) we will try to have 2 more relatively close to each other.

My dh is the youngest of three all born 3 years apart. He found it really hard as the middle brother could keep up with his eldest brother as tthere was only 3 years gap, but that left him out on his own as to keep up with them he effectively had to catch up 6 years ... he ended up as a teenager sitting in his room playing with lego and definitley Mummy's "Sweet Boy" ... which, btw, she still call him! :p

Children are always going to be expensive and no matter how prepared we think we are going to be for them, you never are!

I haven't had a single day of jealousy from Bella since Dan came along ... we made a huge effort to spend time with her while Daniel slept and they both know that they are loved more than anything else on this planet!

[Heather]

Its totally up to you. You have to ask yourself if u WANT another one right now, and if u do can you afford it financially? Will u be able to handle it emotionally and physically? If u want one now, go for it. The typical "best" age gap is about 2 yrs apart.

[HoopDeeDoo]

I don't think your first born will miss out on anything because you are already thinking about how this will affect them. I'm currently pregnant with my second and there will be 19 months between mine :eek: I'm a little bit scared about all the work but it will be worth it. My husband and I chose to it so close because I want to stay at home with my kids until they are in school so the sooner we have them the sooner I can go back to work. Plus I really want them to have a close relationship. :)
Whatever will be will be, if you are meant to have another one now it will happen, if not it won't.

[Mamaduke]

Well, you know what Peter Costello says:

Have one for yourself
One for your husband/partner (must be p.c!)
AND ONE FOR YOUR COUNTRY!!!!

Don't you just love him!

Carly
mama to...
Jesse 4
Lucas 16mths

(working towards the one for the country!!!!!)

[maybe1more]

I say go for it! You know how you feel and if it feels right, do it! Like some on the mother have said they found it a little hard a first but it paid off as they are great friends. Im sure if you have another one you will be fine, once the newborn is in a routine things will just seem to fit into place easier. Best of luck on your desicion :)