I desperately miss BF :(

[BabyJoy]

I wasn't sure where on bubhub to post this... so I hope this is the right spot, but I need to know how to get over this aching pain that I have inside... I long to breastfeed my daughter again, I miss it so much. :(
I had to wean virtually overnight when she was four months old because I had to take new medication that was unsafe for breastfed babies. At the time it felt like someone had ripped something precious away from me and I was so depressed... now she is six months old and I thought I had come to terms with it - I felt glad I had BF for at least four months successfully (considering some women struggle from day one) and at least I was on better medication for my illness. But in the past week I have seen so many breastfeeding mothers that I really wish I could do it again... I even hold Laura close to my breast to see what she would do - she just snuggles, there's no milk smell anymore, so she doesn't even seem to remember that she once latched on. I just want to cry about it, but I feel stupid for feeling this way. :crying: My daughter is a happy and healthy baby, so I feel selfish for wishing I could go back and breastfeed just a bit longer. I find bottle feeding a totally different experience and not as "close" as when I breastfed her. Perhaps she is just growing up so quickly and I want to hold on to those first few months when she was so tiny and precious and all she wanted was me.

Can anyone offer me advice?

[V8]

I kinda know what you mean, i know that i am lucky that i am still able to bf DS who is now 10 months. But i think it's perfectly normal to miss breastfeeding, especially if you had expectations of how long you wanted to feed her etc. I also FF my DS and i find it still nice to be able to snuggle him and give him a bottle, i think i still bond with him even when he is having a bottle. So i guess it's all about how you feel inside, bubs will be happy either way aslong as they are fed. lol I hope you know that you did do an awesome job for 4 months, bf is not always easy.

[JnA]

Firstly, you need one of these :hugs:

Now. I think you need to find something positive about bottle feeding that BFing doens't offer. Like how you can see thier whole face, and look into their eyes while they are having a bottle. Something that will give you the same sort of pleasure that bfing did.

I wish you the best

[Funkychicken]

:hugs: to you. How hard it must be for you to see other mum's BFing. I adore Bfing and can't imagine not feeding my baby. My DD self-weaned at 10 months and I was devastated. Like you have described, I felt like someone had ripped my heart out and at the time, I had no-one who would understand how I felt. I did speak with the ABA and they were fantastic(maybe they can offer you some support) but I needed to have someone close to empathize with me.
I don't know what I could say to make you feel better about how you are now, but maybe if you can work on accepting what beautiful, precious time you had together BFing and stay positive about the next time around (??). If you are planning more babies later on, you have these experiecnces to look forward to. It is amazing how much healing can come from another baby-I don't mean in a replacemetn sense -it just helps to heal old wounds. My DS#2's arrival did so much healing for me after the birth of my DD left me flat and confused. Hopefully another breasfeeding experience further down the track will help to heal you.
Try to remember also that your hormones are still running a bit wild-it may take some time for this to settle down too. Lot's of Vit B and B6 can help to stabalise your emotions.
I wish you well and if you feel like you need or want to talk more, please don't hesitate to post agin or PM one of us here-this is a time when you need a whole lot of support. :hugs: :hugs:

[Pixie]

Shannon :hugs: I know what a huge thing this was for you to give up, but you had to and you did so very well in those 4 months you fought your illness and did what you had to do despite being in pain you deserve a medal for it! I don't know what that emptyness feels like but I do know I want to avoid it for a long time the thought of stopping BF hurts. I agree with FC call the ABA have a chat to them and you know we're all here for you :hugs::hugs:

[BabyJoy]

Thanks everyone for your support and kind words. I haven't told anyone how I'm feeling, not even my husband, because I feel like I'm being selfish... I should be grateful my daughter is thriving and that I managed to BF for four months... instead just lately I feel really cheated. I might ring ABA today ... see how I go. Thanks again.

[miss_moe]

I am not sure if you have heard of it, but it is actually possible to re-establish breastfeeding, if you think that is an option for you.

I love breastfeeding so can understand that it is difficult time for you. So I will just include a couple of resources for you.

relacation (http://www.kellymom.com/bf/supply/relactation.html)
relacting resources (http://www.kellymom.com/bf/adopt/relactation-resources.html)

plus I am sure ABA would have some as well.

all the best

[Oscar's mum]

I am not sure if you have heard of it, but it is actually possible to re-establish breastfeeding, if you think that is an option for you.


lol I was just about to suggest the same thing;)

[stellarella]

:crying: Your post made me cry because I am so sorry for mothers who cannot for whatever reason BF their bubs. I would like to say, how wonderful that you were able to breastfeed for the time that you did and how wonderful for the bonding between you and bub. You already have a special bond now that will never be lost and you have given bub a wonderful start in life. Congratulations to you :hugs:

[BabyJoy]

Thanks Stella... your words were really comforting.
Unfortunately it's completely out of the question to re-establish breastfeeding. I am taking Methotrexate and Diclofenac for my rheumatoid arthritis which are BIG no-no's for babies. I think FC is right in that it is something to look forward to if and when we have another baby, and I need to keep reminding myself that I did manage to BF for four wonderful months.

Last night I tried to make a list of the positives of bottle feeding and that helped a lot:
* I can have a wine without feeling guilty
* My husband can feed her and bond with her
* I don't have to wear breastpads anymore
* I don't get swollen boobs and sore nipples
* I can leave my daughter with other people and know she won't starve!
* And just like Jaderocks said... I can look into her eyes and know that she loves me.