Please help- bad sleep associations

[Rhianallen]

I would LOVE some advice on my baby. I have got him into a VERY bad habit of only going to sleep in my arms (or hubby's), feeding to sleep or rocking in his pram to sleep. He is now 14 weeks old and is still waking 3 times a night - about 2 am and then 4am and 6 am and we thought it was to feed. So I started on the Gina Ford routine 2 days ago and I have now realised that he wakes so much as he can't self settle as I got him into bad sleeping association habits - so he wakes and he can't get himself back to sleep. So I don't know what to do. He won't ever go down in his cot on his own to sleep and the Gina Ford routine isn't yet making a difference and I am reluctant to let him scream the house down for 45 mins to see if he does eventually self settle after 4 days - which is what the books say. Can anyone offer me any advice as I really don't know how to break the bad habits of feeding (I am giving him cool boiled water when he wakes at night now), pram sleeping and not going to sleep awake in his cot.

thank you so much!

[BabelFish]

Hon, I hate to say this but goodness me he's only 14 weeks old! I think you are expecting waaaaaaaaay too much. Babies wake a lot during the night. At this age he is almost definitely still waking from hunger so please feed him and don't give him water! No wonder he wakes every two hours! Especially since at this age he's probably having a growth spurt.

If you are expecting him to self-settle and sleep through at 14 weeks you are going to have trouble as he's simply too young!

Sounds to me like you're a lovely Mummy who has set up beautiful sleep associations. Throw away the books and go with your heart. They grow out of these things naturally as time goes by and they get bigger. Enjoy your cuddles - they'll disappear all too soon!

Also, around four months is a notoriously difficult age for sleep. If you can weather it things really do improve.

[Rhianallen]

Thank you! yes i hould throw the books away - i just worry as he doesn't self settle and every man and his dog keep telling i am setting myself up for months of pain if i don't get him into a routine and as he is 7.4kg he is prob eating too much with the three night feeds. thank you - i should deffo stress less x

[BabelFish]

Oh gawd those 'everyones' do this to all of us!! Nobody is his Mummy but YOU! this age is tough for sleep but those associations (rocking, feeding etc) are sooo lovely and normal for babies.

And he sounds like lovely healthy boy! Bigger bubbas need more food - not less! As they're using all that energy to grow! It's very tough when you're not getting much sleep but it does get easier!

What's his sleep like during the day and when he first goes to bed? And is he a happy, contented bubba when awake?

[Rhianallen]

He doesn't sleep that much in the day - he goes for half an hour naps about 3 - 4 times a day and when he wakes up from one of them I rock him back to sleep so he goes back for another hour so all up in the day he sleeps about 3 hours. And he is a lovely happy baby - just won't settle himself in his cot and wakes himself up and can't put himself back to sleep. I am just worried that it will go on and on and he will be 12 months and still can't sleep in his cot by himself/self settle. I put him to bed at 7 ish then wake him up at 10 for another feed then he first wakes up at about 2 or 3am then it is usually on the hour after that!

[chicken and eggs mum]

Normal!! My bub is 12 weeks. Goes to bed around 9 and I get one 4-5 hour stretch then it's every 2 hours, someetimes less.

Same during the day as yours too!!!

She is also fed or rocked to sleep as I love those cuddles!!!!

My dd1 was also the same and she now settles herself and sleeps 12+hours a night!!!

[Rhianallen]

Oh that is reassuring that I am not the only one - I think I am surrounded by friends and people all of whom have their babies in routines and I was worried I was setting myself up for a world of pain!

[Goldil0cks]

Thank you! yes i hould throw the books away - i just worry as he doesn't self settle and every man and his dog keep telling i am setting myself up for months of pain if i don't get him into a routine and as he is 7.4kg he is prob eating too much with the three night feeds. thank you - i should deffo stress less x


Do you what you think is right for your bub. but bear in mind that babies do develop very hard to break sleep associations. So follow your instincts, but also listen to what other Mums are saying too. Their advice can be invaluable. They've been there done that.

[BabelFish]

Also - my babies DO have a routine. It was just one that naturally emerged as they got older and became more developmentally ready to self settle etc etc.

My DS had a bad feed-to-sleep association and we co-slept (which was lovely and I'd definitely do it again) but he was just a VERY booby boy and would not sleep on his own. At 7 months we did have to change a few things but it took a few days and now he's a champion self-settler, and sleeper, too.

So yeah - they can develop a real attachment to their sleep associations (we all have them - as adults though we just don't realise it) but these things become apparent as they grow older. My DD never, ever, EVER had any issues. My son did. I did the same thing with them both.

It also depends a lot on the baby, of course.

At 14 weeks though - you just do whatever works because they're still SO little and they're only just starting to realise that they aren't a part of you anymore!

There is a lot of very very valuable advice to have from family and friends - but if it's making you feel stressed and pressured and as though you are doing something *wrong* then it's not going to be beneficial :hugs:

[trishalishous]

i agree with babel, we follow DDs natural routine, and shes a great sleeper/eater.
just enjoy the newborn cuddles, theyll be gone too quickly!

[chelez]

Our routine is exactly the same and like others have said entirely normal...

I Also found a lot of sleeping advice pushed on me was from formula mums which us hard because I think they sometimes dont realise how entirely different it is !!

[Bambibambino]

I agree with the other ladies that your bub is far too young to worry about sleep associations and self settling too much and that waking overnight for feeding is normal and healthy :D

BUT I would also start looking at gentle ways to change the associations moving forward. Have you tried patting to sleep? Or putting bubs down when very sleepy but not asleep and stroking him if he gets upset? Or playing some sleep association music/giving him a comforter etc to introduce a new sleep association?

The only reason I make these suggestions is that for some bubs it IS really hard to break the associations, I know others grow out of them. My 18 month old is still fed to sleep and HATES his cot with a passion I think partly because he never falls asleep in it by himself IYKWIM? If I had my time over I would definately have tried the above and more from the beginning because it has become very hard to change things now and I am buggered :laughing:

There are definate alternatives to leaving him to cry, perhaps try reading The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley and maybe get the Sounds of Silence CD to play during naps etc.

But I guess don't be too worried, just make a few wee changes and he may surprise you with his ability to self settle given the right environment.

Good luck and enjoy your teeny bubba :goodvibes:

[trishalishous]

we used the NCSS, it worked so well! most of the time DD goes to sleep unaided, and Im there to feed her to sleep if need be.

[Inanna]

I have 3 little people and as babies they were all different. I only stuck to one rule of thumb - they eat when they're hungry, sleep when they're tired and the rest can just work itself out!
Babies tend to fall naturally into their own little routines. (Just as I got used to my lot doing one thing they'd change it on me!) Don't be hard on yourself, do what's right for you and your little family. Enjoy the feeding and cuddling because time just flies so quickly.
Personally, I found babywearing a life saver especially when I was having trouble with babies not sleeping for long stretches. I'd put the baby in a hug a bub or ergo and they'd sleep for alot longer and fuss alot less as well as the added advantage of being able to get on with things. In a hug a bub I could feed the baby back to sleep with a bit of shuffling about as well.
It seems that as soon as you become pregnant you become the target of loads of advice - you'll soon learn to sift through it and nod and smile politely as a mad old aunt tells you to give the baby condensed milk and not to cuddle it because it'll start trying to take over the world :laughing:
There are many ways to parent, follow your instincts and you won't go far wrong. Maybe you could join your local ABA group, you may find the environment more supportive.

[2darlingboys]

I don't think that's too much for a 14 week old to be waking during night.

But I do agree with Bambi, maybe try & look into other soothing ways. My DS like hers was/sometimes still is a pain to self settle.
Was fed to sleep till 12months most night. ( I went cold turkey on him though )
It might be all fine now but will be very hard once they are older & you might have another baby you can't be a milking machine all night. Or be rocking both children to sleep

I will def do things a bit differently with 2nd.
Follow natural routine but maybe with a bit of added help.
You can still have cuddles anytime :)

[2darlingboys]

I Also found a lot of sleeping advice pushed on me was from formula mums which us hard because I think they sometimes dont realise how entirely different it is !!

Oh yes!! That happened with me when he wasn't sleeping through at like 8 months
Just put him on formula & he will
I tried it for 2 nights & was worst 2 nights ever!

[trishalishous]

how are things now?

[JadeGurung]

I agree with BabelFish cuddles and going with your instinct is NEVER wrong. Let your baby slip into their own routine when they get a little older. My 25 day old, has bad wind...so I understand it is frustrating to have a bub that needs attention during the night, my little girl is difficult to settle when her tummy is upset - which at the moment is most days. You just have to take any opportunity your child gives you to have a break and a rest...

Hope this helps...

Me:Jade 23
Husband: Bardaan 24
Daughter: Priya Rose 25 days

[MumToSoz]

I don't know if this will make you feel better or worse, but here goes...

my DD would only sleep in the baby bjorn up until she was ...and I'm not kidding here ...7 months old. This applied only to day naps. I can't tell you how bad my back is! She would only sleep 40min stints, 3 times a day. at night, we had to physically lie down next to her in bed, wait till she fell asleep. she would wake up, AT LEAST 3 times a night until 12mo. I then decided, "she's old enough to understand what sleep is" so one morning I said to her
"darling, today, you are going to sleep in bed by yourself. I will give you milk and then I'm walking out the room, but I will be back".

that was the last of me lying next to her.

She still woke up 3 times a night. Everytime she woke, she expected breast milk. It took about 4 nights of me gently patting her and saying 'when it's light outside I'll give you milk. sleepy time now..'. and now....no waking!

it was a very long journey for us. But I wanted her to know that sleep is positive, and that we are always around if she calls out for us. I couldn't bare the thought of leaving her to cry (though I tried it one night...argh!!!) and I hated hearing my MIL explain her methods...whateva!

14 weeks is still so young. But your instincts will tell you what is right. You know what's best, but you just don't know it yet. :gl:

[trishalishous]

hope things are better, now bubs is a bit older!

[parentingrocks]

I would LOVE some advice on my baby. I have got him into a VERY bad habit of only going to sleep in my arms (or hubby's), feeding to sleep or rocking in his pram to sleep. He is now 14 weeks old and is still waking 3 times a night - about 2 am and then 4am and 6 am and we thought it was to feed. So I started on the Gina Ford routine 2 days ago and I have now realised that he wakes so much as he can't self settle as I got him into bad sleeping association habits - so he wakes and he can't get himself back to sleep. So I don't know what to do. He won't ever go down in his cot on his own to sleep and the Gina Ford routine isn't yet making a difference and I am reluctant to let him scream the house down for 45 mins to see if he does eventually self settle after 4 days - which is what the books say. Can anyone offer me any advice as I really don't know how to break the bad habits of feeding (I am giving him cool boiled water when he wakes at night now), pram sleeping and not going to sleep awake in his cot.

thank you so much!

Havent read all the replies but O M G that author sounds like a complete W A N K E R :banghead2::banghead2::banghead2:

You sound like you have established great sleeping routines. Controlled crying should never be used before 6 months of age and even if you tried it after then it should be very 'controlled' and not at all for long periods of time, and definately not til they are distressed.

You sound like a great mum, like Babel said, throw the books away and go with your heart.:hugs:

[SWandSH]

My question to you is what do you want? Some people are very happy to co-sleep and feed to sleep, but its not for all people or for all babies either.
My son, for the first almost 4 months of his life, was chronically over tired from poor sleeping. He too is a very happy jolly baby and it used to break my heart seeing him so unhappy and tired after every nap.
After trying, co-sleeping, feeding to sleep, then every book on the market, all with dismal failures I sought professional help. Best thing I ever did. It was a joy to have him wake up in his own bed, refreshed and ready to take on the world.
There is certainly nothing wrong with co-sleeping and feeding to sleep. But its not a one size fits all solution. My son is almost impossible to rock to sleep, when he's really tired he'll scream the house down if you try to rock him. But pop him in his cot and walk out and he'll be asleep by the time you get to the door- that's his personality, in retrospect it has been since birth. Some babies like their own space and don't want to be handled all the time.
Its up to you, your partner and your baby to know whats best.