older kids

[meme]

i have a dd who will be 10 really soon. she is a beautiful child, but lately i am finding that we are having more unfun times than fun times.

i feel like so much of my parenting of her is nagging, making sure she has done her jobs and homework ect, she never cleans her room without me saying and even though it has been her job to put her own clothes away for ages she still leaves them all piled up on the basket until i tell her to. i feel like the ugly step mum in cinderella ,constantly on her back.

lately when i have tried to do something nice and special with her i feel that she then takes advantage and pushes it just a bit further. there's been a few things and they are not huge issues but little things that just sorta add up, tonite i let her stay up past her bedtime to watch a special show on tele, but i told her before hand that she must be in pj's and teeth brushed before the show started so she could go straight to bed after.
5 min after show ended she was still in the bathroom, (i though she was on the toilet ) turns out she was sitting in there reading a mag with the toothbrush in her mouth, she hadn't cleaned her teeth before the show at all and was just sitting there reading:thumbsdown: .

i really am sick of being such a mean mum but she needs to go to bed so she can get up and be rested for school. she knows this.

any one else with a decade of parenting under their belt out there. any words of wisdom on older kidlets. am i a really mean mum? and how can i get out of it if so?:detective:
tia

[SassyMummy]

I'm no expert on how to raise children, and certainly not older children...

But, considering I'm only 20...it's not that hard for me to remember when I was only 10.

I was the most AWFUL pre-teen and young teenager...I never got along with my mother at all. I TESTED her all the time...I would push just that little bit further each time...to see if she'd bite. I know that it was also the case with a lot of my friends at the time, and it's currently the case with DP's 10-year-old niece.

I guess it may have to do with the fact that she feels she's "becomming an adult." Obviously, she's not...but she's not the little girl she used to be. She's no longer playing with all of her toys, and has probably taken a slight interest in more "grown-up" things (be it music, make-up, fashion, boys etc). She's probably just trying to figure out where she stands in life at this point in time.

For most of my pre-teen and teenage years, I didn't know where I stood. Was I a kid? Was I an adult? Was I just stuck in the middle in this weird sort of limbo? It's all very confusing. Hormones rushing everywhere, my body changing, beginning to get crushes on boys...actually CARING about how others saw me...it was all very new.

I think that, when you're young, no matter what you "know" (as in, you KNOW you have to do your homework or you'll get in trouble), you seem to have this incredible ability to just "forget" about it until you actually ARE getting into trouble. Either that, or you just ignore it.

You don't understand that what your parents are saying is actually TRUE...they're just these mean old people determined to make your life difficult.

Don't worry though...the time will come when she looks back and thinks, "You know, my Mum actually DID have a point...". :thumbsup:

[meme]

I think that, when you're young, no matter what you "know" (as in, you KNOW you have to do your homework or you'll get in trouble), you seem to have this incredible ability to just "forget" about it until you actually ARE getting into trouble. Either that, or you just ignore it.

:laughing: so true, i guess i have always struggled with having realistic expectations, i expect sometimes too much i think, and because she is such a mature kid anyway, she often lives up to them and then when she doesn't, i don't always realise it's because i am expecting too much...ykwim?

anyway, she definately is in that pre teen thing now, plays with the boys at school with her friends, really into pop music and wanting to wear deoderant.

i consider myself a young mum, so i am trying to be ' in tune' with it all...:laughing: i got all grown up though and just see it from my grumpy ole adult point of veiw...:p

thanks for the reply. interesting to see that you remember testing your mum. i also didn't get along great with my mum, however i feel that most of the time me and dd get along fairly well....obviously not right now...although i will just have another go today and see if we can have a good day. we discussed the pushing the limits behaviour and i explained that it will most likely result in more limits so she seems to understand now that i expect her to appreciate the special activities/ allowances i make and i dont' want to be hassled for more straight after.
i just will keep reminding myself that she is just a kid and not to expect too much.