BelMia
12-04-2011, 11:24
This is my 2nd attempt at writing about my little angel. Its so hard sharing our experience as its still so new. One thing I know I am sure about is that I followed my instincts and booked in for an ultrasound to check on my babies development. I had an appointment at the clinic at 15weeks and requested an ultrasound, but was told by the dr I didnt need one until my 20week scan, instead he showed my the babies heart beat and told me everything was fine, sending my on my way. But the feeling of worry that I'd felt for the past 2-3weeks wasnt going away.
I requested an ultrasound referal from my GP a few days later, and was booked in for the following week. To my partner and I everything looked fine during the ultrasound, the heart beat was strong, the baby was moving around and kicking like crazy. It was our first child we didnt know any different. Until the UT asked if we had our 12week scan done (Which we hadnt, as we didnt get into clinic until 14weeks and thought we were young as were both 27 so it wouldnt effect us...how silly were we!!) He took a few measurements and took a lot of time looking at the babies heart, before telling us the results would be back the following week.
When the GP rang us to book an appointment before we had a chance we knew something must be wrong. Our world fell apart when we were told our baby had serious heart problems that would require major surgery if it survived fullterm, it may have chromosome abnormalities and there was congestion in the umbilical cord. A specialist the following week confirmed our fear about the heart problem, and noted that our babies now had swelling on the soles on its feet and slight clubbing of its right foot. She told us that all these problems and the thick Nuchal could all be caused by the heart problem, so an amnio was taken to rule out Chromosome abnormalities.
The next 10 days wait were agonising, going to work pretending everything was fine, while more and more people were realising I was pregnant (Working in childcare and interacting with parents that didnt realise I was pregnant was hard..especially when your trying to pretend everything is fine). We had already cried a million tears knowing our baby may not survive the heart problem, but were were going to fight for our baby to survive. Then the news came through that our baby had Down Syndrome. Our world fell apart. A Dr at the hospital told us that the suggested terminateing the pregnancy, and that was basically our only optio. I was horrified, there was no was I was terminating my pregnancy. I couldnt bear the thought of giving up on my child! So we were referred to a cardiologist in Sydney. We didnt make that appointment however.
I attempted to write a letter to the girls I worked with the explain to them what was happening with our baby, thats when I realised I was keeping this baby alive. I wasnt thinking about the type of life my baby would have if it survived fullterm. Even now I still feel bad about my decision and my heart is aching writing this. My partner and I knew it wasnt just about us having a baby anymore, as much as we would have loved our child no matter what it was fighting, If we had decided to go through with the pregnancy our baby wouldve felt unnecessary pain. I was induced on the monday night and at 21weeks 1day on 22/03/11 my baby girl was born.
I held her and cried, feeling guilty for what I had done to her, and relief that she wasnt fighting anymore. Her heart had already failed by the time she was born, and more health problems became evident. I know we made the right decision for our little Mia. We are so lucky that we had such wonderful midwives, dr's, and nurses looking after us. They let us stay as long as we wanted with our little girl, we have so many special memories of Mia Louise. My sisters bought her some beautiful present so she will always look like a princess, she was given a qorgeous outfit (off a porcelin doll) off one aunty, and another aunty got Mia her own specially made bracelet (which fit easily inside my engagement ring).
We drove out to the cemetery with Mia's coffin between us, and my partner carried her over to her final resting place. Saying goodbye was so extremely hard, and I spend every day wondering what I could have done differently. My partner and I want to start trying again soon, but I am so scared and nervous that it will happen again. We have to wait for our blood test to come back to see if we are carriers of down syndrome, before we know what our next step is.
I would like to thank everyone for reading my Mia's story, i'm sorry if I wenton to long.
:(
I requested an ultrasound referal from my GP a few days later, and was booked in for the following week. To my partner and I everything looked fine during the ultrasound, the heart beat was strong, the baby was moving around and kicking like crazy. It was our first child we didnt know any different. Until the UT asked if we had our 12week scan done (Which we hadnt, as we didnt get into clinic until 14weeks and thought we were young as were both 27 so it wouldnt effect us...how silly were we!!) He took a few measurements and took a lot of time looking at the babies heart, before telling us the results would be back the following week.
When the GP rang us to book an appointment before we had a chance we knew something must be wrong. Our world fell apart when we were told our baby had serious heart problems that would require major surgery if it survived fullterm, it may have chromosome abnormalities and there was congestion in the umbilical cord. A specialist the following week confirmed our fear about the heart problem, and noted that our babies now had swelling on the soles on its feet and slight clubbing of its right foot. She told us that all these problems and the thick Nuchal could all be caused by the heart problem, so an amnio was taken to rule out Chromosome abnormalities.
The next 10 days wait were agonising, going to work pretending everything was fine, while more and more people were realising I was pregnant (Working in childcare and interacting with parents that didnt realise I was pregnant was hard..especially when your trying to pretend everything is fine). We had already cried a million tears knowing our baby may not survive the heart problem, but were were going to fight for our baby to survive. Then the news came through that our baby had Down Syndrome. Our world fell apart. A Dr at the hospital told us that the suggested terminateing the pregnancy, and that was basically our only optio. I was horrified, there was no was I was terminating my pregnancy. I couldnt bear the thought of giving up on my child! So we were referred to a cardiologist in Sydney. We didnt make that appointment however.
I attempted to write a letter to the girls I worked with the explain to them what was happening with our baby, thats when I realised I was keeping this baby alive. I wasnt thinking about the type of life my baby would have if it survived fullterm. Even now I still feel bad about my decision and my heart is aching writing this. My partner and I knew it wasnt just about us having a baby anymore, as much as we would have loved our child no matter what it was fighting, If we had decided to go through with the pregnancy our baby wouldve felt unnecessary pain. I was induced on the monday night and at 21weeks 1day on 22/03/11 my baby girl was born.
I held her and cried, feeling guilty for what I had done to her, and relief that she wasnt fighting anymore. Her heart had already failed by the time she was born, and more health problems became evident. I know we made the right decision for our little Mia. We are so lucky that we had such wonderful midwives, dr's, and nurses looking after us. They let us stay as long as we wanted with our little girl, we have so many special memories of Mia Louise. My sisters bought her some beautiful present so she will always look like a princess, she was given a qorgeous outfit (off a porcelin doll) off one aunty, and another aunty got Mia her own specially made bracelet (which fit easily inside my engagement ring).
We drove out to the cemetery with Mia's coffin between us, and my partner carried her over to her final resting place. Saying goodbye was so extremely hard, and I spend every day wondering what I could have done differently. My partner and I want to start trying again soon, but I am so scared and nervous that it will happen again. We have to wait for our blood test to come back to see if we are carriers of down syndrome, before we know what our next step is.
I would like to thank everyone for reading my Mia's story, i'm sorry if I wenton to long.
:(