Need some reassurance or advice

[katrinab]

Hi

I am a single mum to my 13mth old boy. I have recently gone back to work full time to try and eliminate the financial stress on our life.

Although I love my job, I am hating being away from my son so much and am scared that I am going to lose my special connection with him. I have a wonderful day care mum for him but am finding that because he spends more time with her than with me that he is reluctant to leave her in the afternoons. When we get home I don't do a thing except be with him until he goes to sleep and on weekends I devote pretty much 90% of my time to him only.

The financial pressure has gone but I really don't know whether it's worth the risk of losing my bond with my baby boy. Can anyone offer advice based on past experience?

[MissBrightside]

It's tuff being a single mum. I know cos I'm one too!
I work part-time, my 2 boys are in childcare 3 days a week. My youngest has been going since he was about 3 months old, he is now nearly 2. They are both really happy when they see me come to pick them up. My 4 year old hates going, I think he gets worried that I will leave him as his dad did. But unfortunately some mums just have to work to make ends meet. When your son is older he will understand why you did it.
I don't think your son will lose any type of bond with you whatsoever. You are his mum he knows that. He may feel comfortable with his carer cos he is with her a fair bit. But at the end of the day, I'm sure he is glad to see mummys face.
Try not to worry about it to much, I know its easier said than done, because he may sense how your feeling about not being there. But honestly nothing can come between the bond of a mother and child, and it sounds like you give him plenty of kisses and cuddles when you are together to make up for the time you are not together.

[Smurfette]

Just a thought here. I have just gone back to work part-time. I clean in the mornings from 3:30 - and get home at 7 - when my husband has to leave for work. It works really well because I could not bear to be away from my daughter. She doesn't even know I'm gone.

Could you get some work working in the evenings? A lot of places have evening shifts from about 5 - 10. You could get someone in just to cover a couple of hours in the evening before your ds goes to bed. Try insurance places, restaurants etc.

I know its hard, but your ds will always love you the most no matter what, your his Mummy :hugs: .

[rynosmum]

My only advice is that it does get easier. My son has been in daycare since he was 4.5 months old (he is now just over 2).

He still loves Mummy more than anyone but has the comfort and security of knowing that he has many people who love him. I went back fulltime and then searched for a job that would provide me with more flexibility - they do exist but are tough to find. I now work from home and my MIL looks after him here 2 days per week and he is in care 3 days (generally about 10am - 3pm). He is spending much less time at Daycare because I try to keep my appointments to the middle of the day and have him home with me longer in the morning and at night. On the days when my MIL looks after him, I can pop upstairs and see him, have lunch with him etc.

Quality time is very important and doing a variety of things - going to the park, special trips on the weekend etc.

Hugs to you - but he will always remember who Mummy is:hugs:

[xkwzit]

Can you gain some time in other ways? When I went back to work (part time), I got myself a house cleaner, just once a fortnight to do bathrooms, benches, stove, floors, dusting. So I don't need to work on the house much when I am at home and can just play with the kids. Are there any chores that take you away from your son that you could out source?

Cheers