How do I tell my friend I'm PG?

[SixtiesChild]

My friend has had several IVF cycles and has fallen pregnant twice only to miscarry.
I feel so sad for her because I know that she would be a really great mother and I can see her longing for a child of her own.
Recently, when I was at 12 weeks my dh phoned her to tell her the great news, but wasn't able to say it because she told him that she'd just had a miscarriage.
I have thought about getting my 5 year old to make the announcement as being her news about becoming a big sister, but I just don't know if this is the right thing to do.
I'm at 13 weeks and soon it's going to be obvious. I can't hide it for much longer.
We've been invited to go to her house in two weeks time for a dinner.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[ellymayone]

I don't know but I would just tell her bc like you said she's going to start
noticing soon anyways. Besides she might actually be upset that you didn't
tell her right away. I think the idea of your 5yr old telling her would be cute
and make it where if she would get upset she would be laughing bc of
how she was told. If she is a good friend she will be happy for you even if
it makes her a little sad.

[cosmic]

Hi Nadia, you poor thing. That's a really tough one! I agree with Ellymay - I think you need to bite the bullet and tell her. But I think if you are honest in saying that you understand how it must be difficult for her to hear, and that you couldn't find the right moment to tell her earlier, she will appreciate that - and probably also feel really badly for YOU feeling uncomfortable. As much as she would naturally feel a bit jealous (I would imagine), she will also be really happy for you and would rather you be honest and tell her, I think. I always find it useful to ask how I would like to be treated if the situation were reversed and I don't think any of us would want people tippy-toeing around us to try to spare our feelings.

The way you go about telling her will obviously be different from how you would tell someone else (you might refrain from squealing with excitement for eg. ;)). And perhaps you will be more sensitive about how much you talk about it with her - but you also have a right to be happy and share your good news!

Hope that helps. :)

[cosmic]

oh, and I think if I were you I'd tell her myself as opposed to getting your 5yo to do it. It's just a personal opinion and others might disagree, but to me it looks a little like avoidance..?? And I think in this situation the most sensitive thing is to be upfront and honest - not just about your news but about your concern for her feelings.

[~Chick79~]

I would try and see it from your friend's point of view... I have a friend going through IVF at the moment and I know she would be mighty upset with me if I didn't tell and she found out later on (as you said you are not going to be able to hide it for much longer!). Of course you would have to expect her to be upset but I am sure she will be happy for you at the same time. I know this with my friend...

Good luck! Oh and while the idea of getting your daughter to tell is sweet I agree with Cosmic that maybe it would be better if you told her.

[jonesso]

I understand exactly where you are coming from... our best friends had been TTC for almost 5 years when we fell pregnant while I was on the pill!! It was soooo hard to tell them but they were surprisingly good about it, excited for us but obviously disappointed for themselves too. However, they were so supportive throughout my pregnancy and have been awesome so far with our little boy - their happiness for us outweighs any bitterness they may feel about the situation being "unfair".

You definitely have to tell them, and I wouldn't wait until the dinner. I would try and see if you and your girlfriend could have a coffee together, or have them around for a drink one evening or something and tell them the news. I agree with the post that said don't get your 5 yo to do it, nor be really over the top about telling them, but don't put it off any longer.

All the best and good luck with the pregnancy.

[Crazyfamily]

Hi,
My best friend has been trying to have a baby for 10 years now. In that time I have had three children and am now pregnant again. Every time I have found out Im preg other than my husband she is the first to know. She has told me she is happy I do this as a lot of her other friends feel uncomfortable about it and then it makes her uncomfortable. She is always very excited for me. She is still sad about herself of course but never lets that stop her excitement over mine. i would definatly tell her yourself. Im sure it would be the best way to go. Good luck with your friend and your pregnancy.

[SixtiesChild]

Thanks Everyone for your suggestions.
I finally told my friend the week before we came over to her house that we're expecting a baby and she was very happy for us.
I didn't get my daughter to say it because it did feel like I was avoiding the situation. (As a few people mentioned)
On Friday, we came to her and her husbands house for a dinner that had been planned some time ago and she brought up the conversation of baby names.
So we spent some time chatting about baby names we like and had a few laughs as well.
Thanks for all the great advice- much appreciated.

Nadia