having a horrile day(or was that year) (long)

[Lirael]

Hi there
as a few ppl know, DS has some learning delays and behaviour probs and has been going to a special education developement unit.We have also had a whole entourage of ppl from disability services coming round.
Well, today i lost it. DS goes to SEDU twice a week today being one of those days. we were about 5 mins late(i walk there and its blowing a gale outside) we walked in and every single person ignored us.Fair eough ignoring mr but noone said hi to DS or anything which really got to me.

I went to leave but decided I just didnt want to leave him there so collected his stuff and went to leave. The main teacher asked what was happening and i explained how i felt-evryone ignores me including the other parents, when i try to talk to the teachers I may get two words then another parent comes along so the teacher walks off on me.
i feel like DS is not 'disabled' enough to be there and thats what they all think. He does not have downs or look different or anything(and there are kids there to me who appear 100% 'normal') i am prob being stupid but i just cant stand that because he 'only' has learning delays and not a 'serious' or 'real' disability he is left out and i am ignored.

all the other parents are older(i am the youngest by AT LEAST 10 years) and married and i wonder if this is another reason why i am segregated from their little group.
I fell like we are getting nowhere with anyone including the paed it feels like there all saying there is nothing wrong just bad parenting. noone can say what is 'wrong' with DS and its getting so hard because i cant help him. DP thinks he should be put on drugs but WTF for if we dont know whats the prob?


anyway thanks i just had to get that out.:ecomcity:

[mummyof5]

Hi Cel,
I know how you feel at times. MY 2 youngest look so "normal", and DS is so small, that when he has his moments people look at me as though I must need to take him out the back and sort him out. I am lucky with the early intervention he goes to, but even they probably let him get away with more, because he is so "cute" (as they tell me every week, which is great that they like him and all, but just try to get him behaving a bit more normally, please, so I can worry less about when he goes to school, gets a job, etc, etc). We don't have a diagnosis yet, either, so you can't explain away behaviour traits to people.
Just remember you are doing the best for your little boy, and to hang in there, as you are not on your own.:no:
What did the teachers say when you explained why you were leaving? Good on you for having the guts to put your feelings accross.:thumbsup:
Feel free to rant anytime.:hugs: to you, hope your day/week/month/year gets better....

[TigerBlueBear]

I know what you mean to some degree. I never had any problem with the other parents but we were all about the same age, but with the staff I did.

My son has NF1 which is not obvious to the eye - he looks normal until you look closely at his skin and see all the cafe o lait spots.

At the time he started at SEDU he had severe language delays as well as some issues related to attention and memory. He also had some problems with fine motor skills but nothing compared to the kids with DS or cerebral palsy etc.

There was one lady there who was fantastic with all the kids and gave them all time as she could but many of the other teachers seemed to concentrate on the severly disabled children and give my son little time other than to get him started. You would perhaps think they were trying to help him gain independence but if he had finished the task they ignored him.

To make matters worse I felt that what they did do they did to the "lowest common denominator", some of the tasks were way below what he was capable of and yet one of the teachers had the audacity to tell me he was severely intellectually disabled - I had had him professionally tested and knew this was not true. Heavens the poor kid is going to have enough labels attached to him without them making up more.

They used to get us to sit down with them and write an IEP with certain goals but only if the "good" teacher was working with him did I see any real results. His case teacher was a dreadful woman who looked down her nose at everyone and she was the one who said he was intellectually disabled.

He did develop one key skill in that time and that was to learn to follow instructions better - and this wasn't even one of our goals :confused: but that was to his advantage as it meant he was settled enough to go back to speech and occupational therapy (privately) and actually get something out of it.

In his 2nd year at the SEDU he also attended "normal" preschool 5 days a fortnight. I found the combination of the two was quite good and definitely helped him for school.

He is now in grade one (he did prep last year) and is doing brilliantly including being above average for reading.

Just a comment on the drugs - don't put your child on any medication until they are at least 5yrs old - many paeds won't do it till then anyway. There are some frustrating but normal behaviours in 2-4yr olds that some people mistake for ADHD. Medicating children who do not have true ADHD serves little or no benefit and may do harm.

We had our son fully assessed for ADHD by a children's behavioural psychiatrist and explored a myriad of parenting methods (positive parenting, reward parenting, various punishment styles, etc) before we finally agreed that he could be medicated. He was nearly 6 by this stage. We have kept his dose to the bear minimum and the medication he is given lasts only long enough for his school day - so we usually don't see any change at home but his teacher does and he learns better. I am very anti medicating children because I think it is overdone, but having a child of my own now who benefits from it I concede that in certain cases it is worthwhile.

[Lirael]

Thanks for your replies girls:wave:
and yes his paed wanted to medicate at 2.5 so we swithched to the current one. most people i speak to say it will take years to diagnose anything. my half brother has been diagnosed with aspergers and my dad thinks my DS is showing similar signs but he cant talk very well(half brother as far as i know spoke fine)

[Samantha83]

I know what you both mean about SEDU, my SD goes once or twice a week. She has SMA but at the moment is not critical and they really seem to push her to the bottom of the attention barrel. She started going to a regular day care centre but we found out her wheelchair was being locked so she couldn't even attempt to be independant and if her freinds were playing in the sandpit they would just move her whole chair in there. She is 4 and we have been trying to find a good school for her to start prep next year, because we are in the SE of Brisbane we thought Ormiston which is a special needs school would be the logical choice. When we went to the open day there were mutters everywhere.. Parents telling there children not to go near her like she had a contagious disease. People are @rseholes, teachers or otherwise, educated or not. Just hang in there. We try to supply the extra support that the "carers" are supposed to, it's hard but the more you let it get you down the more the kids notice and feel different. So my advice is just be as positive as possible and what the "teachers" don't do, i try to make up for at home the best i can.

[Lirael]

im thinking about home schooling i cant stand the thought of either of my kids(or anyones) getting picked on

[Can I?]

Hi Cel

Sorry you are having such a hard time. Your SEDU sounds a bit dodgy. We are very lucky in that we have stumbled across an early intervention centre that is just wonderful in every way. I have had no issues with them at all, and can safely say that I don't know how I would have gotten through this year without them.

My son (4) has been diagnosed with autism. He has a lot of similar behaviours to kids with Asperger's but he had a slight language delay (now resolved). Please feel free to pm me if you want to know anything about the autism/asperger's side of things.

Hope you can get the help that you need for your son ASAP, and some support for yourself.

[gremily]

I won't pretend to know exactly what you're going through, but I do understand the parent/teacher ignorance thing.
We try to teach our children tolerance, to be friendly, to listen, etc, but often it seems to be quite a double standard with parents.
I truely hope your son gets the best help and attention he needs. Good on you for not giving in to him having drugs 'just because', without knowing what it is exactly that he has.
Best wishes.

[becca022]

I know how you feel, at our early intervention center Thomas basically gets left there alone as soon as another child comes in. Thomas has Spina bifida so needs the attention of the physio the most, but she goes off to help other kids whe quite frankly doesn't really need a phsiotherapist. Children are obviously there for a reason & should be seen by the people they need the most IMO.:mad: