Feeling bad :(

[EthanandTysonsmum]

Not sure if im in the right spot.

I don't know how to write this and I don't want this to sound bad. I have no one else to talk to who will understand.
I have a bad feeling I might be getting prenatal depression and scared that it will continue after bub is born.

I so badly wanted another baby so this bub is very much wanted I just really wanted a little girl so finding out this is boy #3 is taking some time to get use too. I have been dropping hints to Df that I would like to try one more time but he turned around the other day and said he def doesn't want any more.
I feel so gutted that I'm never going to have my girl and it's all I seem to be able to think about and then I feel so guilty that Im not thinking about this beautiful baby already growing inside me.

I know that this prob sounds bad but no one seems to understand it. Df just says Atleast u can have kids when some couple cant. I get that I really do but it doesn't change my feelings.

Should I get help or do u think things will change once I'm holding him? I know I will love him but I just have this feeling that every time I'm going to look at him I'm going to be thinking that he was meant to be my girl and will prob burst out crying.

[MamaC]

First of all, I think you need a HUGE :hugs:
What you are feeling is not "bad", it is simply how you are feeling. I understand your longing, I was told at a scan that DD1 was a boy and I was quietly devastated. I felt so ashamed and awful for feeling like that :no: and there is no need to feel bad about your disappointment. Now is the time to spend time and energy getting used to the idea and convincing yourself that another boy will be an adventure. One of my friends was in a similar situation and spent the rest of the pregnancy getting used to the idea.

If you are concerned about sliding into prenatal depression I think it is vital that you make contact with your health professional (GP, midwife, Ob) and talk about how you are feeling and your fears of pre&post natal depression.

:hugs: I hope you can find some peace soon and please don't suffer through this rough time alone. Please talk to anyone and everyone who will listen.

[EthanandTysonsmum]

Thanks for ur reply.
I feel I can't talk to anyone cause I don't want them to judge me or they just brush it off i dont think they understand how much this is really affecting me. Plus I don't think they will get it everyone I know has one of each or have a little girl.

I sometimes wish so bad that they got the scan wrong. I really want to get another scan but Df thinks it's a waste of money.

[MamaC]

Oh lovey :hugs:you sound like you are feeling pretty sad right now.
If there is no-one in your family/friends network who you can talk to, then I really really think you should touch base with your health professional.
Who are you seeing for your pregnancy care?
And as far as asking your DF for another baby...well, he's probably just focused on this bub and can't think past this pregnancy. And I don't think you should at this point either. I feel it's vital right now to focus on this pregnancy and getting used to the idea of another boy. IF you decide to think about another bub after this, then cross that bridge when(if) you come to it. Focus on the here and now :goodvibes: Tomorrow will be, what it will be.

Please don't let this fester. Talk talk talk to your health professional.
And some more of these for good measure :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[EthanandTysonsmum]

I'm seeing a MW for my antenatal care. My nxt app isn't till the 31st. I just so wish things were diff atm. I dont want to feel like this :( I think the thought of having another one was getting me through this knowing that there was 1 more chance.

My mum has pretty much disowned all of us kids due to my step dad and this has only just happened over the last couple of months (really long story that has been going in for yrs) so it still hurts as we were really close. My mil is going through some things of her own my sis doesn't have any kids so she doesn't understand at all just keeps saying that she will prob have girls and my sil has one of each so she doesn't get it either. I only gave 2 friends that I talk to (sad hey) and one has a girl and the other has both. Df thinks I should just be happy with what I got and compared it to the fact he will never have the car he wants as the same as me never having a girl. It hurts so bad when I think and say I'm never going to have a girl.

Thanks for the hugs I really need then atm just wish they were real :(

[MamaC]

:hugs:
Do you have a good GP that you could talk to? Can you make an appointment with your midwife to let her know how you are feeling?
I truly think you need some input here from your health professional so you can get the ball rolling with counselling. You do sound like you are struggling to come to terms with this and it would be awful for it to take over the joy of a new baby, if that makes sense?

Having a good debrief with your GP or MW, might be enough to help you let go of your sadness and assist you in moving forwards.

To the other lovely Hubbers, is there anyone out there who has struggled like this and can offer some more advice?

[Gothel]

I postponed going to the gp for a loooonng time because i didn't want to hate to justify and explain myself, or persuade them that i needed help (pnd). Eventually a friend mentioned in conversation that her gp was really sympathetic and understanding. I went to see her and she just listened and suggested and facilitated anything i wanted. So you may not have to justify yourself at all. Do you think your regular gp would not be receptive? Do you know anyone who has had counselling and might recommend a good gp for you to start with?

Where do you live? If by any chance you are near me (melb east) i'll give you her name.

I really agree with other pp, you need to talk to someone. It will open up a whole heap of services that can help you get through what is obviously a tough time for you.

Looking back i wish i had more faith in my own judgement that i was struggling. Looking back i should have asked a gp for help much sooner and just prepared myself to walk away if they were unhelpful, and try another. *I* was in distress and *I* needed and deserved help. When i was in the depths tho, everything was difficult, everything was an effort and all i saw were obstacles. Once i took that first step, the ball was rolling and i was on the road to recovery. Hth :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[EthanandTysonsmum]

My gp is ok but doesn't really take the time to listen. I went to him after I had ds2 and told him I was struggling and he just gave me books on stuff that did nothing at all so I sorted it out myself.
I'm in Perth.

Thank u for the reply's I might see if I can see my gp nxt wk (although I dout it will do anything) but today I just feel like sitting on my couch crying :(

[Gothel]

well if that was his initial reaction then i wouldn't bother asking again tbh. Do you know any female gp? Or have your friends got one? You don't have to say what its for. Imo female gps are better for this type of thing. Maybe a lovely hubber can recommend one in perth, it might be worth you putting up a specific post asking. I don't want to be pushy but if you just want to sit and cry, you would really benefit from finding a counseller. You could try the other approach, search the psychologist australia website by postcode, call a couple of psychs in your area and have a little chat with them. They can then give you the name of a gp who can give you a referral. Under the mental health plan. The psych oz website will help you find a psych who works on the public system. Hth :hugs:

[jdsmummy]

Oh hun :hugs::hugs::hugs:

I was just wondering how you were getting on and obviously not too good.

I really do know how how feel as its how I felt with ds2 as we werent planning any more babies.

It really is a horrible feeling. Your sad you arent having a girl and quilty for feeling this way even tho you have healthy kids.

I so wished ds2 was a boy but I really wouldnt change him now. He is my little ray of sunshine. He is so smiley and always gives me hugs and if he was a girl he just wouldnt be the little person that he is iykwim?

Try speaking to your doc or have a look on line for help lines for pre natal depression.

Have you picked a name for your little man? I found it helped me bond a little picking a name.

[EthanandTysonsmum]

I'm so lost right now :(

We kinda have a name but haven't really talked about it.

It's so hard to find a good gp these days and it's even harder to find a female one. It's also hard when I have a 3 yr old that doesn't want to leave my side these days or go out any where he just wants to stay at home.

I was doing ok Jdsmummy. It's just seemed to hit me real hard prob cause Df said he didnt want anymore so now I really need to come to terms with never having a girl. It's just taking some time :(

[WasntMeMum]

Have pm'd you the name of a lovely GP who will take the time to listen.

[EthanandTysonsmum]

Thank you all so much xx