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BelMia
12-04-2011, 11:24
This is my 2nd attempt at writing about my little angel. Its so hard sharing our experience as its still so new. One thing I know I am sure about is that I followed my instincts and booked in for an ultrasound to check on my babies development. I had an appointment at the clinic at 15weeks and requested an ultrasound, but was told by the dr I didnt need one until my 20week scan, instead he showed my the babies heart beat and told me everything was fine, sending my on my way. But the feeling of worry that I'd felt for the past 2-3weeks wasnt going away.

I requested an ultrasound referal from my GP a few days later, and was booked in for the following week. To my partner and I everything looked fine during the ultrasound, the heart beat was strong, the baby was moving around and kicking like crazy. It was our first child we didnt know any different. Until the UT asked if we had our 12week scan done (Which we hadnt, as we didnt get into clinic until 14weeks and thought we were young as were both 27 so it wouldnt effect us...how silly were we!!) He took a few measurements and took a lot of time looking at the babies heart, before telling us the results would be back the following week.

When the GP rang us to book an appointment before we had a chance we knew something must be wrong. Our world fell apart when we were told our baby had serious heart problems that would require major surgery if it survived fullterm, it may have chromosome abnormalities and there was congestion in the umbilical cord. A specialist the following week confirmed our fear about the heart problem, and noted that our babies now had swelling on the soles on its feet and slight clubbing of its right foot. She told us that all these problems and the thick Nuchal could all be caused by the heart problem, so an amnio was taken to rule out Chromosome abnormalities.

The next 10 days wait were agonising, going to work pretending everything was fine, while more and more people were realising I was pregnant (Working in childcare and interacting with parents that didnt realise I was pregnant was hard..especially when your trying to pretend everything is fine). We had already cried a million tears knowing our baby may not survive the heart problem, but were were going to fight for our baby to survive. Then the news came through that our baby had Down Syndrome. Our world fell apart. A Dr at the hospital told us that the suggested terminateing the pregnancy, and that was basically our only optio. I was horrified, there was no was I was terminating my pregnancy. I couldnt bear the thought of giving up on my child! So we were referred to a cardiologist in Sydney. We didnt make that appointment however.

I attempted to write a letter to the girls I worked with the explain to them what was happening with our baby, thats when I realised I was keeping this baby alive. I wasnt thinking about the type of life my baby would have if it survived fullterm. Even now I still feel bad about my decision and my heart is aching writing this. My partner and I knew it wasnt just about us having a baby anymore, as much as we would have loved our child no matter what it was fighting, If we had decided to go through with the pregnancy our baby wouldve felt unnecessary pain. I was induced on the monday night and at 21weeks 1day on 22/03/11 my baby girl was born.

I held her and cried, feeling guilty for what I had done to her, and relief that she wasnt fighting anymore. Her heart had already failed by the time she was born, and more health problems became evident. I know we made the right decision for our little Mia. We are so lucky that we had such wonderful midwives, dr's, and nurses looking after us. They let us stay as long as we wanted with our little girl, we have so many special memories of Mia Louise. My sisters bought her some beautiful present so she will always look like a princess, she was given a qorgeous outfit (off a porcelin doll) off one aunty, and another aunty got Mia her own specially made bracelet (which fit easily inside my engagement ring).

We drove out to the cemetery with Mia's coffin between us, and my partner carried her over to her final resting place. Saying goodbye was so extremely hard, and I spend every day wondering what I could have done differently. My partner and I want to start trying again soon, but I am so scared and nervous that it will happen again. We have to wait for our blood test to come back to see if we are carriers of down syndrome, before we know what our next step is.

I would like to thank everyone for reading my Mia's story, i'm sorry if I wenton to long.
:(

zombiekitty
12-04-2011, 11:32
Oh love, I am so sorry :(
Lots of hugs x
RIP little Mia

BabelFish
12-04-2011, 11:37
RIP beautiful angel with a beautiful name. All my love to you all :hugs:

:angel:

bunkx
12-04-2011, 11:43
:hugs:

RIP little Mia

Opaque
12-04-2011, 11:51
Hugs. What a hard time for you & your family.

RIP little princess Mia.

Myztiks#1Fan
12-04-2011, 11:52
Hugs and RIP beautiful angel girl

Sent from my GT-I9000T using Bubhub

faroutbrusselsprout
12-04-2011, 11:52
I too had a medically necessary termination at 16 weeks, it was a little girl as well. My heart just breaks for you. Wishing you much love and strength.
Fly free little Mia.

the girls mum
12-04-2011, 11:53
Oh that is a gorgeous name, Mia. xoxox

Born sleeping.
May you Rest in peace xxx

:hugs::hugs:

Seacretsquirrel
12-04-2011, 11:58
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: RIP Little Mia

FloatingFairy
12-04-2011, 11:58
Im so sorry for your loss :hugs:

Mybabyjade
12-04-2011, 13:20
BelMia
So sorry to hear of your loss. Such a heartbreaking decsion you had to make
offering you lots and lots :hugs::hugs::hugs:

Good luck with the blood tests

RIP prescious :angel: Mia

FunKy~Mummy
12-04-2011, 16:37
Thank you so much for sharing your emotional journey......I think the most selfless thing you can do as a parent is to let go, I feel honoured that you have shared with us. I hope you find peace in your heart and support in here now with your loss and in the future as you start TTC again for a little brother or sister for dear little Mia. I am in awe of your strength and courage.
Rest in peace little one.......

BunInMyOven
12-04-2011, 18:30
Thank you so much for sharing Mia's story :hugs:

I haven't posted in this thread but we also had a medically necessary termination for our little girl at 14 weeks. She had confirmed Turner Syndrome with severe hydrops and was given a 1% chance of survival :( It was a heartbreaking decision but in my heart I know it had to be made and was made with love.

I hope that you will both be able to find the strength to try again when the time is right and best wishes for perfect, healthy pregnancies to come.

Rest in peace baby Mia xxx

Razz
13-04-2011, 11:15
Belmia, I've read your passage twice and both times I've had tears in my eyes and a pain in my heart. But I have also had great conviction too - conviction that you have done the right thing, as painful as it is. You have the support of every woman who has ever been through this and known such immense sorrow.

(I seem to be posting this quote a lot lately, but it certainly rings true...) Winston Churchill--> "If you're going through hell, keep going."

Many best wishes to you.... :hugs:

:cheerleader1:me 38, :wave:dp 52, ds 2, :dog:, 5x :angel:

BelMia
14-04-2011, 10:03
Thanks Razz,
knowing we have done the right thing for our little Mia has definately helped us to get through this hard time. I still have my days where i think what did I do, but have to remind myself that she would have been in so much pain if I had continued through my pregnancy.
We continue to have wonderful support our wonderful family and friends. I am finding my decision hard to deal with at the present moment though as a good friend of mine found our 2 days ago that she had lost her baby and had to be induced yesterday. They had no indication that their baby had any problems, she was 23weeks. It just brings all those memories of the labour straight back, and I didnt ever want anyone I know to have to go through that pain of delivering they baby and knowing they will never hear it cry, or see its smile, and watch it grow up.
I saw that you have 5 angels, and my heart broke. I only have 1 and I dont know how I would cope if it were to happen again. All the best with your current pregnancy.

Razz
15-04-2011, 12:08
:hugs:I have a chromosone imbalance. If my little babies went to full-term, there is simply no way they would survive outside of me. :gloomy: It is hard, but it just makes me look at my little son, who had the odds SO stacked against him, with even more wonder and joy. And gratitude.

You have had some very beautiful replies over the past days in response to your story and the courage you showed in telling it. Bun's statement "it was a heartbreaking decision....but it was made with love" speaks volumes, as does FunkyMummy's "...the most selfless thing you can do as a parent is to let go." May you continue to get great support from this site and from the many extraordinary women who frequent it. :hugs::hugs::hugs:

MyFourCubs
17-04-2011, 22:29
I am so very, very sorry for all you have been through:( There is lots of support on this forum and I pray that you find it.

Rest peacefully little Angel Mia:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

Tam-I-Am
17-04-2011, 22:38
I'm so terribly sorry that you had to make such a hard and heartbreaking decision. Rest in peace, little Mia - you were loved so well.

Thank you so much for sharing your story. :hugs:

tiggerfields
17-04-2011, 22:47
RIP Princess Mia. Big love to you and your family. I am glad you have people around you who care as much as you do, the tiny bracelet is so touching.

My sister's daughter Isabella was born under almost exactly the same circumstances and my sister shares your courage in making such a brave decision. My mum (her step-mum) made her a mandala tapestry with the following quote from Shakespeare's "The Tempest" -

"We are such things as dreams are made on
And our little lives are rounded by a sleep."

My sister also has my gorgeous, healthy, six-foot tall, smart, musical, darling nephew - so it is possible for sure.

XXX

Mummyyyyyy
20-04-2011, 10:03
Massive :cuddle: to you and your family. I tried to PM you but for some reason can't. I think you're so brave for posting your story of sweet little Mia, I lost my little girl Eden on 21/02/11 at 20+6 weeks through a medical termination so I feel your pain. Like others have said, its such a selfless thing to do, sometimes the only thing you can do is to let them go peacefully. We didn't have any real options either, our bubba girl probably wouldn't of made it full term and if she did there was no real chance she'd have any quality of life. We too were dealing with a heart defect and also fluid on her brain.
Every day is such a struggle, but even in the last few weeks I know I've made some progress, coming to peace with what happened. The process of grieving is exhausting but I read the only way to get through it is too allow yourself to feel it all and not push any of it away or ignore it.
Please know I'm thinking of you and sending you lots of hugs.
xxxxx :)

Mybabyjade
20-04-2011, 11:31
Belmia
I also tried to PM you, but couldn't. Got a message stating that you don't have PM's set up?


MummyyyyyySo sorry to hear of your loss, and heartbreaking decision. Offering you lots and lots of these :hugs::hugs::hugs:

I can't imagine having to go through a decision like this, you are both sooo brave and selfless.

Annabella
20-04-2011, 12:32
*hugs*

Hoping and praying you are able to start trying again soon to give mia a brother or sister and help heal your broken heart. Thanks for sharing your story, the love you have for your little Mia shines through very clearly .

MyFourCubs
20-04-2011, 15:45
I don't think you can PM until you have made 20 posts??? Because i went to as well....:(

Hope she is going ok and you too MyBaby Jade:hugs::hugs::hugs:

~Danni~
20-04-2011, 15:55
I am so sorry for the loss of your precious little girl. Such a beautiful name you picked for her. Thinking of you and your family :hugs:

BelMia
21-04-2011, 08:31
Thankyou everyone for your continued support. Each day still continues to be different, although they are getting better :) Have gone back to work this week for some full and some part days and back fulltime next week. The part im finding hard now is some of the parents at work falling pregnant. It's not that im not happy for them, but with 4 kids already, and continous smoking and drinking they are doing during their 5th pregnancy, and have now come out to say they are having twins!! :( so upsetting for me to see her atm, to know she is already not looking after her babies and I did nothing but love my baby and that wasnt enough is really hard.
I wish I was able to PM people already, been trying to figure it out but cant. so must have to be the 20posts.
Still waiting nervousily for results to come back too, but keeping myself busy organising my wedding :) less then 5months to go!!!

Mybabyjade
21-04-2011, 12:36
Thinking of you BelMia
Glad to hear things are slowly getting better, but sucks to hear about the 'continous smoking and drinking they are doing during their 5th pregnancy, and have now come out to say they are having twins!!' person.

I found it hard returning to work. I wanted to start back part time, but things were soo off the rails, I ended up jumping off the deep end. Somedays I think it was better that way, and others I wish I had of eased myself back...

:fingerscrossed: your results are good.
And congrats on the wedding!

MyFourCubs
21-04-2011, 14:12
BelMia are you on fb??????

That seriously sucks about the woman at work- life can just be so unfair:(:hugs:

BelMia
22-04-2011, 16:19
Yeah I am on fb. Just saw the group link. I shall be heading there to check it out now.

Razz
22-04-2011, 17:23
Excuse my ignorance but, what's fb? I couldn't find it in the list of abbreviations on the How To page. :confused:

Razz
22-04-2011, 17:26
O man.... scratch that last comment. FaceBook right? :o

BelMia
24-04-2011, 23:46
So getting over the first hurdle of celebrating easter didnt go as well as I planned. We of course went to visit Mia at the Cemetery which was ok even though its not what we ever thought our first easter as a family would be like. I coped ok until the afternoon, when i was just angry and upset for no reason and it took me an hour or so to calm down. But i'm lucky i have a wonderful fiance who was patient with me, although im sure he didnt know what to say as eveything he said I didnt want to hear at first. I am not looking forward to next sunday, because I dont know what to think about mothers day. I know I am a mother as I have given birth, but I just dont feel like one.

Tam-I-Am
25-04-2011, 00:00
:hugs: There is no right or wrong way to feel at the moment.