Kids and kissing [Archive] - Bub Hub Pregnancy & Parenting Forum

Rell

11-09-2006, 21:47

Ok do you think its OK for 4year olds of the same sex to kiss each other goodbye on the lips?

The reason I ask is DD had a friend over today and when it was time to leave the girls gave each other a hug and a kiss (on the lips). Well the mother of the other girl freaked out a bit and told her DD that girls arn't allowed to kiss other girls on the lips. I was shocked. I couldn't see what the big deal was after all they are only kids.

So whats everyones thoughts?

bubs_and_us

11-09-2006, 21:54

IMO we are all too paranoid about being 'politically correct' and worrying about what others might think. kissing is completely natural. :kiss: it is a show of affection... that doesnt make the child more likely to be a lesbian (as some people think)

MummyCharmzy

11-09-2006, 21:55

I think its fine, they're FOUR :)

~EmsMum~

11-09-2006, 21:57

i personally wouldn't have a problem with it... they are only 4 after all

pookiesossige

11-09-2006, 21:58

It's fine. No big deal! I wouldn't bat an eyelid!

SilverStarfish

11-09-2006, 21:58

I wouldn't be worried about 4 year olds. I mean, so long as they aren't going in with tongues and mouths open!!

I think it is a cultural thing. I have female adult friends from Iceland that I will kiss quickly on the face to say hello or goodnight etc - its a friendly, plutonic gesture to them, nothing more.

FunkyMonkey

11-09-2006, 22:11

It's so sad when everything is getting so sterilised by "political correctness."
If your son/daughter is gay they are that way from birth and nothing you do is going to stop it. It's your job to support them through their lifes' journey so they know there is always someone there for them.
I also have gotten black looks from people after i have kissed my son on the lips and also after my DF has given him kisses. It's a sad world we live in if a parent can't show affection for a child in public.

shed

11-09-2006, 22:13

Why shouldn't they kiss on the lips? I don't see why they shouldn't. Its not sexual anyway and unless one has a cold or something then there is nothing wrong with it.

lovemybub

11-09-2006, 22:21

My husband's grandmother kisses everyone on the lips! I have to confess it still catches me a bit by surprise, but there's nothing wrong with it. What I would like to know is how on earth you actually explain why they shouldn't kiss on the lips. 'Just because' has never really cut it with me...

Bubble*Crazy

11-09-2006, 22:23

I really can't see the big deal about it? As you said, they are only 4!

SamanthaJane

11-09-2006, 22:37

Nup dont see a problem, they are only 4 and i HIGHLY doubt it would be sexual lol.

That reminds me, my friends used to play catch and kiss with the boys when we were in kinder and year 1... well, i would try to play... but the boys never chased me :( :laughing:

Karizma

11-09-2006, 22:42

My little fella is 3 and a half and he has a friend at school (a girl) and he always plants one on her lips when i pick him up. :D

Lunar

11-09-2006, 22:55

They are KIDS for crying out loud!
I would not have a problem at all. Emily likes to kis EVERYONE and a kiss to her is on the lips.

I think ppl associate too many things with being 'sexual'. Let kids be kids.

Crazyfamily

12-09-2006, 06:58

I have no problem with it at all. How will this mother react if her dd is like "a lot" of teenagers and "experiments" with other girls. I have tried to be really calm and not make a big deal out of anything so far. I have a 2 year old girl and a 13 year old girl and so far they are doing ok.

Seekrit

12-09-2006, 07:02

be it 4 or 44, I don't see a problem.

Oscar's mum

12-09-2006, 07:07

I don't see what the big deal is. They were just showing a sign of friendship. Just because they kissed girls when they were 4 does not mean that they are going to grow up and kiss girls.;)

jkate

12-09-2006, 07:29

No problem for me either - I notice though some males tend to be more shock at this kind of thing then females. Or maybe its just the males I know :D

Just out of curiosity - who selected no??

Rell

12-09-2006, 07:45

Thanks everyone I am so glad to see i'm not the only one who thinks this is very normal. Jacinta kisses all her friends both male and female on the lips. I know the little girls dad is extreamly homophobic so I figure that is most likely where the mothers view is coming from.

Ana Gram

12-09-2006, 09:29

I don't think it is a problem at any age. I kiss my friends hello and goodbye, so do my male friends with their male friends. It is a sign of affection and what is wrong with that??

Pixie

12-09-2006, 09:32

Nope no problem, gee I do it to one of my best friends wonder what she'd say if she saw that!!

Niki

12-09-2006, 09:33

there is nothing wrong with it

Milliner

12-09-2006, 09:59

I don't have a prob at all. They are 4!!!!!

Will

12-09-2006, 10:24

The only prob i would have is if one of the kids was really sick!! It is so sad that people react this way. Even if they do turn out to be gay, a little peck isnt going to have much to do with that, they either are or they arent.

LittleBoysRock

12-09-2006, 10:48

I think it is perfectly fine...at 4 they do not have lesbian tendencies (if that is what the other woman was worried about!)

NZMama

12-09-2006, 11:15

absolutely nothing wrong with it!

Sarie

12-09-2006, 13:07

Our kids kiss everybody hello and goodbye regardless of age or sex. I really don't see a problem with it at all.

alanasmum

12-09-2006, 13:23

I grew up in a house where kisses were always on the cheek so I think it would take some getting used to if my DD kissed another child on the lips when she grew up (but I wouldn't tell her it was wrong - she would only be looking for the reason why and there's no reason not to at that age). Having said that though, I would not feel comfortable with another adult other than myself or my hubby kissing DD on the lips.

*~alegna~*

12-09-2006, 13:33

Yeah, Um this is hard!....The only person that I kiss on the lips is DH & I also was bought up to cheek kiss, if anyone went to kiss me on the lips I would always turn to line my cheek up.

If DS kissed someone on the lips (child) at that age I think is totally innocent & shouldn't be discouraged. Older children & Adults IMO is another story

JMO:)

xkwzit

12-09-2006, 14:28

I voted no, but not because of political correctness or any sexual messages.

I have always tried to encourage my girls to kiss ppl on their cheeks:kiss: (or with babies only EVER on the top of their heads). Purely for hygiene type reasons. I would not have a meltdown about it, like your friend did, but I def PREFER it if my kids DID NOT kiss other kids (or other ppl for that matter) on the lips.

Cheers

annsam

12-09-2006, 14:32

Aw the poor poppets. 4 year olds barely know the difference between boy and girl - all they know is that they are kissing their friend.

cobysmummy

12-09-2006, 14:57

hmm.. toughy... my brother is 6 and i get angry at him for kissing coby (his nephew) on the lips.. i dont want coby thinking it is 'normal' to kiss other boys on the lips.. and dp is the same.. he tells coby not to kiss him on the lips.. he can only kiss girls that way :rolleyes:

however, if it were 2 girls, i think that may be ok, because girls are always more close to their friends..
.

thats just the way i was brought up though.. boys dont kiss other boys.. but i guess i never had boys around (apart from dad) till 6 years ago when daniel was born..

A Party of Five

12-09-2006, 15:12

I think it's fine, as they are only four :kiss:
Everbody in my family kiss's on the lips, and hugs everybody :hugs:
So that is normal for my kids.
But we also dont make are kids kiss everbody.
If they dont want to they dont have to, it's fine.

my_lot

12-09-2006, 15:14

meningococcal and pneumococcal to name a few are passed on by droplets of saliva-

so to answer the OP - for this reason alone i will never ever let my kids kiss anyone on the lips- not a friend, not me or their father, not their grandparents not anyone. nor would i let these people kiss my kids on the lips.

Baby Girl

12-09-2006, 15:47

The only thing that makes it wrong is the parents perception of it.... This will cause the child to question it and feel bad about it when they should not. It is natural to show affection towards others, heck it is a develop milestone that needs to be looked at if kids don't initiate affectionate contact by a certain age. Obviously, I think it is fine and I will go one step further and say it is fine right into adulthood.

And as for political correctness, as someone mentioned earlier, I think that it is more politically incorrect to stop them kissing on the lips or even to refer to it as bad.....whether it is boy to boy, girl to girl, man to man or woman to woman, there is nothing wrong with showing love and affection to another person, ever.

BOSS302WMOM

12-09-2006, 16:00

I say yes.......but no, I am a germ freak and even a clean child scares me as there are to many diseases out there and are to easily passed on.

I am also against drink sharing but the only reason Id say no is for the germ factor and nothing else hence why as said yes its ok for 4yo to kiss.

I just worry that with imunisations not being for all parents that the transmition of diseases increases, but I would never say dd couldnt play with someone because they arent immunised so I wouldnt encourage the behaviour but I wouldnt got spastic over it either.

Milliner

12-09-2006, 16:25

mythreelittlemonkeys

12-09-2006, 16:31

jmo... think we over analyse everything these days?? I have no prob my child being kissed by other children on lips - totally innocent I kiss my baby all over...and only feel weird myself if an adult goes to kiss me on lips...other than DH...and would feel peculiar if a stranger adult kissed my DD or she kissed them on lips but any family then no worries as long as my DD didnt object...how I was brought up and I have no issues with bring ing up my daughter the same...and at home blokes hug blokes too...and alot of my family and friends would kiss cheeks 3 times as just normal European etiquette...

cobysmummy

12-09-2006, 20:42

sorry i should correct myself.. i think it is ok for young girls to kiss other girls.. but i would be discouraging the lips.. i would be teaching them to kiss on the cheeks... but i wouldnt make a fuss like the mother did in front of the kids.. i would gently tell my daughter that a kiss on the cheek would be fine..

i was brought up that boys just dont kiss boys.. but as i said.. there was only my dad and no other boys for him to kiss.. but he and my brother (6) dont kiss and dad and i discourage him from kissing coby.. only one kiss in the morning and one and night on the cheek

JMO..

Crazy Monkey

12-09-2006, 21:13

I don't see a problem... Making a fuss about a kiss on the lips between 4 year olds is ridiculous (sp?) IMO...

Leeny

12-09-2006, 23:10

I couldnt care less. Thier four years old, give them a break. I dont think a 4 year old could comprehend why they can kiss a boy but not a girl. Its pretty stupid. I espically dont think that a kiss on the lips at 4 years old to a child of the same sex is going to influence someones sexual preference in thier later years.

our little treasures

12-09-2006, 23:20

My dh sister doesn't allow her boy to kiss anyone on the lips due to the spread of disease. If a child especially family kiss me on the lips I instantly give a peck back dh's sister has commented when her ds kissed my dd on the lips. So it might not be due to political correctness.

My dd always tries to kiss everyone on the lips at home we all kiss on the lips not on the cheek but after the same reaction I now teach my dd she may kiss my mum and dad and DH, her brother and I on the lips. We are really the only special ones in her life so thats her special kisses.

our little treasures

12-09-2006, 23:23

Oh and I was raised with 4 boys and we all kissed each other happy birthday when we were little.. We always kissed dad and mum goodnight or goodbye on the lips.. Same with now so I suppose it is the way your raised..

SassyMummy

12-09-2006, 23:28

What a crazy woman! Talk about homophobia!

Since when do 2 people kissing on the lips = something wrong? I kiss DD all over...sometimes her lips, her cheek, her head, her hand, her belly...I even kissed her fat bum-cheek once (it's so soft and cute!). DP also kisses DD lots...so does my mother and my best friend. They both kiss her on the lips too (in fact, DD quite likes to kiss on the lips). I think it's cute...and considering nobody is doing it in a SEXUAL way...there's absolutely nothing wrong or disgusting about it.

If DD kisses girls on the lips because she IS attracted to them (in the future I mean, she's only 13-months at the monent), then no amount of me telling her NOT to will make her become UN-GAY...it will just make her feel distant from me, and become more "secretive."

In all honesty, I'd prefer her to be straight...but that's only because I want grandchildren (and it's just easier for her to have them that way). If she IS in fact, a lesbian, then that's just how she is. It's how she wsa born, how she was made. Who am I to argue with something she cannot control?

While you CAN catch a few things from saliva...you can also catch the exact same things from a cough, or a sneeze or any such thing. There's not REALLY much chance of avoiding those types of things...

QTB

13-09-2006, 08:58

Mum2Lucas

13-09-2006, 09:55

They're just 4. My female friends and I give each other a quick peck hello and goodbye and it doesn't mean anything. It's just a friendly show of affection.

alanasmum

13-09-2006, 12:50

I know that we started off talking about 4-year olds kissing on the lips but re adults kissing kids on the lips, here's another angle to the issue:

If a child thinks that kissing adults on the lips is normal, how will they recognise a kiss on the lips that is not innocent? What are your thoughts?

annsam

13-09-2006, 13:07

If a child thinks that kissing adults on the lips is normal, how will they recognise a kiss on the lips that is not innocent? What are your thoughts?

Hmmm, thats a good question.
I may be wrong as I dont have a 4 year old yet but would a young child have any idea what is innocent and what is not regardless of if they kiss on the lips or not? And there have to be boundaries that you do set for your older child or any child that understands that says what is and is not acceptable in regards to sexuality so kissing a close family friend in a parents presence goodbye or hello is acceptable, kissing any adult without a parent there is not acceptable. Maybe Im over simplifying - as I said, I haven't been there yet but it seems to me its a world gone crazy when we are more worried about homosexuality, political correctness and germs instead of teaching the child about healthy affection and tenderness for those close to them.

Nickster

13-09-2006, 13:13

I can just hear my Mother's voice "It's the friend's mother who has the dirty mind, dear, don't you worry about it...."

Mum2Lucas

13-09-2006, 14:31

My brothers 7 now but he still kisses me, mum and my sister on the lips sometimes depending on if he is cranky or not. but he doesnt kiss anyone else ever rarely hugs anyone else too.

Baby Girl

13-09-2006, 16:40

If a child thinks that kissing adults on the lips is normal, how will they recognise a kiss on the lips that is not innocent? What are your thoughts?My eldest DD has the right to refuse kisses to anyone, including myself, DP, her sister, whoever she likes! She is not one to go around kissing everyone anyway, I think it comes down to her feeling confortable with people before they even get cheek kisses and some never get any kisses. I have mentioned to her about inappropriate touching and behaviour by other people towards her but at her young age it is up to me and her dad primarily to keep an eye on her and make sure she is never in a situation where anything bad can happen. I realise we can't be with her ALL the time but we can make educated decisions about the people she is with when we are not with her.

I think kids deserve more credit as they really do know what makes them feel happy and what feels wrong and with the right communication they can know it is okay to talk to someone about the things that don't feel right.

Sorry to ramble, I don't know if I actually answered any question but that is just my jumbled up thoughts on it.....