View Full Version : so scared dont know what to do
OMG just found out im 8 weeks pregnant but to start the story from the start i have to go back 4 months.
I was with my husband 12 years we started out like all couples madly in love but after we had our children things got very bad he started yelling at me and them all the time calling us bad names never hit me or them but verbaly it was so bad so after years of us fighting i left him he was always under the assumption that we were on a break didnt matter how many times i told him it wasnt he wouldnt listen .
1 year ago i started talking to a guy i had met on the internet thats all it was was chat he had gone through a simular thing him self so it was nice to talk and when my husabnd left we got close he plays cricket with the boys he leaves roses at my door and treats me like i thought only happened in movies and for a month or two it was great and my husband stayed away i was so happy and then he said he realized that i wasnt comming back to him and so now he is at me so bad to get back with him he wants me to not keep the baby and go back to him he says he has changed and im so torn i dont evan know if i have it in me to terminate the pregnancy im so comfused i wake up every morning to texts from the guy im seeing and my husabnd saying i love you and they continue through the day they turn up while the other is here they make sure i see them before they drive away i cry all day every day and its so unfair on my children i have already to see me cry all the time
I want to believe so badly that my husband has changed but i just dont know things will be so hard if i dont take him back he told me today that its unfair to bring up a baby on my own so i have to pick one of them
I just dont know what to do
Brooke I know it's cliche but you have to follow your heart. I'm sorry I can't offer you much more than that but the answer is seriously in your heart. Turn the ego/mind off for just a minute and listen carefully. Sending you big *hugs*
As for baby of course you can do it on your own - but your not really on your own you have the choice don't you plus other children ?? :)
Brooke and sorry it's not my section to reply but I had to I hope you don't mind. You just needed a hug:)
Hi, I really don't envy your situation :(
I can't say how things would be for you, but I know that my ex-husband and I tried to get back together after a bust up... it was ok for a month or so, and then he went back to being the emotionally abusive person that he is.
I'm not sure how you feel about your unborn baby, but you do realise your ex-husband is asking you to choose between him and your baby... :( to tell you that he loves you and wants you back but only on the condition that you abort a baby shows his true character :(
The guy you have been seeing seems to care about you and your family a lot.
I know what I would be telling your ex-husband, but that's me... good luck :hugs:
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:hugs:wow sounds like you are going through a really difficult point right now. I have a couple of Q's though - is the baby your husbands or new partner? Sorry, I dont mean to come across as rude, that's not my intentions at all. I'm just asking this as it may help to know to decide what the outcome could be.
Do you see yourself with your new partner long term? And do you see yourself back with your husband?
I hope you can find a solution...in the meantime don't feel pressured to abort if you really don't want to.
To be honest, I think your husband is trying to control you now that he knows that he has really lost you. There are two men with two histories in your life. One whose history is control, abuse and manipulation, and one whose history is of kindness, love and respect.
It's very easy for your husband to SAY he's changed. They're just words. What do his ACTIONS show you? Does he respect you or your decision to leave him? No. He is harassing you and manipulating you - amazingly as soon as he found out you were pregnant to someone else. How convenient :rolleyes:
He knows you have a chance to be happy without him and, like most controlling and abusive men, he is trying to stop that from happening , while a man who does love you and has proved it by how he treats you is potentially going to lose you.
This is obviously all from someone who doesn't know you at all, but it's just a perspective.
Big hugs :hugs:
I am also pregnant with a surprise baby and will be raising it on my own. My situation is a little different to yours (though similar in that the new baby is fathered by a different man to DS' dad) but I know the feeling with the unplanned pregnancy (I found out at 4 weeks). I couldn't go through with termination so although my situation isn't ideal I decided that my reasons for terminating weren't satisfactory for me.
I don't really know what to advise, but I agree with the PP, follow your heart, both with the baby and your relationship situation. Forget what everyone else will think, it's your life, not theirs.
Big :hugs: for you.
I just wanted to say that I have been in an emotionally abusive relationship too and from my experience I know that you are probably still very insecure from enduring that for so long. You deserve better than that and so do your children.
I think you know in your heart that it is over with your DH as you sounded like you were sure of that when he thought it was just a "break" and wouldn't listen to you after you left. Trust your instincts- remember that part of that emotionally abusive cycle is to manipulate you.
I met someone else while I was on a break from my ex DP and he was wonderful too but somehow I let my ex DP suck me back in and things were different for a few weeks but then slowly the ugly monster reared its head again. For a long time I wondered what might have been with the wonderful person I met who adored me. I have since met DH and everything is now as it should be :goodvibes:
My situation was different (we didn't have children together) but I think that you and your children deserve to be treated with love and respect. I don't think that your DH will be able to provide that to you long term without some serious counselling (old habits die hard). I know it is hard to walk away from 12 years together but I think you know in your heart that it is over with DH or he would have been willing to try and work it out before now- before you left. Did you feel "free" when you left him? It sounds like you feel pressured from your DH and that maybe you feel more vulnerable right now because you are confused. Also I know that you may feel like this new person is too good to be true and that because of the way they make you feel you could have the potential to get really hurt and that it would be a case of "better the devil you know" with your DH. Trust me- the too good to be true guys do exist and they can make you happier than you ever dreamed possible ;)
I believe everything happens for a reason- even if it makes no sense at the time and it feels devastating. Maybe you could ask them both to stop contacting you for a period of time (a day, a week- however long you need to clear your mind) so that you can have some space to figure this out- then sit back and see who "respects" your wishes. If somebody REALLY loves you then they will RESPECT your wishes.
You are stronger than you know- you stayed for that long with your DH because you wanted to make it work- sometimes that takes more strength than walking away. I know you have the strength to get through this!!!! Take a deep breath and start believing that- do not let yourself be a victim anymore. One affirmation that helped me after finally leaving my ex DP was "I know that I deserve to be loved". Try sitting and breathing deeply (in through your nose for four counts and exhaling for 6 counts) while you tell yourself this- because you do deserve to be loved.
I wish you all the best :hugs:
I'm so sorry you're going through this. You must be under an unbelievable amount of pressure.
I have never been in your position. I hope you don't mind me offering my opinion.
You have two decisions to make: 1) Do you keep your baby? and 2) Who do you want to be in a relationship with?
Imo these decisions are very separate.
The first one you need to deal with straight away. The second one can wait.
If I were you, I would be asking your ex-DH and your bf to give you some space to make a decision about your baby.
My concern for you is that you opt for an abortion because of the pressure you feel from your ex. Or you proceed with the pregnancy when you really don't want to. Only you can make this choice and you shouldn't be pressured by either man.
And your ex-DH is wrong - you can raise a baby by yourself. You made the very brave decision to leave when his emotional abuse got too much - you have already demonstrated how strong you are.
Don't be pushed around by these guys. YOU are the person who is going to be most affected by this decision.
All the very best :hugs:
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