Constant fighting with ex's partner

[jasmine3]

Do I have to deal with my ex's partner when it comes to my children or can i refuse to have anything to do with her.

[TurnedBatty]

You don't have to see her at all. While it is nice to meet the mother of your stepkids, and in turn, her meet her kids step-mum, unfortunately some relationships and people just dont allow for this. If you don't want to meet her, then don't. Leave your partner to deal with pickups and dropoffs and stay out of it. Most of the time it is safer that way!

[jasmine3]

Hello
My situation is a bit odd. I have been dealing with my ex's partner as in the early stages she said she did not trust me and him to talk or for him to pick up the girls. I thought it was stupid at the time but just wanted my girls to see their dad and I thought I could talk to her. 3 years later we are constantly fighting. Any issues I have I have to raise with her and she is the only one I speak to. She asked my daughter if they wore rash vest at the beach and yelled at them do not lie my daughter lied so she would not be angry and than she said i knew it and than said if i say one more thing she in going to smack me in the face. my daughter came home and told me she lied and what happened saying she saw photos on facebook. I do feel she is out to get me. I called her to talk about but she defending her yelling saying my daughter has a problem with lying andthat is why she was so forceful. i asked if i could deal with the girls dad as i am fed up but she turned around saying she has been waiting for this to come and knows i want him back. I do not want to deal with her anymore an I want to flat refuse for her to come and pick up my daughters. I do not want to discuss their upbringing with her as she always misplaces blame

[TurnedBatty]

Ah, so she is the stepmum? I thought you were? My mistake.

I would seek legal advice, but from now on, refuse to discuss things with her. I talk with my sons stepmum more than his dad (because he is fricken hopeless) but if we didnt get on then no way. You dont have to talk to her, maybe send your ex and email saying from now on everything is to be in writing. No more phone calls. That way she can read what he wrote if she is really that insecure, and you have proof if you should ever need it. You also dont have to open the door to her, or let her on your property.

[mummaof4]

is there a parenting order in place??
i'd tell her to p*ss off. infact i would say worse than that. who the hell does she think she is to speak to your daughter that way? let alone speak to you like that?

you have no ties with this woman, your ties are with your ex. if he doesnt have the bulls to put a muzzle on his b!tch of a gf then i doubt he is "parenting" the kids when they go there. i wouldnt let them go at all.

how dare she!!

[jasmine3]

Thank you I first dealt with her as the girls dad was hopeless with the parenting side of things but now it is just to much. I wanted to get the view of a step mum to see if not wanting to deal with would seem irrational

[jasmine3]

I know alot of people have said to not send them but making the decision that the girls cannot see their dad is major and i feel dad and step mum will turn it around saying I am doing this to try and hurt them . I took him to mediation so he would regularly see the girls but he did not sign it so there is no legal plan in place. i am thinking of requesting another family member to come pick them up.

[saltygirl]

I'd tell your ex that you and he are the kids parents and you need to co parent with him, not his wife and that her abusive behaviour towards you and the kids has to stop. Incidentally, I'd also make it so she can't see your facebook. Dealing with exes is hard enough, it sucks when there is another so called parent thrown into the mix. Believe me I know :(

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[TurnedBatty]

You can even meet at a police station, and I am pretty sure there are drop off spots at family relationship centres? But I cant be sure. Give them a call and maybe they can tell you. Definitely keep any contact through email. Request he either come alone or you meet inpublic (like a copshop) and just say "Alright girls, have a good time. Bye" and leave, and ignore anything she says. If you have anything else to discuss you can also send along a book in one of their bags that goes between houses with details of appointments, sicknesses, and whatever has to be noted. Hope this all helps :)

[HowCrazyCool]

hey:wave::wave:

No way do you have to put up with that crap. :no:

i am the step-mum in our situation.
At the start dp would organise things with the mum. And it was chaos. nothing was organised. Then i took over all the organising with the mum. Was good. i knew what was going on. Never had to flounder through. But then i started getting stressed. Like really stressed. A few weeks ago i told dp he needs to sort things our with her, but always keep our relationship in mind and our family unit (dp, dsd and me) and to make decisions based on these things. And to keep me in the loop. :laughing:
I see no reason why it shouldn't be the same in your case. If you Ex can't organise his own kids and think about his partner and their family unit in the process then he needs to open his eyes. Lol, or have someone open them for him. (like i did with dp)
It took me a little while to figure this all out. Nearly 3 years:D:D

Good luck. And just be very clear with your ex, things need to change.

[babybumblebee]

I'm a step mum and I do not get along with DH Ex we are civil for the sake of sanity but have had our moments but not at all because I'm worried about her wanting him back lol how sad it is that your Ex would risk not seeing his girls over his crazy G/F.

Is it possible for them both to pick up ? so you can re start a business type relationship with your Ex for the kids while she can see nothing else is going on.

I think you should get another family member to pick up or maybe a family member of yours to drop them off to dad.

If Non of that helps I'd be going to mediation again to sort it out for good at least then they can't say you didn't try to keep a relationship between the girls and their dad.

Good luck must be so hard ...