Marriage After First Child

[mummumof1]

Hello everyone,

I'm a 37 year old full time mum to a beautiful 9 month old boy. I will be joining my local mother's group next week as I need to get out of the house and chat and see if people are going thru the same thing.

The point is my husband and I argue every few days or so and I can't stand it. He doesn't get that when he's on the computer after work and I'm doing our son's dinner, then getting ready for our's (feeding our son, too) that I need help (he isn't on the computer every day). I should've said something at the time but last night it built up as he's been online a lot more over the last two weeks and we got heated and I said in anger perhaps it's best if we only have one child. I'm sure I heard him yell back from the bathroom 'it suits me'.

I was about to feed my son when I burst into tears again and got to bed late as I cried and then I cried in bed. I feel alone. Even though he does help I try to point out and explain things and he just doesn't listen. He isn't trying to understand what it's like full time at home.

Has anyone got any advice? I'm so upset that our communication has broken down since our son arrived. Thank you.:fingerscrossed:

[sandramm1]

Sit down when you are both calm and your son is asleep and let him know how you are feeling and be specific in what you need help with.

big hugs

[bellalika]

You remind me of ... Well ... Me. I bottle things up and then explode (usually set off by one thing but over a whole set of little things) and then cry over it.

Hubby is a computer junky and use to spend hours online or playing games. He says that shooting things on the computer is good stress relief, and better than yelling at the kids. I agree and he now only does it when he's about to explode, when the kids are in bed usually.

My hubby was overwhelmed by everything that needed doing after a full day of work. Turns out I needed to ask him to do specific little jobs instead of just asking for 'help'. He also needed 5 minutes after work to just calm down but has agreed that usually the computer isn't the place to do this as he gets 'sucked in'.

Sit down and chat when your both calmer.

[nzofrost]

You remind me of ... Well ... Me. I bottle things up and then explode (usually set off by one thing but over a whole set of little things) and then cry over it.

Hubby is a computer junky and use to spend hours online or playing games. He says that shooting things on the computer is good stress relief, and better than yelling at the kids. I agree and he now only does it when he's about to explode, when the kids are in bed usually.

My hubby was overwhelmed by everything that needed doing after a full day of work. Turns out I needed to ask him to do specific little jobs instead of just asking for 'help'. He also needed 5 minutes after work to just calm down but has agreed that usually the computer isn't the place to do this as he gets 'sucked in'.

Sit down and chat when your both calmer.

Agreeeeeeeee!!!! Sounds exactly like my DP and I, I have to ask him if he can do specific things and not a general 'help'. Even then I sometimes get the 'I've been working all day' to which I always reply 'I work 24/7' which usually gets him moving.. Eventually.

Men can be selfish creatures, you almost have to bribe them or out smart them to get anything done. For e.g. I'll say to DP he can't have any friends over until a. b. c. Is done.

Try talking to him when your both clear headed, tell him exactly how you feel, and try using the "I's" and not the "you's" men tend to get there back up if they start feeling attacked, then it turns into an argument etc etc.
Hope it turns out ok :)

[mummumof1]

Hi Ladies,
Thank you for your wonderful advice, which I knew we had to be clear headed. I told him last night I never want to be like that again and that we both have to be open about communication. I freaked out the other day and was overwhelmed but we always make up in the end.....here's to trying for number two in a couple of months....aaahhhh!! Thank you again, most appreciated.