letting my mum look after bubs

[lizzymcfizzy]

Its a long way off yet (am only 7 wks preg) but my mum has offered to look after the baby when I go back to work, instead of putting it in childcare.

I really like the sounds of this but I'm worried it might not be a good idea? Although its a lovely gesture I'm concerned it might be too much expectation on my mum? Plus Dad has to live in the house too, he works full time during the day but he would be affected by it.

Could it effect our relationship in a bad way? Could it make my mum too overprotective and try to take over?

Has anyone ever done this before? Mum currently works part time, week on/week off so I'd have to see how we can fit into each other schedules, I haven't sorted out any of the details yet, its just a hypothetical.

They live only 15 minutes from me and we are a close family.

I'm very happy to have the option there instead of expensive childcare, I just don't know if its... well I just don't know :o

Any comments?

[Cheekychops]

You can always change your plans and put bub into daycare (at least part time) if it doesn't work out.... you will just need to make sure you have good communication with your mum and make it clear that if she is going to do it, and that you are gratefull for the offer - then she has to do it mostly your way (the things that matter anyway - like the way you want bub to be put down to sleep etc).....

You are very lucky for the offer!!! But in the end - it might need to be something you play by ear iykwim.

[Mamaduke]

I've always thought that no one is going to look after your child the same as family does. I would not hesitate in the slightest in leaving my children in the care of my Mum if I went back to work. I would not, however, ever put either of the boys into childcare.
With your Mum your child will have one on one care - my cousin who is a Prep School Teacher was telling me last night that she is seeing the effects of children being brought up in childcare through the testing they do now on speech development. She is seeing children from English speaking families struggling with their speech and speaking properly.
She truly believes that alot of children who are put into childcare aren't getting one on one interaction throughout their day and because of Mum and Dad both working, home time is usually spent with Mum and Dad busily running around getting organised, cooking meals, cleaning etc and that some children are not getting quality time with their parents...and this is affecting their development speechwise.

[cobysmummy]

to be honest.. i would love to leave coby with my mum! i worked for 5 months until i had to leave because of childcare fees being so ridiculous and coby getting sick from the kids there so i was having time off work,.. not getting paid, but paying for childcare...

because i am young, so is my mum (in a way! :laughing: ) and she is still working fulltime.. so i couldnt rely on her..

when i was little i was always looked after by my grandparents (1 week with mums mum, next week with dads mum) etc.. and i loved it..

when my sister was born my grandparents had one of us one week, the other the next week so i still had one on one attention.. and then when she was older we wnt there together...

i would not hesitate if mum could/ and offered to look after coby while i worked...
maybe look into putting bubs into childcare one day a week.. to get it used to other people, and eventually contact with other kids, when its old enough, and give ur mum a break too..

if you do let your mum look after bubs.. make sure she follows your routine, because i know my mum likes to tell me "how she did it with me" but i say he is mine and we will do it my way.. so you may need to set that straight at the beginning.. but good luck anyways..

[2s'nuff]

...With your Mum your child will have one on one care - my cousin who is a Prep School Teacher was telling me last night that she is seeing the effects of children being brought up in childcare through the testing they do now on speech development. She is seeing children from English speaking families struggling with their speech and speaking properly.
She truly believes that alot of children who are put into childcare aren't getting one on one interaction throughout their day and because of Mum and Dad both working, home time is usually spent with Mum and Dad busily running around getting organised, cooking meals, cleaning etc and that some children are not getting quality time with their parents...and this is affecting their development speechwise.

Sorry Mamaduke, will have to disagree with you on this. My DD is in full time daycare and her speech is a lot more developed than my neighbours boy (8 months older) who has a SAHM. I don't see any speech problems in the kids who also attend daycare with DD. Maybe where your cousin works, the quality of the childcare is questionable? If this was the case with DD, I'd be moving her to a better childcare centre. Also think DD gets more one-on-one attention from DH and myself than neighbours kids. Because we work we go out of our way to do things (structured and unstructured) with her.

[Mamaduke]

That's exactly what I was talking about mousebrown...that because not all children who are in childcare are having one on one quality time at home, they're speech development is struggling.

[lukaelmo]

I would say yes, and then when bubba is born, see how it goes. DP works from home and he looks after the dude while I am working, (three mornings a week) and this works really well for all of us. I love leaving the dude with his dad, after all, who else to take better loving care of him? The same would go for my mum :D.

[polony]

Hi there,
It's a tough one but then again, they are your family afterall and they are less likely to have a relationship breakdown than a friend might. Does that make sense? I hope so.

Anyway, my point for posting is I wanted to let you know that there is the JET program through Centrelink who can help you with childcare costs if you do decide to go back to work and you are concerned with costs. Just thought I should mention it!

Anyhoo, I wish you the best in making your decision, and don't be afraid of hurting anyones feelings. Do what is best for you and your child. good luck!

[Karizma]

Personally if I trusted my mother to watch the kids I would gladly do it. But I dont have that option. At the same time I havnt had any problems at all with daycare.

[Seekrit]

My MIL looked after her grandchildren from my SIL when she returned to work.. it was great! She's an ex-grade 1 teacher so now my SILs has one smart little 5 year old! hehe

She loved having the little man around the house and they're well bonded.

When I announced my pregnancy, she announced that she would look after Nugget as well! It's great, I don't have to worry about booking into childcare, fees, illness, if my baby is crying all day and I know that she will respect my views and parenting.

I also am pretty sure that she'll still look after him if he is ill (and I won't be afraid of sending him along) and he will get plenty of kisses and cuddles.

This is making my decision to return to work a lot easier.

[zenifa]

When I got pregnant with DD, I knew that at some stage I would have to return to work and like you was considering having my mum and MIL care for DD BUT I still did some research into childcare and put my DD's name down at several childcare centres and the local family day care scheme (bearing in mind that nursery places are hard to get anyway, I thought it could be a good backup if family can't do the care).

I have been very lucky, as my MIL isn't in paid work (but does voluntary community work including running local church based playgroups) and my mum works from home, so both have the flexibility I needed when I returned to part time work. My MIL comes to my house to care for DD (she lives 20 min drive away) and I take DD to my mum's (5 min drive away). It doesn't cost me anything, but I do provide bottles (with EBM), food, nappies etc so my family isn't out of pocket. We don't use any childcare outside of family. I only work 2.5 days and my employer was flexible as my days were organised to fit in with my mum and mIL's schedules.

My DD is absolutely adored by both her grandmothers and the feeling is mutual. I cannot complain about the care, as she is very happy when I leave her and when I come home. I agree, that in some ways family can be the best option for care of a young child (preferably under 2yo).

The only thing I would add, is to have a backup plan for when your mum is sick or away on holidays, as I am lucky to have both my mum and MIL as they can cover for each other, or if both can't do it, I just don't work.

If anything, sharing the care of my DD with both of her grandmothers has strengthened our relationships and not been negative in any way. My mother can be a little overprotective, so I set up the boundaries early on, about the way I want things done and so far its worked okay. You may need to do this also - discuss with her your concerns and set the boundaries, it will lead to less problems in the long run.
Also, it may be worthwhile suggesting a trial period before you decide to go back to work - have her look after your child for a few hours while you go shopping, go to the hairdresser, meet a friend for coffee, to see how your mum and you handle the situation.

Good luck with your pregnancy, all the best Z!!

[lizzymcfizzy]

Thanks girls for you valued opinions! Some great advice there.



Hi there,
Anyway, my point for posting is I wanted to let you know that there is the JET program through Centrelink who can help you with childcare costs if you do decide to go back to work and you are concerned with costs. Just thought I should mention it!


I wasn't aware of that thankyou Polony :)

[brizbabe]

The below is the link for the JET Childcare fact sheet-thought you might be interested:)

http://www.facs.gov.au/internet/facsinternet.nsf/VIA/jetcc/$file/jetcca_factsheet3july06.pdf

[lizzymcfizzy]

thanks heaps :)

[~Emmylou~]

I've always thought that no one is going to look after your child the same as family does. .

I totally agree. No carer can or will love this child and want what is best for it more than its grandmother.
I am really close to my mother and I would LOVE to be able to leave Em with her when I work but she lives an hour away. However she does come visit very frequently and takes her out shopping or visiting her sisters for the day which is good.
My DD goes to MIL when I work, again because she is her grandmother and the next best thing after my own mother. I couldn't leave my kids in a centre and if it came down to that I would have to find a way to stay home. Family is just a godsend when you have kids ...lap it up you're lucky to have them around ;)