Do you get told your children should be in Daycare?!

[sarahp]

I have a 2.5yr old DS and constantly have ppl telling me that he should be in daycare at least 1 day a week. And that it is good for him and he will learn all sorts of great things there, (like I am incapable of teaching him these things)?!!
When he was 1yr I felt the pressure and used to send him to daycare for one arvo a week which cost $25 regardeless of whether he went or not. Every second week he was sick with some new strand of cold and every time i left him there he cried. DH picked him up from daycare one afternoon and said DS looked like a zombie all spaced out and DH promptly started calling the place DS's 'prison'.
I only lasted 3 months and he has been home with me, cold and zombie-like free ever since.
I take him to swimming and playgroup every week and other actvities slotted in so he can have that 'other children' interaction.
I just want to know what is so bad about being a SAHM and having ur children at home and not paying someone else to look after them!!?
Someone tried to even tell me today that daycare will teach them numbers and colours and "that is invaluable". Ahem! DS knows his 1-10, days of the week and many colours by sight and by hearing them (and I told them so!!).

Just curious, do people feel the need to tell you where YOUR children should and should not be?

[BabelFish]

No, nobody ever tells me what I should do with my children. And I don't know why because I'm actually quite open to advice and suggestions! :D

But I see this a lot here - how annoying! Sure, it *might* be good for him, but also staying home with his Mum is *definitely* good for him, so that's what he's getting! People like to be free with their `shoulds' don't they?

[MunchiesMummy]

I have a 2.5yr old DS and constantly have ppl telling me that he should be in daycare at least 1 day a week. And that it is good for him and he will learn all sorts of great things there, (like I am incapable of teaching him these things)?!!
When he was 1yr I felt the pressure and used to send him to daycare for one arvo a week which cost $25 regardeless of whether he went or not. Every second week he was sick with some new strand of cold and every time i left him there he cried. DH picked him up from daycare one afternoon and said DS looked like a zombie all spaced out and DH promptly started calling the place DS's 'prison'.
I only lasted 3 months and he has been home with me, cold and zombie-like free ever since.
I take him to swimming and playgroup every week and other actvities slotted in so he can have that 'other children' interaction.
I just want to know what is so bad about being a SAHM and having ur children at home and not paying someone else to look after them!!?
Someone tried to even tell me today that daycare will teach them numbers and colours and "that is invaluable". Ahem! DS knows his 1-10, days of the week and many colours by sight and by hearing them (and I told them so!!).

Just curious, do people feel the need to tell you where YOUR children should and should not be?

:wave:

I am a parttime sahm - and my dd DOES go to day care 3 x a week (but that is so I can work those days).

It sounds to me that you DS has interaction with kids etc with his activities and sounds like he is doing just fine.

I think if you were not happy sending ds to daycare then you did the right thing by pulling him out.

I dont know why people feel the need to tell other people how to live their lives.

Just try to shrug it off, maybe let them know that your ds has enough interaction and that really putting him in daycare isnt necessary.

Good luck :hugs:

[kts]

I don't want to sound rude here, but I generally find the kind of people who make these comments are busy trying to justify their own choices rather than actually looking out for your best interests.

You're the only people who can decide if your child should be in daycare or not, so ignore them I think.

[waterlily]

Nope nobody has ever said that.

DD already knows to count to 10, 5 shapes, 5 colours and her alphabet to I and is an amazing little talker.

I would never send her to daycare so she could "learn" things I'm very capable of teacher her myself.

I will think about sending her when she is 3 or 4 to help her adapt to school and socialize as we currently only go to playgroup once a week and only one of my friends has kids.

But I'd be happy to never send DD.

[samsausage]

"I don't want to sound rude here, but I generally find the kind of people who make these comments are busy trying to justify their own choices rather than actually looking out for your best interests.

You're the only people who can decide if your child should be in daycare or not, so ignore them I think."

I think in a lot (but not necessarily all) cases you're right.

I work and my DS goes to daycare because this is what works for us. I dont need to lecture others about the joys of daycare to feel good about that choice.

[MothersMilk]

A few days ago i had someone tell me i should have DD1 (who is 2.5) in childcare for 1 day a week, it would be good for her etc.
This was not the first time i have received this advice.
I just say "I would love to but we just can't afford it" (which is true). That is usually enough to stop them.

[LittleBlueKisses]

Yep, "so I get time to myself"...I simply ignore them as that is achievable without daycare :)

[kts]

"
I think in a lot (but not necessarily all) cases you're right.

I work and my DS goes to daycare because this is what works for us. I dont need to lecture others about the joys of daycare to feel good about that choice.

That's what I mean, my situation is very different to yours and it makes no sense for us to have used daycare for our son, but me telling you the pros and cons or vice versa seems stupid.

Kids can learn social skills and all the other stuff at home or daycare I think, so thats really a moot point in my thinking.

[Pippy&Woof]

Yes I get it alllllll the time! It really annoys me because whilst daycare is a wonderful option for parents who have to or want to return to work, I can't understand why people tell me to send DD (2 yrs 7 mths) to daycare for a break! We also have an 11 month old DS so I'm not sure how getting rid of one of my children qualifies as a break.. I think I'd rather have a break from housework than a break from my children!

My sister's little boy is in daycare, but she is a single Mum, he is 3.5 yrs old, she needs to work to earn money, and gets subsidised for daycare.. So daycare is a great option for her. He is also an only child, so he gets to play with kids at daycare and loves it. But some people in my family (and DH's) actually feel sorry for our DD because she doesn't get to go to daycare! Like she will turn out socially inept if she doesn't attend daycare or something! I mean my siblings and I didn't go to daycare and we survived. I get a bit annoyed about it, as I have 2 kids who interact with each other all day every day.. How is that not enough??

[nicolier]

I work in child care so I can see the benefits of being in care- but in saying this, I have met many many parents who have not put there kids in day care and they are happy and very intelligent and really don't need to be in care. If you can avoid doing it for as long as possible than I think that's great.
I do think they need it in the year before school though. my centre is a part of a school so I see children all the time start prep, and those who have been in care before transition alot better than those who haven't (mainly because they are used to being somewhere without parents and have learnt social skills).
But every child is so different and you never know how they will react to situations.

And like I say to parents all the time- your the only ones who truly know your children and what's best for them

[mummajugs]

ahhhhh I get this A LOT!!!

DD is quite attached to me and always has been and a lot of peope have said she need time away from me... but im happy to have her home at the moment and I dont want to put her into care until next yr when she will start preschool. she is 2yr and 9 months old.

I cant justify the money putting her into care for even 1 day a week at the moment when she doesnt need to be!

[MermaidSister]

No, but I know someone who does. No doubt many mums with kids in daycare get told they should be home with them :rolleyes: Can't win really. Of course nobody ever mentions the fathers- they are wonderfully "providing" if they work and even more honourable and saintly if they are SAHD's ... *roll eyes again*

Tbh, with childcare vacancies being scarce in most areas, I kind of think they should be used first by people who really need them (working parents/singles with no family support etc.)

[sarahp]

Thanks ladies.
It really just comes down to people just sticking their beaks in where they dont belong.
If I worked then that would be the first place he would go but as I am one of the fortunate ones who can be a SAHM, I cannot justify sending him to daycare when I am at home (plus the cost!)
Now with another littley on the way I am getting comments more than ever to ship him off to daycare as I 'wont be able to handle the two' (WHAT?!!) .
OMG why people cant just keep thier comments to themselves. Aaargh :mad:

[GirlsRock]

I am also a SAHM with 2 kids. DD1 goes to daycare 1 day per week and it is great for her, she loves it (it took a long time for her to love it I must admit). We made the decision to send her to daycare because she was very very clingy to me, to the point that if we went anywhere or if anyone came to our house she would sit on my lap the entire time and not look at them or speak to them (and she is a great little talker and has been since she was 18 m/o). Daycare has brought her out of her shell 100%, she is a totally different child. The decision was one that DH and I took a long time to make and it wasnt an easy decision however we did what we thought was in the best interests of our child. There is no way known I would say to anyone else that they too should send their child to day care. Its such a personal decision and everyone does what is right for them. People get overly concerned with what others are doing when really its just none of their damn business.

[Boobycino]

I've had a mixed comments. I've been asked countless times by randoms if Jasper is in care - though I think it's just a conversation starter. But I've had more 'oh that's nice', a few 'that's good, it's so sad when they can't stay home with mum etc' and a couple of people tell me jaspers bad behavior is because he's not in daycare.

Nevermind as far as 2 YEAR OLDS go, he's reasonably okay at sharing, sure he has no routine, but throws very few really bad tabtrums, and isn't the best talker. BUT he's been with me working with other children since he was 6 months old. So hes had the same sort of socialisation And stuff, but ive been with him.

Random people just like to make comments. Probably based entirely on their own situation which has nothing to do with yours.

[4intheBed]

I do get that alot, I think it is rude. I do not tell those people to take their child out of daycare for whatever reason!

I understand if you are in a situation where you need to return to work, but I do not understand why it is used for a break when the mum stays at home, or for socialising.... my 2 yo one goes to a playgroup, it seems that when they are young they tend to play alone anyway.

It actually gets me quite angry.

[mum2bubba]

I have a 2.5yr old DS and constantly have ppl telling me that he should be in daycare at least 1 day a week. And that it is good for him and he will learn all sorts of great things there, (like I am incapable of teaching him these things)?!!
When he was 1yr I felt the pressure and used to send him to daycare for one arvo a week which cost $25 regardeless of whether he went or not. Every second week he was sick with some new strand of cold and every time i left him there he cried. DH picked him up from daycare one afternoon and said DS looked like a zombie all spaced out and DH promptly started calling the place DS's 'prison'.
I only lasted 3 months and he has been home with me, cold and zombie-like free ever since.
I take him to swimming and playgroup every week and other actvities slotted in so he can have that 'other children' interaction.
I just want to know what is so bad about being a SAHM and having ur children at home and not paying someone else to look after them!!?
Someone tried to even tell me today that daycare will teach them numbers and colours and "that is invaluable". Ahem! DS knows his 1-10, days of the week and many colours by sight and by hearing them (and I told them so!!).

Just curious, do people feel the need to tell you where YOUR children should and should not be?

You don't have to put them in. I have mine in 5 hours a week cos I need a break and they enjoy going, but they also swimming, have play dates, dancing so it's not as though they aren't getting out and being around other children. I just need a break, it helps me be a better parent.

[One of THOSE mums!]

I had someone tell me to put my Ds in daycare 'because he seems like such a handful'.

Yes he is a handful. Of fun, and love!!!

Everyone is different. I believe that no person can care for my child like I can. But in saying that I make sure my Ds gets plenty of exposure to a variety of situations.
If I couldn't though I would certainly consider daycare.
As it is we have very little time for any more activities. We go swimming, playgroup, mops, mothers group at a play center, and soon going to be starting soccer and mainly music.

I honestly had no idea how much was involved in being a stay at home mum!

But when someone tells me I need time to myself and to put Ds in daycare, I tell them they are talking rubbish. Yep I really say that. I get my 'me' time by getting involved and making the things we do about 'us' not just Ds.
For example mothers group (hi girls!!!) wasn't just about Ds making friends, it was about me making friends too.

[Pinkzy]

I get told to put my 1 year old in day care all the time :eek: usually by people I know who have their bubs and kids in daycare. I just smile and ignore their advice and if that doesn't work, I change the subject.

[HeldAtRansom]

I put my son in day care because I was pressured by others because he "needed it" then shortly after I started working. My son hates it. The other children are so rude and have no idea of what personal space is. dS is in the kinder room and this one little boy keeps invading DS personal space buy hugging and kissing him and I'm not okay with it and neither is DS but staff all say "that's just who he is"

Prior to sending DS to DC he never ever called himself a naughty boy or a bad boy or a stupid boy now he's says them all the time.

If I could do it over I'd just stay at home. Because that's what makes him happy and weather people think so or not he gets a say.

Stick with your guns

[bolly]

YES - i do - sometimes subtly and sometimes not so. i also feel that it's a way of justifying personal choices. i try to ignore it as i believe the best thing for my son is to be with me and socialise with other kids through playgroup,the park, music at this stage of his life.

I think being a SAHM is totally underated these days and i am often offended when asked 'what do i do all day', its a pretty thankless job in our society and i think that its really sad that it's almost not the norm anymore to choose to spend the first few years of your child's life with them.

[singa06]

What you do is your choice and no one elses!!!

My son attends day care 1 day per week and he is lucky to be in a small group of 4 children (all 0-2yrs, my DS is 18 months). I am glad to know that he loves it.

If a SAHM (like you) spends quality time with your son and does activities like swimming, playgroup, drawing etc then you don't NEED it!
However if a SAHM is SO busy with housework, cooking etc that they don't have one on one time with their toddler to do those activities then maybe they could consider it.

Personal choice.

[Myztiks#1Fan]

I get told i should take him out unless i want to find a job so i can stop sponging off the government.

I have tried to find work and i have honestly given up for time being because i cant find any

Sent from my GT-I9000T

[sunshinebub]

My kids are 6, 8 and 10 and I never used day care. I didn't need it and didn't want it. The first time my kids were away from me was during kindy which was part time...

I also got the comments about day care and "giving me a break", I didn't feel that I needed a break and didn't want to be away from them.

The comments about socialisation, and motor skills etc that they would get at day care, we had in our mothers group. I can totally understand working mothers who have to use day care, and also mums who do use it for a break.

Everyone is different. Do what is best for you and don't worry about what others think..and yes I think they are only justifying their own choices..:yes:

[Lil Bugs Mummy]

DD1 is a more quieter child and always takes a 15 mins to adapt to new situations and people always say have i thought of it as it would be good for her never mind the fact we go to playgroup Monday / Friday, she has a lil girlfriend over tuesdays for play and we do structered activiies wed is playcafe with mothers group and other and thurs is mothers group not mention various other friends that come over or we meet up in the afternoons on the those days we had had already done the above activities in the mornings, i wouldn't send dd if you paid me we have no need an once i run of the list of things we do in the week they usually shut up but i mean come some kids are just more quiet and reserved doesn't mean there is something wrong with them her nature is just like her dads

[singa06]

Once I went to a playgroup and the other kids ran around with snotty noses dropping food all over the floor and the mums just sat around eating and chatting. My friend and I polietly said thank you and left early.
I would have loved a playgroup that did activities with the kids, but I am yet to find one.