View Full Version : No Heartbeat
Yesterday should of left me smiling, but only left me devastated and crying. My 12 week ultrasound. Just laying there looking for the baby and then asking the lady does this screen show the heartbeat. Of course i knew it did that is what ultrasounds do. I knew that but i was hoping that it didnt because i wasnt seeing it. I had been on edge for weeks. I couldnt even get excited about being pregnant. This is the furtherest i had been. My forth pregnancy. I thought it was different. How wrong i was. Why i keep asking. I am so angry at myself and i don't know why. I was admitted to hospital yesterday afternoon and i remember laying in the operating theatre crying and them trying to put the drip in my arm and me yelling at them "I am not supposed to be here". And then nothing only to wake up and to be still yelling. I was so angry and i looked at the nurse and said, I am no longer going to be a mum. I can't do this anymore. I can't put myself through this anymore. And now i am still crying but only thinking of how i am going to tell my 41/2 yr old son mummy is not going to be having a baby now. That is the hardest thing. And i get angry thinking i should of just listened to myself and not told anyone but i did. I told everyone because i was trying to make it feel real and i was doing so much better than the other times. How wrong i was.
borntobemummy
15-09-2006, 09:45
how sad for you...I'm so sorry to hear of your loss:hugs:
I am sorry terribly sorry to hear of your losses :hugs:
How devastating for you. Im so sorry for you loss.
Lots of :hugs: for you.
KarniF00l
15-09-2006, 09:55
*wipes tear* :crying: I'm so sorry to hear of your losses. I know it's easier said than done, but please don't get angry at yourself. :hugs:
angcaltam
15-09-2006, 16:45
I'm sorry for your loss.:crying:
Please try and remember it's not your fault.:no:
Lots of :hugs: & :kiss: coming your way.
RedPanda
15-09-2006, 16:53
Don't be too hard on yourself - you told people because you wanted to share your joy and there's nothing wrong with that. It also means you have more people who know what you're going through and can support you.
:hugs: I am sorry to hear about your loss. Every little baby is special, no matter how long they are with us.
Mum&bubs
15-09-2006, 17:02
Im so sorry to hear about your loss :hugs: :hugs: Dont be angry at yourself. This wasnt your fault & there was nothing you could have done to have stopped it happening. I dont why these things happen but try & keep your chin up :kiss:
Baby Girl
15-09-2006, 17:07
It is so sad for you to feel like this. It is not your fault :no: You will find a special way to tell your little boy :yes:
:hugs: :hugs: times a million to you.
I'm so sorry about your lose :hugs:
Omg i have tears in my eyes !! :crying: Like people have said this is not your fault hunny so please dont be angry at yourself ! I know how hard it is to hear that it wasnt meant to be. Im sending lots of big hugs your way babe !! Keep your chin up ... im thinking of you !!! :hugs: :hugs:
bubbles28
15-09-2006, 17:25
:hugs:
Very sorry to hear about your loss
jaydensmum
15-09-2006, 18:15
Im soo sorry for your loss!! :hugs: Please dont be angry with yourself it wasnt your fault. My thoughts are with you during this time! :hugs: :hugs:
jaydensmum
~EmsMum~
15-09-2006, 18:16
awww, im so sorry to hear about your loss :hugs:
ourfirstbubba
15-09-2006, 18:31
I am really sorry about your loss, please don't blame yourself........be kind to yourself :hugs:
Mummy'N'Bubby
15-09-2006, 19:35
awwww hunni... i feel for you ... i couldnt imagine just what your going through... im sure you will find the right words to tell your child... i have a tear in my eye right this minute:crying: .. its never your fault.. im not a christian or into god or anything like that, but mayb there was a reason that this has happened...
if i can say i watched this documentary a couple of years back and they said that if you miscarry / lose the bubba then almost 9 times out of ten its because there is something wrong with it... but then again maybe he is needed to be someones special angel...
oh my the tears are really rolling now:crying:
keep your chin up hunni... :hugs:
FourAngelKisses
15-09-2006, 19:37
:hugs: I am so sorry for your loss.
Milliner
15-09-2006, 20:47
:hugs: to you. I am so sorry for your loss :crying:
Ys_Woman
16-09-2006, 13:18
Yesterday should of left me smiling, but only left me devastated and crying. My 12 week ultrasound. Just laying there looking for the baby and then asking the lady does this screen show the heartbeat.
What a shabby thing to have happen hon. I too know what it is like to look for that heartbeat and not see it. I can only imagine how touched the theatre staff would have been hearing the cries from your heart. I am so sorry. We all know that there is usually a reason for the loss but how can you be reasonable at a time of such emotion? Cry hon, cry as much as you need. Your son will be disappointed but he will help you heal too. I had the same issue when I had to tell my 4 and 5 yr olds about the loss. They had been so excited and I think I cried more in anticipation of their disappointment. They have been fantastic, just as I know your son will be.
:hugs: to you at such a hard time. Be kind to yourself and take as many hugs as are on offer.
Amy
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss sweetie. I can't imagine much else on earth worse than the loss of a child. Anyone who hasn't experienced it can't truly understand the emotions you feel. I miscarried too, and as much as I was given words of wisdom such as it's your bodies way of 'righting a wrong' etc, it didn't mean anything until I just allowed myself to grieve.
Take it one day, one step at a time. Focus on your son and your family, and know that the sun will shine again. I promise. :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
Your babies were so special that God wanted to keep them with him :hugs:
Thankyou to everyone who has listened to me. Not a day goes by when i don't cry and wonder. This is my 3rd m/c and i found this site after my 2nd (april). It has helped me to let it all out and to hear from people who feel my loss and know what i am going through. This site and the people on it plus my family are what get me thru each day. :hugs: and:kiss: to all. Thankyou.
Hokey Pokey
19-09-2006, 10:35
Really sorry to hear of your loss :hugs:
But it wasn't anything you did, you did not jinx it by telling people. I know it seems like that because I have been down that road myself.
Huge hugs to you and your family.
xxx
WizzFizz
19-09-2006, 16:05
just another :hugs: coming your way. Keep positive, and don't, for one second, blame yourself. :hugs:
subaruforestermum
19-09-2006, 16:24
Everytime I read a post like this I cry........I have never experienced losing a child, and Im not even going to try to say that I know how you feel, as excitedmummy2b said I cant until it happens......(although Im hoping it never happens).....
I just think back onto everything I have done wrong in the past, and wonder why I was blessed with my son, when so many people are much more deserving than me.......(Im Not looking for pitty, just telling you how I am relating)
I cant say anything that will make you feel any better, but I hope that you get through this, and your family get through this........time is all there is, and to grieve for anyone, all it takes is time.....
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