Just curious

[DeeLee]

DH and I sort of 'fell' into doing mostly natural parenting with our DD.

DD (11 months now) was held almost constantly for the first 5 weeks of her life. She would only sleep being held so we tag teamed. DH stayed up late holding her/letting her sleep on his chest while he watched TV and I got some sleep. Then when I got up he went to bed.

I use a baby carrier for doing things around the house and when I go shopping.

She is in our room and sometime we co-sleep.

She has never been left to cry.

She was BF on demand (now it is a mix of formula and bottle due to going back to work).

We get loads of comments about how happy and content she is.

Anyway, she started day care this week because I had to return to work. She seems to love it. She does not mind being dropped off, DH said she practically reaches out to the carers to go to them and smiles and waves him goodbye. When we pick her up she is a happy little munchkin, she reaches out to us and again is all smiles and happy and waves to us.

Anyway, so I'm wondering. Is she so happy and content and okay with being left because she is a strong bond with us and she is therefore confident that we are going to be there for her?

[peanutbutter&jelly]

TBH its probably a combination of that and her personality. My DS was parented similarly, but when left with people he knew (ONLY, he's never been in a child care situation, he's been left with my Mum only), he'd freak out. He was like that till about 16 months.
He was NOT a happy baby, at all. DD on the other hand, parented similarly again and will go with anyone... so long as her brother is there :laughing:

[trishalishous]

DD is the same.
Shes been in creche (gym) and had 1 overnight with my mums, as well as about a week of days while we were packing to move, and the two times she has cried was when we returned, and when she was sick (shes had broncholitis and still isnt 100%)
We parent the same way, before BH I just thought thats what EVERYONE did!
I get physically distressed if she cries (when m driving and its not safe to stop, or if she hurts herself) theres no way we could do any 'training/control' methods without me having a nervous breakdown

[redcrayongirl]

DH and I sort of 'fell' into doing mostly natural parenting with our DD.

DD (11 months now) was held almost constantly for the first 5 weeks of her life. She would only sleep being held so we tag teamed. DH stayed up late holding her/letting her sleep on his chest while he watched TV and I got some sleep. Then when I got up he went to bed.

I use a baby carrier for doing things around the house and when I go shopping.

She is in our room and sometime we co-sleep.

She has never been left to cry.

She was BF on demand (now it is a mix of formula and bottle due to going back to work).

We get loads of comments about how happy and content she is.

Anyway, she started day care this week because I had to return to work. She seems to love it. She does not mind being dropped off, DH said she practically reaches out to the carers to go to them and smiles and waves him goodbye. When we pick her up she is a happy little munchkin, she reaches out to us and again is all smiles and happy and waves to us.

Anyway, so I'm wondering. Is she so happy and content and okay with being left because she is a strong bond with us and she is therefore confident that we are going to be there for her?

DeeLee, apart from me not having a partner I could have written this post word for word lol :) I "fell" into attachment parenting it just felt right to me and I didn't even realise that's what I was doing until I got onto BH. DD has also been in daycare 2 days a week since 3 months old and they attachment parented her there as well, because she was so little she formed bonds with them. Now at 9 months of age she goes to DC a few hours a day, every day and is the happiest little soul to be left and picked up again. It's funny a lot of people comment at how naturally sunny she is, but I often wonder what's environment / how she's been raised.

[AM]

From having AP'ed 3 children now, I'd be inclined to say yes I think AP does bring out the best in children, but temperament has a HUGE amount to do with it as well. My first son was pretty avearge on everything, cried a little, etc normal.

Second son, screamed with colic for 6 months solid, was clung to me the whole time pretty much.

Third son sounds very like your bub, extremely cruisy and happy, pretty much smiled from birth, hardly ever cried etc.

So same parenting here, three very different children :) It's all good fun. (Except the colic!!! ;) )

[Hunni2]

Hi Deelee, from my experience (which is probably the exception rather than the rule), it's the childs temperament. But I still strongly believe in this method of parenting, although its been really tough for us. We attachment parent our 2 kids (a 4 year old DS, 2 year old DD). They were BF on demand, co-sleep, gentle discipline, no prams, baby wearing etc etc...also have a totally additive free diet - they have never had a lolly in their lives. And they were/are extremely demanding to say the least... I remember posting on here when DS was 9mths - 2 years doubting this parenting technique because it was nearly killing us!!!

But we persevered and thought we would have confident, content kids.... DS started to sleep on his own at 3.5, but I still sleep with DD. They are both EXTREMELY clingy and never go to anyone else, and have never put their arms out to anyone (still) apart from a few close family favourites with lots of encouragement. Its as extreme as this - our inlaws visited last week that we hadn't seen for a year, DS went and shut himself in a room a cried because he was so worried about them, when I got him to come out he clung on me like a koala the whole time they were here...... They have never been babysat by anyone in the family as they both can't be left without either me or DH.

I spent 8 weeks last year settling my DS at 3yrs into a family day care 2 days a week so he could learn to be without us. We made a decision never to leave him if he cried, so it was a gradual process over 8 wks. Plenty of people said the 'he will settle' statements, but he is just not that sort of kid, he holds things like that for days/wks/years, doesn't forget and even remembers when we left him with his nana at 2 (whom he does like), once. To this day he won't stay there without us.

So, I could go on and on with lots more, but basically in my case AP didn't help them being confident to be left with others!!!!! But DS did go happily to preschool this year. I was amazed, and I think it was because he had built up his confidence last year when we never left him at day care until he saidit was ok.

My SIL does everything opposite to us... baby in own room right from start, C'Crying etc. She walks in the door and passes baby to anyone else, even strangers, and her baby appears very content.. goes to anyone, sleeps all night.... sometimes I'm envious that she gets so much sleep!!!!!!

So we still get flack from the family saying we made a rod for our own backs because AP has made them this way... I don't believe this, I believe that we have 2 very anxious little ones and I'm glad we chose compassionate parenting to help them. I think if they weren't AP'd my boy in particular would be even more anxious than he already is.

Anyway, congrats for AP'ing, I'm happy to hear you have a content little one!!

[flynnandgrace]

Wow Hunni2-just read your account of your babies. Full on. It is so hard not to compare to others-especially when you're sleep deprived.

You know-later on down the track you will look back at when they were little with such joy and probably feel that you did the right thing. You just have to try and go with your gut feeling I say.

With my daughter-now 2 I had a flexible routine. With my 2nd I am much more go with the flow-and I would say he is a more chilled little dude but definitely wakes more through the night (5 months and I'm up anywhere between 2-4 times). I don't mind the broken sleep at this stage as I am completely besotted by him, but I am questioning how I will continue.

At the moment I'm thinking-keep trucking on and see how he goes over the next month or so. I might try a bit of letting him self settle (aka-cry it out) at around 6 months-see if it works over 3 nights-if not-just keep doing the same. hmmmmm. so many different ways.