Need some advice re: presents

[naget]

DP and his x have 2 kids together, S is 8 and A is 6. They have a shakey relationship and rarely can talk nicely and she hasn't let him speak/see the kids for several months. He rings, she yells and hangs up... meh. (child support is in credit) and he has an appointment with the family relationship ppl to fight for some custody anyway... oh i'll just add she's in melbourne we live in brissie.

This post is in regards to their birthday presents/xmas. For the last couple of xmas's and birthday we've sent pressies down however she continually claims they don't get there. We ask for the address, check it, always send it to the same place but she still claims it doesn't get there. I'm getting sick of this and I don't want to be sending mail if she uses the presents and gives them to the boys and claims them as her own (caught her doing that before) or she sells them and spends the money on herslef (also caught her doing that). S's bday has already been and A's is in a few days... we sent S a bday present and she claimed that didn't get to them. I don't want to send A a pressie if its not getting to him. What a waste of money.

We're desperately trying to come up with an alternative and I've suggested to Dp that we open a sub bank account in their name and put all the money we'd spend on them in the account so when custody is sorted and he is allowed to see them face to face, he can either give them a big pressie with that money or keep the account for when the turn 18??

What does everyone think??? Do you think we need to send something anyway just in case mum's lying (again) and they are getting it??

[bellalika]

I think it sounds like a good idea. I would still send something small though. Even if she claims credit if it were my child I'd want to know they had something I gave them, even if they didn't know it (hope that makes sense). I know it costs more, and you can't stop her from selling it, but could you do registered post? Then she has to sign for it.

[naget]

lol Vagi - there's a great idea!

bellalika - we were thinking maybe just a card with $20 in it... Becuase she won't let him talk to the boys we have no idea what they're into or what they have already. I'd hate for DD to get a pressie she has 50 of already or of something she's not into. I'd personally rather a card with money so she or I could pick something she'd like. But $20 feels too scabby KWIM... We spent about $100 on DD for her bday and would spend the same on the boys if we knew what they wanted or liked and if we knew they were recieving the pressies.

[share a book]

lol Vagi - there's a great idea!

bellalika - we were thinking maybe just a card with $20 in it... Becuase she won't let him talk to the boys we have no idea what they're into or what they have already. I'd hate for DD to get a pressie she has 50 of already or of something she's not into. I'd personally rather a card with money so she or I could pick something she'd like. But $20 feels too scabby KWIM... We spent about $100 on DD for her bday and would spend the same on the boys if we knew what they wanted or liked and if we knew they were recieving the pressies.

I'd do the $20 in a card then put maybe another $20 in an account or send it registered post that way she has to sign for it ;)

[Fuchsia!]

Do you send it registered?

Cause then you can check to see if its been collected or not and then when she claims it didn't arrive you can catch her out.

Also express post is trackable also.

I like the idea of the account thing, maybe when you finally get custody you can take them shopping and make sure before they go home all the tags and packets are open so she can't return them.

[Pregnor]

I'd maybe to the card with a 20 dollar gift card for toysr us- less likely mum will buy something for herself with it. Then the other 80 in a bank account- the only problem with the bank account idea is that you need a birth cert to open an account in their name

[flukeas]

Why don't you send registered mail?

[mummaof4]

Why don't you send registered mail?
i was coming to ask the same thing! :)

and yes i'd start putting money away & still send them something small registered but NOT money. no doubt she'd say it 'fell' out the envelope:rolleyes:

[MommaBear]

Send them registered post with sign delivery- so it may cost a couple dollars more for the signature by recipent only delivery(means whoevers name is on it HAS to sign for it) but then you KNOW she/they have received it... OTHERWISE you could be cheeky and send it to their school... or is there someone who can hand deliver it for you?

[naget]

Thanks guys - I have sent them registered in the past but she's a sneaky piece of work and always manages to come up with some excuse like last birthday she tried to tell us that some random she was sleeping with's sister signed for the package...

Can i send just a letter/card registered mail? I've only ever done it with parcels. I really just don't want her to enable her to cause us grief... she's done so many things to get under our skins (including hacking my fb account and emailing some nasty stuff to friends/family) and i'm thinking if I only send a card or something I'm not worried about wasting then when she does whinge, it'll be easier to ignore her. I do feel for the poor boys - they don't even know they have a sister

[august]

Could the father fly down to melbourne on their Bdays and turn up on the doorstep to give them the pressie in person (as well as perhaps taking the child out for a few hours) ?

[MommaBear]

Thanks guys - I have sent them registered in the past but she's a sneaky piece of work and always manages to come up with some excuse like last birthday she tried to tell us that some random she was sleeping with's sister signed for the package...

Can i send just a letter/card registered mail? I've only ever done it with parcels. I really just don't want her to enable her to cause us grief... she's done so many things to get under our skins (including hacking my fb account and emailing some nasty stuff to friends/family) and i'm thinking if I only send a card or something I'm not worried about wasting then when she does whinge, it'll be easier to ignore her. I do feel for the poor boys - they don't even know they have a sister
you can have iy so SHE has to sign for it and SHE has to show ID

[naget]

you can have iy so SHE has to sign for it and SHE has to show ID
Awesome! thanks so much... will most definately be looking into that :yes:

August - There has been a multitude of reasons including threats on DP's life from x and her cronies, and money reasons why he cant (there's a couple of other reasons as well). We don't even know for sure if the address she's given us is her actual address - we suspect it may be a friend's place. I'll point out again that she's nutso and impossible to reason with. DP is in the middle of working out a custody arrangement officially and once that goes through and he gets official help to see the boys - pressies will be delivered personally :)

[erinn]

Yep send it registered post, and if you need to ask for delivery confirmation as well. We also had this problem and nothing ever arrived to their house and so we started registering everything and miraculously nothing has not been received since! And on the odd occasion that the BM has said oh no that didnt arrive and we've gone actually yes it did it got to you on this day and she has gone oh yes your right must have been signed for by someone else oops :rolleyes:. But at least we dont have to worry now about anything "going missing"

[erinn]

Thanks guys - I have sent them registered in the past but she's a sneaky piece of work and always manages to come up with some excuse like last birthday she tried to tell us that some random she was sleeping with's sister signed for the package...

When you register the parcel ask for delivery confirmation and also person to person. A normal registered post can be signed for by anyone in the household at that address, person to person can only be signed for by the person it is addressed to. If they are not home it will sit in the post office until they collect it and sign, if they refuse to sign it will be returned to you. Delivery confirmation means they will have to sign a card to say they got it and then it is dated with the day of pick up and posted back to you.


Can i send just a letter/card registered mail? I've only ever done it with parcels.

Yep, letter - card - parcel whatever. And if its expensive you can also purchase insurance for it as well. (up to $5000)