Have you AP'd ur child?

[Gypsybum]

I am going pretty much by AP with my daughter of 4 months. I love to carry her around and hold her when she sleeps. I absolutely LOVE her company!!!

I am in the process of reading 'the continuum concept' which I'm pretty sure will change my life it's amazing!

As I'm sure everyone who AP's their child I cop a bit a flak for it. Get comments like 'rod for ur own back' and such. And to be honest as this is my first child it's hard not to get a little worried and wonder if it is going to make our life awful in the future?!!

So I was wondering if there was anyone out there who has AP'd their older child and knows of the consequences??

I'm hoping everyone will say that it works nicely with no dramas!! :)

Thanks in advance for ur replies!

[missymoo9]

I did.

I loved holding my baby 24/7. He slept in my bed at night, my arms during the day. We had an amazing bond through breastfeeding. Its great.


2y2m down the track hes still the same minus breastfeeding. He sleeps in my bed and is VERY attached to me, he screams hysterically if he moves in his sleep and didnt come in contact with my body. If hes sleeping I might get up to go do something else and if he wakes with out me it takes him maybe 30+ minutes of cuddled with me before he stops screaming. Hes only recently gotten to the stage were I can sneak away but when he moves he wakes up. It does make it challenging at times as they get older but really is a beautiful bonding experience and all babies are different

[Boobycino]

:wave: Jasper is 2 yr 2 months too!

He was like missymoo described until about 18 monthsish.

Jasper sleeps in our bed but can handle short periods (like 2-6 hours - on a great night) in his own bed. He's also started if he had a day sleep he'll sleep for like 1.5-2 hours on his own.

SLEEP aside, I think I can see the benefits. In his nature. He's just beautiful. He has *moments* cos he is two. But even with him not having great language him and I can talk our way through most tantrums. He doesn't really throw full on tantrums. He gets upset - mainly with miscommunication - but rarely gets very upset. And even when its like he wants something he can't have he'll cry, I'll say 'I'm sorry you can't have *this* but mummy loves you and you can have a cuddle' if he's REALLY upset, he'll do the typical two year old 'no!' and then think for a second and throw himself at me for a cuddle. If he's overwhelmed he'll want a breast feed. Sometimes not. And usually that's the end of it.

I love it :goodvibes:

Though, he's not that much of an older child. So I don't know if that helps.

[minties]

We are more or less doing AP with our DD (BF, cosleep, babywear, only use gentle methods etc but we do use a pram occasionally which isn't strictly AP). I haven't read any of the books though, just doing what feels right and we seem to fit pretty well in the definition of AP.

DD is only 11 months so time will tell but I believe AP has been fantastic for her! She is the sweetest, most joyful, smart, funny little girl (I am extremely biased;)). I had so many people tell me that by wearing her so much she would be behind physically but she is at the same level as her no AP'd friends, crawling, cruising furniture, trying to walk, being carried so much hasn't held her back one bit and has done wonders for her confidence and sense of security. I don't understand any of the 'rod for your own back' rubbish really.

Honestly, as far as long term consequences go, I really don't believe that meeting your child's needs can lead to anything but a positive outcome. You won't be feeding your child to sleep, or wearing them in a sling when they're a teenager, I promise. What I do believe will endure is the close bond and trust that is created through attachment parenting which will be so invaluable when parenting an older child or teenager.

[Gypsybum]

I hold her for her sleeps during the day and if I try to put her down she wakes and would stay asleep hours longer in my arms. At night she's in her cot next to our bed as my partner is too worried having her in our bed.

She sleeps pretty well at night on her own. Is this likely to change if she's in my arms all day but in her cot at night??

Also she's starting to cry at other people like her poor grandparents!! And she's so used to me all day that last night I went out with the girls and left her with my partner and she screamed the house down!! She and him are very close but I think it was coz I wasn't home. I can usually settle her in seconds. My partner says it's coz I've got the pillows!!

Does this sound like it could be trouble?? Or is it probably just a phase???

[trishalishous]

i was ap'd by my mothers and we are extremely close.
over my teenage years, i barely rebelled (none of us did really) and we are all very close now :)

[Mrs Molly Coddle]

I had no idea that this is what I was doing with my DS, but I was. I never knew there was a name for it. I just did what I felt was the right thing to do and whatever I could do to keep him happy! What kept him happy was being carried, cuddled, slept with, BF pretty much constantly etc etc. I have very few regrets!
My only issue is that we now have a 6 week old as well and 4 in the bed makes for some sleepless nights.. but only for me. Everyone else sleeps pretty well!! haha

[Merla]

I attachment parent and my daughter is almost 2. She is an outgoing, independent, strong willed, social little girl. Her physical and language development is well above average, and her understanding is amazing.

She will happily wave goodbye to me and go spend time with trusted adults (her nanna, grandad's, daddy and aunt) and even lets them put her to sleep.

At almost 2 she is toilet trained (did it herself in 3 days) and weaned from the breast, she prefers to walk EVERYWHERE over being carried. She eats anything put infront of her (I think BLW for that) and is overall pretty agreeable. She does sleep in our bed, but I love our morning cuddles and wouldn't have it any other way.

She is 2, she has massive meltdowns sometimes, we get tantrums and frustration, but I think attachment parenting has helped me understand her a lot more and we are better able to manage it.

I had people telling me that I was making a rod for my own back, DD was baby worn for about 80% of the first 6 months of her life, she was rarely put down and I almost always slept with her. I listened to her every cry and fed her a lot, strangers would tell me that she would never get off the boob (pfft), yet people didn't hear her cry. She would smile and giggle, she was a very happy baby, always in arms (she got pretty upset if I walked away from her). My family told me I needed to teach her to entertain herself, I told them she would learn to entertain herself when she was ready (and she did), they said she would never crawl if I carried her all the time (well she was sitting unassisted at 4 months, crawling at 6.5 months and walking at 10 months). After 2 years of parenting I've learnt to trust myself, my little girl is a happy healthy confident toddler and I can't see myself ever parenting any other way.

Trust yourself OP :)

[MamaBleech]

I am pretty AP in my approach to parenting. Although I personally think this is (and should be) inclusive of gentle guidance (as opposed to punative discipline) in addition to breastfeeding, co-sleeping and babywearing.

My DD is only 17.5 months so it is too early for me to base my comments on her or my own parenting. I do however, spend a fair bit of time around other AP'd kids of varying ages and I LOVE what I see. For the most part these children are kind, sensitive, gentle, affectionate little people who have wonderfully close bonds with their mothers. I also think they are more creative, playful and imaginative than [some] other kids that I know. I think this is because they have been allowed the freedom to explore their little world uninhibited.

One thing I have noticed is that AP children may actually be more 'naughty' (if you interpret their behaviour as naughty) through toddlerdom they may actually be more prone to tantrums, more boisterous, more likely to be the child doing handstands on the dining table :laughing:... Although challenging, this behaviour may be more intense in some AP kids because they have been allowed to express their emotions safely and are confident in doing so (rather than trained into compliance) because Mummy has proven time and time again that she will still love them despite their outbursts. It is also helpful for me to remember that these qualities, so trying now, are actually what we want our kids to be when they grow up; independent, assertive, capable of critical thinking, questioning, driven etc...

Sounds like you're doing a great job to me! :goodvibes:

[Boobycino]

^^^ that could be true. I also probably don't interpret his behavior as naughty where another person might. He's allowed to express himself, he doesn't have to sit and obey.

And as for going with other people, we pulled up at my mums place yesterday, from the car started shouting 'grandma grandma!' he then jumped out of the car and marched off up the drive way, turning to wave 'bubye' to us then ran to the door. Hes stayed over the last two weekends with my mum, even though I'm breast feeding him at night and he's not at all minded! It was funny because yesterday we were actually staying! But it was nice to know he'll just dismiss us so easily.

Though my mum cosleeps with him. :goodvibes:

This is a little boy who is very very mummy attached, but has still formed a very close bond with grandma - who up until last month lived interstate! We JUST moved here and he's absolutely taken with grandma :goodvibes:

So AP doesn't mean only attached to parents (neccesarily)

[Merla]

So AP doesn't mean only attached to parents (neccesarily)

That's exactly it. If you can foster a strong attachment with parents in infancy as they grow they are confident to establish good connections with other people as well. My DD adores her "poppa" who lives 3 hours away and we only see once a month, but she will let him put her to sleep, take her out, has spent 24 hours with him no problem. Under the age of 1 she wasn't too keen on anyone having her at night except mummy, but as she has grown she become more secure and content with other people :)

[Boobycino]

:yes: jaspers very confident with other people. He's also shy at first and Susses people out. But if someone respects his boundaries it takes a couple of minutes and he'll come up and chatter to them. People who come to our house if they just sit on the couch and don't make a move at him, but just talk to him when he talks to them he'll like back up onto them and expect to be picked up, usually with a book in hand ;) he's a bit like a cat ;) my cats (that I had years ago) were very much like that. (minus the story books ;) )

[Hollywood]

DS has just turned 4 and was AP'd. It was mainly because my ex (who I was with until DS was 3.5) was 'into it' and whilst overall I am glad I did it, there were many times when I felt like it just "wasn't my thing" and that I was doing it because my ex wanted me to (it was an abusive relationship so for self preservation I just did what I was told). I'll list the pros and cons for me so far:

PROS
-He breastfed for 3 years 10 months, it was great to give him the liquid gold for so long

-He's a very happy, confident boy, happy to be babysat by anyone, doesn't have separation anxiety at all (though he may have been like that regardless, can't know for sure really)

-Breastfeeding in the early days was so easy because he coslept, I still got to sleep while he fed

CONS
-By the time he finished breastfeeding I was well and truly over it, and he was very rough with me so I felt a bit resentful of it.

-I only just got him weaned and into his own bed just over a month ago when he got back from his 2 week trip to New Zealand with my ex (to meet my ex-ILs). I was really over sharing my bed with him TBH, I need my space and we both sleep better now.

-DS fell asleep by himself for everyone else, but until he was weaned he was breastfed to sleep. I resented it in the end and am much happier now that he falls asleep in his own bed, by himself.
_______

All in all it has been a positive experience for DS, but really it has been at the expense of my sanity to a degree. My ex was very controlling and dictated how I raised DS, so I think that had a lot to do with my resentment of the cosleeping and breastfeeding.

But if it's really in your heart of hearts what YOU want to do, then just follow your instincts and do it, don't worry about what anyone else thinks. You've just got to do what works best for you and find that balance between what is good for baby and good for you too. It's only a 'rod for your own back' if you're not enjoying it, IMO. But if it works for you and you're happy, that's all that matters.

[temple]

My eldest is 9 1/2, and we AP our kids.

It's been fantastic - normal childhood hiccups, but I definitely see the benefit of it.

I used to get the "making a rod for your own back" comments too, but they've stopped now that the friends and relatives making them can see the results.

Just as well, because we have a 24 month old and a 13 month old - intense times, but I know what we are doing will work, I have the 9 year old to prove it ;)

[share a book]

I'm an AP mummy and my 'baby' is 7 :goodvibes: I love it!

[Gypsybum]

Thanks everyone:) I think I'm starting to trust myself now I've read a few great books that have given me the confidence to parent the way I feel is right. One problem I do have tho is hubby, he was brought up quite strict and believes in the cry it out method and I just can't seem to get through to him how wrong it would be for our little girl. He just let's me parent the way I want but I really wish we were on the same page especially since it's only early days!

Has anyone else had this problem?

Btw my friend has a baby 2 months younger than mine, both our firsts and I tell her about my baby and she keeps telling me the difficulties I'm having are because I hold her too much. Well her little one has just reached THAT age now and is doing all the same things even tho she doesn't hold him all the time!! Haha

I feel I have such a close bond with my little girl and it's def due to AP. When she cries I don't ever get frustrated cause I realize that something is wrong in her world and even if I can't fix it I can certainly give lots of comfort cuddles!!

[Shanaynay]

I feel I have such a close bond with my little girl and it's def due to AP. When she cries I don't ever get frustrated cause I realize that something is wrong in her world and even if I can't fix it I can certainly give lots of comfort cuddles!!
Naaaaw that's lovely :goodvibes:

My girls are almost 7, 4, and 2.

My 7 year old is just perfect....... she's beautifully kind and considerate of others, she's confident among her peers (just started her second year of school, where she was SO ready and secure at starting), and appreciates the world around her.
She likes to still sleep in my bed, but is also happy to sleep in her own bed. I leave it up to her to decide, she's still a baby and if she need mummy next to her at night, then that's what she gets.

My 4 year old - 'clingy' is how I sometimes describe her, but it's not the right word. She's happy to leave me and confident at preschool. Out at a park she will happily wander off out of sight and play for hours. But she loves her cuddles from mummy and would sleep right on top of my chest each night if she could (actually she often does! :laughing:)
She was difficult to wean at 3.5-4 yrs and did get pretty upset when I rejected her :( (I'd had enough, could not handle two toddlers feeding!).
She is EXTREMELY touchy/feely. She will constantly touch/stroke/rest her hand on whoever is near, unconsciously. She simply CANNOT not touch you!
She can be 'spirited' and I often need to touch her to get her to pay attention to me.
She is SO empathetic to others, it's beautiful.

My 2 year old is a crazily clever super sook :laughing: Breastfed for 2.5 years, just finished with not too much trouble to wean.
She likes to be next to me to fall asleep but doesn't wake overnight if I then leave her on her own.
Her language skills are amazing, she's done everything really early. She's super clever.
She has a terrible temper :devil6:and can really chuck a tantrum and cry when things don't go her way - often while cuddling into me and I can't put her down!
Other times she is super happy :)

They all toilet trained pretty early (22 months, 26 months, 18 months) and seem to be pretty bright.

They are all pretty different as you can see - so I attribute most of it to personality I guess?

[MamaBleech]

If your husband will do some reading there is a really good book called "The Science of Parenting" by Margot Sunderland. It isn't really an AP book, but it does very clearly (in simple language) explain infant brain development and how important it is to respond and nurture our babies. It should be mandatory reading for every parent IMO.