Do you think I should ...

[babybumblebee]

buy the girls matching pendants for bub to give to SD11 as a gift when she visits us in hospital? Sd11 would bring bubs charm as a gift and then we would suprise SD with a matching one from bub in return?

SD is a little bit nrevous about being a big sister but is also excited and often tries to feel bub kicking when we cuddle on the lounge at night but her mum has said a few strange things to her about bub not being her real sister and how DH and I might love bub more :no:. SD still seems excited so I'm sure she knows all will be ok and that sharing us will be fun.

Anyway DH found a baby bracelet for DD and I was thinking of getting a breakapart pendant that says "big Sis on one half and "Lil Sis" on the other I thought this would be nice and sentimental for the girls and their bond as I do see them as sisters and so does the rest of our family and SD just not BM.

I can't find one I like so was thinking I would buy one heart shaped charm each and have "big sis" engraved on one side with SD11's initials on the back for her charm bracelet and Lil sis and her intials on DD's for her baby bracelet.

BUT...

What do I do about SD's when it come time to going home to her mum? I want them to be sentimental so I want her to look after it I'm worried her mum (who is already saying things about them not being real sisters) will "lose" Sd's or not allow her to wear it anymore. DH bought her a cheap costume necklace saying Daddy's princess and that was not allowed to be worn and was never seen again.

Anyway SD doesn't take things home other than clothes and shoes etc and little things like teddy's, books etc big things stay here like DS and ipod "special gifts" etc so Would it be ok to suggest her bracelet stays here when she returns home every other week so that we don't lose it ? obvioously the risk of it going missing is high anyway as she is 11 but I didn't want her mum to take it from her or say "but your not sisters" I want the charms to help SD feel like a special Big sister not hinder the situation.

So do you think it would be ok to ask SD to keep it at our house like her other "special things"?

[lealea79]

I think that sounds pretty special and a lovely idea.. I also think explaining to her they it needs to stay at your place is also a good idea..
My sil had a dss and he isn't allowed to take anything back to his mums place for the same reason. He wears the clothes he come in back home as he used to wear good clothes home and they would never see them again (the clothes he wore are washed of course lol).. Any christmas/birthday presents stay at sil place..

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[nat278]

I think that sounds lovely and maybe a good way to keep it at your place is make it a 'special occasion' item, that it isn't worn everyday and is for when you go out for dinner or christenings, weddings those dress up type events??

I think if it is possible maybe a chat to the BM is needed before bub arrives and set some rules on what is and isn't to be said about how the girls are related or refer to each other so it is consistent between the two homes.

My oldest is my DSS's BM can be a cow but I had to make it very clear early on, he is not allowed to call me Mum that she is his mother and I am not here to comprimise that (ie validate her role in his life) and that I prefer that for all the boys to call each other brother (BM has another son to different father) and although amongst ourselves we all know legally they are step and/or half brothers I think it is easier for them all to just say brother so NONE hers or ours feel left out or segregated by a 'label', she was a bit funny on the idea at first and then came around to the idea once she realised that if she made DSS say step brother for my DS then she would need to then define her other son as 'unequal' by calling them half brothers so saw it from my point of view. If the BM plans on having more kids in future she runs the risk of her DD then defining them or herself as 'lesser' in the BM eyes too if she continues to 'ladel' the relationship...

Hope that makes sense :rolleyes: