My fault it's over!?

[waterlily]

I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant a few weeks back. I was devastated, I didn't want anything to change. I didn't want the pregnancy or the baby, I wished it was all a horrible nightmare.

It didn't take me long to fall inlove with the idea of another baby, a friend for DD and a baby to complete our beautiful family. We excitedly talked names and started to plan and get very excited.

I was so tired and sick all day and night it was totally different to when I was pregnant with DD.

Then the worst thing happened I started to bleed not enough to need a pad but enough to worry.

Off to the ER they took blood and did an ultrasound. They were all very lovely and kept saying "bleeding can be normal" then on Friday I went to get my second lots of blood taken which showed I was indeed having a m/c.

I woke up this morning bleeding very heavily, lots of clots and in so much pain.

I blame myself, I feel like me not wanting this pregnancy is why this has happened :(

How could I ever think a baby was a bad thing. I just can't get past this!! It's my fault we lost our little bub. I know I was only about 6 weeks but it was our 4th m/c so it just felt like my heart was ripped out yet again!!!

I just want to be pregnant again. I want to turn back time. I want to not feel this way.


If anyone got this far, thanks for listening.

[4already]

Sending you massive amounts of hugs :hugs::hugs::hugs:

[delirium]

I would say your feelings are normal but unfounded. Of course it's not your fault hun :hugs::hugs::hugs: Logically there can't be any bearing between not wanting the baby for a few days/weeks and a connection to a m/c.

So sorry for your loss :hugs:

[bunkx]

Hugs I'm so sorry

[Grinnyswife]

:hugs:
It's normal to blame yourself, but it's not your fault.
So very sorry for your loss

[Myztiks#1Fan]

:hugs: its not even close to being your fault hun :hugs::hugs: :hugs:

[Mrs Awesome]

:hugs::hugs::hugs:Nothing you thought, did or said caused this to happen.:hugs::hugs::hugs:

[macncheese]

Oh Hun I am so so sorry (GBH) it is not your fault that this has happened. Sending you my thoughts and hugs. xx

[4OnEarth1InHeaven]

:hugs::hugs: I agree with all PP it is definately not your fault at all! And you said you have had previous misscarriages so i take it you have trouble with holding a pregnancy, but maybe now you have both come around to the idea of another bub you can create a sticky one, best of luck and i hop all the bleeding etc stops soon

[flicker]

it is not at all your fault:no: thinking negative or as positive as posible can not help a miscarriage if it is going to happen. it is something that is horrible but it sometimes is the way things go.

:hugs::hugs: i know it is hard not to blame yourself.

i hope that you find some peace soon and now that you know you want another baby, i hope you are blessed with one soon.:hugs::babydust1:

[BigRedV]

Hugs. It is so not your fault, don't beat yourself up about it.

I know exactly how you feel. I fell pregnant when DD was 4 months old. I was excited at the news, but excitement turned to shock when I found out it was twins. I used to think to myself, why me? Why do I have to have twins. I wished I could just have only one baby. Then, we found out that they weren't developing properly and I used to think it was punishment for not wanting 2 babies. Of course, once I found out about their problems, I was devastated and thought it was my fault for thinking those horrible, crazy thoughts I had. I would've given anything for my babies to be ok, but they weren't and there was nothing anybody could do to fix them. I beat myself up for being ungrateful.

[Hollywood]

:hugs: It's not your fault :hugs:

[soexcited]

Huge hugs. In no way is it your fault. I know how you are feeling. As women we naturally blame ourselves. We need to stop beating ourselves up so much.

Make sure you take the time to grieve xo

Sent from my HTC Desire using Bubhub

[Pinkzy]

I am so very sorry hun :(

This is in no way your fault :hugs: It's not anyones fault, it's just a very sad, tragic and heartbreaking thing that nothing (and nobody) could of prevented. Please don't blame yourself.

:hugs::hugs: I am again so sorry for your loss and sending support and strength your way.

[RoarsomeMum]

A billion % not your fault :no::hugs: No matter how many times you thought you did not want another child, no matter how many times you thought horrible things.. It makes not one lick of difference to the horrible fact that some of us lose pregnancies.. (GOOD PEOPLE, LOVING PEOPLE, DESERVING PEOPLE every single one of you. :hugs::hugs:)

Blowing kisses on the wind to the baby who could not stay.. Hope they send some down for you waterlily.

[TurnedBatty]

:hugs: Im sorry waterlily.

[Gothel]

I am very very sorry for your loss. Your thoughts did not cause this to happen. It is very natural to think 'if I had done this or not done that' but its a tragic fact, its out of your control, anyone's control.

I have read your threads over the last few weeks, and I really feel for you. Please be kind to yourself, don't beat yourself up. Its NOT your fault.

Great big :hugs::hugs::hugs:

[heeeeerekittykitty]

Oh waterlily I'm so so sorry to hear your sad news .

As everyone else has said , in no way shape or form is this your fault .

Every feeling and emotion you experienced initially at news of your unexpected pregnancy was completely normal , you were just going through the motions of shock at the unexpected . Even if you hadn't changed your way of thinking about this baby it STILL wouldn't have been your fault in any way whatsoever .

And I know nothing any of us say will Change how you feel but please darling go easy on yourself . Deep down inside i hope theres a part of you that can tell yourself that you are NOT to blame .

My first miscarriage came at a time where I had just relapsed quite badly back into an anxiety disorder , had started my medication again , and my mind was in absolute all sorts regarding my impending pregnancy . Then I lost it and felt utterly mortified Like my deepest thoughts about the pregnancy had caused the miscarriage . I know it's not a nice feeling :-(

Take care , I wish you all the very best for the future and hope that if and when your ready for another baby it's a nice sticky one . Love kitty xoxo

[MyFourCubs]

Hugs. It is so not your fault, don't beat yourself up about it.

I know exactly how you feel. I fell pregnant when DD was 4 months old. I was excited at the news, but excitement turned to shock when I found out it was twins. I used to think to myself, why me? Why do I have to have twins. I wished I could just have only one baby. Then, we found out that they weren't developing properly and I used to think it was punishment for not wanting 2 babies. Of course, once I found out about their problems, I was devastated and thought it was my fault for thinking those horrible, crazy thoughts I had. I would've given anything for my babies to be ok, but they weren't and there was nothing anybody could do to fix them. I beat myself up for being ungrateful.

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

As the others have said, your feelings are so normal for an unplanned pregnancy and in no way whatsoever brought about the miscarriage. you say that you had these awful feelings but how long could they have lasted for? Not long at all!! I went an entire pregnancy wishing that the baby inside me would go away:( when she started to develop problems and nearly died at the end of coarse I thought it was my fault, I felt like I was being punished. It took me a loooong time to stop thinking that way also, even when she was here. A good year or so? And I STILL feel guilt.

If I can try and fins some small ray of light in this is that perhaps it has opened up your mind and heart to the prospect of another bub and when the next pregnancy occurs it will be wonderful- from the beginning. I am so sorry this bub couldn't stay- it was NOT your fault, you are a wonderful Mum. Heartbreak happens to the most undeserving of people.:no:

Rest peacefully little one.

[waterlily]

Thank you so much ladies for all your lovely comments. I wish I had time to reply to every post because every single one meant so much to me. I'm so sorry to all of you have had to go through something similar, it's not fair at all.

I know logically it wasn't my fault but the feelings, the guilt just won't go.

I think it's worse because I'm actually in so much pain and still bleeding, it's still too real.

I really want another baby now but DH wants me to take a couple of cycles to let myself recover physically and emotionally. Which deep down I know I need.

He even brought a heap of OPKs and HPTs last night :bee:

Thank you again ladies, you have been my rock.

[MothersMilk]

I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage :(
Of course it is not your fault at all. You did not cause it, you could not have prevented it - it is just one of those sucky things that happen.
I have blamed myself for my own m/c's. Intellectually i know i'm not to blame but i still had those feelings, it is a normal and understandable reaction. I have left go of the guilt now and hopefully in time you will also. It is not your fault.
Look after yourself and give yourself some time to grieve :hugs::hugs::hugs:

Best of luck when you do decide to ttc, i truly hope your next pregnancy is sticky, happy and healthy.

[tinynosetinytoes]

Of course it's not your fault :hugs:
It's normal to have confused/mixed emotions about a new baby, and having them does certainly not mean that you caused/deserved to lose your baby.

[Californication]

:hugs: it's not your fault. Some little angels are just not ready for this earth. When we lost our first, I felt the same momentarily as I had hurt my leg and my first thought was "cr@p, I can't have drugs because I'm pregnant"

But it wasn't my fault. Just as this is not yours. I hope when you are ready that your sticky little bubba finds you :hugs:

[CazHazKidz]

Oh no, I've only just seen this, I had no idea.

It is not not not NOT your fault.

So many hugs for you :hugs: :hugs:

[Campbellsmummy]

Oh sweetie, sending you such massive hugs :hugs:

When I lost my last bub, I blamed myself, convinced I must have done something wrong. It's hard for us to have babies, so i'm always super careful while I am pregnant, but for a long time I kept analyzing everything I had done during my 13 weeks of pregnancy and blaming myself for losing it. With this pregnancy (which again is very much wanted and extremely planned) I still have had panic attacks thinking to myself what the heck was I thinking trying to have another one and how am I going to cope etc. Then I'm immediately swampped by guilt and fear that this bub will be taken away from me because I've thought these awful things.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that everyone has thoughts that aren't always the most positive, but logically they have no impact on what happens to our babies. Some bubs are only here for a short time, maybe just to remind us how lucky we are when we do get one that sticks. Whatever their purpose, they were here for a reason and won't be forgotten.

Please take it easy on yourself and remember to always reach out for help if you need it. There's always someone on here to help :yes:

[MamaC]

Oh Waterlily :(:hugs: I got all teary when I read your post.
As everyone else has said, your miscarriage is NOT your fault.

You know, both my girls were very planned but when I got the first BFP with DD1 I cried because I suddenly didn't want to be pregnant. Even though she was highly planned! And similar with DD2. I was happy and then when the MS kicked in I regretted getting pg. So what I am trying to say is that your "omg I'm pregnant" freakout is pretty normal and has no bearing on the outcome of that pregnancy.

Try to be gentle with your heart as you recover from this loss and know that we are all here to give you whatever support you need :hugs: